Sometimes I can't get Bobby and Alex to shut up.

Chapter 25

Both of the stunned men turned to face Alex, who appeared to have grown considerably taller in a few seconds.

"Eames," Ross began in a conciliatory tone.

"You can't," Alex fumed as she strode into the room. "Seriously be considering letting him near Bobby again…He nearly killed Bobby the last time…Hell, he's nearly killed Bobby twice. He's confessed. We've got our case."

"I know," Ross said wearily. "I'm relaying information from Huang…He says Claret's been very cooperative…That he's ill…He seems to have had some revelation…"

Alex snorted. "Wonder if the threat of life in a rat hole of a prison had anything to do with that?"

Ross nodded. "You're probably right, Eames. I don't disagree with you. I'm the messenger here, and I'm doing it out of courtesy to Huang."

"The penalties," Bobby murmured. "They don't matter to him…"

Ross and Alex turned to him. Bobby had disappeared into that near trance like state that often foreshadowed his insights into victims, crimes and perps.

"He wants to be understood…He wants to understand…He wants me to understand." Bobby became aware of Alex and Ross' scrutiny. "Is Huang the only one asking you to deliver this message?"

"Bobby," Alex warned.

Ross glanced warily at her. "Claret's new lawyer is of course…She hopes she can get some recognition of the abuse he suffered…or of any possible mental illness."

Bobby perched on the edge of the hospital bed. "She's probably right," he said thoughtfully. "Claret wasn't completely sane when he committed these crimes…"

"Bobby…you can't…you can't be seriously thinking about helping him!" Alex was furious. "Huang can't be seriously thinking that you…of all people…will want to talk to Claret…to help him…"

"Huang," Bobby said softly. "Probably thinks it might help me."

Both Alex and Ross looked at him in surprise. Bobby had again entered that near trance like state.

"Goren," Ross said firmly. "You do NOT have to do this…You're under no obligation…I'm certainly not going to force you…"

"You still don't know him very well," Alex said in an exhausted voice. "He feels obligated to everyone…over everything."

Bobby looked at her for a moment. He seemed about to reply to her when he turned his attention to Ross. "When do you need to know my decision?"

Ross stood. "Not soon…I want you to talk to Huang about this…Remember…You owe nothing to Claret…"

A nurse appeared behind Alex. "I'm sorry," she said. "But I have some papers Mr. Goren has to sign…As much as we like him, we're glad he's getting to go home."

"Take care of yourself, Goren," Ross said. Even in her anger, Alex heard the combination of exasperation, concern and admiration in the Captain's voice. They were, she thought, qualities she'd frequently heard in James Deakins' voice when he dealt with Bobby. "We want…need you…back in Major Case…but don't push it, ok?" Ross nodded cautiously at Alex as he left the room.

Bobby concentrated on the forms in front of him, scrawling his name and initials on the required lines. Alex bit her lip as she watched him.

"Ross is right, you know," she said. "You don't have to…"

"It's not just about Claret," Bobby said quietly. His eyes remained on the papers in front of him, but Alex sensed he wasn't reading them.

Before Alex could respond, the nurse reappeared. Bobby handed her the forms and stared with disdain at the wheelchair she pushed. "Do I have to…"

"Yes, you do," the nurse answered.

Alex smiled.

Bobby was quiet in the car; his silence troubled Alex and puzzled Benson and Stabler.

"You know, Goren," Stabler said. "If my partner was going to wait on me hand and foot, I'd be a lot more excited about it."

Bobby stared out the window. "Yea…well…I've been…I'm afraid my partner has had to care of me a lot lately."

Alex turned to him. "And your partner doesn't mind it at all," she said gently.

The trip to Alex's home was much shorter than their previous return with Bobby from the hospital, but they still stopped for lunch at a restaurant near her house. The staff greeted her warmly, with one of the waitresses giving Bobby an especially big smile. He returned the smile, but barely said another word or touched his food.

"You ok, Bobby?" Olivia asked as they returned to the car.

"Yea," Bobby replied. "Just…just tired."

And Bobby did seem tired. Everything—his voice, his body—spoke of his weariness.

