Konoha New York
CHAPTER 6.
The Annual Konoha Bake-off
Welcome ladies and germs. x.x Uhh. Welcome to Ch. 6 of KNY, in case you didn't know or something. Whatever. xD
Kimi: Yeah I think they know. T.T
Naruto: HIII. XD
Suuure. Well, this chapter will consist of THE ANNUAL KONOHA BAKE-OFF.
Kimi: AGAIN-
Characters will/may be OOC. Item brands are c. Whoever-Made-Them. Also be aware that dead people are alive in this story and will not come alive IRL. I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, NARUTO OWNS ME...except I'm renting Kimi. He's my mascot. And I might have to block some of the bad words...don't ask why
Chapter 6 summary: What happens when the Genin (except for Kiba's group) compete against other ninja from elsewhere? Jiraiya finally meets his idol, but is he/she really what he's looking for? And which public bathroom does Yashamaru use? D:
Chapter dedicated to Mina
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The walls of the jail cell shower room were a pearl white. Steam was fogging the room as the men took their showers, water running from the nozzle. Some of the jailers were whistling. Among one of these jailers was our very own Sasuke Uchiha, who was stating there naked and having a nervous breakdown, which increased after one of the guys handed him the soap.
Sasuke froze, then licked sweat off his lips.
All I ever lived for...and it all comes down to this.This...is the moment. You can do this, Sasuke, you can do this.
Young Sasuke brought, the soap to his body, but YES, as you readers/Sasuke fans feared, he grasped it a bit to hard.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Sasuke's cry had sounded as if it was slow motion as the soap fell onto the floor, the thud sounding as it had been VERY LOUD. The soap slid towards the drain as the other guys were humming the 'oooooh. mama mia papa pia' tune, one that they do when someone was about to be...a glass of milk, let's say.
Sasuke then knew if was the end for him. All of the other jailers turned around, eyes on the Uchiha. "OOOH, ANAL RAPE!"
"...n-no..." Sasuke whispered, only a hoarse cry came out.
"So...you dropped the soap?"
The voice startled Sasuke, who then quicly whirled around into the face of a pale man with yellow eyes. He then nervously itched the back of his head. "Uh...I WAS FINISHED."
"No...you weren't. Not behind your ears or NOTHING." The man took a sudden step towards Sasuke, scaring his guts out. "Don't even TRY to lie to me. I've been watching you like you were a glass of milk. You can call me...Oreo Cookie."
"Now PICK UP THE SOAP."
Sasuke trembled in fear at the pale man standing above him (you guys know perfectly well it's Orochimaru, so I'll just say it.)
Orochimaru (there, I said it. 8D) smiled perversly. Sasuke shook, trembling, as he bent over. Oro then gave a grin of...pleasure? as he stepped...how would I say...'into' the frightened Sasuke.
DOTDOTDOT
"AHHHHHH! AHHHH AHHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke opened his eyes and sat up, only to discover that he was in his own bed and dreaming. He was panting heavily as Naruto yawned from the other side on the room he and Sasuke shared.
Sasuke only screamed like this during THAT ONE dream, so it didn't take rocket science for that to come to Naruto. (or maybe it did. TO NASA!) "Hmmm...drop the soap AGAIN, Sasuke?"
"Y-...yes..." Sasuke was pale and shaking as he slowly turned his head to his team mate.
Naruto simply sighed. "Which guy was it this time?"
"Mr. Orochimaru..." Sasuke dove under the covers as he spoke Oro's name.
Kakashi then burst into the room, Sakura and Tazuna following. "-WHAT'S GOING ON?"
"Sasuke dropped the soap again."
"NARUTO!" Sasuke shook a fist at him as the blonde ninja laughed.
Sakura shuddered. "ANAL RAPE!"
"SAKURA SHUT UP I DON'T WANNA BE ANALLY RAPED." Sasuke yelled at the girl, then gave a rather low growl.
Tazuna shook his head as Kakashi nodded in understandment. "Ohhhh. Which guy was it this time?"
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!"
"Just kidding." Kakashi smiled and waved a hand towards Sasuke, pulling Sakura and Tazuna out of the room and closing the door behind him.
/morning/
Sasuke yawned as he walked into the kitchen and took his seat at a stool, then gaves an evil growl as he looked down at the bowl of Fruity Pebbles laying before him.
"KAKASHI-SENSEI, WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME THE RAINBOW CEREAL?"
Kakashi blinked, as if he didn't do it on purpose. "Uh...oh! Just a co-inky-dink."
"YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME I HAVE THAT DREAM."Sauske slammed his hand onto the table, causing the bowls and silverware to shake.
"Sasuke, you want to trade cereal?" Naruto asked his roommate, inwardly smirking along with his fox demon.
"I love it then he has that dream." Kyuubi winked at his container. "I'm calling Shukaku."
"YES. Please." Sasuke handed Naruto his cereal in exchange for a bowl of a different cereal. He looked inside the bowl he just recieved to discover Fruit Loops.
"I...hate you..." Sasuke glared at the now-ROFL-ing-Naruto and cracked his knuckles.
"NARUTO, LEAVE SASUKE ALONE." Sakura was now on the floor, punching Naruto. Kakashi and Sasuke just looked at each other and shurgged.
Tasuna held up a pot and began banging it with a wooden spoon. "HEY."
Everyone stopped what they were doing and faced the old man. Tazuna cleared his throat, then took out four passes to something. "I have a surprise for you guys. Here's a hint, it's NOT the Konoha Bake-off."
"It isn't? Thank god, because I wouldn't go to that thing if it was the last form of entertainment on Earth." Naruto sighed in relief as he grabbed the tickets to read it out loud. "Pass to the Konoha New York Bak-"
Silence...
Sakura stood up and jumped up and down. "YAYS."
Naruto jumped to his feet. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU'RE MAKING US ALL COOK FOR RANDOM PEOPLE?!!!"
"Now now Naruto. We can all use this chance to beat Gai's group." Kakashi said.
Naruto shook his head no. "NO WAY JOSE...or Kakashi-sensei."
"FIRST PRIZE IS A VIBRATING CHAIR." Tazuna yelled at Naruto, then began to inform him of all the (perverted) benefits of having one. "First off-"
Sasuke interrupted him. "-Baking is for GIRLS."
Tazuna pointed at Sakura. "There. Now, everyone get dressed, we all want to look good when we're on live TV."
Sasuke crossed his arms and sat firmly in his stool. "There is NO WAY you're making me go to the Bake-off."
/30 minutes later/
"I can't believe you're making me go to the Bake-off." Sasuke grumbled as he, Kakashi, Tazuna, Naruto and Sakura were riding in the elevator to the top floor of the Konoha Convention Center, which was a huge skyscraper.
The elevator door opened to reveal a LAAAAARGE room. There were about six kitchen stations, each with a group of people in front of it. A large audience was sitting down on some bleachers. In front of the bleachers sat the judges, Zabuza Momochi, Orochimaru, a brown-haired girl with a ponytail and a black-haired girl, also in a ponytail. People were running around everywhere holding food as Tazuna and the others entered, giving the judges their passes.
"Welcome to the Konoha New York Bake-off." Orochimaru smiled and held a hand to the group, expecting it to be shaked,. "I'm Orochimaru."
