KNY Ch. 5
A Hyuuga Special
Trip to Busch Gardens, Konoha Island, New Konoha
by Inner Sakura/Neji Hyuga
I know I said in Ch. 4 that we're having a bake-off. THEY WERE, but somehow the original Ch. 5 was deleted, so for various reason, I'm moving the bake-off to chapter 6 and making this a filler chapter.
Kimi: WHY?
Because I wanna. o.o And I feel that I need a break from using lotsa characters, so I'm bumping it down to 8. Hiashi, Neji, Hanabi, Hinata, a few friends, and Hyuuga Elder, which I am going to name Horis.
CHARACTERS WILL BE OOC. Yes. Neji and Hinata will be Neji and Hinata, Hanabi will be perverted, Horis will be perverted, and Hiashi will be his over-protective news-anchor-self.
Kimi: Fine, can I say the own line?
Fine Kimi.
Kimi: IS doesn't own the Hyuuga clan, the Hyuuga clan owns her.
Chapter dedicated to Byakugan Tenten
---------------------------------
"My fellow Akatsuki breth-TOBI!" Marcus shoved Tobi off of him and back into his chair, where he sulked.
The members of the Akatsuki Org. were at the top floor of the Akatsuki Inc. Skyscraper. They were in what's known as a 'Meeting Room'...you know, the one with the long table where all of the business people sit in either side while the leader is up front, with a board to demonstrate stock and what the company needs, along with a potted plant and water machine by the door. That type of Meeting Room. Everyone was listening except for Tobi, who had earlier decided that Marcus needed a Care Bear hug.
"Now. MY FELLOW AKATSUKI BRETHERIN, IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE ARE THESE IMPURE CREATURES THAT LEECH OFF OF OUR LAND OF KONOHA NEW YORK." Marcus paused for dramatic effect, then continued.
"I'm TALKING, of course, about the JINCHURIKI-"
"-JINCHURIKI SUCK!" Kisame stood up and banged a fist on the table.
Marcus gestured for Kisame to sit down, then went on with his rant. "I just want to say that jinchuriki are serously evil. Let me use an example."
"Hey, baby. Are you from heaven, 'cuz I got an erection." Marcus was at a halloween party, and he wrapped his arms around a pissed-off looking woman in a Wonder Woman suit. The woman turned out to be Yugito, otherwise known as the two-tailed cat jinchuriki.
She simply stared at Marcus. "BITCH, DON'T PLAY ME."
"Fine," Marcus dragged Yugito over to a cage, where Yugito got in. He then looked in his wallet. "Uhh. I don't have any cash, do you take Visa?"
"Let me see. Nibi?"
"NO DAMN." Nibi said to his outer half. "SHUKAKU STOLE MY VISA AND BECAME AN IDENTY-THEFT VICTIM FOR DAMN CITIBANK. DID YOU SEE HIS COMMERCIAL?"
"Visa sucks, and no. So sorry." Yugito left Marcus and walked out, the Akatsuki member now being dissapointed for not getting his desire.
"Oh really? Because I just happened to see that commercial on CNN-" Marcus gave Sasori a glare...Sasori shut up quickly to avoid dying. If looks could kill.
------------------------
It was a beautiful morning in Hiashi's lakefront house in Long Island, NK. Hiashi lived with Horis away from the city, but he invited his daughters and nephew to come away from their Sensei's apartment and to spend a family weekend with him. The house resembles the house from Zathura A LOT.
(Note: Hanabi lives with Iruka.)
Birds were flying from tree-to-tree outside in Hiashi's forest backyard. Deer and rabbits were playing, squirrels were climbing up and down trees while raccoons and owls were sleeping.
Everything was exceptionally quiet.
/BANG/
Or not...
A gunshot was heard as it shot a tree. The animals were startled and all ran away from the house. Hanabi was perched on the back porch with a rifle, which she held up in the air with one hand and gave a triumphant grin.
"BITCHIN'!"
"You go girl!" Horis grinned and gave Hanabi a caramel, which she took upstairs and ate it like a squirrel.
/meanwhile/
Neji was in his space bed sleeping soundly. The ceiling was painted midnight blue with stars on it, the bed being wooden with matching sheets, only with planets on them. The firniture was made of wood and the walls were midnight blue as well, with planet posters to decorate. Basically like a Zathura themed room. Neji turned in his sleep and snuggles deep against the convers until his bed started to shake. He opened his eyes to see Hanabi jumping on it.
"NEJI!"
"WHAT!" Neji yelled, kicking Hanabi off the bed and onto the floor. Hanabi stood up.
"I went online to DeviantArt and I found a comic of dadadaaaaa ZUKO...only he wasn't wearing any pants or underpants WOOT WOOT!" Hanabi smiled from the image in her head.
Neji blinked at her. "Point being?"
"WHAT DOES CLITORIS MEAN?" Hanabi asked, of should I say yelled, at her cousin, expectant for an answer.
Neji threw the bedsheets over him. "I dunno. Look it up on UrbanDictionary."
"GOTCHA!" Hanabi exited Neji's room and went downstairs.
/a few seconds later/
"OH MY GOD FIRE LORD SEX!" Neji heard Hanabi screaming from downstairs. He sighed and got out of bed, untwisting the covers from his leg.
(Hinata's pov.)
I was at the breakfast table, eating away at some Trix. Across from me was Hanabi, making a Zuko action figure swim in a bowl of cereal and milk. Dad was at the stove frying some bacon while Grandpa, who was in one of the chairs between Hanabi and me, had a tub of floam on his lap. I couldn't tell what he was doing with it, but he was smiling, so I figured it was all right. I took another bite of the fruityness of the cereal as I heard footsteps rushing toward the kitchen. Then, I heard Neji's voice.
"Now who the FUCK ate my WonderBall?"
"Man, he is SUCH a BADASS." my Inner Self popped upto surface and held up a flamethrower. She gave a crazy maniacal laugh as she switched it on, flames coming out of the nozzle. "OH...I...WONDERWONDER WHAT'S IN THE WONDERBALL."