"C'mon," Alex said, her anger gone in the face of his exhaustion. "We'll get you to my place and you can get some rest."

He slumped in the back seat for the rest of the drive. When Bobby started to get out of the SUV, Stabler had to help him, and climbing the few steps to the front door almost seemed beyond his strength. As soon as they entered the house, Alex sent him in the direction of the guest room.

"He must be exhausted," Stabler said softly as soon as Bobby was out of the front room. "He didn't argue with you."

"Yea," Alex said. "And he didn't say anything about calling his Mom."

Benson looked at her sympathetically. "You need anything, Alex?"

Alex sighed. "No…I don't think so…but thank you."

"Listen," Stabler said. "You need anything…anything at all…You call us, ok?"

Alex studied him. In a matter of weeks, Stabler had gone from being one of Bobby Goren's greatest critics to one of his greatest defenders and protectors.

"I will," she promised. "You can count on it."

"We'll let you get some rest," Olivia said.

"Hey, Stabler," Alex said as the two SVU detectives started to leave.

He turned to her.

"I think," she said deliberately. "You've performed enough penance…even for me." She smiled.

Stabler and Olivia smiled back.

"Thanks, Eames," Stabler said lightly. "I appreciate it…I definitely do NOT want to be on your blacklist."

Alex moved to the guest room after Stabler and Olivia left. Bobby was asleep, sprawled on his back across the bed. He still wore his clothes, even his shoes and socks. "Poor baby," Alex thought, and nearly giggled at the thought of big Bobby Goren as a baby. She sat carefully on the bed and slipped off his shoes and socks. Bobby stirred and murmured, but didn't wake up. She awkwardly managed to get his legs up on the bed. She draped a blanket over him and closed the window blind so the afternoon sun wouldn't disturb him. Before she left the room, she passed by the bed. Bobby slept the unmoving sleep of the exhausted. She brushed his curls.

"He shouldn't have to deal with everything," Alex thought. "He shouldn't feel like he has to save everyone…Everything…" Impulsively, she leaned forward and brushed her lips across his forehead. She realized that this was the first kiss she'd ever given Bobby, the first either had shared with the other. She straightened her body with a jolt, leaving Bobby fortunately still asleep but with a content but puzzled expression. "Good grief," Alex thought. "What would've happened if he woke up?" Shaken, she retreated from the room.

He shivered in the cold. In his haste he'd forgotten his jacket, and the wind blew sharp needles of cold through his thin, worn sweatshirt. He'd fled to the building's roof and now huddled behind one of its massive vents. He jumped as the door to the roof banged open.

"Dammit, boy! I know you're up here!"

He didn't move. "If I can just wait," he thought. "Until he gets away from the door…I can run downstairs…Maybe lock the door behind me…Get to the apartment…Make sure she's safe…Get help…"

SMACK! He shuddered at the sound of leather against brick.

"Think you're so smart, boy…You're not getting away from me…And…if I don't find you…There's always her…"

He shivered. "No," he thought. "Don't hurt her."

"It's cold up here…I'm going back down where it's warm." SMACK! "Where I'll have plenty to do." SMACK!

He swallowed, stood, and walked out from behind the vent.

"There you are, you little bastard…I'll teach you to run away from me…You come here…"

He stumbled forward. "Just…please…just don't hurt her…"

"Bobby…Bobby…please…wake up…"

"Just…please…I'm coming…don't hurt her…"

He slowly became aware of gentle hands on his shoulders and an anxious and kind voice speaking to him.

"Bobby…It's a nightmare…It's not real…Please…wake up…"

The awful dream finally released him. Bobby blinked, and stared into Alex' worried, warm eyes.

"Alex," he whispered and reached for her.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him as gently as she could. His shirt was damp with sweat, and he shivered as the cool air hit him.

"It's ok," she whispered. "It's all right…It wasn't real…" She started to pull away from him, but he clung to her so tightly that he winced in pain.

"What is it?" Alex asked anxiously.

"I…my ribs," Bobby said. "I keep forgetting about my stupid ribs…until they hurt."

"Ok now?" She looked at him closely.