Sasuke looked down at the hand, then took a step back. "Yeeeeeah...I rather not."
Oro receded his hand. The other judges introcuded themselves to Team 7.
"I'm Zabuza." Zabuza said.
"I'm Kashike."said the brown-haired girl.
"I'm Gina." The black-haired girl introduced herself, and winked at Sasuke. Sasuke just went to his section with the others, leaving Gina shaking with anger.
"Served. "Kashike narrowed her eyes at Gina, as Zabuza and Oro gave each other a high-five.
/meanwhile/
Sasuke arrived at his station along with Naruto and Sakura.
Only three people are allowed to compete as a group. The groups competing are Naruto's, Lee's, Shikamaru's, Gaara's, Jiraiya's group (Iruka taking the place of Oro) and Chiyo's. Kiba's group wanted out, so they're somewhere else...except Kurenai, who was in the audience with Kakashi, Asuma, Gai, and the other people.
Sasuke opened the refrigerator to see the food that he'll be using to make whatever he'll be making.
"HAY-AH!"
"Lee!" Sasuke foroze as Lee burst out of the refirgerator, one foot on the ground and the other raised just centimeters away from Sasuke's 'man area.' He gave a sly grin and kicked the refrigerator door closed. "What do YOU want?"
"A wager. IF I WIN, YOU MUST FIX ME UP ON A DATE WITH YOUR TEAMMATE." Lee imagined himself winning the bake-off.
"AND THE WINNER OF THE KONOHA-BAKE-OFF IS ROCK BITCHES...and his teammates whose-names-I-do-not-know." Zabuza gave Lee a sparkling trophy. Lee had his hair all hot-looking, and was wearing Sasuke's clothes and the Nikes that he won in previous chapters. He gave a smile at the other girls, who fainted in flattered-ness.
"Thank you thank you. I'd like to thank Gai-sensei for always being there for me."
"I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT LEE! I LOVE YOU!" Gai ran up on stage and gave Lee a hug. "MY PRECIOUS PROTEGE!"
"GET OFF, MEGA-BROWS. HE'S MINE!" Ino said from the crowd, then got in a fight with all of the other girls. "MINE MINE MINE!"
"No need to fight over me girls, there's plenty to go around." Lee gave a thumbs-up at the girls, who fainted again. "I'd also like to thank Gaara-sama, my very best friend, for being there too and giving me the idea of a best-friends-forever-ring."
"Say that again and die." Gaara shouted at him from a distance.
"Now. Let's ditch this pop-stand, have a nice dinner at Bennigans, and see which one of you lovely ladies would like to experiment with me first." Lee dove into the crowd.
"BENNIGANS." The girls all caught Lee and ran out of the building, holding their hero.
/at Bennigans/
Lee was alone with Sakura. Plates of unfinished food were in front of the both of them. The restaurant was dark, but a candle's light was making Sakura's face shine radiantly. Sakura closed her eyes and puckerd up, slowly bringing her lips towards Lee. "Lee, I- THIS IS GOING TO BE TOO EASY."
Lee opened his eyes in shock and looked at Sakura...or should I say, Sasuke, who interruped Lee's dream. " Eyebrows. EYE. BROWS. You have to take a razor, and SHAVE THEM OFF. Deal or no deal?"
"DEAL! I'M GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT...and DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT GAME. Neji is always cheating." Lee agreeed with Sauske and walked off towards his own station.
/meanwhile at Chiyo's section/
"So I was like...Raymond, are you gonna listen to me? ARE YOU GONNA LISTEN TO ME? Becauce...because I'm about to tell you...that I...RESPECT YOU." Chiyo was talking to Raymond, her temporary teammate whom-Orochimaru-revived.
"Chiyo?"
"WHAT?"
"Over here." Raymond waved at Chiyo when she turned her head around from the wall she was talking to.
Well, surprisingly, Chiyo and Yashamaru were drunk...bad idea when you're about to enter a contest, right? Yeah. Oro had revived Raymond(not drunk) and Yashamaru(drunk). Why? He was given orders to in order to bring misery and pain to the one he's trying to capture. By who? Do I really have to say?
(Kimi: Hinata?)
(Me: NO. MARCUS.. D:)
Yashamaru smiled. "I LOVE EATING TWINKIES!"
"Okay Yashamaru, I have something to say to you and you're going to-what?" Chiyo brought her head towards Yashamaru in attempt to listen of what he had to say.
Yashamaru blinked drunkenly. "I didn't say anything."
"Oh...I thought you were interrupting me...YASHAMARU, QUIET. DON'T INTERRUPT ME."
"I totally wasn't, I swear in the name of all that is...creme-filled." Yashamaru held up a beer bottle and drank another giant sip. "I remember when I was like...watching a movie with this extremely hot girl and she said something like that...I think Rye was there because I saw him eating my Twinkie."
Now...time for a KWL chart. First question...what do we KNOW about Yashamaru?
Well...he loves Twinkies. When he was thirteen, Chiyo's brother Ebizou (who, oddly, was a magazine editor) asked him to model for his magazine...Hot Weather. Or Sexii Weather, they're both the same eye-candy magazine. x.x Raymond made him adopt baby Gaara because he didn't want him (Kimimaro: I wonder why. ), and because he was the only one who asked (he was drunk at the time) When Gaara was six, Yahsamaru tried to kill Gaara in event to avenge his dead sister, AND because he was ordered to by Raymond because he didn't wanna pay child support, and save the city from a giant Raccoon/Beaver/Dog/thing...the reward was Twinkies.
Raymond rolled his eyes towards the ceiling...Yashamaru looked up there too, but he didn't see anything. "It's RAY. And I remember that night perfectly. You were taking your NEPHEW to the MOVIES to see OVER THE HEDGE, AND IT WAS A DAMN FULL MOON."
/flashback/
"Uncle Yashamaru?" Gaara pulled on Yashamaru's apron...Yashamaru was talking dirty to the woman behind the popcorn stand, his nephew next to him.
"Just a sec...what Gaara?" Yashamaru asked his nephew. "Do you want a Twinkie? If so then sorry because like...I ate them all. I'LL BUY SOME MORE!."
"No uncle. It's that time of the month." Gaara looked extremely worried, as if he was in pain.
Yashamaru held a tampon towards little 6-year-old-Gaara. "Here you go... um...Gaara..."
"POPSICLE!" Shukaku cheered as he looked at the wrapped stick. "AND IT'S GRAPE FLAVORED."
"No Uncle." Gaara refused Yashamaru's offer.
Yashamaru looked confused. "I see, you want to use a Twinkie instead? Because I already said-"
"Uh...I mean a FULL MOON." Gaara pushed the hand holding the tampon back at his uncle...aunt? Yashamaru.
"I heard that if you put a Twinkie in a refridgerator for a million years, it'll turn into LIQUOR!" Yashamaru informed Gaara as he raised a cheering fist in the air, then started sucking on a Twinkie. "Mmmm Twinkie...uh...full moon. OH YEAH!"
"Yeah?" Gaara hugged Yashamaru, pleased that he...she? Remembers.
"I have a magazine session tonight! About Twinkies! After we see the movie, it's OFF TO SEXII WEATHER!" Yashamaru paid for some Twinkies, then dragged Gaara into the movie theater room.