Neji came into the kitchen and angrily sat down, pouring some Cheerios into a bowl, and topping it off with some white milk. He then began to eat his calcium-enriched cereal, giving everyone a death glare if they looked at him.
"Damn, who pissed in HIS Cheerios?"
Dad turned to face each of us. He cleared his throat. "Guys, guess what."
"WHAT?" Neji irritably said as he banged his fists on the table, shaking it.
"Uhh. We're going to Busch Gardens and you can each invite one friend."
"-OH MY GOD. BUSCH GARDENS! I have to pick out something to wear. I need to find out which Zuko plushie I will take. I wanna ride CONGO RAPIDS!" Hanabi quickly ran out of the room to do who-knows-what. I finished my cereal and got up and left, leaving my cousin, Dad, and Grandpa behind...he was still smiling.
I then got on MSN and invited everyone who was on into a convo. I typed in my message in the light-blue rimmed meggase box and waited for everyone to reply.
I Don't Play by the Rules: Yo Hinata. What's up
RockBitches: NEJI! HI!
CTC Guy: Shut up Lee.
1010: Neji, stop telling Lee to shut up. I TELL HIM TO SHUT UP.
CTC guy: STFU.
RockBitches: I got footage of that I Never game, must I remind you Neji.
IS2Bugs: ...
KimimaroMustDie08: o.o
1010: ...
(I Don't Play by the Rules sent you a Nudge)
I Don't Play by the Rules: Dude, you totally got PWNED by that green-ass bitch.
CTC guy: KIBA PLEASE.
FireBender111: ZUKO! DDD:
I S2 Bugs: Owned.
HyugaH:Umm...well...I uhh...my dad said I can invite someone to Busch Gardens.
All of a sudden, my phone rang. I mimimized the convo and left my computer to get my disney Phone. I pressed 'talk' and held it up to my ear. "Hello?"
The outburst was so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear. "HINATA! HINATA! ME! ME! PICK MEEEEEE!"
"Kiba AGAIN? DON'T INVITE HIM, HE'LL GET US ALL KILLED! REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE PLAYING ZATHURA!"
"K-kiba...w-were in outer space!" Hinata looked out her window and saw billions of stars around her, including some planets and the sun.
Kurenai, lying on the couch, read the rules of the game aloud. "Zathura, a Space Adventure...hmm. Sounds sexy...Uhh. You hafta like...take turns playing until someone wins. You need to take turns and if one of you is gone, then it's over. Shino and Kiba are the players."
"Whatever." Kiba spun the dial and watched as the little red rocket travelled nine spaces. When it stopped, a gold card had popped out of the slot. Kiba took it out and read it."
"A SHOOTING STAR MAKE A WISH AS IT PASSES. BITCH, I OWN THIS CARD."
The shooting star passed the house. Kiba turned to Shino. "I wish Uranus would implode."
/silence/
Shino looked out the window. "Uhh. Kiba. It's still the-ARRRRGH" Shino was now clutching his ass and screaming in pain.
Hinata slowly turned towards Kiba, her eyes wide with terror. She stared at Kiba as he took pictures with his Kodak camera. "K-KIBA!"
"I actually meant the planet. RESPECT MY AUTHORITY, HINATA. Shino, your turn."
Shino slowly crawled to the game board and took his turn.He read the card.
"OUT OF ASTRONAUT FOOD. MOVE BACK 3 SPACES AND EAT A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE LAXIDANT POP-TART"
"Damn, this is the third time today." Shino complained as he ate his pastry and crawled to the bathroom.
Kiba shrugged and took his turn. Hinata watched while Kurenai slept on the couch.
A SHOOTING STAR. MAKE A WISH AS IT PASSES, YOU LUCKY BASTARD,
"Okay!" Kiba grinned as he made his wish. "I WISH OUR OXYGEN SUPPLY ENDED. Oxygen is for losers without MySpace friends and cry at the end of Brokeback Mountain. KIBA LEETUZUKA! Owned." Kiba winked and gave a Gai-thumbs-up as everyone else began to choke.
"That was ONE time." Kiba said from the other end of the phone.
I realized I must have spoken the story into the phone. I immediately began to apologize. "S-sorry K-kiba...uh...okay, y-you can come."
"YES BITCH YES! Thanks. Later." Kiba hung up.
Later...
/ding dong/
"I'M GONNA ANSWER IT!"
"I AM, BITCH!"
Hanabi and Neji were racing downstairs and practically killing each other to answer the door. They then took it to the living room, leaving me to answer the door. I opened it to see Kiba, Gaara, and Lee, who was holding up a portable radio.
(end Hinata's pov)
Kiba spoke first. "HINATA, WE'RE HERE TO GO TO-no, wait...just a sec." Kiba then motioned for Lee to turn on the radio that he was holding. Lee gave a wink and pressed the play button., which caused the radio to play Sixflags music.
Kiba started over, this time taking out a card and reading from it. "HINATA, WE'RE HERE TO GO TO BUSCH GARDENS!"
"I-I know K-k-Kiba." Hinata said to her teammate. She then took notice of Lee, who was performing the Sixflags dance, then of Gaara, who appeared to be standing a few feet away, pretending that he didn't know them.
"L-Lee, G-Gaara...uh...h-h-"
"-BYAKUGAN!"
"Hanabi!" Hinata cried out in horror as Hanabi pushed her out of the way. you can tell from her eyes that she was using Byakugan, the ALL-SEEING eye. Seeing how this is the OOC-perverted-Avatar-obsessed Hanabi, she was now seeing six camels and three goats as she looked at the insomniac, a criminal lawbreaker wanted by most of the state, and some freakishly-wierd dancing guy with big eyebrows.
Horis and Hiashi pushed past them, each who was holding a brochure or water bottle. Neji came out next, looking tired. He gave Lee a high-five and ignored Gaara and Kiba.
Hiashi turned to the group of kids and took out a megaphone. "OKAY. SO I WENT TO OFFICE MAX TO BUY A MEMORY STICK, AND I SAY TO THE LADY 'I WANT TO BUY A MEMORY STICK, SO THEN I CAN TAKE IT HOME AND PUT IT INTO THE COMPUTER'S HOLE', AND THE LADY SAID-"
"Pardon my French, but what the hell does any of this has to do with Konoha Island?" Neji interrupted his uncle, but was shushed by Hanabi and Horis, who then gestured for Hiashi to go on.
