Hey guys. sorry it took a while to update. Writers block...and I was kinda busy as well.
Note: This story is completely fiction. I'm NOT going to become a writer and literature, so my details/descriptions/etc.will not be that good. This is just what I do when I'm bored. I used some quotes/scenarios out of my favorite shows, so if you see familiar scenes from /insert show here/ then yeah. Don't blame me. XD Note that also that some of my characters are minor characters that only appear in 2 or 3 episodes, but they are some of my favorite minor characters, so if you're not used to their names then don't blame me. X
I mean...who the hell cares about Kashike anyway?
Fun fact: This might be the only story on who uses Kashike in it. Because she only appeared on Naruto for like...a few seconds, in two episodes.
Kashike: HEEEY! -.- I SHOULD be a major character...persuming I'm alive in the current Naruto episodes. For those of you who don't know, my name is Kashike, and I'm the little girl who-
That's enough they get the point. X.x Kimi say the disclaimer.
Kimi: Naruto is copyright of Kishimoto. Not of Madara. Also, although this story has Naruto characters in it, there are rarely any use of jutsus and there is like no fighting. Only the fact that they are living in Manhattan, except that Manhattan is remaned Konoha. The dead are also brought back to life. Characters are also OOC. If you have any problems with this, then stop reading the story.
Kimimaro is right. Also, this chapter has death to some of the major characters, so if you're a fan of the people who die in this chapter, then sorry.
Kimi: I read the chapter ahead of time. BEST. CHAPTER. EVER.
Kimi's just excited because...well...I'm not gonna spoil it.
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"Uh...hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Konoha New York "fanfiction" of random thoughts! Uh...we are here to present one of the VERY important chapters of the series!" The blonde ninja with the purple eyes and long hair explained to you, the viewer, sitting in front of the computer screen. He was 'reading' a document, and by reading I mean making up words as he goes along. Yashamaru, along with his wife, didn't know how to read well.
A man was leaning against the wall near Yashamaru with his arms crossed. He wore a navy blue suit and looked very impatient, with his eyes closed and the usual frown on his face. "And why is that?"
"Uh...I don't even know."
"HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW!" Chiyo shouted from another room.
"Well...because I'm supposed to reveal a shocking fact about me somewhere in this chapter!"
/cricket chirp/
"...also...uh..." Yashamaru forgot his line and took out group of index cards from his pocket. Raymond sighed as Yashamaru put one behind the other and read the card now facing him. "Uh...people die!"
/dun dun DUN DUNNN!!!!/
Chiyo answered her cell phone after hearing her creepy ringtone. "Hello Marcus. We have not captured the jinchuriki yet..."
"WE ARE NEVER GOING TO CAPTURE HIM OR ANY OF THEM! IT'S OBVIOUS THE AUTHOR DOESN'T WANT US TO JOIN THE AKATSUKI!!!!"
/long silence/
Chiyo finally broke the silence. "...wow...Raymond...I bet all your shouting left the viewers deaf..." her old blue(are they blue? o.o) eyes scanned the red-faced kazekage. "Or...in this case...blind...viewers, I'm sorry Raymond shouted. And Raymond will apologize. Right, Ray?"
"NEVER!!!! The viewers...the author...have more power...than I..." Raymond was exhausted from all the yelling he did. He panted while Chiyo still chatted with Marcus in the background. "...and why are we even filming this? It's not like we have a lot of viewers anyway."
"HI VIEWERS? DO YOU WANT A TWINKIE?"
"NO!" Raymond lunged at Yashamaru before he shoved a twinkie into the camera lens and succeeded, knocking him down in the process.
"Oww..."
Note
Raymond did NOT just knock anybody down. Knocking people down purposely is considered assault and is illegal.
Raymond cannot be arrested due to the fact that he is important in this chapter
In order to create a distraction for you to forget that he knocked somebody down,
Here is Yashamaru busting a freestyle. Yo.
"Yo! Check it! Uh...yo! Yo!...yo!"
That is all.
- - -
New Konoha, the Modern Naruto Story!
Chapter 9, Nameless Chapter
Chapter dedicated to all my friends. Kimi will now give a shout out to MissGuitarManiac, one of my reviewers.
Kimi: Sasuke pwns Neji! MGM rocks! Oh my god...you get it? MissGuitarManiac rocks...because...a guitar...rock music...WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER LAUGH AT MY JOKES?! anyway MGM, if you're reading this which you have to be, then you are awesome! Thanks for curing Madara of writers block. Maybe she will add ME in the next chapter?
