As always, many thanks for the kind reviews and comments. I must warn everyone that it may be a while for the next chapter.

Chapter 27

Alex looked longingly at her bed and the large lump currently occupying it. The lump's salt and pepper curly hair was just visible above the covers. Bobby was a burrower. He liked to pull the covers over his head and hide in the pillows. Even if he started the night on the far side of the bed, through the night he moved closer and closer to Alex until he snuggled next to her. Alex couldn't and didn't complain. She favored lots of blankets and pillows and tended to drift towards Bobby through the night. One of her few serious conflicts with her late husband came with the discovery that Joe preferred a warm room with few blankets and that he wasn't a cuddler in bed. He was a good and attentive lover and husband, but he needed his space when he slept. He was physically affectionate in public, a luxury that Bobby and Alex couldn't afford.

Alex smiled as the lump stirred and reached for her. Not finding her body, it settled for grasping one of her abandoned pillows. She and Bobby hadn't yet had sex, although Alex felt that somehow they had made love. Her smile widened as she considered that it wouldn't be long before they would heed their bodies' calls. In the week since his release from the hospital, Bobby's recovery had been remarkable for its speed and his cooperation with his doctors and Alex, and Alex enjoyed pointing out that the two developments were not unrelated.

And he'd lowered his defenses to the point to allow her to drive him to visit his mother at Carmel Ridge. The drive there, in spite of the promise of spring in the air, was an awkward affair, and Bobby hesitated before he left the car when they arrived.

"Don't worry," Alex said in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. "I don't mind waiting…or going in…I'd like to meet your mother…But I understand if you don't think it'd be a good idea…And I've brought a book…"

Bobby looked at her gratefully, and Alex saw some of the tension leave his body. "She…she doesn't always deal well with new people…I'll get you if it looks like she's up to meeting you…"

"I'll just park myself on that bench," Alex said genially.

Bobby, pale and quiet, emerged a little over an hour later. Alex closed her book and opened the car door for him. He had warned her that a short visit would indicate that things had not gone well. He said nothing for several miles, sitting motionless and staring out the window.

"You have," he finally said. "A rare gift for silence, Alex."

"So you've said," she answered gently. She focused on the road.

They both shivered as a sign for Claremont appeared. Alex's grip tightened on the wheel.

"Ok?" she asked.

"Been better," Bobby said wryly. "Been worse."

"Your Mom?" Alex ventured.

He shifted and sighed. "She…she was upset because I hadn't been to visit…And then she was upset because Frank hadn't been to see her…and because I didn't know where he was…"

"She knew you were hurt…She could see that." Alex couldn't hide her frustration.

"Sometimes she doesn't see what's there," Bobby said patiently. "Maybe because she sees too many things that aren't there."

For all of his kindness and patience—perhaps because of the effort and energy it took for him to maintain them—Bobby was exhausted when they returned to Alex's home. He quickly became the lump now residing in her bed.

"C'mon, girl," Alex thought as she turned to the bathroom. "You need to make at least an appearance in the office."

Alex was in the shower, desperately hoping the water would wash her awake, and she didn't hear the lump's first whimpers. She didn't see it twist and turn and fight the sheets and blankets that began to wrap its body like a shroud. But even with the water going full blast and a closed door between them, she heard its screams. She turned off the water and threw on a T-shirt without drying off. Leaving small puddles in her wake, she rushed to Bobby.

Alex had seen Bobby in the throes of a nightmare before. It wasn't pleasant to watch, and she could only imagine what it was to experience one. It often only took a touch of her hand and a few soft words of comfort to calm him, but others required Alex to carefully wake him. Others—the worst—caused him to wake up screaming. His defenses had fallen enough that Bobby had told her a little about them, enough for Alex to know that the young Bobby's inability to protect his mother and his grownup counterpart's failure to save every lost soul were constant themes.

This was a bad one. Bobby flailed violently on the bed, and Alex thought that only the twisted sheets wrapped around him prevent him from hurting himself.

"No…No…" Sweat and tears ran down his face. "Don't hurt her…I'm coming…I'll do what you want…Stop it…Don't hurt her…"

Alex sat on the bed. "Bobby," she said firmly, drops of water from her hair and body sprinkling him. "Wake up…It's a dream…C'mon…I'm here…It's a dream…"

"No…No…Please." He twisted and jerked beneath her touch. "Please…"

Alex gripped his shoulder. If the twisted sheet hadn't restrained him, he might have swung at her.

"Bobby," she said again. "Please…wake up…"

"No! No!" he screamed. His eyes flew open and stared wildly. He struggled against the covers.

"Bobby." Alex fought to keep her voice calm. "Take it easy…You're caught in the covers…Please…let me help you." She had never seen him so terrified and it terrified her.

Her voice broke through the terror in his mind. He ceased fighting and gasped for breath. "Please…please help me…help me get loose." His voice was ragged with fear.

"Ok," Alex said and began to gently untangle the sheets and blankets from his body. "Let's get you out of this mess." She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "You look like a mummy."