Hiashi sighed, the spoke into the megaphone again. "SO THE LADY SAID 'AISLE FIVE' AND I SAID 'THANKS', SO I WENT TO AISLE FIVE AND GOT A MEMORY STICK, THEN WENT BACK AND I SAID 'HEY, THIS MEMORY STICK WILL FIT PERFECTLY INTO MY COMPUTER HOLE' AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE ASKED ME? IF I WAS A WOMAN."
"I wonder why." Gaara said sarcastically as the others snickered. Hiashi somply stared at them, sighed, and got into the driver's seat of Hiashi's blue Expedition. Everyone followed, with Horis next to him, Hanabi, Neji, and Hinata in the back seat, and Kiba, Lee, and Gaara in the seat behind them. Hiashi then drove the forty-five or so minutes to Konoha Island.
(Note: Kiba, Gaara, and Lee were in Long Island at their own families' house as well, they didn't drive over there just to be driven back)
"Erhm, guys. I'd like you all to introduce yourselves, give your interests, dislikes, hobbies, and goal. You, in the back. you first." Hiashi instructed, nodding to Kiba.
"My name is Kiba Inuzuka. I like CSI, Hinata, my friends, and Nancy Drew books. I HATE PERVERTS." Kiba said that last sentence especially loud, sighs of dissapointment coming from Horis and Hanabi. "My hobbies are dating and doing...'stuff.' and my goal is to become a wolrdwide internet hack-err...BE ON AMERICA'S GOT TALENT AND WIN."
Silence
Hanabi spoke at last. "Kiba you said on MSN that you wanted to be on FBI's Most Wanted...AND YOU LOOK LIKE JET." she said, recieving a look from Kiba that said 'shut it'.
"Uh...okay. Bushy Brows." Hiashi nodded toward Lee as he passed a car.
"MY NAME IS ROCK LEE. I LIKE SAKURA-CHAN, GAI-SENSEI, GAARA-SAMA, NEJI, TENTEN, STREET FIGHTER, AND SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS. And I HATE it when people disrespect Gai-sensei."
"Dude...he has sex with Akamaru." Kiba informed Lee.
Lee cleared his throat and turned around to face Kiba. "Listen, Kiba. It is REALLY that wrong to love? Is is REALLY that wrong to get to know another person? People need love and satisfaction. Once two people love each other, they begin to feel loved and happy. Happiness is a joy in life, and everyone shouldn't take it for granted. Every cloud has a silver lining, and love is a truly a divine emotion."
DEAD SILENCE
"Dude...he has SEX with AKAMARU."
"ARGH, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE." Lee crossed his arms and sat back in his seat in defeat, putting on a pouty face.
"Uh...next." Hiashi said.
"My name is GAARA." Gaara hissed out his name. "I like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. WHICH I HAVE ALL 13 VOLUMES OF. I HATE KIMIMARO. I also hate a few more people...my hobbies? Watching Red Rose over and over again, also Dawn of the Dead and my goals are none of your B-I-business...and you know on last night's episode of FBI's Most Wanted? It was me on it as the Teddy Bear Bomber, AND I WANTED TO GIVE HIM A SUPPOSITORY." the 'Daywalker' finished his introduction.
"Jiraiya-sensei?" Gaara asked Jiraiya one day after science class. The scoence room was filled with vials and beakers, one poster that says 'Ecosystem is Hot' and a picture of two frogs doing it. Jiraiya quickly put down his magazine and faced his young student.
"Yes, Gaara?"
"Uh...yesterday I discovered my Science book missing, then this morning Baki-sensei returned it to me saying that he 'finished using it' and now I don't want it anymore. Do you have a science magazine?"
"Waaaaitwaitwait...you're THE SABAKU NO GAARA?"
Gaara raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Point being?"
"Sabaku no Gaara who's related to Sabaku no Yashamaru, the woman on the cover of Hot Weather magazine?" Jiraiya finally figured out. He's been subscribing to Hot Weather for nearly 30 years...and just to inform the readers, theat magazine is NOT about the sun and humidity altitude.
"UNCLE Yashamaru is a GUY. And Hot Weather is a magazine for GIRLS!" Gaara took the magazine and looked at the cover, which featured Yashamaru in a Sexy-no-Jutsu pose, smoke covering his...yeah. Gaara then read the subtitles.
"WARM FRONTS?"
"Gaara-sama, this book is about science, too!" Jiraiya assured him.
"Don't even bother. I have issues with Yashamaru. Here's one. He said 'the thing that heals a wound in the heart is love' and I said 'love?' and he said 'Physical love' and smiled in a way that crept me out." Gaara left the room and Jiraiya sighed with relief
"That's very nice, Gaara."
"Whatever." Gaara said. He then thought. 'Shukaku. DON'T EVER REPLAY THAT SCENE.'
"JACKASS, YOU WANT ME TO PLAY ANOTHER? FINE." Shukaku looked through his file drawer and pulled out a flashback.
"Um...okay...yes, now all my chances of love is right here...in front of me..." Gaara brought his lips to Haku's. He made a mental note to wash his mouth out with Colgate IMMEDIATELY after he got home.
Haku, however, sensed that Gaara wanted m-
"SHUKAKU! NO!"
"GAARA, STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AGAIN." Kiba hit him in the head with his People magazine.
"Hey, Neji."
"What." Neji replied to Lee.
"How come everyone in your family has an H-name but you?" the bowl-cut tai-jutsu specialist asked Neji.
Neji cleared his throat. "Actually, it's a long story."
"GUYS, WE'RE GONNA PLAY DIRTY WORD SCRABBLE." Hizashi held the board game to Yondaime Hokage, Hiashi, Yondaime Kazekage, Karura, and a few other of the Naruto character's parents, all who cheered, some holding up cans of beer.
"Okay." Hizashi said as he looked at his pieces. He picked a letter from out of the bag, and got a K, which he placed in the center. He chose three letters from his pile and placed them on the board.