Fat chance.
Kimi: Aww...btw, MGM...I stole your Dibs! MUHAHA!
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/yesterday/
"Gaara, come with me to Target." The once-again covered-in-wounds-from-unskilled-crocodile-taming Karura entered the crocodile hut and asked her youngest and best-looking son...did I say asked? I meant ordered.
Gaara's eyes opened from his nap on his mother's hammock, then he stifled a yawn. If there was one thing he was scared of, it was the only person who could frighten the living daylights out of his fearless father Raymond...and what's-his-face.
"Come on everybody let's go! Let's get in the car! And drive to a place! I KNOW THAT WE CAN DO IT! Where are we going: TARGET!" Shukaku sang the song wrong as he admired his Nikes. "Right, Gaara?"
"Well WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A MAP ANYMORE!" Gaara once again appeared to be shouting to himself.
Karura raised her eyebrows and ran her bleeding fingers through Gaara's hair. "Do you have schizophrenia or whatever the hell it's called? Because you're talking to yourself again..."
"We don't need a map! We can just ask the viewers!"
"I'm Gaara the Explara, I don't need a map to know where I'm going..." Gaara snapped back at Shukaku...
"Gaara are you okay...you're talking to yourself again...and Explara is not even a real word..."
"Or maybe you're just not a good Explarer." Shukaku was now wearing a can-can dress. "Now leave my living room you...you...you not-good-explarer!"
The doorbell rang and a blue mouse arrow barged into Shukaku's living room, knocking down his white-wooden front door.
"NO! NOOO! FINE! I TAKE IT BACK! YOU'RE THE BEST EXPLARER EVER! JUST GET THE MOUSE AWAY FROM ME!"
"Thought so." Gaara was satisfied with Shukaku's begging for mercy as he then faces Karura. "Oh...what were you saying?"
"Let's go." Gaara and his mom walked across the street (looking both ways first) to the Mega Target's entrance. They stapped on the black rug and the doors magically opened for them, allowing them to step inside.
"Hey Jackass, you know whenever you go to a store and the doors magically open for you?" Shukaku was dancing the can-can, but then he set the music on pause in order to state this fact to Gaara. "It's because they're AFRAID of my powerful self!"
"Whatever..." Gaara mumbled, then followed Karura as she pushed the red cart to the kitchenware aisle.
"Alright..." Karura stopped in one of the aisles and pushed the car parallel to the aisle walls, then held up a tea kettle, a pretty blue one with an ocean design with a brown and green palm-tree handle. "This is so nice..."
Gaara froze, trembling as Karura held out the tea kettle in his face. He then regainced his voice and shouted so loud that everyone in the store can hear him. "Get it AWAY!!!!
(Note from Madara: The following underlined text (does underline even show on Aw, whatever. If it's not underlined, then it's just the part with the gourd. Anyway, the underline means that's he's talking to you, sitting her reading this. Just play along.)
I need your help!" Gaara shouted to you. "Will you ask Gourdy if he has something inside of him to get rid of this evil hell object? To open him, you have to shout "Gourdy!"
"LOUDER!"
You are pummeling down into another dimmension inside Gaara's gourd. one where you are floating in space, a space colored beige...or whatever color sand is. Sand brown. In the middle is a gourd with a pissed-off expression on his face, being forced to sing the song he made up.
"Gourdy Gourdy...Gourdy Gourdy...grab me and load me up with things and nicknacks too...anything that you may need I got inside for you...Gourdy Gourdy...Gourdy Gourdy...yeah." The gourd showed no sign of being excited or happy to do this. He would have cursed Gaara out, but he only gets paid to sing the song.
"Gaara...I mean, WE...need YOUR help. Due to Gaara's irrational fear of tea kettles, we need something that will destroy it. WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN DOING THIS? I WANTED TO BECOME A VETERINARIAN...I mean...which of these things should Gaara take out in order to...destory that tea kettle?"
Sand
Sand
Sand
Some More Sand
Or Sand
"You're right! In order to defeat the Tea Kettle Monster, we need sand." The gourd spit out some sand and then kept the rest of it inside him. "Yumyumyum...delici- this tastes like SHIT!" Gourdy spit out the rest of the sand and then you were transferred back into your own dimmension.
