Harry stared into Sirius' gray eyes unblinkingly. What Sirius had just told him could not be true, it just couldn't be. It was Impossible. How, how on earth could something like that be missed?
"What do you mean he was still breathing?" Harry asked in a low voice that cracked slightly from emotion. Though for Sirius it was difficult to tell which emotions.
"What I mean is that he was put into a sort of coma. His breathing rate was brought down almost to a complete stop, that's why no one noticed that he was still alive. All the signs pointed to the Killing Curse." Sirius said, speaking softly in hopes to keep Harry calm. It wasn't working though, to Sirius' great disappointment. Harry's own breathing started becoming ragged; Sirius also noticed that he was shaking a little.
"Look Harry, I can understand how you're feeling right now. I'm sure-" Sirius started to say, placing a hand on Harry's knee for reassurance only to have Harry jerk his knee away as though Sirius' hand had burned him.
"No you don't." Harry said, once again, voice cracking under emotion. "You can't have any idea of how or what I'm feeling right now." Then before Sirius could say anything more, Harry leaped up and ran. He ran from the sitting room in Dumbledore's office, ran from Dumbledore's office itself, ran away from the horrible lies that Sirius had been feed and was trying to feed to him. As he ran, somewhere, in one of the far corner's of his mind he wondered how the hell the day come to this.
Earlier that day.
Harry was making his way down to breakfast alone this Saturday morning. He had not gotten much sleep the night before, and when Ron informed him that he and Hermione were going to the Great Hall, Harry said to go on with out him, hoping that he would be able to get another hours worth of sleep in. There were a few factors to Harry's lack of sleep the night before. The biggest one perhaps being his anger at the Headmaster. "We will see." Those words had rang in Harry's head over and over. In most cases, Harry would have thought in a more optimistic way about Dumbledore's statement. He would have hoped that Dumbledore meant, "We'll see what can be done" and really mean it. But now, he had taken the pessimistic view of all things concerning Dumbledore.
Dreams, or nightmares rather, were the other factor. Once again Harry had the dream about the third task and his mother. This dream was then followed by the dream about the long dark corridor ending in a black, locked door. Each time he woke from one of these dreams, more particularly the one about the third task, he had a very hard time falling back asleep again. Which resulted in not much sleep on Harry's part.
Reaching the Great Hall, Harry walked over to where Ron and Hermione were seated and plopped down across from them.
"Morning," Harry said before covering his mouth to stifle a yawn.
"Morning Harry," Hermione replied looking over at him from behind the Daily Prophet. "You look dead tired." Harry just nodded.
"Did Hedwig come?" He asked looking around and seeing some students with letters.
"Nope." Ron said while he pilled some bacon on his already loaded plate. Hermione eyed him with a disgusted look on her face.
"That must be about your fourth plate Ronald. Honestly, you're going to make yourself sick." She said as Ron started eating the food on his plate.
"I'm growing. I'm supposed to eat a lot." Ron said with a mouth full of food.
"I wonder what's taking Hedwig so long." Harry said in a pause in Ron and Hermione's bickering.
"Yes I was wondering that too. I'm sure she's okay though." Hermione said.
"Well I hope she comes back soon cause I want to write another letter to Snuffles." Harry said looking up at the clear blue ceiling in hopes of seeing Hedwig come flying in.
"Why don't you just use a school owl?" Ron asked, slowing his eating pace a little so not to choke while he talked.
"A school owl won't be able to reach Snuffles Ron. The house is protected, only certain owls are capable of finding it." Hermione said.
"Oh well I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of that Hermione." Ron said sarcastically. 'And they off again.' Harry thought has Hermione snapped back at Ron. As their argument continued, Harry started to load food onto his own plate and allowed a smile to creep onto his face as he thought of an old Muggle saying that seemed to fit this situation very nicely.
"Merlin, you two argue like an old married couple." Harry said glancing at them s he started to eat. His statement had the desired effect. Hermione blushed and buried her face in the Daily Prophet, while Ron just looked between Harry and Hermione.
"What? Are you comparing me and Hermione to people that are…Married?" Ron spluttered out finally, a look of shock and confusion on his freckled face.
After Harry, Ron and Hermione had finished there breakfast, the former two decide to get some Quidditch in before starting in on their homework. The last part of their plan added in only after the look Hermione gave them at the thought of the whole day spent just on Quidditch. But, it was only after Ron suggested that she make some more of those hats for the House-Elves that she really get off their backs. So the three of them head back up to Gryffindor tower where Ron and Harry grabbed their brooms only to leave it again. Joking and laughing, they made their way down to the pitch.