/a few minutes later/
It was the part where the animal guy arrived at the house to exterminate all of the animals."OH NOES! THE GUY IS HERE! EVERYONE HIDE!" the skunk yelled out to all of his friends (or her friends...I don't know. I never seen OTH)
People in the audience were watching in suspense as the exterminator walked towards the skunk's hiding place. He opened the cabinet and then-
RAWR
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" People rushed out of the dark theater in panic as a huge monster stood before them. Yashamaru was sleeping on his chair, a coke cup resting on his arm.
"-FEAR ME NOW BIOTCHES!" Shukaku gave a deafening roar at Yashamaru.
"YASHAMARU! RUN AWAY!" Gaara was now inside Shukaku's mind...yeah. It works like that. He was yelling for his 'loved' one to run away...but, seeing as no real person can hear someone's inner self, Yashamaru didn't hear him.
"Don't worry, Scotty. Welcome to the Twinkie Train.." Yashamaru was talking in his dream as he shifted positions and was now making out with the cup of coke(which had alcahol in it...Yashamaru pours a bottle of it into all of his drinks).
Raymond rushed into the room then with an excorcist. "YASHAMARU!"
"OOH OVER THE HEDGE." The exorcist sat down and took Yashamaru's twinkie, quickly putting in on Ray's lap as Yashamaru suddenly woke up.
"Oh you son of a BITCH!" Yashamaru took out a Kunai and tackled Ray, holding the kunai against the flesh on Ray's neck. "Hand over the Twinkie, and NOBODY GETS HURT!"
"Yashamaru!...wait. We got to get the monster out..."
"Monster?" Yashamaru looked around, looking for a monster. Instead, he saw Raymond, the exorcist, and some giant raccoon-dog roaring away and eating stuff. He turned to Ray, "You mean a Twinkie monster? hic...I don't see a monster, Rye..."
"-IT'S RIGHT THERE!"
Yashamaru peered harder around the room,. still trying to find the 'invisible' monster, who was really right in front of him. He pointed to the wall. "Rye...you should consider threapy, 'cuz the only people here is you, me, Mr. Twinkie, that guy, and Scotty over there."
Shukaku roared again and gripped Yashamaru and Raymond with one hand, bringing it up to his face. "You guys look DELICIOUS!"
Raymond was now face to face with the monster. "AAAAAAHHHHH!"
Yashamaru squinted his eyes, then smiled. "NOW I SEE IT!"
"SEE! Now, get over your hangover, the bake-off is about to begin." Raymond slapped Yashamaru, who then took another sip of beer as Chiyo chuckled.
/at Jiraiya's station./
"OH...MY GOD..." Jiraiya had on a shock face as he pointed at the woman (man?) at Chiyo's station.
"What Jiraiya?" Tsunade said, but was then dragged by Jiraiya to the blond woman...man? known as Yashamaru, Jiraiya's -drunk- idol.
"ARE YOU YASHAMARU OF HOT WEATHER MAGAZINE?"
"No, I'm Twinkie and he's R." Yashamaru pointed at Raymond, then grabbed the cooking table to keep himself from falling over.
Raymond chuckled at his new nickname. "R?"
"Yeah...your other name took too long to write, so BAM! YOU'RE NOW R!" Yashamaru threw his arms out like symbolizing an explosion.
Jiraiya gulped and made his confession to his one and only idol."Yashamaru...I love you."
"..."
"Did you hear me, my lo-"
"Azurath metrion zinthos!" Yashamaru was mushing up a Twinkie in his hand, then was smushing the cream on Jiraiya's clothing.
"Ok..." Jiraiya thought of somethign to say. "PLEASE BE MY SEX SLAV-"
Raymond shushed Jiraiya. "Shh, we don't want Gaara to hear."
"Oh my god! YOU'RE SO...curvy..." Jiraiya's voice was getting more pleasant at he looked Yashamaru over. "Yashamaru...do you know who I am?"
"Uh...uh...uh...YES I DO."
"Who?" Jiraiya was jumping down with excitement.
Yashamaru thought for a long time, then gave an answer. "...Yeah, you STOLE MY TWINKIE WHEN I WAS SEVEN.."
"-THAT WAS CHIYO!"
"WAS NOT!" Chiyo smacked Jiraiya in the head. "I only BORROWED it."
"And we played Twinkie The Kid with all three of your seven year old students, Chiyo. That day rocked. Yashamaru wasn't famous at the time, but yet..." Jiraiya smiled in delight from the memory...which I will not play. "It WAS fun when we had to take turns being the jail cell...YASHAMARU, SAY MY NAME!"
Raymond gave Jiraiya a -You're-Gonna-Give-Us-Away-Look as Yashamaru blinked a lot, as if he didn't know where he was...which he doesn't. HE'S DRUNK. "Um...Twinkie?."
Jiraiya remained silent, then nodded, and grinned with pleasure, lifting Yashamaru up. "Sure."
/meanwhile/
"OH GUYS."
"oh HELL no."Hinata hid behind Shino as Kiba approached them, grinning like a homicidal maniac...or like Gaara in that one episode of Naruto when he fights Lee and he's all...grrining evilly, like a homicidal maniac...or like Gaara in that one episode of Naruto when he fights L-
(Kimi: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY)
Right, well...
"Guys, you'll never guess what we're going to do today."
"Hm. so far we stole bikes and hotwired a car, WHICH YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF." Shino waved his arms at his teammate...un-Shino like. "You are so fecking. STUPID!"
"HEY, AT LEAST I'M NOT AN IDIOT!"
"THAT'S THE SAME THING." Shino said to Kiba.
"Riiiiiiiigghttt. Welll...We're going to sneak into school and change all of our grades to A plus pluses."
"KIBA-"
"DON'T START WITH ME HINATA. Now, we get into CAMOFLAUGE MODE." Kiba dragged Hinata and Shino to Party City, where they were going to buy costumes to make themselves 'fit in'.
-later-
"Dun. Dun dun...dun-dun-dun...dun dun..." Kiba was tiptoing silently in the school hall to his Algebra class first, humming that one spy tune. What was he dressed as? A robber?A teacher?
Did he use that invisible spray that washes off from that one Spongebob episode? Surely our criminal genius used THAT, one that can get by all security cameras.
But alas..WRONG. Kiba was dressed as a bush.
"What...the fuck..." Shino hissed in Kiba's ear. "A BUSH?"
"Not JUST a bush. A ROSE bush."Kiba said to Shino as if he was explaining difference between hot/cold, up/down, etc., yet Kiba's disguise is only him dressed in green, with a few roses taped onto parts of his body, and maybe 3 or 4 leaves.
"-THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE, PLANTS DON'T MOVE!" Shino and Hinata were also bushes, and were creeping along with Kiba in the dark school hallway.
Kiba was confused. "But they do in Paper Mario. See, the little paper guy moves, then the bush follows him, and he doesn't know, so then the bush attacks the little paper guy, rips his dick off, then kills him and the little game music plays that goes 'you-lose.' and THEN I have to start ALL-OVER AGAIN, whcih sucks if you didn't save before you battled the guy-"
"WE GET THE POINT." Shino said as he turned on Oro's computer by plugging in it's cord into the hole in the wall, then pushign the on button. (Kimi: That sounded wrong. -.-)
"Alrighty. Go into the gradebook." Kiba opened up Oro's gradebook. "Inuzuka, Kiba. F...F...Super F...WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL OF THESE FS COMING FROM?"
