Nascence

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VIII: The Worst Kind of Triumph

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Her head throbbed with every beat of the heart.

Moaning softly, Sakura rolled over in the bed, looking up. TenTen's futon was neatly made, and the desert sun was streaming in through the windows; obviously, they'd left her behind. The beginnings of rage tingled in her fingertips before her angry gaze happened to land on a sheet of paper on her bedside table. Curious and miffed, the kunoichi picked it up and unfolded it. The handwriting was unfamiliar.

Sakura--

Neji brought you in at about 3 AM. What were you two doing, anyway? He was awfully secretive about it. But, in any case, he asked me to let you sleep in, and to write you this note to tell you he'll be with the Kazekage if you need anything. I hope you're feeling better-- and no, not just because I have to be paired with Shikamaru for scouting duty.

I'll expect a full dishing session when I see you again!

--Ten

Smiling slightly, Sakura tucked the note into her pocket and rubbed her eyes. So Neji had brought her in? Last night came rushing at her like water through a crack in stone, washing away all early-morning cheer. Three days, and the minutes were ticking past.

God, she hoped he hadn't heard that odd confession-- or at least, that he hadn't fully processed it. Why the hell did I say that? she wondered with a groan as she slipped on her shoes and grabbed her mask. Maybe I am going insane.

A quick sweep of the hairbrush, and she was out of the building, rubbing her forehead and hoping in vain her headache would go away. There was no use wasting chakra on it-- she hadn't healed herself fully after the night before, so she really had none to spare. She was in bad condition, and she could feel her muscles contract with every step. If someone was to attack her right now, her senses would probably fail her. She could be killed.

With this sobering thought in mind, Sakura jogged the rest of the way to the Kazekage's office, entering the building and quietly climbing the stairs. Maybe she could ask Gaara permission for Suna's private records. Though she doubted he'd grant it, it would help loads in her research.

A bunshin of Sasuke. How much weirder can this get?

She was infinitely glad Naruto was back in Konoha. Sasuke's appearance just would have troubled him further-- she'd have to ask Neji to keep it confidential. It would only complicate things.

She knocked solidly on the familiar oak doors, and they opened almost at once; staring back at her was Neji. He was frowning. "I was hoping you would sleep longer."

Sakura looked him in the eye almost disbelievingly-- maybe he believed she was really insane, and that her slip of the tongue had been caused by sheer madness? "I have work to do," she answered softly. "TenTen's note said you'd be here. I thought I should check in."

Neji let her into the office and led her to a chair in the corner. Gaara looked up from a scroll, nodded to her, and then went back to reading. "I wrote a mission report of exactly what happened last night," Neji told her in an undertone, "but I think it would be best to keep it confidential. The bunshin is a bait that should not be thrown in here, not now."

Sakura nodded. "I was going to ask you to do that," she agreed, her voice still quiet, shaky. "And I was wondering if I could talk to the Kazekage."

"About?"

"Using Suna's archives. They may have something that could help."

Neji looked slightly frustrated. "I already told you, I don't like you working on this. You're already in more danger than any of us. Why get in the thick of it?"

She only managed a half-smile, which made Neji cringe inwardly-- how long had it been since she had given out a real smile?-- and shook her head. "I need to be in the thick of it. If I don't do something, I really might go mad." She glanced up, deep green eyes staring into his lavender. "You don't think I'm crazy, do you?" she whispered. "I'm not sure, myself."

He shook his head. "No, no, I don't think you're crazy. But you need to calm yourself. The last thing we need here is you, overworked."

Sakura ran a hand through her hair, working out the knots her brush had missed. "Neji, I don't even know what I'm looking for," she confessed flatly. "That damn bunshin was so cryptic, I… I just don't know. I'm lost."

Gaara's deep voice startled her, and she turned to face him when he spoke from in front of his desk. "What do you want?"

She squared her shoulders. "May I have permission to view Suna's private archives?"

The Kazekage folded his arms in typical Gaara-style and fixed icy jade eyes on her. "Why?"

"I'm sure you read that the bunshin gave me only three days to figure this all out. Looking at the archives might save our lives and the lives of Sunakagure."