"Ok so what's the plan again?" James' asked as he paced the floor of the kitchen.
"Dumbledore is gonna get Harry into his office where I will be waiting in Dumbledore's sitting room. Which I have to wonder when the hell he got one of those. All those times we were in his office chatting with him and never once did he tell us he had one." Sirius rambled on. But when he noticed that James had stopped pacing and was giving him that look that said plainly "get to the point," he did just that. " Right so, get Harry into the office, I'm waiting there and then I tell him. And then depending on Harry, we come here, or he gets a good night sleep, and the next day we come here." Sirius said. James nodded and sat down. There was a moment of silence before James spoke.
"You really think that he'll flip when you tell him?" James asked. The thought that his son wouldn't be glad he was going to be apart of his life brought back a fear inside of him he hadn't felt since the day Harry was born. It was fear that he was going to be a bad father. But Lily had helped him get over that. And she wasn't here now. Forcing himself not to think about Lily, James stared at Sirius for an answer.
"Well, I can't know for sure, but yeah, I think he will. I mean, what kid wouldn't?" Sirius said from his place in front of the fireplace where he was making himself and James lunch. Nodding James asked,
"Do you know what your gonna say to him?"
"No, not really. I still have to hear what Dumbledore thinks of this whole thing, and I'll most likely just pass that along to Harry." Sirius said, stirring the contents of the cauldron hanging over the fire. Once again, James just nodded. While Sirius had his back to him, James pulled from the pocket of his robes (which was on "loan" from Sirius as wear the robes he was buried in gave more then one person the creeps) the picture of Harry from the old Daily Prophet thatSirius kept upstairs. At his first chance, James had dashed back up to the room, bowed to Buckbeak, and carefully ripped out the picture of his son.
As he watched his son fidget almost nervously under his gaze, James prayed that Harry would want to see him as soon as possible because Merlin knows how much he want to see him. But, in his heart, he knew that if he were in his son's place, and he were receiving this news, he wouldn't accept it either. And, after all, how many times and Sirius and Remus said that Harry was just like him?
Harry and Ron both owned wrist watches, yet in no way were their watches used in deciding when it was time to call it quits on the Quidditch pitch. No, what told them it was time to head in, was Ron stomach had begun to growl with hunger. It was long after lunch time.
"Now, all joking aside. I'm serious Harry, don't laugh. Was that really the first few times you've tried the Wronski feint?" Ron asked as they made their way through the castle holding their brooms in one hand and a butterbeer in the other. Before they had started their way back to the common room, they made a quick stop in the kitchen where the House-Elves had insisted that they take some thing with them.
"Yes Ron." Harry said chuckling a little at how Ron was taking this. Yeah, it was a really cool move and all, but, really. 'Okay,' Harry thought in his head, 'Maybe it is this cool.'
"I still can believe it." Ron said as they came to a hidden stair passage behind a painting of some old man reading a book that would take them up two floors. Harry pulled the painting aside and allowed Ron to go in a head of him. But, just as he was about to follow after Ron, Harry heard his name being called from behind him. And the way his name seemed to be spat out, he knew exactly who it was.
"Potter." Snape said in his usual voice full of hatred.
"Go quick, before he gets you too." Harry whispered to Ron, moving his lips as little as possible so Snape wouldn't see. Letting the painting fall back into its place, Harry turned to face the greasy haired man who seemed hell bent to make his life hell. But, it wasn't just Snape, Filch was there too, wear a smug smirk on his face that told Harry he was in trouble.
"And where Potter did you get that drink?" Snape asked, again spitting Harry's name out as though it were unworthy. "Because I do believe that students are not permitted into the kitchens." Harry gaped at him. Of all the things to attempt to get Harry in trouble with, Snape picked that. He was getting really low.
"Come with me Potter. It's to the Headmasters with you." Harry had to work hard to suppress the groan that was trying to make its way from him as he followed Snape. 'Great,' he thought, 'just the man to help me. Dumbledore.' As he followed Snape passed Filch, Harry found himself wonder why Snape was taking him to Dumbledore. Why not just take him to his dungeon, try to scare Harry, and then just give him some more detention?
"Alright so if Harry needs to sleep on this, I'm gonna stay at Hogwarts for the night so that I'll be there when he comes round. Remus is gonna be here soon to keep you company." Sirius said to James.