FUCK
"Psst, Hizashi. Let's make a bet. If you win, you get to do my wife. If I win, you get to name your son after the Japanese word for 'fuck'" Yondaime Kazekage(whom I will call Raymond now after a friend of mine. o.o don't ask.) nudged his wife, who, in return, gave him a bitch slap.
"If Ray wins, then you name your kid Neji, after the Japanese word for 'screw'." Karura said.
Hizashi looked confused. "But Neji means screw as in a box of screws, not the good kind of screw."
"Still, in English it's Screw, which, in UrbanDictionary, states that it's, in fact, AKA fuck." Karura pointed out while everyone else nooded and cheered, drinking a sip of their Corona Lite.
"Deal."
"Guess who one." Neji sighed and sat back in his seat in disdain.
"Well, it's not SO bad, Neji. you get an exciting topic to write about when we had to write our name meanings in Iruka-sensei's class." Kiba told Neji. "What's so exciting when your name means 'Fang' anyway? You can't DO somebody with a fang."
"I remember when we were in Kindergarten and you made fun of my name, Kiba."
"Ohyeah...that day rocked, except later that day, some dick stole my Teddy Grahms. I never found out who, though." Kiba said as Neji inwardly smiled evilly, a chibi version of him eating Teddy Grahms sitting on a throne and laughing maniacally as Kiba was in slave clothes, pushing a gear around, a golden statue of Neji being on it.
Gaara, Lee, and Hanabi were playing 20 questions. Hanabi went first. "Okay, it's a charact-"
"ZUKO." Lee gave her sparkle-smile as Hanabi sighed and nodded.
"GAI-SENSEI, I DID IT! I ANSWERED THE QUESTION!" Inner Lee hugged his idol, who in return, hugged him back.
"I ALWAYS KNEW YOU COULD DO IT." Inner Gai looked down at his precious protege, and then began to cry.
Lee's Inner Door was being knocked upon. Inner Lee and Inner Gai receded from their hug and looked at the door, fear spread across their faces. The fear increased when they saw furry beige fingers moving, reaching in from the door crack near the floor. (THAT RHYMES. XD)
"GAI-SENSEI, HELP!" Inner Lee jumped into Inner Gai's arms like Scooby-Doo. Inner Gai shoved Inner Lee off. He then put on his golf cleets, then, with a lot of force, stepped on the fingers, causing them to dart back outside and hearing a squal of pain from...Shukaku?
"-OH MY GOD, I JUST WANTED TO BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!"
Inner Gai blinked, then gave Inner Lee a sparkle-smile. "Lee, I did good."
"RIGHT ON!" Inner Lee and Inner Gai both stuck their thumb out and gave a sparkle-grin as Shukaku was crying from the other side of the door.
"Okay, he's a character from an anime." Gaara said to everyone who was playing.
Lee asked first, and began to interrupt everyone who asked as well. "Is he good?"
"Yes."
"Is the show on Adult Swim?"
"Yes."
"Does he have a bad side to him?"
"Kind of no."
"Does he have white hair and suck blood?"
"Yes." was Gaara's response.
"Is it Abel from Trinity Blood?"
"YES!"
"YAY!" Lee was cheering now. Gaara smiled and congratulated him while Hanabi made a Zuko drawing.
"JACKASS."
"What NOW, Shukaku?" Gaara asked his inner demon, who was sitting down on a weight-lifing chair, a towel around his neck.
"I needed the sugar TO BAKE a CAKE for MY RED SOX PAR-TY." The raccoon demon said to his outer self. He thought for a moment. "Oh. Watch me do my Citi Bank identity theft commercial: Oh I stole his password online and HELLO. Makeover! I got hair extentions, pumped at the lips, and snapped THE HOTTEST HEADSHOTS! HOLLYWOOD HERE I COME. Tell me what you think. UNBREAK MY HEART, SAY YOU LOVE ME AGAIN! UNDO THIS HURT that you CAUSED when you WALKED out the DOOR and WALKED OUT OF MY LIFE-"
"OKAY OKAY. Chances are that Simon will tell you that you suck onstage." Gaara interrupted Shukaku from his off-key singing. Gaara appeared to be talking to himself...again. Hinata, Neji, Kiba, and Hanabi were staring at him confusedly. Only Lee, Hiashi, and Horis knew the truth.
Hanabi tapped Gaara on the shoulder. "Sir. You're gay."
"Shut up." Gaara merely said to Hanabi, then went on with his conversation.
Neji sighed deeply, then turned to his younger cousin. "Hanabi, I think it's normal for Gaara to be talking to himself...I mean, remember when I auditioned for that commercial?"
"Neji Hyuuga is a real Geico customer. Not a paid celebrity. So to help tell his story, we hired a celebrity." Hiashi said to Neji, who was sitting on one side of the couch, and Jiraiya, who was sitting next to him, waving hi to the viewers.
Neji spoke first. "So, I went to Ecko Red Ultd. to buy myself a new shirt."
"Heh heh, I went to the strip club to get myself a new friend. OH!" Jiraiya smiled pervertedly as Neji gave Hiashi a What-The-Fuck-look. Hiashi shrugged and gestured for Neji to go on.
"So I tried on this shirt and saw a hole in it. I broght it anyway and put it into Gai-sensei's car, when it crashed into a pole."
"So, I undressed this girl and saw her 'kitty', then I took her home to play, where I came across my sensei's pimpette. She crashed into a pole, then was in bed by 6...and was home by eleven. GIGGIDY."
"UNCLE."
"CUT. Neji he was the only celebrity available. PLEASE, just go on."
"Oh alright." Neji gave an arrogant sigh and went on. "I called Geico and thought they would be mad, but surprisingly, they helped me with my car insurance."
"THEY I WENT HOME AND FOUND MY HOT WEATHER MAGAZ-"
"SHUT UP! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO GO WITH CAR INSURANCE?" Neji was seriously red and angry, like he was about to turn into the Hulk in that Lee episode. Jiraiya looked puzzled while Hiashi tried to calm Neji down.
"Neji. I think he's actually SUPPOSED to screw up."