Gaara used the sand that was outside with him to smash the tea kettle into little smithereens and then crush the others ones with a desert funeral. "MY FOREHEAD MAY SAY 'LOVE' BUT I CAN HATE EVEN MORE!"
"...what...the hell..." Karura stared at the mess dumbfoundedly.
"WE DID IT!" Gaara was the only one shouting and raising his fist into the air.
"...well Gaara if you're going to act like a little bitch, then you better wait outside."
"FIIINE." Gaara stormed out of the store outside to wait for Karura. When he reached outside, people were exclaiming and pointing up at the sky in a shocked manner, so Gaara raised his eyes to see what everyone was looking at.
"Oh...my god..."
"I NEED YOUR HELP AGAIN! TELL GOURDY TO-Wait...GOURDY WHERE ARE YOU?!"
"I'm on my break." The gourd was inside target's food court, eating nachos with chili cheese. "Mmm..."
/insert painful scream here/
(will be explained later in the chapter)
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/the next day/
"KASHIKE! WHAT TIME IS IT?!!!"
Kashike glanced down at her watch, whose hands pointed to 2:00, then shouted across the field to the swordsman Zabuza. "Time for InuYasha!"
Kashike, minor character: Mmm...Sesshomaru...
"Why me..." Itachi murmered to himself as he hung from a tree, but Gina caught the question and answered it for him anyway. "Because I don't like you and you don't like me! And even if you did like me I'd still beat you with the bat in front of Sasuke!"
"Sasuke's not here. He left a few minutes ago with Neji." Zabuza informed the crazy pinata hitter Gina.
Zabuza, member of the Swordsman Committee: Actually Sasuke's still here...but I will do anything to upset Gina! MUHAHAHA!
"...damn. That's a problem." Gina scratched her head and closed her eyes. "Uh...Ayame will go hunt them down as I hit Itachi with this baseball bat!"
"Time for me to hit you into a home run!" Gina cackled while imagining the sweet sight of Itachi being hit with a bat and running back home to his apartment. Everyone else just sweatdropped, especially the tied up Itachi, who merely sighed out his comment.
"That's an old joke."
"...well...so is your face!"
"Gina! COME HERE!" Zabuza yelled at the Gina from the bleachers.
"Uhhh...fine." Gina tossed the bat outside then put her face near Itachi, who was still hanging from the tree, and then put her her sisnister Terminator voice. "I'll be back."
She sprinted to Zabuza and smacked his face.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"Nothing!"
"Okay...now...are you fearless?
"I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!" Gina punched the air multiple times. "Yeah! BRING IT ON!" Her fingers then pretended to mimic playing a guitar as she bit her lower lip for about thirty seconds, then she stoped. "Uh...name it."
Zabuza then happily gave Gina the task. "Go to the Publix over there and get the twinkies-
"HELL NO! THE DEMON THAT WE TRIED TO GET THEM FROM SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!" Gina hid behind Neji and shoved him forward, Neji crying out 'hey!' "Since Mr. TOUGH HYUGA BALLERINA believes his destiny is to be stronger than EVERYBODY, I vote that he goes!"
"What demon? Kyuubi? Shukaku?"
"Noooo way. They suck. There's an even stronger and SCARIER demon that awaits you, Neji-boy. Trust me, this one's even SCARIER than , Yugito, Nibi, Naruto, Kyuubi..." Gina kept on counting fingers and naming other frightening monsters as Ayame shoved Sasuke forward.
"Then Mr. Boy Scout can do it as well!" Ayame laughed as Sasuke stumbled but then fixed his posture to look like he's about ready to kill the demon.
"Fine then...I AM an Uchiha. Fear NEVER crosses my mind." His Sharingan activated and he gave a growl with excitement for a fight. BRING IT ON!
"The demon me and Ayame ran into, man he was even a million times frightening as Orochimaru!"
"Actually I DO have a doctors appointment today! See ya!" Sasuke dashed to the door for his life but was pulled back by a lasso that Ayame threw. "Damn..."
Ayame smiled at Sasuke through gritted teeth. "We love you Sasuke! That's why we put all out faith in you to go get the twinkies by yourself and leave Neji here with us so he can live! I mean...not take part in any action, so you can show how strong you are-"
"Or we can all go." Zabuza shrugged and grabbed his wallet. What should we do?
Ayame did a no way motion with her arms as she shook her head vigorously as Gina took her index and middle right hand fingers and pointed them to the side her head, then made a sound imitating a gunshot. "NO."