"They come from mommy and daddy Fs." Shino sarcastically murmured to Kiba. Hinata was shaking with fear of getting caught as Kiba nodded in agreement remembering 'Jiraiya's Sex Talk.' Shino sighed.
"Alright...now. A...A...A...A...comments. BEFORE: Kiba sucks in class and will fail at life. If he doesn't approve, I will personally assure he gets a curse mark on his dick. After: Kiba is an excellent student. Everyone in my class thinks that he is sex, and I completely agree. I will NOT be placing a curse mark on his dick anytime soon...Hinata, do you want me to do you?"
"N-no..." Hinata shook her head at the wrong-sounding question.
"Shi-"
"NO...and forget the pun." Shino crept away from Kiba and towards the exit when the doorknob turned from the outside. Shino, Hinata, and Kiba froze.
"Don't...move." Kiba whispered to his friends as the principal, the Third Hokage (Sandaime) entered the room.
Well, you'd think that it's over. Kiba, Hinata, and Shino are obviously miscamoflauged, and you may think Sandaime is going to capture and give them 50 billion hours of community service...yet, Sandaime merely scanned the room for people, not seeing Kiba, Hinata, and Shino. (Kimi: wtf. o.o)
"Ahh,this is wierd. I thought I heard some voices. It must be my head...HEY! A HAIKU!" Sandaime was happy about the discovery of his haiku poem, then rushed away back to his office.
Shino and Hinata nearly fainted. Kiba shrugged and turned off the computer. "As for me. Now, to Mr. Jiraiya's class." Kiba shivered at Jiraiya's name, then dragged Hinata and Shino to the science room...and shuddred even MORE when he saw all of the posters of Human Growth Development, etc.
"Riiiiight, well." Kiba looked at his grades for Jiraiya's class, a nervous hinata and annoyed Shino trying to hurry him up. "F...F...SUPER F...WHAT THE HELL, AGAIN?"
"Hey Kiba, look at this." Shino was holding up a model of the female reproductive organ (the vagina. o.o) and was -throughly- examining it.
Hinata closed her eyes while Kiba slapped the model away from him, "Shino, YOU'RE REALLY BUGGING ME..."
"ANOTHER PUN. CHANGE YOUR GRADES NOW please." Shino adjusted his sunglasses while Kiba made all of the Fs As.
"Alrighty. Before: Kiba sucks when we we do practice quizes at HGD, I always hear his partner complaining...WHAT THE HELL, THERE'S AN ODD NUMBER OF BOYS."
"Um...Kiba...try being a little b-bit quieter."Hinata was biting her nails with the fear of being labled a juvenile delinquent. "P-please..."
"Right right right. After: Kiba is the best Sex parntner...nah, if Kurenai sees this, she'll show all of the other senseis. 'Kiba is a remarkable student.' There. NEXT, TSUNADE'S CLASS."
/at Gaara's station/
"TEMARI."
"WHAT?" Temari yelled at her brother, who was right next to her.
Gaara receded from the outburst, then turned to his sister. "Did I just hear Yashamaru?"
"Yashamaru DIED, remember?" Temari sighed exasperatedly at her brother. "DIED A HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH."
"Yeah but LOOK OVER THERE." Gaara pointed to a blond man(woman) talking to a man who looks suspiciously like...Jiraiya. An old lady and another man, alogn with a woman that looks like Tsunade and a man that looks like Iruka with the guy that looks like Jiraiya.
Temari gave her alibi. "That can be anybody. We know Uncle Yashamaru likes two things. One, is being a pervert."
"AWESOME MISS PETUNIA!" Yashamaru hugged Jiraiya from a distance, then led him behind the refridgerator, where they were doing something that-is-not-appropriate-for-a-G-rated-bake-off. Luckily Temari and Gaara can't see what they're doing.
Gaara remained silent while Temari continued. "And the other is-"
"TWINKIE!" the two heard Yashamaru's voice squeal in delight, and a horny laugh from Jiraiya.
"..."
"Or that COULD be him." said Temari, stood corrected. She then tried to stall Gaara. "Um...Gaara-sama. Can you go get some knives and cutlery from the utensil box?"
So...a little heads up. what do we know about Gaara?
He has red hair and never sleeps. EVER. He HATES Yashamaru for being a didrty little traitor, and he also cried during that one Adam Sandler movie...what was it again? Oh yeah. Click. (Family comes FIRST! ;-;) and not to mention, he only has one person whom he consider his Bee Eff Eff...and that's Lee.
"FINE!" Gaara stormed across the room, shoving innocent bystanders aside.
"Hey Temari." Kankuro was holding some eggs, butter, and frosting, which he set down at the table and leaned against the wall seperating the Sand Station from another station. He glanced at his brother, who was about fifty light years away. "What's with him?"
"Yashamaru came back to life." a sigh escaped from Temari's lips and pointed at Yashamaru and Jiraiya, both with clothes (on) and talking to Tsunade, Iruka, and old lady and a man.
"Oh...I see." Kankuro didn't see...kinda. "HEY GAARA, DID YOU SAY HI TO YASHAMARU YET?"
"BITE ME." A knife was thrown at Kankuro, missing him barely as it hit the wall between Kankuro's two open legs, inches below his package.
"...um...okay..." Kankuro said, biting his lip as sweat ran down the back of his head. "Uh...Temari, who's that guy?"
"He looks like Dad." Temari leaned in trying to get a closer look at Raymond. "...hey, wait a minute-"
"ATTENTION, EVERYBODY. Please get to your stations, we are about to start the ANNUAL KONOHA BAKE-OFF." Ayame was on stage with a microphone. In front of her was Teuchi with a TV station camera. A little sign with the word 'applause' flashed on, signaling the audience to start clapping.
Ayame cleared her throat. "Now, for the rules. You have a one-hour time limit. You may not do anything to harm the other contestants' food...uhh. This is a BAKE-OFF, so the food must be a dessert baked in your oven. There is no limit to however much ingredients you use. Your entry will be rated on a scale of 1-10. Prizes are following. First prize is 10,000 dollars-"
"YEAH!" Gai was in a green cheerleader dress holding up pompoms and jumping up and down. "TEAM GAI RULES!"
"Uh...yeah. Second prize is an Easy Bake oven, and third prize is a set of Twinkie placemats. Everyone take your places!"
Everyone rushed to their stations quickly...except for the drunk people. The seisneis were all praying for their students to win, Kurenai praying for Asuma's. The judges sat at the table, hands folded while Teuchi gave the thumbs up sign.
"On your mark...get set...HEY LOOK A PENNY"
"ARGH!" All of the contestants groaned as Ayame picked up the penny.
"AND IT'S HEADS UP! I'M NAMIN' IT NEJI!"
"Ayame..." Teuchi mouthed the word 'go' as Ayame got up.
"Damn Teuchi. fine. GO PEOPLES GO."
ONE HOUR LEFT
Team Naruto
"HEY, WHY IS THE TEAM NAMED AFTER YOU?" Sasuke leaned against the counter, arms folded as Naruto put on the apron and chef's hat.
