Author´s note: This cat is the only cat in the world that acts like a dog, dislikes anchovies, plays the guitar and scares dogs away as well as he does not chase mice and sleeps in a bed made of an old rubber ring, pillows and an umbrella.

2. How to cook a donkey

Duloc.

So majestic.

So powerful.

So... bizarre name.

I gotta tell you guys that, when I came here I thought that this was a good place as they said it was pretty and that the lord was a nice guy (Never trust the guys of a travel agency) but what I found was a big castle ruled by a guy of the size of a poodle and that was so "perfect" that smelled just like an office.

The first thing you see is a strange box where you can read "Pull", you do it, you hear the engines and then you see a bunch of wooden guys singing like a choir of mice.

"Welcome to Duloc / Such a perfect town / Here we have some rules / Let us lay them down" Rules? I thought this place was actually perfect "Don't make waves / Stay in line / And we'll get along fine / Duloc is a perfect place" Duloc is a boring place (singing) "Please keep off of the grass / Shine your shoes / Wipe your... FACE" Gimme a breack "Duloc is, Duloc is" Duloc is/ Duloc is the biggest "Duloc is a perfect... place." FAAAKEEE

I know I´m cruel sometimes.

Here comes the photo... Not with a big smile but sticking your tongue out as more as you can. Hala, chaval, p´a ti.

Suddenly, I began to hear the trumpets inside thefortress soI got a little more closer to the place. There was a tournement on the move and there was an ogre and an ass surrounded by the knights...

I wasn´t really concerned at first but when I saw that ogre giving a real lesson to those tinplates I decided to stay and go with them. Ya don´t always find a pair like those two...

When they were done...

We met near the castle´s door, I had my hat over the eyebrows so they couldn´t see my face at first but I could saw them.

"So... you guys are goin to save the princess" I was with my back on the wall

"Aye" Said the ogre "Does that bother you?"

"No. But, my good señor, if you are goin to save the girl from that dragon, you will need profesional guidance" I smiled softly watching him walk to me

"And you are... a furry pipsquid, aren´t ya?" The ogre said to me

"Shogun. Mr. Shogun "The Captain"... profesional dragon dealer and swords cat" I lifted my hat showing my yellow amber eyes "What do you say if we team up and change Farquaad´s mind?"

"A cat? Shouldn´t you be catching mice, whiskers boy?" The donkey sat near me

"Better learning how to cook a donkey, I dare say... pedazo de borrico" I´m calm and sweet but no ass is insulting me that way

"That is a good one. What´s the catch?" The ogre wasn´t stupid

"To save the lady in distress, kill the bad guy and save the day... Kiddin! I´m lookin for some adventure, nothin else" I smiled softly "I need no money and I need no reward" ¿Te basta?

"All right, you can come... but please" The ogre whispered in my ear "Don´t be as lousy as him"

"You got it, boss" My smile was wider

"What did he told you?" The Donkey asked

"What I told you... How to cook a donkey" I left him with a face so pale that it was nearly wax.

Shogun is lot like Dodger, from Oliver & Company.

Long life, SHOGUN!!

Next stop: Onions, cakes and fur