"So that's a yes?" Zabuza's eyes narrowed and his smile turned into a frown.
"Nope."
"Maybe THIS will change your mind!" With the THIS pronounced in emphasis, Zabuza grabbed the handle of the sword in his sword-holder-thingy (I forgot the name of it. x.x) and pulled out what seemed to be a huge sword at first. Kashike screamed and crawled behind the bleachers in terror, Ayame and Gina let out a small shriek, and Neji and Sasuke stared at the HUGE sword for a few seconds, Neji then breaking the speechless moment.
"Zabuza. That's a butter knife."
"My sword is at the cleaners." Zabuza slipped his butter knife back into the sword-holder, then dragged everyone along to the same Publix they went to earlier.
The scene at Publix when NEJI got there was one of quietness. The aisles were deserted of people except for one, but the store was still full. Shoppers were crowded all around the twinkie aisle, where the only sound was one of light crying and grief. Zabuza and the others pushed their way to the front of the crowd where there was a circle. In the circle was a old woman and a man standing behind a blonde medical ninja on his knees, who was talking softly in front of a box of twinkies, which apparently seemed to have been shot to death with a paintball gun.
Gina froze, then itched the back of her head while laughing nervously. "Uh...who could have done such a terrible thing?"
Neji spoke softly to a man next to him. "What happened?" to which the man answered with "Why are you wearing a speedo? And a cowboy hat?"
THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN
"Johnny..." sniff, "Phillip..." another sniff, the crying ninja appeared to be reciting the names of the twinkies, which were now a mess of creme and pieces of sponge cake on the floor.
"Neji...now's your chance...sneak a box from the shelf..." Ayame nudged Neji, who nodded in reply and crept toward the shelf.
"Don't worry...we'll, uh, get you a new box of twinkies!" Raymond suggested in a bright tone in an attempt to change the mood of the grocery store customers.
"Twinkies...?" Yashamaru was still facing his back to everybody. "I don't want twinkies...
I WANT REVENGE!!!" Yashamaru whirled around with flames in his eyes and pointed teeth in a snarl that sent all the shoppers in blood-curdling screams and running straight to the door and back outside where it was safe. THe NEJI members were brave enough to stay and fight Yashamaru, but they were only moments away from running the hell out of there like everyone else.
"You...one of you..." Yashamaru's purpley-blue pupils went from Ayame to Neji to Zabuza to Gina to Kashike, then his eyes settled on Gina.
Target locked.
"AHHHH!" Gina and the others's courage mustered out and they all ran outside screaming for help.
The only people remaining in the store were Raymond and Chiyo, who were still trembling, Yashamaru, who was still growling. "Yashamaru..." Ray spoke in a soothing tone. "At least nobody got hurt-"
"HURT?! TELL THAT TO THE TWINKIES AND WE'LL SEE WHO'S HURT!"
/meanwhile/
"Neji! You DID manage to sneak a twinkie or two, riiight?" Gina's smile was sly as she shoved Neji onto the ground just for her amusement. Neji snarled and spat at her feet. "No.
But I did get this chocolate ice-cream donut." The colorless-eyed Hyuga placed the donut on the stump of a tree, a napkin underneath it.
"AWW!" Kashike cooed. "He's so cute! What's his name?"
"IT doesn't have a name." Neji rolled his eyes to the sky. Gina, Ayame, and Zabuza looked up there too, but they didn't see anything. Kashike tickled the donut half-expecting it to giggle like a baby.
"I shall call him-"
"CHARLIE!" Ayame named the donut officially, then wiped some crumbs off her gray body-suit. "And during the Wild West Paintball fight, he should be rubbed on the shirtless Neji!"
"NO! Sasuke!" The Sasuke-fangirl shoved Ayame, but Ayame didn't budge.
"Neji!
"Sasuke!"
"NEJI!"
"SASUKE!"
/bird cry/
Their fight was interrupted by a blur of white papery feathers and the disappearance of Charlie. The NEJI members looked around quickly, then raides their eyes to the partly-cloudy sky, where there was a large white-paper bird clutching the donut in its talons. The bird appeared to give the group the finger, then flew away cawing laughter.
"Charliiiie! DAMN!"
"What do we do? Do we buy new donuts?" Gina asked as Itachi was grumbling and complaining due to the rope cutting his blood ciculation.
