Chapter 22

"How," Alex wondered as she clutched Bobby's hand. "Can anything moving so fast be so slow?" She glanced out the ambulance's window and saw the streets rush by. They were clearly moving as fast as the traffic allowed, but inside the ambulance time seemed to move painfully slowly. Each plodding minute threatened Bobby more and more. He faded in and out of consciousness, one moment knowing where he was and staring at Alex with great, dark, pain and guilt filled eyes, the next lost in the shadows of his mind and fighting the EMTs. Much to Alex's dismay, they eventually had to place restraints on Bobby.

They finally arrived at the Emergency Room, and, in spite of Alex's protests, the doctors and nurses swept Bobby away from her. Lost, confused, frightened, Alex stood alone in the hospital corridor.

"Eames." Captain Ross' voice reached her. Alex turned to face him. His face held an expression that she'd never seen before, a combination of frustration and worry. "How is he?"

Alex bit her lip. "I…I don't know…They just took him in…"

"C'mon, Eames." Ross guided her to a waiting room. "He'll be ok…He's strong and tough…"

"Everyone thinks," Alex said. "That he's so strong and tough…But he's human…He's not some super hero…" She leaned forward and rubbed her palms into her eyes. "And what happened…He's blaming himself…"

Ross sighed. "Deakins tried to warn me about Goren's desire to save every one…and to blame himself for everything."

Alex looked up at him. "I'm still not sure…What went wrong? We were ok…Bobby had Claret on the ropes…Where was our backup? What took so long?"

Ross gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "We're trying to find out why the cuffs snapped…Claret's lawyer managed to plant himself in front of the door…And truth is…We were all stunned…Goren was so in control…And he's always so good in there…We didn't react…"

"I'm still not sure how he got to Claret to get him off me," Alex said.

"It looked like sheer will power to me," Ross said. "Don't worry, Eames. He'll be fine, if only so he can come back and annoy me."

A commotion in the corridor leading to the emergency room grabbed their attention. A flock of nurses, doctors, and uniformed cops surrounded a gurney; on it, Gregory Claret screamed and cursed. Ross and Eames saw Stabler and Benson following the gurney. The two SVU detectives saw and moved towards them.

"How's Goren?" Stabler asked anxiously. The radical change in his attitude towards Bobby struck Alex.

"We don't know yet," Ross answered. "What's with Claret?"

Stabler smiled grimly. "He's a little bruised. Nothing major, but he's screaming police brutality."

"Slime," Alex said. "I shoulda hit him with that chair…"

Olivia sat on the couch next to Alex. "Don't worry…Even Claret's lawyer will testify that Claret started it and you acted in self defense."

"I didn't think I hit him that hard," Alex said.

"Maybe not, but your aim was good," Stabler said.

A harried young nurse approached them. "You're here for Detective Goren?"

Alex managed to choke out a yes.

"He's stabilized," the nurse said. "We're about to move him to surgery…"

"Surgery?" Ross asked.

Alex couldn't find her voice. "It's like a terrible rerun," she thought.

The nurse nodded. "Several old injuries have been reopened…and there's several new…But he should be all right…"

"Could we see him?" Alex found a voice that sounded something like her own.

The nurse shook her head. "I'm afraid not…He's already headed up…But we'll let you know as soon as he's out of surgery."

"I have to get back to Major Case," Ross said regretfully. "I'll let the Squad know and get a watch going."

Stabler stepped behind Alex. "I'll let SVU know…Finn will be here…And Munch…Munch likes Goren…He actually listens to Munch's conspiracy theories…"

For the next few hours, Alex drank countless cups of coffee, talked with what seemed to be most of the NYPD, paced several miles, and flipped through the months old magazines. She tried to give blood, but was rejected because it was too close to when she donated just after Bobby's first injuries. Olivia fell into the same category, but Stabler appeared sporting the rolled up sleeves and bandaged elbow of the blood donor.

"It's not fair," Alex muttered after flinging her body for the one hundredth time on the waiting room couch. "He works so hard…He tries to take care of so much…Why does he…Why does so much happen to him?"