"Uncle Hiashi, that commercial sucked more dick then Jiraiya with that magazine of his, and, that is, in fact, a LOT." Neji informed him while Hinata blushed, giggles coming from Kiba, Lee, Horis, and Hanabi. Gaara coughed and gave everybody a look saying they weren't supposed to discuss this stuff in front of eight-year-old-children. Hiashi drove on.
/half an hour later/
Hiashi pulled up into the Busch Gardens parking gate opened his window, facing the guy inside the little box-house. He reached out and took out his Visa.
"Uhh, I'll like a parking fare, and two brochures please?"
"Parking fares are 50 bucks, brochures are 30 bucks each." The guy said, blinking and turning a page of a magazine.
"WHAT? THAT MUCH?"
"This is New York sir." the guy informed Hiashi, then took his Visa and handed Hiashi two brochures. He pulled the handle to lift up the car-block thingy, then ushered Hiashi's car inside.
A few minutes later, everyone was at the ticket line and through the gate. It was then that they all chose what they wanted to ride.
"OOH! KUMBA!"
"STANLEY FALLS!"
"CONGO RAPIDS!"
"HINATA! LET'S RIDE THE SHEIKRA!"
"NO KIBA I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"Destiny says we go ride Rhino Rally."
"Neji-"
"NOW WILL YOU CRAZY PEOPLE PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?" Hiashi shouted into the megaphone. He then took a quick person-count. "One two three four five six-WAIT. We're missing somebody."
"Where's Pretty Balls?" Hanabi said, looking around for whoever-she-was-talking about.
"THAT'LL BE ME." Kiba grinned and put his arm around Hinata, who awkwardly backed away to the side.
"NOT YOU. Gaara-sama. When Gaara-sama throws his balls, it's SO PRETTY." Hanabi informed everyone a bit TOO loudly, who frowned except for Horis and Lee.
Neji spoke first."...BALLS?"
"FOOTBALLS, NIGGA."
"I'M RIGHT HERE." Gaara jumped onto Neji's shoulders and covered Neji's eyes. "NEJI HYUUGA CAN USE HIS BYAKUGAN TO SEE THROUGH TREES/CLOTHES/ETCETERA BUT CAN HE SEE WHY KIDS LOVE CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH?"
"ARGH GAARA. BECAUSE THEY'RE DESTINED TO."
"Noooo..." Hanabi said to Neji. "THERE'S A CINNAMON SUGAR SWIRL IN EVERY BI-"
"Everybody SHUT UP. Get in line." Hiashi said as they finally got in line for the roller coaster, Neji dropping Gaara.
Gaara rubbed his head in pain. "Fuck, OW."
"Jackass, I'm SCARED of roller coasters...I also don't want to break my nails!" Shukaku was painting his nails blue and blowing on them.
"-I RODE MY FIRST ROLLER COASTER WHEN I WAS FIVE, SHUKAKU."
"I must have been sleeping then. How was the ride?"
"Who said anything about a ride?" Gaara then remembered his first 'roller coaster' experience with Yashamaru.
/a few feet away/
"Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu. Listen up." Marcus and the other Akatsuki members has approached the Kumba. Marcus had blocked the entrance and pulled four of his comrades aside. "I got a Cars decoder ring from my box of Capn' Crunch this morning. It SAYS that there's a Jinchuriki waiting in line for this ride. Your objective is to find him, knock him out, bag him, and take him back to our headquarters...without anyone noticing. Take your FBI badges as well. Now, proceed to the ride."
"Yes, Sir Marcus S-"
"ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH." Deidara cried in pain and dopped to his knees.
Sasori kicked him. "Are you ejaculating in your pants again?"
"NO SASORI. THERE'S A BEE IN MY ROBE!." Deidara yelled to Sasori while shaking around wildly. The other Akatsuki members were stepping around him and getting in line for the coaster.
"Bee? WHERE?" Zaetsu lept onto Deidara and tackled his robe, knocking the both of them over.
"ZETSU, YOU'RE TOUCHING ME IN THAT PLACE AGAIN!"
Marcus turned around to face the two, Zetsu who was eating the bee while Deidara was nursing his bee sting.
"Bees are evil. BE SURE TO ADD THAT TO THE LIST OF WHAT TO KILL. Number one: Jinchuriki. Number two: leg cramps. Number three: bees."
"AND CLOWNS." Tobi hid beind Marcus as if he expected a clown to jump from out of nowhere and attack him.
Marcus considered the thought, then nodded in agreement. "Yes...clowns too. BINOCULARS OUT."
All Akatsuki members pulled out their binoculars and looked around the line of people in search for the jinchuriki. Kisame suddenly stopped and faced his leader, a questioning look in his eyes. "Sir, how do we know which one's a jinchuriki?"
"IDIOT." Marcus smacked Kisame in the head, which caused Kisame to wince and cry in pain and drop his binoculars. "THE ONE WITH THE SYMBOL ON HIS WAIST."
"That's what I mean. How can we see it?"
"Switch your binocular mode to the one that sees through clothes." Marcus informed Kisame, who did so.
"Marcus. I found him." Itachi pointed to Gaara, who was talking with himself again. Marcus smiled evilly and handed Itachi a Target bag. "GO."
"This bag is too sma-"
"GO. NOW." Itachi ran over to where Gaara was. He then, knocked Gaara out and bagged his head with the Target bag (causing no scenes from everyone else, since they're too preoccupied to where they're going to go next or just talking), then dragged him over to Marcus.
"Thanks, Itachi. You go drag him to the car, while the rest of us ride Kumba."
Itachi nodded and dragged Gaara away as the other Akatsuki members watched.
Meanwhile...
"Hey guys, guess what. We were in PE and I threw the dodgeball at Neji. I GOT HIS BALLS!" Lee told everyone. Neji gave him a glare and spoke through gritted teeth.
"Hey, LEE. Remember when we were in a bird watching expedition and we dared you to pin some wonder bread to the part of you spandex where your BALLS WERE, AND YOU GOT ATTACKED BY THAT STORK?"
"Yes...yes I do." Lee looked down at the part of his body where he got pecked and shivered.