"No...we buy tickets. To the Konoha Island Ferry. Two, me and Neji only." Ayame decided to ditch the field and proceed with Operation Confess To Neji, Gina, Kashike, Zabuza, Sasuke, and Neji following her, Itachi yelling after them.
--------------------------------
For many years questions have been asked in the city of Konoha New York. Questions such as "Do you have food?" and "Did you say something? But...answers were never found.
Actually...answers were found, but for this sake we're going to pretend they weren't. More questions were asked, particularly this one question repeatedly asked by one man, a man like every other, except he was more powerful: Raymond, the Kazekage of Suna, New York.
Raymond's dream is to be one of the Akatsuki, but the problem is that his two moronic friends kept on ruining the chance for him. This time, he finally arranged a meeting to meet the leader for lunch at a japanese sushi restaurant by Suna's bay, called "The Ninja Star". Will Raymond succeed and be a part of the Akatsuki? What influenced him to be a part of the Akatsuki? Well, you'll be suprised to find out that the idea that started this all is older than your account.
"Well, finally we're here-"
"Raymond! I had a dream in which everyone in it told me that you sucked!" Chiyo ran up to Raymond excitedly, Raymond with a facial expression that seemed like he was about to punch Chiyo right now despite her old age if it weren't for Marcus arriving at the scene at that moment. Raymond is the type of person who'll fight anybody.
"HOLY MOTHER OF- oh...it's Chiyo...uh...hm." Raymond crossed his arms in an I-don't care pose as the old medical ninja kept on raving about her experience.
"Do you want me to have a flashback-"
"HELL NO! SHUT THE HELL UP!" After Raymond's outburst, Chiyo's face turned into surprised first, then anger. "FIIINE! Then maybe I'll tell everyone about the time we went to see High School Musi-"
"NO!" A hand clapped Chiyo's mouth and a harsh whisper was heard into her ear. "Don't tell Marcus about that day! Listen...act like you're an intellect and lie your ass off and I'll play bingo with you every night!"
"Deal!" Chiyo shook hands with Ray and apprehensively chuckled as the Akatsuki leader approached them.
"Raymond. Chiyo...uh...wasn't there a third one of you guys?"
"NO! No! Of course not!" Raymond laughed fakely and followed, Chiyo behind him as the Akatsuki Leader led the trio into the restaurant where a waiter led them to a little table with cushions on the floor, such as any japanese family will eat at. The restaurant was dark, and there were tables everywhere where the chef will cook right in front of them. However, Marcus requested a mat in which they will eat at in order for them to feel more like family. The leader, in serious doubts he will be recruiting the two Suna New Yorkers, sat down on one of the cusions and then popped the question.
"So...how do you guys know each other?"
"Uh..." Chiyo put her arm around Raymond's shoulder. "We're married!"
"We're FRIENDS." Raymond took Chiyo's wrinkled arm and set it gently back on her lapm, smiling nervously, sweating a little. "And, Sir Marcus, I must say that's a nice haircut you have!" Raymond schmoozed.
"Why thank you." Marcus cleared his throat after Ray complimented him, then his eyes scanned the old lady. "And uh...did I forget to tell you to dress formally?"
"THIS IS FORMAL!" She tugged at the orange fabric she was wearing to indicate her formality. "Apple Bottoms."
"...oh...well...uh...how long were you friends?"
"I married him in 2045!"
Marcus was confused. "That year hasn't happened yet."
"And our sons were the Beatles, and our grandchildren are all of the guys in Miami Heat...except Wade. Yashamaru's his daddy."
"Um-"
"And I discovered America, invented the light bulb, iPod, oxygen, but sadly I died a few years ago. Now enough about me! Now I'll tell you Raymond's life!"
Raymond interrupted. "Chiyo, uh...thank you but I'm sure Marcus has more questions."
"Yes..." The leader went on with his interview. "Are you aware that-"
"RAY-MOND!"
"I say Raymond, that ninja over there by the door, is he calling your name?" Marcus nodded toward the same ninja that was crying over the twinkies earlier, this time holding a funnel and a beer bottle. "I must say...she's quite the looker..."
"No! Im sure it's another Raymond-"
"Raymond I-never-knew-your-last-name! And Chiyo!" Yashamaru skipped over to the table, hitting a few people with the beer bottle on the way. "And...Marcus...by the way I'm a guy."
"Oh." Marcus blinked, but the drunken one sat down next to Raymond and nudged him. "Good news Ray, I didn't spill my beer!"