Gaara sighed. "You're aware that it's unheard of for the archives even to be seen by foreign eyes?"

Sakura bowed her head slightly. "Aa, I know that. It's the same in Konoha. But this isn't just a library visit, Kazekage-san."

Neji leaned against the wall casually. "I'll give her my full backing on this, Kazekage-sama."

Gaara stared at her. "You're bold for asking this, girl."

"Always have been," she shot back, a sly tilt to her mouth.

"You'd better figure this out if I give you permission."

"I'll try."

"…I'll write you a pass."

Sakura smiled at him weakly. "Arigatou."

Neji turned to her. "Alright, I'll give you till five o'clock tonight. I expect you to give me a full report on everything you've learned, relevant or irrelevant, when we meet back at our residence."

She nodded. "Got it. Five o'clock."

He fixated her with a semi-curious, semi-warning glare. "Work hard, Sakura, but not too hard. If you collapse again I'm sending you home."

Sakura looked slightly affronted, but then it relaxed into a lazy half-grin. She'd figured out Neji enough to know that his little threats were ways of saying he actually did care for her… enough, at least, to keep her from killing herself by exhaustion. "Hai, Captain."

Gaara walked to them and handed Sakura a small, sealed scroll. "Show it to the guards, and they'll let you in," he instructed her in a monotone. "If you need help finding something, ask one of them."

Sakura nodded. "Arigatou," she repeated. "This will help a lot."

The redhead sighed. "I suppose. Down a floor, third door on your right."

---

The guards at the archive doors seemed rather surprised to see a pink-haired Konoha ANBU ask to be let it, but one glance at the Kazekage's permit and all misgivings melted away. They ushered her in, politely asking if she needed any assistance in a vaguely polite way. Sakura waved them away with a flick of her wrist and started browsing, looking through the towering file cabinets, the shelves that reached to the walls. They were in alphabetical order, from A-Z. Where to start?

Everything begins with the Akatsuki.

Smiling slightly at the thought, she crossed the room to the 'A' shelves. A three-ring binder about as thick as her head dominated a cabinet, and she took it down, flipping to the index. Genjutsu, page 336. But when she got there, there was nothing-- only a list of known genjutsu Akatsuki members had used and what level of genjutsu the current members were supposed to possess.

Nothing.

Sighing, she shelved the book once more and crossed to the 'G' section, taking out a thick tome on genjutsu in general. She flipped through it numbly, her mind taking in what she already knew. This isn't really helping… maybe this was all for nothing?

She flipped to the back instead, checking out the index. Amnesia… basics… traps? Curious, she turned to page 562.

Traps with Genjutsu

There are many traps one can conduct with genjutsu. The most common would be scenery changes and such, but there are also more complicated ones that affect the mind of the opponent rather than confusing it.

In this section we will list ways of trapping the opponent through the body. Affecting the actual mind of the opponent is S-class material that is not open to the public. Should you want to know more, ask a superior.

Sakura scowled. Why even mention it, then?

She left the book open on the table, just in case, and perused the rest of the shelves in 'G'. The titles were unhelpfully generic: Genjutsu, Fighting with Genjutsu, Common Genjutsu, Genjutsu Defense, and so on.

But there was one with no title.

Curious, Sakura took out the leather-bound tome, flipping it over. It wasn't a book at all… it was a scroll, rolled carefully within an old leather binder. She tried to lift the cover, but it wouldn't budge. A sealing jutsu on a book?

After a series of experimental chakra moldings she'd learned from Tsunade when her mentor hadn't wanted to deal with official business, Sakura managed to get the thing open. The scroll within it was old… very old, maybe from the beginning of Suna. It was wrapped in alternating layers of thick vellum and thin papyrus-- probably to keep it from harm-- and tied with a cord no thicker than her fingernail.

Sakura took off her gloves and carefully untied the cord, letting it fall away gently. Then she slipped the scroll from its papyrus-and-vellum hold and cautiously unrolled it. Part of it crumbled away in her fingers, disintegrating into dust, and she slowed her process, holding down the edge with the book she'd left on the table. Once it was as unrolled as the table was long, she set her gloves at the other end to keep it from rolling back up and started reading.

