Chapter 14. Throwed Rolls

Pam climbed the staircase and found her way into the microfilm room of the Sikeston Public Library. It was almost closing time; she had taken longer than she expected with Frances McDonald and her friend Margaret. Looking around, she couldn't find Ralph. Instead, she heard his muffled voice from behind one of the institutional grey metal shelves. Peeking around the corner, she found Ralph sitting at the end of the row, whispering into a small silver communicator.

"Yes, I'm at the library, Bill... Yes... I did... No... No...! I'll meet you in the parking lot. As soon as I can."

Ralph looked like a child, sitting cross legged on the floor, whispering hushed commands to a secret friend over a walkie talkie. Next thing Pam expected to see was a secret decoder ring or a map of buried treasure.

Ralph looked up, and upon seeing Pam, jumped to his feet.

"Aw, honey, am I glad to see you. It's been one hell of a day!" He approached Pam and gave her a kiss. "Come on. Bill just called, and he's almost here."

Pam helped him gather up his things, including the scattered pieces of paper scribbled with notes. The two walked out of the library, and into the parking lot, where their rented car was waiting. As they climbed into the front seat, Bill pulled in next to them, and parked his car. In what seemed like a single movement, he opened his car door, poured out, and dove into the back seat of the next vehicle, planting himself directly behind Ralph.

Bill greeted the couple. "Alright, kids, Uncle Bill is here! Whatchya got?"

"Well, I didn't find much today in the library. Just a few mentions of McDonald's cases. Pam?"

"Oh, I had a great day with McDonald's widow. Boy did she give me an earful."

"Yeah? Well yours truly dug up a few skeletons, here and there. Out of the closet. Gonna put the old spotlight on a few bozos right here in southern Missouri. So, whaddya say, let's grab some grub, compare notes, and go over the scenario."

It was unclear whether Bill's eyes, obscured behind his dark aviator glasses, were looking at them, or scanning the parking lot. Bill tapped Ralph's seat in front of him.

"Let's go, kid! I'm starving!"

Ralph turned right, then pulled out onto East Malone. He drove slowly as they looked for a place to grab a bite.

As if in slow motion, Ralph's mouth opened wide as they drove past the airport.

"Bill! They have an airport here! I didn't know they had an airport, Bill! Why didn't you tell us... they have an airport! Why didn't we just fly in."

Rolling his eyes, Bill responded. "Ralph, do you know how expensive it is to fly into these small towns! Come on, give me a break."

Ralph and Pam looked at each other, and shook their heads. Finally, Pam spotted something up ahead.

"Ralph, stop up there. Look, it's Lambert's Café. Margaret mentioned that place. Yeah, Lambert's. Let's go there."

"Oh yeah? Who's Margaret." Bill asked, uninterested. "They got burgers?"

Ralph pulled the car into the crowded parking lot, and parked. Climbing out of the car, Bill looked up at the sign of the long, flat roofed restaurant.

"Lambert's Café... Throwed Rolls? What kind of place is this, Counselor?"

Although it was not quite dinnertime, the place was already filling up, as if it were the main attraction in town and the show was about to start. Bill, looking around, straightened his suit jacket and vest. As they entered, he already started to case the place, towering above most people waiting to be seated. After a minute, Bill cleared his throat.

"Uh, Counselor, how bout we go find someplace else?" Bill looked past her, as he continued to scan the room. "It seems real busy here, don't you think? We should find someplace quiet.. nice.. right? Not so many ears..."

Ralph was just about to agree with his partner when Pam hailed a waitress, holding up three fingers.

"Come on, guys!" Pam whispered, angrily. "Margaret said she saw Charles McDonald eating here with a woman the week he... he disappeared."

"Margaret." Bill asked, quite interested all of a sudden. "Who's Margaret?"

"Table for three! Come on back!"

Pulling at Ralph's sleeve, Pam guided him through the waiting room into a big common dining room, with booths and tables. They were seated at a small table near a corner, Bill with his back towards the wall. Bill immediately removed his sunglasses, then took up a menu, anxious to get the whole experience over with.

The room was jumping, as servers moved effortlessly in between the backs of chairs, carrying bowls of food from table to table. People called out to one another, as if the restaurant was filled with distant cousins reunited for a big country wedding feast.

"This isn't exactly the kind of place I had in mind for going over scenarios, kids!" Bill sighed deeply, as he inspected the daily specials.

As he studied the menu, Bill saw something fly through the air, out of the corner of his eyes. His eyes darted up from the menu, and he looked around the room at the waiters and waitresses.

"Did either of you see that?"

Pam and Ralph looked up, and briefly turned around to face the dining room. "See what Bill?" Ralph asked.

A waiter, armed with a large tray, grabbed one of the hot rolls and tossed it across the dining room towards a table near the kitchen.

"That!"

Ralph and Pam turned once again, this time shifting in their seats. A moment later, a volley of rolls were simultaneously hurled at a table filled with blonde haired children. Like kids in little league practice, each expertly caught a roll, as a room full of fans cheered them on.

Ralph began to laugh. "Throwed rolls, Pam! That's what that means! Like on the sign outside! I think it's great! Don't you, Bill?"

Bill squinted at Ralph, and silently moved his lips, exaggerating each syllable. "Th-roooow-ed rolls?" Annoyed, he found no humor in the situation.

Bill growled at Ralph, slowly pronouncing each angry word between tightly gritted teeth. "Let's just get some food, kids, and get the hell out of here!"

Bill raised his arm to call the waitress over to the table. Before he could react, a hot dough projectile - aimed with pin point accuracy - flew across the room, hitting him squarely on the forehead.

Wide eyed, Bill shook his head, as the roll fell into his lap. Without thinking, Bill automatically reached for his holster and grabbed at his gun.

"Bill! No!" Pam and Ralph both screamed, in unison, as they jumped up and reached across the table to restrain the angry agent.

"Don't worry. I wasn't gonna shoot...a lot." Bill had been caught off guard before, but never by flying baked goods. He gained control and picked the roll up from his lap. Studying it for a moment, he shrugged and took an anxious bite.

A waitress, noticing the direct hit and the target's reaction, ran towards their table. "Ya'll have to be careful with the throwed rolls!"

The waitress began to wipe the tiny spot of grease off Bill's forehead; after one stroke, she slowly moved her napkin away. Bill eyes were fixed on Ralph, as he stared him down. Backing away from the table, the waitress cautiously asked Bill if she could get him anything.

"Yeah, darlin! Take out!"

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Author's note: There are some things in life that are far stranger than fiction. Head's up! Search for Lambert's Cafe on the web!