Naruto was shocked that Sasuke did not know. "BECAUSE I'M THE SMART ONE."
"Ohhhh!"
/5 seconds later/
"NO YOU'RE NOT!" Sasuke growled. Sakura slammed against the table laughing while Naruto was staring at the two as if they had no sense.
Sasuke stopped leaning against the wall and walked angrily to the judges. "WHAT THE HELL? WHY IS IT 'TEAM NARUTO'? NARUTO CAN'T EVEN TELL OUR TEAM FROM A POP-TART!!!"
"YES I CAN!" Naruto shouted to his friend. "POP-TARTS HAVE ICING!"
Gina shook her head, "Sorry Sasuke. Kaka-sensei said 'Team Naruto'...but, if you want, I CAN change it for you for a pric-"
"Later." Sasuke returned to his group, leaving Gina alone again.
"-DAMMIT!"
"Okay Naruto." Sasuke sighed as he and Sakura were taking out a bowl and mixing spoon. "Did you bring the food?"
Naruto laughed. "Uh...eheheh...yeah...was I supposed to?"
"NARUTO? HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT?"
"Use the food in the refridgerator!" Naruto opened the refirgerator, then looked inside to see no food, but a spider web, spider still on it.
"Uh...who was the last person who looked in our fridge, Naruto?" Sasuke asked his 'friend'.
"Kakashi-sensei."
"I HATE YOU." Sasuke shook his fist at Naruto. "And yet...we'll just use an alretnitive."
Team Ino
"ALRIGHT GUYS!" Ino was giving orders to her friends on what to do. She pointed at Shikamaru. "You bake it."
She pointed at Choji. "And you decorate it.."
Shikamaru slowly blinked, then shrugged at his duty. "How troublesome...what about you?"
"I don't want to ruin my new outfit!" Ino was wearing a Baby Phat wardrobe, blue jeans with golden words in cursive on the legs, a red belt, and a black top with golden-cursive-words as well (and the baby phat logo). On her head was a red hat. "It's sexy..."
Choji took the frosting bag and squirted some chocolate frosting in his mouth, savoring every drop of chocolatey topping. "Wear an apron."
"-THEN NOBODY WILL SEE MY OUTFIT FAT-ASS, AND STOP EATING THE DAMN TOPPINGS." Ino whacked Choji on his head and kicked him.
"-I'M NOT FAT, I'M JUST A LITTLE CHUBBY!"
"Yeah, and Asuma-sensei never had sex in his life." Ino sarcastically countered Choji's remark with an analogy, leaving Choji confused.
"Yes he did."
"Choji you're NASTY. Shikamaru. BAKE OR BE BAKED!" A flaming background appeared, demons and fire cracking behind Ino as she towered over Shikamaru and gave a witch laugh (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA)
"Uh...sure." Shikamaru cracked some eggs and mixed them in a bowl with cake batter, allong with butter, sugar, milk, and chocolate chips.
Choji stuck his hand in the bowl and took it out, his hand now covered with cake batter. He licked it off and was about to put his hand back into the bowl when Ino slapped it, causing him to grunt in a low voice."Little Ino-Bitch."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" Ino cracked her fist as the demons came to view again.
"Oh...I like Lilo and Stitch."
Ino stopped cracking her knuckles. "Oh...so do I. Shikamaru, bake it!"
Team Raymond
"Alright guys." Raymond took out the bowl and wooden spoon. "Which ingredients should we add?"
"I think we should add yo mama!" Chiyo cracked up with uncontrollable laughter and slapped Yashamaru on the back, causing him to fall over in drunkedness.
"Riiiiiight, well-"
"Dude...If i can be an animal right now...I'd be a giraffe and fly like that Twinkie with all the little people inside, you know in outer space..." Yashamaru held up his beer bottle along with Chiyo.
Chiyo nodded. "Amen, sister...but wasn't that The Magic School Bus?"
"The Magic Bus is HOT." Yashamaru tapped his beer bottle against Chiyo's (cheers), and they both took a sip.
Raymond shook his head in dissapointment and began mixing cream cheese and batter for a cheesecake. "Alright, guys. Let's focus."
Chiyo peered really hard at Raymond's face. "Focusing..."
"Dude what the hell...didn't Marcus say to knock out and bag Gaara at the end of this thing?" the Kazekage sighed. "I can't do it with these drunk people...Yashamaru, pass the eggs."
"...and the lord said 'GO TWINKIE GO!'" Yashamaru pretended to be the lord and slowly raised a cheering fist in the air. He dropped the egg he was holding. "UH-OH TWINKIE SPAGGETIOS!"
"DAMN YOU GUYS." Raymond gripped his egg too hard, causing it to crack, yolk oozing out. "YASHAMARU, mix now."
Yashamaru threw some SHELLED eggs and a twinkie into a bowl and began mixing the bowl. "Hey Twinkie-Ray...you wanna know who's hot?"
Chiyo put her hand in front of her mouth and began snickering as she awaited Yashamaru's answer. Raymond heaved a sigh (lotsa sighing in this fic...xD) "...who?"
"What's his name...Kaiba." Yashamaru and Chiyo howled with laughter as Raymond became confuzzled.
"WHO'S Kaiba?"
Yashamaru stared at the man as if he was brain damaged. "YOU KNOW, the guy who discovered that the sun was made of Twinkies." More laughter from the two drunked people as Raymond's expression first went like this (o.o) and then to this (-.-) as he poured the 'cake' batter into the pot.
Team Gaara
"PEOPLE, I HAVE A PROPOSITION!" Temari was trying to calm down Kankuro, who was dodging for his life while trying to hit his brother and Gaara, who was trying to kill Kankuro (he takes his anger out on his loved...wait...family.)
Kankuro hid behind her. "Damn Gaara you seem a little irritable. You got some sand in your vagina?"
"THERE IS NO SAND IN MY VAGINA!" Gaara attempted leap-punch at Kankuro, but since Temari was in the way, Temari caught him and tackled him to the ground as in wrestling.
"GAARA, QUIT BEING A BITCH. Now, if we want to win that easy bake oven, then we have to work hard...don't pay any attention to Yashamaru now, Gaara. Kill him AFTER the show."
"FINE!" Gaara got up and got out some ingredients. "Let's make one of those REALLY HUGE ONES, because I can use some sand to mike multiple bowls at once."
"Alright Gaara-sama, but this time if someone's going to jump out of ithe cake, make sure to put him in AFTER you bake it." Temari said as she watched her bother use sand to mix the cake.
Team Lee
"This sucks." Neji was wearing a pink apron. He was sitting down against the wall watchign Tenten mix some stuff in the bowl and Lee helping her.
Lee stepped away from Tenten. "Neji, I am afraid you are being a bit on the negative side. RIGHT GAI-SENSEI?" Lee struck a karate pose, in order to intimidate Neji to actually 'participate' in the bake-off.
"LEE! TAKE THEM OFF!" Gai gave a thumbs-up to Lee, who nodded.
"I thought this was a bake-off, not a fight-thingy." Tenten remarked.
"HAH! NOW I'M FREE! Let's see what you think now, NEJI." Lee said Neji's name in disgust, which enraged his roommate.
Neji closed his eyes, his facial expression the same as always. "Don't use that tone with me, kid. I'll kick your ass."