"GUYS! WE'RE NEXT!" Kiba shouted to his group, who were now all jumping in excitement except for Neji, who didn't do such things, and Hinata, who looked like she was about to die in fear.
"...k-kiba-"
"Sir, this ride is not reccomended for elderly guests." The ride employee said to Hiashi and nodded towards Horis.
"-I'LL STAY WITH HIM." Hinata immediately said and got out of the line with the old man.
"GUYS, WHERE'S GAARA?" Kiba yelled out to everyone else as he sat in his rolelr coaster seat, the guy bringing the chest thingy down to him.
/with Itachi/
"-HEY! HEY HEYHEY HEEEEY!1 JACKASS, WAKE UP!"
"Excuse me?" Gaara paused his iPod and said to his inner demon...who was now next to him. "I'm LISTENING to this SONG."
"YOU'RE BEING KIDNA-"
"YOU'RE being a dick. SHUT UP NOW." Shukaku's outer self began listening to Crawling again, Shukaku falling down anime-style.
Itachi was stuffing Gaara's body into the trunk of Marcus's apple-red Lexis. He then slammed the trunk shut and pulled out Marcus's car keys. Itachi unlocked the car door and got in, put the car in drive, and drove off towards the building, but then stopped behind a car waiting for the stoplight to change to green when his cell phone rang.
Itachi head Sasuke's voice from the other side of the phone. "Um...excuse me, is this Taco Bell?"
"Um...no...this is It-"
Sasuke cut him off. "Yes, I'll like a Chalupa Grande, hold the sour cream and...wait...yeah, two Mexican Taco Pizzas, one with extra lettuce, the other without che-"
Itachi interrupted him, still having no clue that it was Sasuke. "I just SAID, this isn't Taco Bell, Mr. Rocket Scienctist...wait...you sound famil-"
"Fine, and also, a mexican apple pie wrap. I'll get Naruto to pick them up at 3, okay? Thanks." Itachi closed the cell phone and sighed when a thought occured to him.
"Wait. Leader Marcus said that Naruto was a jinchuriki...hmm. That could be useful. I just hope he isn't that one blonde kid." Itachi murmured to himself, then remembered the last time he kidnapped a jinchuriki.
"HI WHO ARE YOU MY NAME IS NARUTO UZUMAKI HIIII." Naruto said to Itachi, who was cuffing him and tying him up with ropes.
Itachi stared at Naruto, coldness in his eyes. "Listen, s-"
"Why is there a New Konoha?" Naruto suddenly asked Itachi, interrupting his evil rant. Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"Because, somewhere in another universe, there is a regular Konoha where there are no cars, guns, iPo-"
Naruto interrupted Itachi...yet again. "Why is it spelled 'bologna'? It looks like it should be 'bowl-log-nah."
Itachi sighed. "LOOK KID-"
"I WANT A REFRIDGERATOR."
The Uchiha's face went blank in puzzledness. "...what?"
The jinchuriki was yelling at the top of his lungs. "I WANT A REFRIDEGRATOR!"
"OKAYOKAY. SHUT UP." Itachi left Naruto and left Naruto's apartment, heading to Bransmart to get a refridgerator for Naruto.
/3 hours later/
Itachi kicked the door open, then staggered in with a large cardboard mox on his back, obviously containing the refriedgerator. He slowly apprached Naruto, who was humming 'The-Ants-Go-Marching.'
"...here's...the...refridgerator...you wanted..."
"...I asked you to get me some WHEAT THINS." Naruto said, stressing out the syllables in 'wheat thins'. Itachi seemed to faint as Kisame then barged into the apartment and gave Naruto a box of Wheat Thins, which he happily devoured.
/back to Hiashi and co./
"I don't know. Too bad." Lee answered. Hiashi, Neji, Hanabi, Kiba, and Lee then fastened their seatbelts as the ride began.
"WHOOOOOOOOO!" Kiba was yelling and lifting up his arms in excitement while Lee and Hanabi did the same. Neji had a monotone expression on his face while Hiashi was closing his eyes and wishing for the ride to be over.
Behind them, Tobi and Deidara were screaming and holding each other's hands (aww) while Kisame, Marcus, Zetsu, Sasori, and Kisame were having the time of their lives. The Kumba approached a 360 degree loop as Hinata and Horis watched from the ground.
"Hinata, can you give me some enzyte?" Horis began whistling the Enzyte tune as Hinata stepped aside and shuddered.
"GRANDPA, N-"
"HINATA!"
Hinata jumped in terror as Kiba popped up next to her grabbing the bottle of Enzyte. Lee, Hanabi, Neji, and Hiashi joined the group.
"Kiba, that's mine!" Horis whined and reached to get the Enzyte bottle from Kiba, who then tossed it to Lee starting a game of monkey in the middle. They were then walking to another ride, Hanabi talking about Zuko, Neji not saying anything, Hiashi reciting the schedule, Kiba and Lee still trying to get the bottle of Enzyte, and Hinata still wondering where Gaara was...and what other adventures are awating for her.
Hinata began to sweat nervously. "KIBA, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO RIDE NEXT?"
"SheiKra." Kiba answered her and then threw the bottle of Enzyte away and stealking a look of triumph at the now-disappointed Horis..
Let me, the author, put on the best expression for the character...Hinata froze in horror, her face paling.
"Hinata, what's wrong? You look shocked, pale, and dead." Kiba waved his brochure at Hinata, who was still not moving. "If we're going to ride the ride, then I suggest you get in line now."
Hinata finally gathered up her courage to stand up to her roommate. "Kiba, don't even think about it."
Kiba smiled at Hinata. "Just kidding."
"-LIKE HELL YOU WERE!"
"Yep." Kiba dragged Hinata in line and held her as she tried to escape.
For those of you who don't know what the SheiKra is, it's a dive coaster. It takes its riders up 200 feet at 45 degrees, then drops them 70 mph to the ground at a 90-degree angle. But Kiba...being Kiba...doesn't care at all for these shennanigans, so he held Hinata until they were in front of the line.
"Sir, this ride is not reccomended for elderly guests." The ride employee said to Hiashi and nodded towards Horis.