Forbidden jutsu are usually thought of as ninjutsu-- powerful storms cast, raging fires created, horrible creatures summoned. But the most deadly of all forbidden jutsu has to lie within genjutsu-- within illusion.

Because with an illusion, reality is twisted into something that can kill or drive insane. With in an illusion, nothing is as it seems. Nothing is truly real. You could touch a bat and it could become a butterfly, but a poison butterfly that kills you on contact. It all depends on the jutsu and the caster.

Forbidden genjutsu can be used in many ways…

Sakura read on, fascinated, her eyes glued to the scroll. When she finished reading that section, she rolled it up and read on, jade orbs never leaving the ancient writings. Each stroke carried a secret, it seemed, something she hadn't learned during Tsunade-shishou's lectures or Kurenai's careful hints. Hell, what Kurenai knew didn't cover three-fourths of this scroll!

A particular unnamed attack targets the mind in the way that no other genjutsu does. A regular genjutsu warps reality to the opponent… this one creates an entirely new reality to whoever is in it. Technically, it's not even a genjutsu. It is unclassifiable. And what is most frightening about this is that it can be cast over a large group of people… the entire world, even. But it takes a frighteningly large amount of energy to sustain it for even a day.

But there is a condition: the caster must be dead.

Before death, the caster must store all the chakra needed for this enormous jutsu in the various chakra cavities and seal the tenketsu points so none escapes. And during death, they must open one point-- just one-- and let the chakra slowly leak out from there. If the person is skilled enough to use this jutsu, it will hold up for around a week at the longest.

However, this is a jutsu in theory only. Nobody has ever succeeded in doing it successfully so far, and few want to try because of the fatality complex.

She felt her eyes go alight in wonder. Was this it? Could this possibly be the answer?

There's no way it's that simple, her Inner self admonished.

No, there wasn't. But… it was a possibility, wasn't it?

Sakura rolled the scroll back up and wrapped the protective vellum-papyrus around it, tucking it into her belt. Damn it, it had to be right. What else could there be? A genjutsu that wasn't really a genjutsu. Something that created an entirely different world, an entirely different universe. It was crazy!

Suddenly, the magnitude of what was happening pressed upon her shoulders. If she didn't find a way to reverse this theory-jutsu, she was dead-- they were all dead. And the scroll didn't say anything about deflecting it. She raked a hand through her hair, grimacing. I'll have to come back and search some more.

Excited about her discovery, Sakura turned to the guards outside the archive's door. "Excuse me," she called. "What time is it?"

One man peered out a window, to a giant clock in the middle of the square. "Around four-thirty."

Sakura smiled slightly. "Arigatou." I'll be a little early and surprise Neji-san.

Oh, Neji.

Either he's deaf, he's ignorant, or he's trying to keep it to himself for some reason, Sakura thought rather miserably as she left the room. He hadn't mentioned her inadvertent confession so far, nor had he made any move to treat her as more-than-friend. So he either hadn't heard it, or-- something inside her ached just to think of it-- he chose not to hear it.

The petal-haired ANBU pulled down her mask to cover her face as she entered the city streets, crossing quickly to their residence building. There was no use thinking about it, and she chided herself for it. Distraction from this kind of pressure could only result in death, and that was something she did not want to be responsible for.

She wasn't sure she could be able to take it.

So she burst into Neji's room with the first cheerful smile in days, flashing the scroll in his face.

"We got him."

---

Neji gazed at her, almost amazed, after her thorough explanation. "Sakura, this is incredible," he allotted, taking the scroll from her carefully, "and I hate to dampen your enthusiasm, but this… well, this is just a theory." He frowned, turning his eyes to the scroll as if to turn away from her disappointment. "Who in the world would be powerful enough to pull something like this off? A Kage, maybe, but what kind of Kage would do this to a Konoha ANBU squad? What person, at the cusp of his or her death, would cast this thing on us? What's the point?"

Sakura bit her lip. "Look, Neji, I know it sounds farfetched… it really is. It's just as you said-- a theory. But… there's a possibility, right? There has to be someone out there that's powerful enough to cast this kind of jutsu. There has to be. Every generation's stronger than the next, right?"