"Right." James said, rocking forward and backward slightly on his feet. " Do, do try to keep him calm. So, you know, he, er, doesn't flip. Or flip as much. Alright?" James asked, the desperation to see his son clear in his voice.
"I'll do my best Jamey-boy but I'm not making promises." Sirius said seriously even with his attempt to make light of the situation. "Well I best be off." With a small wave to James, Sirius placed a hand on the teapot and felt a jerk pull at him from behind his navel.
When his feet hit the floor Sirius found himself in a room that reminded him greatly of the Gryffindor common room. The walls were the Gryffindor red with gold moldings. The wall he faced had two large windows set into it and they were each framed with gold curtains. In front of one of these windows sat a grand mahogany desk complete with parchment, quill, and ink. On the wall adjacent with the windows there was a beautiful fireplace. The furniture that surrounded the fireplace could have been taken directly from the Gryffindor common room itself. There was a couch, a love seat, and two armchairs. All the same color red as the walls. The two walls would have pleased Remus greatly. They were lined with bookshelves. Which, in turn, were filled with books.
"Yup. Remus could live quite happily in this room." Sirius said, out loud, to himself as he examined some of the books the selves held.
"Yes I do believe that he could." A chuckling voice said from behind Sirius. Sirius nearly had a heart attack. Whipping around he said,
"Merlin, don't do that!" to a still chuckling Dumbledore who closed the door on the same wall as the bookshelves, which, Sirius had completely missed.
"I am sorry my boy. I did not mean to startle you." Dumbledore said while he walked over to one of the armchairs. As he sat down in one, he motioned Sirius to sit in the second. Sirius did so.
"James took the news well then?" Dumbledore asked as Sirius sat.
"Yeah. I'd say so." Sirius said thinking over the events leading up to and after James knew the truth about his son. "But, he still doesn't know everything. Hell he hardly knows anything. But me and Remus thought that it would be best for Harry to fill him in on what's happened to him since he arrived at Hogwarts." He continued.
"He is aware of Harry's residence outside of Hogwarts?" Dumbledore asked. Sirius knew that his old headmaster knew the answer to this. But he answered all the same.
"No. He doesn't." Sirius said. He felt horrible about keeping facts about his son's life from James. But, there were some things that he just had to hear from Harry. Where Harry had lived, and lives, though, Sirius was not so sure was one of them. If James had asked, Sirius would have told him. But, for whatever reason, James never asked. At present, he seemed more interested in Harry personality traits then anything else.
"I see." Dumbledore replied, interrupting Sirius' thoughts. "Well, I know that this does not answer all, if any, of the questions brought to life from this situation, but I do have an idea of what happened to James. It is my believe that James was put into a coma like state-"
"But people that are comas keep breathing and James wasn't," Sirius interrupted.
"Along with being placed into a coma, I believe that his breathing rate was slowed, to almost a complete stop. To the human eye, it would seem as though there was no breathing." Dumbledore went on as though there had been no interruption. "As I'm sure you are aware, Healers could not take the time to test ever body for a cause of death in the last war. There was no time. And in most case it was pointless. As all the signs pointed to James being killed by the Killing Curse, he was just pronounced dead." Dumbledore continued. Sirius let his head fall into his hands. All of this could have been prevented.
"What now?" Sirius asked after a few moments, bring his head out of his hands to look at the wise man sitting before him.
"To have Harry come to my office for a long period of time with Professor Umbridge becoming suspicious, I have asked Severus to bring Harry here as though he were in trouble. I must say, that she does seem to like to see that happen. For reasons quite understood." Dumbledore said calmly.
"And how do you know that Snape will really bring Harry here? He might just give him a detention and send him on his way?" Sirius asked, unhappy that Snape was part of these plans.
"Severus will bring Harry here as he is aware of the situation at hand. The members of the order that are here at Hogwarts have been informed of James' return, if it will be called that." Dumbledore said. Sirius sighed but did not answer. Now was not the time to get into another discussion about Snape's loyalties.
"And after Harry knows? What then?" Sirius asked. James could not be forced to "stay dead" that would be hell for more then him.
"I have contacted Miss Summers and she is awaiting an owl from myself.Once shereceives my owl, shewill release to the press that James Potter's body is missing. A search will commence, and she will find him in the care of some old Muggles that found him and were caring for him. His not returning to the Wizarding World will be explained by him thinking that he had lost his wife and son and he did not want to return. He will be tested, under her eye of course, and will be proven as James Potter. I will offer my serves to find out what happened to him. Fudge will not deny them, I am sure of it. A week later, I will report what I have just told you." Dumbledore said. Once he was finished with his plan of action, Sirius found himself thinking 'Wow he was busy.'