He calmed as she released him.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I'm…I'm sorry I got so freaked out."

She pulled the last of the sheet from his leg. "It must have been a bad one," she said cautiously.

Bobby sat up slowly. "Yea…well, there aren't many good ones," he admitted.

"I'll get you some water." Alex sensed he needed some time and space.

"Alex," he asked as she started to leave the room. "Did you know you were soaking wet?"

She smiled. "Nothing much gets past you, Detective."

"I'm sorry," Bobby said as he stared at the damp tangle of covers on the bed. "That I pulled you out of the shower."

"Could've been worse," Alex said genially. "You could've got me up…You know how cranky that makes me…"

He was stricken. "I'm so sorry, Alex…You do so much for me…"

"Bobby," she said firmly. "It's ok…You know that…You going to be ok?"

"Yea." He nodded. "I'm good."

She was brushing her teeth when she realized Bobby had told her nothing about the dream. She elected not to confront him. "No need to make him go through it again right now," she thought.

Alex emerged from the bathroom to discover Bobby putting new sheets on the bed. "Hey," she said. "Be careful…you don't want to over do it."

He wore only his boxers and the scars from the recent attacks were still fresh on his body. He was thinner than he'd been in some time, but his muscles still rippled beneath his skin. A need and want for Bobby filled Alex with so much force that she clutched the door frame to keep from falling.

"Alex?" Bobby's worried voice broke through the fog around her.

"No," she thought. "Don't…don't look at him…You'll burn up from the inside."

He touched her. It was nothing more than his hand on her shoulder, but its heat passed through her jacket and shirt and sent electric currents through her.

"Alex?" Bobby felt her trembling beneath his hand. He couldn't understand why she wouldn't look at him. He placed his other hand on her cheek, and her head shot up so that their eyes met. Her eyes blazed with passion and fear, and hey kissed before either knew who started the contact.

She couldn't breath, couldn't think. He covered her completely, his long, strong arms wrapped around her, his legs on either side of hers. One of his large hands pressed against her back while the other held the back of her neck and guided her mouth to his. His eyes, darker than she'd ever seen, shone with want and need. Terrible promises filled those eyes, and fear flooded her mind. He broke the kiss and stared at her. He'd kissed her without thinking; her body seemed to cry for his in the same way he ached for her. At the start her body melted willingly into his, and he thought he felt her give all of her self to him. He'd never kissed anyone the way he kissed her. Everything—good and bad—that had ever happened to him, that he had done, had taken him to this moment.

And then he saw the fear in her eyes and felt her body stiffen against his. "She's afraid of me," Bobby thought. "I'm afraid of me." He broke the kiss and tried to pull away from her.

Alex wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to hold onto him without hurting him.

"Bobby…What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" She pulled him to her so that his forehead rested against hers.

He shut his eyes tightly. He couldn't bear to see the fear in her eyes. "I…I'm sorry, " he stuttered. "I…I had no right…"

"It's all right," Alex said. "It's just…I don't understand." She took a deep breath, unsure of how to reach him. "I thought…I thought we both did that…that we both wanted that."

"You…You were afraid…are afraid," he murmured.

"Afraid?"

"I saw…afraid…of me."

He tried again to pull away, but Alex tightened her grip. "I'm not afraid of you," she declared. "Confused, yea…frustrated…scared of myself…but I'm not afraid of you."

"Alex…don't…I saw it…" His eyes were still closed.

"Open your eyes and you won't see it any more."

He blinked and looked at her. "You…you aren't afraid," he wondered. "But…I saw it…and I can't…the thought that you might be at all…"

"It was…" Alex chose her words carefully. "Overwhelming…I…I'd never felt that way…those things…that I feel with you…and it's wonderful…and scary…"

Bobby shivered. "It's just…The thought that I could hurt you…and…things from the job…the Claret case…"

"Remember," Alex said firmly. "The job can't come in here."

He looked at her in anguish. "I…I don't know if I can do that, Alex. I know I promised, but…especially this case…I'm sorry…so sorry…"

Alex tried to understand how they had moved so far in so few minutes. "What can I do? How can I help you?"

He shook his head. "It's…it's not you. You…You're wonderful. You've done so much." His hands flew up in front of his face. "I don't deserve you. You don't know…My head…What's in my head…I can't get things out…"

"Claret." Alex spat his name. "That bastard…"

"It's not just him…It's…The whole case…It's all messed up in my head…and things that happened to me…And…and I feel like I can't…can't trust myself to love you…If I can't get things settled…"

Alex brought her arms down from around Bobby's neck and placed them gently on his chest. "You think," she said, fighting to keep her voice calm. "That talking to Claret will help you?"

"I...I don't know," Bobby answered. "For all I know, it could make things worse…but…" He stood with his arms lying limp at his sides. "I…I know that you think that I'm beating up on myself…but that's not it…I gotta…I gotta know why…or at least try to find out."

Alex wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head down so that it rested on her shoulder. "All right," she whispered. "If that's what you have to do…"

END CHAPTER 27