Olivia sat across from her and reached for Alex's hands. "You know there's no answer to that, Alex…There's no fairness…"

"You know what's funny?" Alex asked in a faint voice. "I was afraid Bobby couldn't handle this emotionally…He was as cool as a cucumber…I…I didn't have enough faith in him…and now…now…" She choked. "Now he thinks he failed me…failed us…"

"You know that's not true." Olivia tightly held Alex's hands. "He didn't fail anyone…He was superb…Claret isn't going to get away…Angela Corelli isn't going to have to testify…"

"Yea," Alex said flatly. "But what is it going to cost Bobby?"

Another, far less harried but equally young, nurse appeared in the waiting room door. "Ms. Eames?" she asked.

Alex, her heart in her throat, stood.

"Mr. Goren is out of surgery. He's going to be ok."

Alex felt slightly faint.

"He isn't completely out of the woods yet," the nurse continued gently. "One of his ribs broke and punctured his lung."

Alex felt sick.

"He lost some blood, and he's going to need a lot of rest. But he should be ok."

If the nurse hadn't reached out to support her and if Olivia wasn't standing by her side, Alex might have collapsed.

"Thank you," she whispered as they helped her to the couch. "When…when can we see him?"

"He'll be in the recovery room for about a half hour more," the nurse answered. "Then he'll go to the ICU. If all goes well, he'll be in a regular room in about two days." She smiled reassuringly at Alex. "I'll come for you as soon as he's moved to the ICU."

True to her word, the nurse returned roughly a half hour later; it was the longest thirty minutes of Alex's life. She escorted Alex ("Sorry," she said. "Only one visitor at a time.") to the ICU. Although this was a different hospital, Alex found the ICU depressingly familiar. The ER nurse handed Alex off to one of the ICU staff.

"Mr. Goren is one of my patients," the slightly grey haired woman told Alex. "My name is Bridget, and I married into a family of cops. Two of my kids are cops."

Alex felt her heart lighten.

"You may gather," Bridget said. "That I like cops."

Alex liked Bridget. The woman radiated competency and compassion.

"I'm told," Bridget continued as she left the nurse's station to guide Alex to Bobby. "That you have the power to make Mr. Goren's medical decisions."

Alex nodded. "I…I'm his partner…Professional…He…He doesn't have much family…And I need to warn you…I won't be quiet…I'll question everything…And I want to stay with him."

Bridget smiled. "We'll get along fine."

They paused in front of a door plastered with warnings and rules. "Just to prepare you," Bridget said. "He looks pretty bad…It's the bruises and the swelling…He's unconscious, but talk to him…"

"I know the drill," Alex sighed.

It was an eerily and terribly familiar sight. Bobby, surrounded by machines, lay propped up in a large hospital bed. A horrible rainbow of bruises marked his face and arms; several tubes snaked out from under the sheets. He was unnaturally still, and Alex thought he must be heavily sedated. Bobby's usual state of sleep was a restless one, as if his body and mind couldn't quite shut down all of the energy they contained.

"The machines will help him breath for a while," Bridget said as she cast a critical eye over the various monitors.

"I know," Alex said sadly. "He's…We've been through a lot lately…This…He was hurt before…"

Bridget nodded. "I was told a little about that. What I said about liking cops…I like really brave cops even more."

Alex pulled an uncomfortable looking chair as close as she could to Bobby's bed. "I plan to stay here for a while." There was a quiet but clear challenge in her voice.

Bridget accepted it. "You can stay here as long as you want. Just know that we'll need you to move occasionally." She checked the machines and gave Bobby a short but careful examination. "I'll find you a more comfortable chair," she promised as she left.

Alex scarcely heard her; her attention was on Bobby. She found and gently held his left hand. "Bobby." Her voice was just audible over the machines. "It wasn't your fault…You didn't do anything wrong…" She swallowed. "I'm not angry with you…I know you have to do the job…I…I know it's a part of you…that you have to do it…" She knew Bobby couldn't hear her, but she hoped that he was, in some way, on some level, aware of her, and that by practicing to say the words now she might be able to say them to him when he could understand. "I know now that I can do this…I've been afraid…That I wouldn't be able to face the chance…that I might lose someone again…" She felt the tears in her eyes. "But I've almost lost you twice now…And I know…I know that I love you enough…that I want to be with you enough…to risk losing you."

Alex held his hand, grateful for the physical contact with Bobby and that his skin started to warm. "Now," she said shakily and softly. "All I have to do is tell you all of this when you're awake and risk losing everything."

END Chapter 22