" Lee, stay with Horis."
"Sure, I didn't want to die, anyway." Lee waved by to his terrified friend, and Kiba, Hanabi, Neji, and Hiashi.
The ride employee then fastened everyone to their seats and spoke into the ride microphone. "Attention all ride guests. Keep your hands, feet, privates, and everythign else inside the ride at all times. If you do, there is SLIGHT chance that you will be alive when the ride is over."
"I'm going." Hinata tried to get out of the ride, but was held back by Kiba. the ride then started.
The first few seconds were agonizing torture for Hinata. Neji yawned while Hiashi and Hanabi was screaming in excitement, Kiba lifting up his arms and enjoying every minute of it. It was then they got to the 90 degree drop when the ride suddenly paused.
"I DON'T WANT TO DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" Hinata let that last syllable ring as the ride jerked down SEVERELY FAST (70-mph-like-fast). It abruptedly jerked to a stop, the-things-that-stop-you-from-dying lifting up automatically.
Lee was dragging Horis to meet the others. "KIBAKIBAKIBA, I AM ROCK LEE!"
"I know Lee."
"How was the ride?" Lee asked out of curiosity.
"It sucked." was Neji's reply.
"It was twisted." was Hiashi's.
"It needed more Zuko." was Hanabi's.
"That...shit...was...awesome." Kiba held up a victory fist.
The were walkign towards the ride exit when Lee spoke. "Where's Hinata?"
Kiba, Neji, and Hiashi stepped out of the ride and turned to look back at Hinata, who looked as if she stopped breathing.
Kiba went over to her and looked into her eyes. "Hinata, are you okay?"
Hinata kept on staring at Kiba. At long last she spoke, in a tone she rarely ever uses. "I...am going...to kick...your...ass..."
/meanwhile/
"Shukaku, 20 bucks says I can't drink 40 bottles of beer in a minute." Kyubi was holding up a nozzle, a stopwatch, and a twenty.
Shukaku gave a sly grin and accepted it. "You're on."
"Shukaku...who's the new guy?" Nibi joined the group and nodded towards Gaara, who was wearing an apron and baking cake.
"He's Gaara...you know...wait. GAARA. He's not supposed to be in his own mind...unless..." Shukaku walked over to the negative image of Gaara, who was now licking the spoon. "Jackass, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AWAKE."
"I am? But Shukaku, I'm making cinnamon crum-mble!" Gaara whined, looking over at his cake batter.
"GO." Shukaku opened up the portal that linked both worlds AKA the refridgerator door and shoved Gaara in, then closed it. He then turned towards his friends and grabbed a timer.
Gaara stirred and woke up to discover that he was in a trunk of a car. He smirked and used his HANDY DANDY...sand, to teleport back to Busch Gardens, a trick he picked up (or was born with, whatever).
/back to Hiashi and co./
The group was in line for Rhino Rally when some sand began to come closer togather, then spin around using that cool teleport-y effect. Gaara then appeared and cut in front of a little kid with nasal conjestion and allgeries (Udon) and joined Hiashi's troop.
"Uh...hey, you're not supposed to cut in line." Udon said, sniffing so that his snot went back into his nose
"Um...yeah. This is actually the back of the line. The front of the line is. Right. Over. There." Gaara pointed to the real back of the line, one that was insanely long. Udon thanked Gaara and walked to the back.
"Dude. Where the hell were you?" Lee asked his bee-eff-eff, a term Gaara prefers Lee NEVER to use.
Gaara thought, "I don't know."
"Alright, will you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you step into the Rhino Rally bus?"The ride employee motioned for the Hyugas and Kiba, Lee, and Gaara to go into a bus that was waiting for him. They all made their way to the insode, then closed the bus doors, signaling the bus to move.
"FOLKS WELCOME TO RHINO RALLY. MY NAME IS GENMA AND I'LL BE YOUR BUS DRIVER TODAY." Genma had a toothpic in his mouth and an explorer's hat. He drove by a herd of elephants, and next to where they stopped was some elephant poop.
"Here we have a few elephants, CAME STR-AIGHT FROM AFRICA ITSE-"
"BROWNIES!" Hanabi reached for the elephant waste, but was pulled back and smacked on the head by Neji. "Moron."
"DO NOT EAT IT. DO NOT TOUCH IT. DO NOT STEP IN IT. Oh, you city-girls don't know a thing about elephants." Genma observed as he stepped on the pedal again. He then drove the bus in front of two rhinos who were in some STRANGE position.
"Here we have two white rhinos. Uh...I forgot to say that it's rhino mating season. CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY THEY ARE CALLED WHITE RHINOS? How about you in the back with the long-ass hair...come on, there are no wrong answers."
Lee laughed.
Neji roamed his mind for an answer. "...because they were destined to?"
"Oh, SO CLOSE, but alas, WRONG. White means wide. ONWARD."
"YAY!" Kiba cheered. Hiashi was taking pictures this with a digital camera whilke Horis was sleeping of boredom.
"Here are some Killer-African-Ducks. NOW, WE STOP IN FRONT OF SOME GIRAFFES." Genma and the bus passengers looked to the left at the giraffes, only to discover that they were in a STRANGE position.
Gaara looked questioningly. 'Why are those girrafes like that? Could one of them be trying to get a piece of avocado on the other's back?' Who knows. Kiba sighed and sank low in his seat while Hanabi was cheering. Hiashi took a picture while Hinata and Genma looked awkward.
"Guys, we know move onto the Zebras."
sigh...YES, ANOTHER STRANGE POSITION
"Oh GODDAMMIT. THEY WEREN'T DOING IT ON THE LAST TOUR I MADE." Genma slammed his fists on the steering wheel and drove back to the building where they wait in line. The passengers all got out and Genma called out after them. "Thanks for stopping by, see you later."
Silence...
Once they were at the Egypt section,. Hanabi broke the silence. "DUDE THAT WAS THE BEST RIDE SO FAR."
"Yeah." Horis, who had woken up just in time to see the zebras, gave Hanabi a wink.
"Just what were they doing exactly?" Gaara asked all of his friends.
Silence...