"Uh…yea…What time is it?" He pulled away from her and tried to find a clock.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Now she fought to hold on to him. "Talk to me, Bobby…"

"It's…it's bad enough I have to deal with them, Eames." He tried for a light tone. "But to make someone else do it…"

"No," Alex said after a beat.

"No?" Bobby, puzzled, stared at her.

Alex took a deep breath. "No…you can't shut me out…You can't brush me off…"

"I'd never try to…" Bobby began.

"But you do…you are," Alex said.

"I…I tell you things," he stuttered. "I…I let you in…More than anyone…every…" He was genuinely puzzled and troubled.

Alex shook her head. She was too frustrated and sad to be angry. "Bobby…You're the smartest guy…But for a genius, you can be so stupid sometimes…"

His face scrunched in bewilderment. "I…I don't understand…"

"Of course you don't," she sighed. "Bobby…you don't let anyone in…Except for me…And while I appreciate that…You know you don't let me in that far…"

"But…but….I don't have any right to…to ask you." He stared at his hands.

"Bobby…" Alex felt almost as if she were attempting to explain some rule to her nephew. "Who's taken care of me? Who's listened to me and come to me and heard all about my nightmares?"

He shook his head. "You…you don't know…how bad…What they're like…"

"You have some monopoly on bad dreams?" Her voice was gentle even if her words weren't. "That you're the only one with nightmares? Claret came after me, too, you know."

Bobby's head jerked up. "Of course I know that…I can't forget it…" His voice was a mix of anger and despair. "I…I was responsible for it."

"No one forced me in there. You're not responsible for everything…everyone…" She reached for his hands.

Bobby pulled his hands away from her. "I'm…I'm supposed to…I can't…not everyone…but you…I'm supposed to protect you…"

"And I'm supposed to take care of you," she said simply. "Partners, remember?"

He stood and looked down at her.

"C'mon, Bobby," she said calmly. "You know you can't use your size to intimidate me…Especially when you can barely stand."

Bobby couldn't tell if his confusion resulted from pain, medication, or Alex's behavior. He rubbed the back of his neck, wincing when his muscles protested.

"Bobby," Alex said gently. "Stop torturing yourself…Talk to me…"

He succumbed to his body's demands and sat heavily on the bed. "It's…I…I'm afraid…" He ran his hand over his mouth.

"I'm not going to leave or run away," Alex said. She carefully moved closer to him. "You can't get me to." She placed her hand on his arm. "Bobby…whatever it is…no matter how bad it is…I know you're a good man…No matter how hard you are on yourself…"

"I…I know you won't…It's not just that…" He stared at some point in the rug. "It's…" He choked. "It's…it hurts to remember…I...I don't want to remember…And…maybe if I don't tell anyone…Maybe it won't be true…"

"That bad?" Alex asked softly.

Bobby nodded. "Maybe worse…" He rose awkwardly to his feet.

"Bobby," Alex warned.

He walked unsteadily to a large backpack that Alex knew contained several books and papers. She'd commented on the fact that when Bobby was in the hospital he needed one piece of luggage devoted to his reading materials. He unzipped on of the bag's pockets, pulled out a large, heavily stuffed manila envelope, and held it out to Alex. As she read its label, she recoiled from it.

"Remember it?" Bobby asked sadly.

"Your…your file from CPS," Alex said in some confusion.

"After…after what happened," Bobby said flatly. "I thought…maybe I could some idea about the perp…some insight…if I checked my own file…I got a copy…"

"How?" Alex squeaked.

Bobby smiled bitterly. "There are ways…especially if you're a Major Case hotshot…" He cocked his head at the file. "If you really want to know what causes…what's in…my nightmares…"

Alex hesitated. It was one thing to say she wanted to know about Bobby's nightmares; it was another to be faced with an actual introduction to them.

"You don't have to, of course," Bobby said softly.

He was about to pull the file away when Alex grabbed it. "What do you want, Bobby?"

He stared at the file balanced between their hands. "I don't know," he confessed. "If you read it, maybe you'll understand…and then…maybe you'll never want to be near me again…" He released the file, and Alex lunged to catch it. "Do what you want to, Alex…"

He spun and left the bedroom, leaving Alex to stare at the thick envelope.

END Chapter 25