"Oh yeah,well I'd like to see you try."
"You're sounding like a little BITCH to me."
Lee was offended. "BITCH! DON'T CALL ME BITCH, BITCH!"
Neji stood up, face to face with his partner. "Yeah, well, bring it on, bitch!"
"I already brung it, bitch. I brung it, opened it, and set it on the table, bitch!"
"Nasty." Tenten coughed and nearly threw up as Neji's expression changed to this: (O.O)
Gai sighed and took out a megaphone. "THE WEIGHTS, LEE. THE WEIGHTS. PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON."
"AYE-GAI-SENSEI." Lee did an aye-aye-captain-gesture as he pulled his pants up to his waist.
"Goddamn, I'm glad I don't have Sharingan..." Neji covered his eyes as Tenten placed the batter bowls into the preheated oven.
Ayame and Teuchi were twitching now from the scene that happened just now. "COMMERICAL BREAK"
---------------------------
Have you ever went to McDonalds and hope to get a combo meal at a really fly price? Right now, you and your loving family can be snacking at McDonalds for less than 7.99!
Zabuza: NO SHIT!
Because with the new McSmurfer, you can TOTALLY be having a great time with your family! You can have the McSmurfer, along with a McSalad, a McSmurfing Flurry, McFries, McCoke, and an awesome side dish of apple pie, all for less than sevsen ninety nine! SMURF YEAH!
Tsunami: Welcome to McDonalds honey, may I take your order?
Zabuza: Yes, how about if you get your bitch-ass back in the kitchen and MAKE ME SOME PIE! 8D
With the new McSmurfer, you can get a happy meal on the side, along with either Nascar or Barbie toys!
Inari: NASCAR!
Jiraiya: BARBIE! 8D
(cue to Zabuza/Haku/Inari/Jiraiya/Tzuna sitting in a booth, Tsunami serving them a lot of food)
Haku: (reading from a line card) Um... I'm lovin' the new McSmurfer!
Jiraiya: (takes a bite) OH MY GOD, THERE'S AN ORGY IN MY MOUTH..XD
Zabuza: (takes out sword) THE MCSMURFER IS SO GOOD, YOU'LL BE SAYING: SHIT, DAWG!
Inari : Please buy the McSmurfer! It's delicious, and my dad won't kill you!
McDonalds, badapapapa, I'm smurfin' lovin' it!
-----------------------------
Team Jiraiya
"YOU BETTER RUN YOU BETTER WHAT YOU CAN..DON'T WANNA SEE NO BLOOD DON'T BE A MACHO MAN!" Iruka was singing in a high-pitched voice to Beat It, as Tsunade was beating the eggs.
"My Yashamaru-san. AFTER THE BAKE-OFF I'LL GET HIS AUTOGRAPH!" Jiraiya was crying with tears of happiness.
"Bitch, don't make me blow your balls off." Tsunade cracked her fists at Ero-Sannin. "Next thing you know, you're gonna have sex with him."
"..."
"Oh NO YOU DID NOT." Tsunade hissed at Jiraiya, who laughed nervously as he played with his fingers.
Tsunade poured some cake mix into the bowl and started beating vigurously. "GRRRRRRR."
Iruka nudged Jiraiya. "Dude...you just met the guy. Wouldn't you consider him your friend?"
"NO! I LOVE HIM!" Jiraiya conteadicted Iruka's statement.
"He's a FRIEND!"
"LOVE!"
"FRIEND!"
"LOVE!"
"-ALRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES STOLE MY PHILLIP?!"
"!" Jiraiya and Iruka froze as they both turned around to face a towering scary-looking figure, otherwise known as Yashamaru.
"Yasham-"
"DO NOT. INTERRUPT. ME." Yashamaru smacked Jiraiya then karate-kicked him, knocking the air out of the guy. He then turned to Iruka, like Sakura when she's being called billboard brow. "Hello there."
"AHHHH!" Iruka ran fro his life, yet tripped over Jiraiya.
"GIVE MY TWINKIE BACK OR I WILL CHOKE YOU WITH YOUR OWN INTESTINE."
As Yashamaru lunged forward, Jiraiya waved his hands frantically. "YASHAMARU! PLEASE! WE'LL GIVE YOU THE TAPE TO THIS ONE EPISODE OF SPONGEBOB!"
Yashamaru abruptedly stopped in his tracks. "Which one?"
"The one when Spongebob wins the Pimp of the Month award and the squid goes Super-Sayan on his ass."
"DEAL!" Yashamaru shook Jiraiya's hand and took the DVD, then walked back to his station. "BYE BYE JIRAIYA!"
"BYE MY SWEET!" Jiraiya waved bye to his idol, then began singing as he put the pan into the oven, then began singing like the song Beat It. "Bake me a cake as fast as you can! I wanna be the one who you do in the can!"
"FREAKIN SHUT UP, please and thank you." Tsunade whacked Jiraiya in the head as she set the time for thirty minutes.
Fifteen Minutes Left
Naruto's Team
/ding/
"Ugh." Sasuke closed his eyes. "I'm gonna fucking LOSE that bet."
"Bet?" Sakura asked her crush. "Sasuke-kun, what bet?"
"The one with Lee that goes If I lose, he'll go on a date with you." Sasuke waved a hand at Sakura.
"NARUTO, YOU BETTER FUCKING BEAT'S LEE'S TEAM OR YOUR DICK WILL GO OVER THE FIREFLACE!"
"HEY! WE ALREADY HAVE TAZUNA'S DICK OVER THE FIREPLACE!"
"THEN WE'LL PUT YOURS NEXT TO IT!" Sakura kicked Naruto's balls, causing him to scream in pain...very loudly.
Kyuubi winced from the sore pain he was feeling, then leaped at Inner Sakura."SLUT!"
"YOU'RE A SLUT!" Sakura's inner self tackled Kyuubi, and both started...how you say...a fight!
Naruto limped to the oven and (with orange oven mitts on), opened it and removed his piece. "Alrighty guys, let's decorate."
Ino's team
/ding/
"BITCHIN'!"Ino removed a pan from the oven containing chocolate cake, mitts on her arms. She shoved the sleeping Shikamaru off the decorating table and set the pan down."Alright Choji, do your thing."
"ALRIGHT!" Choji slammed his hands on the table. "CAKE-DECORATING JUTSU!"
Choji began frosting the cake with a creamy chocolate forsting, then becan sprinkling it with bits of mint chocolate, and mint chocolate flowers on the edges. Carefully, he wrote 'Team Ino' on the top of the cake with mint icing. "LET'S EAT!"
"-NO!" Ino began running to Choji.
/pause/
'At that time, I knew I had two choices. I could either get that cake, or ruin my new outfit' Ino thought. 'I know what I must do!'
/end pause/
Ino stopped and watched Choji devour their cake, licking his forsting-smeared lips.
"Choji?"
"Yes?"
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Ino ran to Choji, her arms out to strangle him.
Choji smirked and held out his own chocolatey frosted hands. Ino abruptedly halted in her tracks and backed away. "Yeah, can't hurt me now, right?"
"Whatever..." Shikamaru rolled over in his sleep and hugged his thigh as itf it were a pillow.