Kiba coughed, then decided to break the silence and tell Gaara himself. "Remember that day when we were at the restaurant waiting for you to show up and it turns out that you were being fucked-"
"SHUT UP. I GET IT." Gaara led Kiba and the others to Tutankhamen's Tomb, trying to avoid the stared of the nearby people.
"After this, it's Montu. THEN WE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE." Gaara quietly said as they were walking in a dark corridor.
Hinata, who was expecting something to jump out at her, buried her face onto Kiba's shoulder. "I WANT NARUTO-KUN!"
"Shh." Kiba shushed Hinata.
They finally made it to the mummy, who was lying down on a table. Kiba solently moved away from the other snad put something inside the mummy's cloth wrapping. He quickly ran back to his group and silently awaited for his plan to take action.
Hiashi was giving a long speech about the mummy. "He was 9 when he bacame k-"
KABOOM
"AAAAHHHHHH!" Everybody, except Kiba who was on the ground about to die in laughter, screamed at King Tut's body was blown up. Body parts flew into the air.
"I CAUGHT HIS ARM!" Lee held up an arm.
"LEG!" Hanabi held up a leg.
"Other leg." Neji said as it landed into his arms.
"AHH! HEAD!" Hiashi quickly dropped the head as he made his way towards the exit.
"DUDE I GOT AN ARM!" Horis waved his possesion around and smiled.
Gaara caught King Tut's body, then set it down slowly...then fainiting. "NASTY."
"Um..." Hinata caught a small-stick-like object, unwrapped it, then fainted as well.
Kiba was laughing hysterically now. He then got up and ran out to the exit, the others dropping their body parts (the ones they caught. T.T) following, Lee dragging out Hinata and Gaara.
/later/
Where am I...
Who am I...
Both of these were Gaara's thoughts. He slowly realized that someone was kissing him. He opened his eyes and looked up at whoever was kissing him, only to find that it was Lee givind mouth-to-mouth.
"GAARA-SAMA! I SAVED YOU! Lee looked proud of himself.
"Bitches. YOU...ROCK!" Inner Gai was about to cry now as he gave Inner Lee a susnet-hug.
Gaara fainted...again.
Hinata was awake now. She looked into a building which tuyrned out to be a souvenir shop.
"Hey guys, l-look! S-S-Souvenirs!"
"Wewt." Kiba high-fived her and looked back at the tomb, that was now surrounded by cops.
Lee dragged Gaara in and led the others as he walked into the souvenir shop.
The souvenir shop was led by Ayame and Teuchi (also known as the people who work at the ramen shop in the Naruto series, the McDonalds people in KNY) and had a variety of stuff.
"Wouldn't do him, who hasn't done him, probably never do him." Ayame was looking around at different guys around the store playing the 'Would-I-Do-Him game."
Teuchi blinked. "Ayame, you never find a guy that you want to d-"
"TEUCHI SHUT THE HELL UP. Local hottie, five o'clock." Ayame took out her Busch Gardens binoculars and used them to look at Neji (his face. o.o). "FOR SHIZZLE."
"Yeah..." Teuchi sweat-dropped as he put some money in the register.
"Guys! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET?" Lee asked his friends, each who was holding something.
"I'm getting a shark tooth." Kiba flashed a shark-tooth-necklace at Lee.
"A s-shirt that s-says 'I survived th-the SheiKra." Hinata held out her shirt to show her friends.
"I don't want anything." Horis said.
Hanabi was holding out an Avatar: The Last Airbender vibrator. "IT HAS ZUKO ON IT."
Lee smiled as if his idea was better than everyone else's. "I GOT A SHIRT FOR GAI-SENSEI!" Lee showed Kiba the shirt, which he read out loud.
"Pizza is like Sex. When it's good, it's REALLY GOOD. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. Aw, dammit Lee."
Neji was getting a shark-tooth necklace as well. He took everyone's souvenir and went to Ayame to pay for it.
"Yeah. That comes to a total of 36. 50."Ayame read the cashier, then looked up at Neji and gave him a smile that was kind of...a smile of PLEASURE. "You can pay me ANOTHER WAY, if you want."
"Uh...check?" Neji took out his checkbook and a pen.
"No...I said, YOU CAN PAY ME ANOTHER WAY IF YOU WANT." Ayame said louder, hoping Neji would take the hint.
Neji slightly blushed. "Oh yeah. You take Visa or Masters?"
Ayame inwardly gave the gods a what's-the-matter-with-this-guy look. "Check will be fine."
"Kay." Neji gave Ayame a check for 36.50, then left with the others.
Ayame turned to Teuchi. "Dude, do you know what this means? He signed the check. I HAVE HIS AUTOGRAPH! YAYS!"
Hiashi and co. then made it back to the car, Kiba, Lee, and the still-fainted Gaara in the back, Hinata, Hanabi, and Neji in the middle, and Horis and Hiashi in the front.
"so...now what do we do?"
"Uh...how about if we go to a TGI Fridays and discuss some random shit?" Kiba suggested, then cheered with everyone else. "T-G-I FRIDAYS!"
/back at the Akatsuki Co./
Marcus and the other Akatsuki members gathered aroudn Itachi's car, where Itachi was about to open the trunk.
"Open the trunk, OPEN THE TRUNK, OPEN THE TRUNK!" Tobi was jumping as if addicted to caffeine, then fainted from excitement.
"Alright. Now, this jinchuriki contains that one-tailed Shukaku. OPEN THE TRUNK!" Marcus ordered Itachi.
Itachi opened the trunk, then looked inside to realize that Gaara wan't there. "-Damn!"
"OH DAMMIT. Hey, he left a TIC-TAC!" Deidara happily smiled as he ate the tic-tac.
Marcus the took out his cell phone and dialed a number. "Guys, no matter. If we're going to catch this Jinchuriki, we're going to need two people."
"How?" Zetsu asked.
"The Konoha New York Bake-Off."
------------------------------
Kimi: SEE?"
Kimi shut up. Well, that was chapter 5. CHAPTER SIX WILL CONSIST OF THE BAKE-OFF. Please comment.
Kimi: Dammit. I better be in Ch. 6.