"A lot of things could go wrong with that though." Sirius said thinking the plan over again. If Page was off by one step, someone else might find James and then what would happen?"You will find I'm sure, that that is the case in all plans." Dumbledore said calmly. "I do believe, as the phrase goes, this is the best that we have." Sirius opened his mouth to correct Dumbledore, but closed it thinking of how pointless it was. A knock was heard throughout the room, almost echoing around them. Dumbledore rose from his chair.
"That will be Severus and Harry. Wait here and I will send him in." Dumbledore said as he moved to the door. Sirius was temped to yell out to him not to send Harry in so soon. He hadn't even had time to think of what the hell to say to Harry. Sirius was sure that "Hey Harry how you doing? By the way, your father's alive and well," wouldn't be the best way to go. But he didn't call out to Dumbledore, he just watched him leave the room, leaving Sirius alone, sitting in the armchair.
Thinking quickly, Sirius tried to gather his thoughts. But he had made little progress before the door opened once more and a confused looking Harry came in. When Harry saw Sirius sitting there, the look of confusion intensified. Yet, there was also defiant happiness in seeing Sirius.
"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed moving forward while Sirius stood from his chair.
"Hey Harry," he said, taking a good look at his godson.
"You got my letter? I didn't think it was that big of a deal that you had to come here. Is it safe for you to even be here?" Harry asked, reaching a point in front of Sirius.
"Yeah I got your letter." Sirius replied, metal hitting himself. He had forgot to ask what Dumbledore thought about that. "But that's not why I'm here. Your scar hurting and Umbridge touching you was just a coincidence." Sirius said hoping that what he had just said was true. He was almost positive that it was. If it wasn't, Dumbledore would have brought it up.
"Oh. Well there's something else that I had to tell you. It hurt again. My scar. Yesterday. It hurt really badly. A lot worse then it did in detention. I came to Dumbledore's office yesterday to see if I could talk to you, but he kinda just blew me off." Harry said, rather fast. As Harry talked, Sirius couldn't help but think, that some day, maybe not anytime soon, but someday, Harry would go to James with things like this, not him. And surprisingly, this thought saddened Sirius slightly.
"Yeah, well that is one thing that I have learned about Albus Dumbledore, no matter who you are, he never blows you off." Sirius said, letting out his bark like laugh while sitting back down and gesturing to the other armchair for Harry to sit down. As Harry sat, Sirius saw that he was not joining in with the laughter. "As for your other concern, yes I'm safe here. Well at least in this room. I can leave as Padfoot though." He continued.
"Oh yeah, that reminds me. On the train, Malfoy made a comment to me, and I think that his dad recognized you." Harry said. Sirius waved it off.
"He probably did. Wormtail probable gave out little pictures of me or something." He said casually. There was silence for a few minutes before Harry spoke up again.
"You said that you didn't come because of my letter. What are you doing here then?" He asked while taking in the room around him. 'Merlin he could be James.' Sirius thought as he watched Harry.
"Well, Harry I really have no clue how to tell you this so I'm going to be blunt." Sirius said. At the tone of his voice, Harry moved his gaze from the window, which the setting sun could be seen from. Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "What I have to tell you, is about your dad, James...
Present
Sirius leaped up right after what Harry was doing fell into place in his mind. He was almost to the door of Dumbledore's sitting room when he stopped in his tracks and swore out loud. Right now, he would give his right arm just to be able to run after his godson, hug him as tightly as he could and reassure him that James was back and Sirius did have a somewhat understanding of what Harry was feeling. But he couldn't. Sure he could run after Harry. But it would have to be as Padfoot. And dogs can't hug and comfort. Sirius was also convinced that he would not be able to get Harry back into Dumbledore's office where he didn't have to be Padfoot. Sighing, and running a hand through his hair, Sirius walked over to the desk and on a blank piece of parchment, began to write a haste letter.
Harry wasn't sure how he ended up here, but here he was. Sitting on top of the Astronomy Tower. Some thing that he was sure only a Seeker could be able to do with so much ease. Who else would come to a place of this height for comfort but a Seeker? Or someone that was just born to fly, to be in the air. Maybe that was reason that he came here. Being in the sky was where he belonged and felt most comfortable, most safe. 'I wonder if Dad ever did this?' Harry wondered some where in the back of his mind. But then he shook his head to clear away thoughts like that. He would never know if his father used to do this. His father was dead. Standing from his place next to the hatch of the tower, Harry slowly made his way over to the side. The sun was slowly setting on Hogwarts magnificent grounds, making a truly beautiful sight to be seen.
