Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

A Sense of Belonging

Chapter Seventeen

Michaela sat in the front seat of Sully's pick up her arms crossed over her chest. She couldn't figure out how things had gone down hill so fast. One minute she was in awe at Sully, flattered by the fact that he loved her so soon after they met. The next she was sliding away from him on the couch, crossing one of her legs over the other as she shut herself off from him. It started with finances, something that had always been hard for them to discuss. When they started going out regularly, Michaela knew that it was a strain on Sully's wallet and she often tried to pay for some part of the date – a movie or coffee but he would never let her. After their engagement, Michaela and Sully discussed money rather heatedly especially when it came to how to finance the house. Eventually Sully had agreed with her that it was their money but it didn't mean he still didn't have a hard time accepting it.

Yet they managed to make it through that minefield without too many cross words, not knowing that another one was waiting just around the corner. When the pastor mentioned sex as something couples fought about, they both brushed it off, neither concerned that this would be an issue. When the conversation turned towards children, it was as if a chill settled over the room. They answered the pastor's questions with short answers each glaring at the other in disbelief over what was being said. Both repressed their anger in the pastor's study but each knew that it was going to come out eventually.

Michaela looked over at Sully as he fiddled with the keys once more. "We should talk about this."

"Okay," Sully replied, an edge to his voice. Looking down at the steering column, he tapped his foot against the floor.

"Are you serious that you want to let our children decide about school for themselves?"

Sully sighed deeply, knowing they weren't going to see eye to eye on this. "You make it sound like it's a bad thing. Plenty of children are home schooled. Look at the ones who live in Sunrise Ranch."

"Sully, we aren't going to raise our children in a commune. I have no problem teaching them to respect the land or even raising them as vegetarians but education…" Her face was pleading as she looked at him.

"I'm not saying they aren't gonna be educated. I just don't know about regular school.. it's so regulated… so stifling."

Michaela looked as she was about to laugh. "What's so stifling about it? You have to sit in a chair? Wear shoes?"

He took offense at her words, considering them an insult to his own childhood. "They're treated like little robots all expected to be the same. I ain't gonna put a child of mine through that."

"A child of yours? So I don't get a say in things that concern your children." The word your was stressed in each statement as her anger reached a boiling point.

"Dammit, Michaela, don't blow things out of proportion like this. You know that isn't what I meant. I'm just saying that I want our children to be able to think for themselves and they aren't going to learn that in traditional school."

"I'll remind you that I went to a traditional school."

"And they've got ya brainwashed into thinking that is the only way to get an education." He regretted his choice of words as soon as he said it, the look on her face one of extreme hurt. A silence settled in the car, neither able to look at the other one. "Michaela I just want us to explore our options. There is home schooling and non-traditional schools…"

'So what am I just supposed to quick working and stay home so that I can give them an education?" He could hear the quiver in her voice and knew tears were just below the surface.

"I didn't say that, Michaela. I can't believe you would even think I'd ask you to do that." Sully was always extremely supportive of her job. On the weekends when she was on call, he was understanding if she had to dash to the hospital in the middle of a date or even lovemaking. To hear her accuse him of thinking otherwise hurt.

Michaela could see the hurt in his eyes but it was as if she couldn't stop herself now, after all she felt hurt too. "What if our children want to be doctors or lawyers or even a teacher? They need a solid education for that."

"I'm not going to stop them from being what they want to be."

"Yes but keeping them out of school is going to stop them. What five year old is going to choose school for themselves?"

"Not everything you need to know comes from a book."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you can be very intelligent about school matters and still be completely ignorant of real life."

Sully wasn't thinking of her in particular when he made the statement but Michaela assumed he was. She'd always felt silly about David, wondering why she hadn't seen it earlier. He was never particularly physical with her but it was her first real relationship and she didn't know that it was odd or strange. Of course she felt foolish about relationships and sex in general. It was one thing to read about in a textbook or study it in a course at school and it was another thing completely to be lying in Sully's arms.

Her silence and look of consternation finally worried him and he moved closer to her. They both felt hurt but it didn't have to be that way. Reaching for her hand, he began to speak. "Look Michaela we don't have to settle this tonight. It's late, we're both tired."

Michaela snatched her hand away from him though, setting her face firmly. "That's it Sully – just sweep it under the rug and pretend that everything is fine. You never want to talk about things."

Sully drew back as if burned. "All you ever want to do is talk about things," he accused returning her hurtful words with some of his own. "Fine," he said shoving the key into the ignition and starting the truck.

"Fine," Michaela repeated snatching her things up off the floor before reaching for the handle of the car door. There was no kiss or hug or even a whispered good night. Simply the echoing of the car door as it slammed shut.

The night was restless for both of them. Michaela lay awake until close to three, angry at Sully but missing him all at the same time. More than once, she thought she heard a noise outside of her window. Each time she turned hoping to see Sully there tapping on the windowpane but was always disappointed. She wanted to yell at him again for the hurtful things he'd said but she also wanted to kiss him and simply forgive everything. Even when she finally fell asleep her dreams were about him, about the fight as if pointing out how foolish each of them had been. When she awoke in the morning, her only thought was of him. She showered and dressed quickly wanting to stop by his house before she went to work.

Yet across town, Sully was having similar thoughts. He too hovered between hurt and anger for a large portion of the night but at some point he realized that he couldn't live without her. She needed to know that. They might be angry with one another but that didn't change his love for her and he needed to make sure she understood. He too, rose early, showered and dressed planning to stop at her apartment. They most likely passed each other along the way but with the heavy morning traffic neither noticed.

When Michaela pulled up, she could see his truck was gone but she knocked anyway only to have her fears confirmed. Instantly she began to worry and flipped open her cell to dial his number. Yet in his haste, Sully had left it on the charger thus Michaela only got his voice mail. Standing on his front steps, she considered her options. With a glance at her watch, she knew she had to get to the hospital. "Oh Sully where are you?" she whispered with a shake of her head.

Meanwhile, across town, Elizabeth Quinn was just opening the door to Sully. "Morning," he greeted hastily, his eyes darting about the room. "Is Michaela here? I didn't see her car but I thought.." His voice trailed off, unsure what he thought.

"She doesn't want to see you right now," came Elizabeth's reply. She was as aggravated with Sully as Michaela had been the night before. Her daughter came home crying and upset, refusing to talk about what had happened but Elizabeth knew it had to do with the man that now stood before her.

"Is she here?" Sully asked again, simply trying to confirm her location.

"No, she isn't here," Elizabeth said abruptly. "She has a job remember." Sully felt the muscles in his face tighten at her dig. He wasn't about to fight with Elizabeth right now. It seemed pointless to argue over his work status at the moment.

"When you see her, please tell her I stopped by." Elizabeth said nothing but gave a little nod of her head. Sully turned to go, contemplating whether he should go by the hospital or not but then remembered he had to meet the city inspector at the property on Duvall Circle this morning. He reached for his cell phone but then realized it wasn't there which made him swear somewhat loudly. Swallowing hard, he resigned himself to going about his duties as normal, hoping he would soon get a chance to talk to Michaela.