Neji shook his head. "You'd think, wouldn't you? But just think, Sakura. Give me three people that aren't Kage that could accomplish this thing."

She scowled. "That's not the point!" she snapped.

"Sakura, I'd love to hear anything you can suggest," Neji said quietly, his tone flat and logical. "But there's no reasonable explanation for this. It might not even be possible, and I'm sure as hell not finding out myself."

"'No reasonable explanation'?" Sakura looked at him in almost an amused exasperation. "This is not a reasonable world, Neji. I can clone myself and summon a giant slug with a little bit of blood. I'm done with reason and logic… I've been done with it since I was thirteen. Reason didn't work when I tried to keep Sasuke from leaving. Logic didn't do me so well when my parents kicked me out of the house when I became jounin. And facts did absolutely nothing for me when my tutor, my surrogate mother, one of the Legendary Sannin, was murdered." Her eyes were a fiery kind of green, sparks of gold shining with determination. "I am willing to believe a theory if it keeps us from being killed. Is that good enough for you?"

Just then, Neji made the mistake of looking at her.

His eyes, cold, flat, logical… they widened imperceptibly, and subconsciously, his grip on the scroll loosened. "You'd stake everything you had on this scroll?" He wasn't sure why he said it. "Even though there's no proof?"

"I am staking everything on it, Neji. I'm staking lives."

It is little mistakes like this that crumble the walls.

And Neji kissed her.

Sakura's eyes widened to the size of rice balls. All that she felt was his mouth on hers. His lips, she realized vaguely, were strangely soft. Hers were tingling. The kiss wasn't rough or passionate or anything, but… it was a kiss. Soft. Calming. Lip-and-lip, no open mouth, just the two of them trying to pour every emotion they'd felt over the past two days in one five-second contact.

He broke away from her hastily and turned his head, ashamed and ashamed of being ashamed.

Sakura sat there for about twenty seconds, staring at him with two fingers to her lips.

Neji shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Neji--"

"This is no time or place for… for that." He stood, awkwardly, as if against his will. "Your research was successful. It's definitely a possibility."

She tried to smile, tried to laugh, but felt herself so utterly lacking that even a simple tilt to her lips seemed to take a muscle strength that was beyond her.. "It's a possibility. Neji--"

He shook his head gravely, and she saw with the turn of his head that there was a pinkish tint to the lift of his cheekbones. He was not looking at her; he wouldn't look at her, he couldn't. It was all too much, too fast. "Good work. I'll ask the Kazekage to summon a genjutsu expert, and you can look it over with them."

Neji made his way to the door, and Sakura felt herself tear in two. "No, Neji, stop! Please stop!"

He didn't stop. He opened her bedroom door and stepped out. For a moment, a moment that stretched the thinnest of invisible wires between them, he hesitated, stepped a fraction of a step back, as if to turn to her and say it wasn't just a joke. But then he turned back, the foot stepped forward, and he closed the door behind him.

Sakura stared after him like an idiot, her mouth hanging open. How… what… how the hell could he do this to her? She grabbed the scroll and furiously rolled it back up, paying no heed to its age or fragility, and little bits of it broke off and fell to the floor. Damn him. Damn all of them. How could he just kiss her and walk away? How could he… 'no time or place', her ass. He was scared, the freaking coward.

So was she.

She cast her green-eyed gaze to the rolled-up paper in her hands and nearly ripped it in two.

She got it.

So why didn't this feel like a victory?

---

Author's Note: Damn it. I really hate this chapter. It's short, it's sappy, and it's the worst writing I've ever done since I was five. Ergh. I really apologize for its crappiness and lack of length, but it's been a pretty hectic month. I've got a lot going on right now, and it was really all I could do to crank out this piece of... well, this chapter.

Keep in mind that it might be a while before I update again. I really just put in this chapter so I wouldn't murder myself... I get really, really cranky when I don't write. I haven't even had time to work on my short story. Ew.

Well, cheers, and thanks for being so patient, guys. I'll work as hard as I can to get the next chapter up and awesome.