In his heart, he bled for what Sirius had told him to be true. To have his father back, with him… Harry remembered very clearly one of the first times the want; the need for a parent consumed him. But he had had Sirius, and that was enough. Sirius helped. What would it be like to have a father? Again, Harry had to shake his head to rid himself of such thoughts. Dumbledore had once told him that it doesn't do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live.
Harry didn't think that Sirius was lying to him. His godfather would be pained even more so then he would at hearing a lie like this. He wasn't sure why Sirius was acting this way though.
"I just think that he's been really lonely for a long time." That's what Hermione had said. That Sirius was confused of who Harry was because he missed James so much. Maybe the loneliness is what made him believe that James was back. Sighing, Harry leaned over so that his elbows rested on the parapet and held his head up with his hands.
'Why are you fighting this so hard?' A voice said in his head. Harry didn't have the slightest clue why he was. 'Everything that you ever wanted was there in Dumbledore's little room there. And you ran away from it.' It was true, as a small child, he would wish that he had a father that would treat him the way Uncle Vernon treated Dudley. But could that type of relationship be had when one of them had missed out of fourteen years? Harry didn't think so.
To have what he had, what he felt, in his dream, to have that connection, that relationship, there had to be time behind it. There had to be countless nights of sitting up with Harry when he felt like he was going to throw up. Countless nights when Harry wanted to hear "just one more" story about his father's childhood had to have happened. Memories of being taught how to fly for the first time had to be there. The feeling of awkwardness from the first time he asked a question about sex and/or girls had to be there. Was it even possible to get that type of relationship with a father this late in his life? Harry didn't think so. No matter how much he wanted to.
A bark broke through Harry thoughts. Wiping a tear that he hadn't known had fallen; Harry walked over to the trap door and opened it. Standing on the highest stone step that led up to the Astronomy tower was Padfoot, who, had a letter in his mouth. At the sight of Harry, the dog gave its tail a small wag.
"Sirius I really," Harry started to say but stopped when the great black dog place the letter at Harry's feet. When Harry did not move for it, the dog gave the letter a little nudge with it's noise, looked up at Harry, and with big, wide eyes that seemed to speak a hundred words turned and walked back down the stone steps. Harry looked down at the letter then picked it up and turned and walked back over to the parapet. He looked at the letter for a few seconds then opened it slowly.
Harry,
That was really unfair of you to run out like that when you know that I can't follow you. Harry, yes you are right, I can't have any idea of what you're going through. I never lost a father and then had him given back to him. Truth be told, I wish that I had lost my father. But I do have an understanding. I lost James too. He wasn't my father, as he is to you, but he was, and is, my brother. And I lost him. But he's back now. All the doubt, the want, and the fear that I'm sure your feeling, I felt it all too.
Again though, I don't know everything that you're feeling right now. How can I? But I want to. James wants to see you naturally, but he can wait, and he will wait until you're ready to see him. I am going to be staying in the room you met me in. If at any time, day or night, you want to talk to me, that's where I'll be. The password is Ice Mice. Please Harry, come and talk to me. There is a lot that we have to cover and I can't begin to fit it in this letter.
Sirius
A.N- Well, Harry knows now. Next chapter is the meeting. I was really going to try to get it into this chapter but obviously, Harry has got some issues to work out before hand so, sorry but you guys gotta wait one more chapter. Ok now I meant to ask this in my last A.N but I was rushing to get it posted and I forgot. Is there anyone out there who would like to be my Beta? I think this chapter might show my need for one. (I'm running out of time to reread the chapters for a fifth time) If you do just let me know in your review andleave your email address so I can contact you. Thanks a lot.
I know that I say it all the time, but I really, really need your reviews this time! I'm kinda shaky on how I feel about this chapter. I wanted it to be different from other stories but; I don't know if I was able to pull it off. And just,I don't know. LikeI said, I'm shaky.So please, please, please let me know what you guys think! Because I love hearing what people are thinking of this story.Right so, I think that's about it. Hit that button and make me smile!
Oh and to two of my reviewers,
Myssi Ford- I know what you mean about Chem, and with all my heart I agree with you. lol.
Papertazuna-Man, you're gonna make my ego get so big I can't walk through door ways. But thank you, thank you, thank you all the same. Your reviews really make me smile.
Till next chapter then.
P.S- I'd love you guys forever if you got me to 200 reviews. Hint. Hint.