Team Raymond
Raymond stared down at the 'cake' he just pulled out. It was a mess of egg-shells and twinkies. "What the hell...but that's not even what we're here for, so let's not even bother."
"R!"
"What Chiyo?"
"I can spell my name!" Chiyo took another sip of beer. "C-H-E-E-O...wait, no. C-H-I...WELL, YOU GET THE POINT."
"GOOD JOB CHIYO!" Yashamaru clapped his hands at the wall he was facing.
"Thank you thank you. Now, I would like to thank...wait. YASHAMARU!"
"What?"
"Y-YOUR EYES! Chiyo yelled frantically and pointed to Yashamaru's eyes.
Yashamaru slowly blinked at the wall, whom he thought was Chiyo. "What about them?"
"THEY'RE PURPLE, DUHHHH!"
"They are?" Yashamaru tried to see the color of his eyes...but we know you can't, not without a mirrir, right?
/5 seconds later/
"Ohh! They are purple, aren't they?" Yashamaru and Chiyo exploded to laughter as Raymond stared at the two drunken idiots.
"-GUYS!"
"Chiyo...let's be...what do you call those people who watch children...p-PARENTS!' Yashamaru said to the wall. "I'm the dad and you're the mom."
"Okay! And R is our son!" Chiyo hugged Ray, which turned out to be Yashamaru.
Raymond sat down on top of the decorating table. "I'm not even gonna say anything."
"GIVE R THE TALK! GIVE R THE TALK!" Yashamaru hopped with excitement as he nudged Chiyo with his elbow...then got pain from the wall. "OW!"
"I thought the moms were sposed to give the talk." Chiyo coughed. "Oh well. R, when a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY MUCH-"
Raymond cut her off. "Chiyo. Please."
"They don't hafta love each other, it could be forcible rape." Yashamaru informed the wall while rubbing his elbow.
"WELL THEY LOVE EACH OTHER IN THIS STORY. So...when a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY MUCH, the mommy makes a call to the stork who comes to New York and drops a diamond in a cabbage patch. Soon, pixies will come and use all their magical fairy dust to make that cabbage into a BABY!"
"My parents did something different." Ray told Chiyo. "They had s-"
"MY TURN!" Yashamaru faced Ray, who actually turned out to be the REAL Chiyo. "I wanna give a talk!"
"Alright...I forgot your name again."
"Twinkie." Yashamaru reminded the wall, who then nodded as if remembering something great.
"Oh yeah!"
"Alright R...when a BIOLOGICAL mommy and a BIOLOGICAL daddy convice each other to get in bed, the mommy puts her penis in the daddy's vagina...wait, no. Uh...what did I say?"
Chiyo thought for a loooong time. "I forgot!"
"ME TOO! HIGH FIVE!" Yashamaru high-fived the wall and Chiyo high-fived herself, laving Ray looking really pissed off.
"On second thought, I think I really need one of these." Raymond said to himself, opening a can of beer.
Team Gaara
Team Gaara removed their cake from the oven and decided to make it a wedding cake...yeah. A little Shikamaru as the groom and Temari as the bride...it was Temari's idea.
"Alright, who's going to jump out of it?" Gaara asked his siblings.
Temari raised her hand. "I VOLUNTEER...Kankuro, to be the guy who jumps out of the cake."
"I SECOND THAT-heyyy" Kankuro complained as Gaara dragged him to the cake and started to put him in.
/a few mintes later/
"Hah, we're done." Temari eyed the wedding cake, which had no sign of anyone being inside of it.
"Yeah...I guess..."as long as we beat Yashamaru." Gaara rested his chin against his hands on the tabletop as he waited for this contest to end.
Team Lee
Tenten took out the cheesecake she made and set it on the table, setting the empty bowl of cheesecake batter on the side. "Alright guys, time for toppings and all of that."
"Guys...I put my penis in that bowl of cheesecake batter." Lee giggled as Neji and Tenten nearly threw up again.
"WTF. I JUST LICKED THAT BOWL!" Neji used a gentle-fist technique and knocked Lee into a world of hurt, as he tried to spit out the taste of the batter.
"Ow..."
"Oh nasty, I am NOT going to eat anymore cake. Let's decorate it." Tenten frosted the edges of the cake with chocolate frosting, then put two strawberried in the center, two chocolate leaves next to them. "Voila."
"YAY TENTEN!" Lee and Tenten did that fist-high-five thingy. "I'M GOING TO HAVE A DATE TONIGHT!"
"Date?" Tenten stopped cheering.
"With Sakura-chan!"
"Oh...well have a good time."
"NO WAY!" Inner Tenten yelled angrily. "LIKE HELL WE'RE NOT SPYING ON THEIR DATE!"
"Neji...um...you wanna go out?" Tenten asked Neji, a plan hatching.
Neji raised an eyebrow. "Uh-"
"COMMERCIAL!" Ayame cut into the scene angrily. "NOW!"
----------------------------------
Hello, my name is Hyuuga Hiashi. A few weeks ago, a ferrari has beed reported stolen. How? Why? By who? We may naver know. Let's cut to a few scenes.
"My name is Marcus, and I'm the leader of the AKATSUKI ORGINIZATION OF WORLD DOMI-err...car incurance. And I also work for Geico. So, Mr. Geico lizard, is it true that customers report average annual savings of over 500 dollars?"
"Well, ye-"
/splat/
"YEE HAW!" the driver of a speeding blue ferrari drove away north, a dog barking along with him drowing out the sound of people screaming. Marcus looked down at the Geico Lizard's caracass and backed away slowly. "kay..."
Here is another.
"MOMMY! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" Inari tugged at the skirt of his mother and was hopping impatiently.
"Alright honey, let's just cross the street." Tsunami was about to lead Inari to cross the street when
/zoom/
"YEAH BITCH YEAH!" The driver of the speeding blue car's voice was heard all the way from where Tsunami was standing. Tsunami was in a state of shock when Inari was shaking with terror.
"I...d-don't haveta go anymore."
We've also interviewed a few people from the streets. Here's what they had to say.
Yondaime: Someone threw a paint can on my head...and it was FULL!
Konohamaru: I'M GLAD I'M STILL A REAL BOY!
Hanabi: That bitch was going at about a billion miles per hour, tops...but he ran over Konohamaru's bike. I told that dumbass to keep it on the damn sidewalk.
Konohamaru: HEYYYY, YOU THREW IT IN THE STREET!
Hanabi: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU MADE FUN OF ZUKO!
Konohamaru: Yeah, because YOU stole my animal crackers! And Zuko is UGLY!
Hanabi: DIE!
(censored)
As you can see, we are currently looking for the suspect of this uproarity...I actually wonder if he's also the same cause of the stolen bikes. If you have any suspicions, then call our news station.
------------------
Team Jiraiya
"Alright guys. Let's decorate this thing so I can go home and sleep." Tsunade frosted her vanilla creme cake yellow...yes. It was Jiraiya's idea to make it look like a Twinkie. How did he get Tsunade to agree with him? DO WHAT ALL MEN DO.
He flipped a coin and Jiraiya won.
"There. HAPPY NOW, JIRAIYA?"
"Yes...yes I am." Jiraiya said.
Tsunade couldn't take it anymore. "JIRAIYA, repeat after me. I would rather have you cut off my dick with a chainsaw than spend my life with Yashamaru."
"B-BUT I LOVE YASHAMARU!" Jiraiya cried.
"SAY IT."
"Fine...I'd rather have you vut off my dick with a chainsaw than spend my life with Yashamaru."
"Good."
Iruka was on the floor sleeping. Jiraiya sank down and closed his eyes, thinking about Yashamaru and began imagining the life they were going to have together.
"AHH, HOW PERFECT." Jiraiya was wearing a speedo in Hawaii on a hammock it rocked from side to side. Yashamaru came out wearing a towel around his his body.
"Twinkie, my love?" Yashamaru held up a Twinkie.
Jiraiya grinned "You bet."
Yashamaru stuck one end of the Twinkie in his mouth as Jiraiya closed his eyes and stuck the other end in his mouth, making them kiss.
Jiraiya oepened his eyes to see himself making out with his big toe...apparently, he must have fallen sleep, too. He looked up to see Tsunade, holding a chainsaw. "HOLD STILL."
"AHHHH!"
"ALRIGHT GUYS! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING! THE FIRST PART OF THE KONOHA BAKE-OFF IS OVER!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing, the sleepign people waking up, the sitting people standing up, and everyone crowding around the cake they made.
"Alright, now bring your entrees to the judges." Ayame motioned everyone to the judge table, where the judges waved hi.
"First up is Team Naruto"
"TADAA!" Naruto presented the judges with his cake. "A pots-n'-pans cake!"
"Do you expect me to eat that?" Oro looked with disgust at the cluster of melted pots and pans on a plate. "0."
Zabuza shrugged and tried a piece. "2."
Kashike tired a piece as well. "Um...I'm gonna be nice. THIS IS THE WORST SHIT I'VE EVER ATE! NEGATIVE TWELVE!"
"TEN!" Gina held up a little cardboard piece that says 10, then winked at Sasuke.
Oro, Zabuza, Kashike, and Gina nodded at Team Naruto, who took their piece and walked away.
"Next is Team Ino."
"Uh...heh heh...we don't have one." Ino smiled and tried to win the judgs over with her looks.
Oro blinked. "0."
Zabuka blinked as well. "I'll rate you guys on your looks, just to be fun. Zero for the girl. Ten for the smart-guy. Negative Ten for the fat guy. Ay kay ay, 0."
"TEN! I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT!" Kashike smiled at Ino.
"I know." Ino smiled back.
"Dude, what the hell, there's not even any cake. Zero." Gina gave her number, then nodded.
"Next is Team Raymond."
Raymond sighed and place a burnt piece of twinkie with egg shells sticking out of it. Oro tried it first.
"3."
Zabuza tried it next. "4."
"Dude I like owe you my life." Kashike nodded at Yashamaru, then tried a piece of the cake. "8"
"And 0." Gina said, lowering her eyes to the list. "Next is team Gaara."
Temari pulled a wagon with giant wedding cake, then Kankuro jumped out of it. "TA-DAA!"
"Yays!" Oro clapped his hands, then stopped clapping when he noticed everyone staring at him. He tried a piece. "I mean...6."
"Uh...5." Zabuza said as he tried the cake. "It's kinda wierd."
Kashike sampled a piece, then looked at the contestants. Her eyes locked on Gaara. "You owe me Skechers. " (will be explained at the end of the chapter) "3."
"And 0." Gina said, without even trying a piece.. "Next is Team Lee."
"OH YEAH!" Tenten broguht a cheesecake and set it in front of the judges. "Try it!"
All of the judges tried it.
"10."
"10..."
"10"
"0...and I'm not trying any of that nasty stuff." Gina pushed the cake away. "Last is Jiraiya."
"Here's our cake!" Jiraiya set his Twinkie cake down, then noticed Yashamaru staring angrily at him. "Uh..."
"PHILLIP!" Yashamaru called out to the cake, then punched Jiraiya HARD...who actually turned out to be Iruka. He made a grab for the cake, but the judges have already finished eating it.
"10, 10, 10, 0."
"NOOO!" Yashamaru cired out as Ray dragged him back to his station. "BITCHES! GIVE BACK MY SON!"
"Son?" Jiraiya stared at Yashamaru. "You're married?"
"YEAH!" Yashamaru fumbeled in his apron pocket and showed Jiraiya a picture of his wife. "SEE?"
"-...CHIYO!?"
"YES!" Yashamaru grabbed his wallet back and waved bye-bye at Jiraiya.
'It's true..." Chiyo closed her eyes. "Me and Yashamaru got married."
"What?"
"We were drunk at the time, okay? We gotta go." Chiyo dragged Yashamaru out of the building.
Gaara made a move towards them. ":HEY WAIT-"
/thump/
"Uhhh..." Gaara fell into a deep sleep as Raymond tossed aside the frying pan that he hit Gaara with, then dragged his unconcious body out of the building.
"Hey!" Temari and Kankuro made a start towards Raymond, but stopped when he took out a gun and pointed it at Teuchi
"ANYONE FOLLOWS ME OR...OR, I'LL SHOOT HIM!"
"Don't shoot Teuchi!" Ayame said to Raymond. "He's the one who gives me money."
"Later." Raymond left with Gaara.
Silence
Sasuke broke the silence. "...what the hell just happened?"
"Dunno. We will now announce the winner, back to your stations people!" The audience watched as everyone rushed back to their stations yet again.
"Alright...first place, with 10,000 is Neji's team with 31 points!"
"31?" Gina looked around. "Who gave him a point?"
"Over here." Ayame waved at Gina as Neji's team was jumping up and down cheering. "Hah...Second is, with the Easy Bake Oven, Jiraiya's team with 30 points!"
"Forget it." Jiraiya sat gloomily. "An Easy Bake oven is nothing without Yashamaru."
"HEY!" Tsunade held up a chainsaw.
"I MEAN-yay?"
"Third place, with 15 points, is Team Raymond with the Twinkie placemats-"
"MOVE IT!" The elevator door opened and out stepped Yashamaru, who ran to the stage and snatched the placemats. He left again as soon as he claimed his prize.
"And that concludes the Konoha New York bake-off!" Ayame said as Teuchi turned off the camera.
/later/
"HA-HA, SASUKE! LOOKS LIKE I GET A DATE!" Lee waved the 10,000 check in Sasuke's face.
Sasuke thought, then smirked. "Alright, Lee...I hope you and Naruto have a good time."
"WE WILL-wait...what?" Lee put on a shocked face as Sasuke grinned.
"You said you wanted a date with my teammate...you never said it had to be Sakura." Sasuke said and led Sakura and Kakashi away towards the elevator.
"YES! MY FIRST DATE!" Naruto cheered and hugged Lee, who shoved him off.
"SASUKE! LIKE HELL I'M NOT CALLING OROCHIMARU FOR YOUR BRITHDAY!"
"DO IT AND I'LL CALL HAKU." Sasuke yelled at him from the elevator.
Lee sighed, "FINE! It's a date!"
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So that's chapter 6...sorry for a really bad judge scene. DON'T BLAME ME. XD
Kimi: AGAIN, I'm underused.
Next chapter summary:
What happens on Lee and Naruto's date? And now that Marcus has Gaara, what's his plan? And check out the hottest new boy band!
Stay tuned to find out, etc.