"Good for you..." Raymond sarcastically clapped but was ignored by Yashamaru. "Why don't you go blow yourself up?"
"Raymond...that wouldn't be a good idea...last time he actually did it. " Chiyo warned her brown-haired friend, a questioning look from the leader. Yashamaru explained for them.
"He told me to once like...six years ago. But I didn't know he was kidding!"
"It was seven years ago. And to get you to do anything is an easy task!" The Kazekage, having no sense of humor, didn't join in his teammate's crazy laughter but rather grunt disgustedly like Marcus. Yashamaru ignored him and then caught sight of Marcus's tuxedo.
"Wow, I must say Sir Marcus! I LOVE your suit!" Marcus's suit was an imported black tux he got from Louis Vuitton, paid 3,000 dollars on Bamzu.
"Thanks." The leader's voice showed no sign of gratitude.
"It has a certain 'Je ne sais crois'" The blond ninja felt some of the fabric as Marcus brushed away his fingers, sipping some Coke through a straw.
/Marcus's pov/
"So...how come we never found the jinchuriki we worked SO hard to capture?" I was tired of my own employees losing the people that they had to abduct, and I'd rather not go into details about them. After years of running a corporation, we've only extracted two bijuu...
"Uh...a jinchuriki? Do those taste good?" One of the two not-so-intelligent medical ninja asked me, the one who just touched my suit, a blonde ninja who's name I can never remember...maybe it was Jerry or something...but I've seen him somewhere a long time ago...perhaps in a magazine or something? I thought. He doesn't really look anything at all like the smarter and most powerful of the three, Raymond...I don't know his last name.He went on with his explination. "You see-"
"HOW ABOUT IF WE GIVE OUR EXPLAINATION FIRST?" Chiyo, the old lady and the weaker of the three, shouted rudely at Raymond, telling him to shut up. It seems as the man furrowed his eyebrows and let Chiyo continue. From her resume, she said she was a puppet master, and a skilled one at that, being the grandmother of one of my employees, Asking the question again, I now turned my eyes to the old lady...
"Why didn't you find the jinchuriki?"
"Meteor." Chiyo and the blonde ninja said at exactly the same time. Ray sadly shook his head and banged it on the table repeatedly due to his career going bye bye. That's right, I thought telepathically at him. Actually, I knew EXACTLY what happened that couldn't get them to capture the jinchuriki...but I decided to play along. I'm so evil.
"...a meteor?"
"Yes!" The two of them spoke at the same moment again, and then both went into a different explination about the event.
"-we were driving the car and WHOOSH! meteors came from the sky and started crashing into things like that movie-"
"-and then all of a sudden BAM!" Yashamaru threw his arms out for emphasis. "there was a HUGE one and it landed a few feet away from a Target! It created a crater in the middle of the street and all the cars were falling in and everyone was screaming. I ran out of the Target that happened to be right next to where the meteor hit, and I looked into the crater-"
"-and in the crater there was a meteor on top of some poor person, and in the meteor was an egg-like creature. At first I thought it was a Yolkian, but then I said 'that can't be'! Because first of all that was just a movie, and second of all, the Yolkians fly a chicken spaceship-"
"-and the egg all of a sudden hatched and a twinkie came out of it! Then come more twinkies came out of the meteorite and they started climbing out of the crater and boy it was SCARY-"
"-so the evil twinkies came and crawled up onto this guy's head, then attached to it like a leech and then drained out all of his memory!"
"-the twinkies LOOKED like twinkies...but there was something different about them...something...inhumane...they blew fire at everybody too!-"
"-and then the guy started talking like a zombie! and the facial expression of him looked like that of a zombie!-"
"-and you know how twinkies have different flavors like vanilla, strawberry, and banana creme?...well...these twinkies didn't taste like anything...nothing at all."
"-and now we were chosen as Zombie hunters! Like something out of Stephen King! And now, young orange-haired man, you better start telling us about your zombie plans..." Chiyo's voice had a note of warning.
"And now all of my dreams are shattered." Raymond moaned in despair as I tapped my chin for a moment, pondering their excuse. "Hm...come to think of it, the other people ARE acting like zombies...
/end Marcus's pov/
But I am going to give you guys ONE LAST CHANCE." The leader said the last three words with words of stern in his tone. "This is your assignment. IF you do not kill the jinchuriki before Shukaku gets out, you are never going to be members and I'll kill off all of you. Okay?"
"Yashamaru! ASS-ignment!" Chiyo nudged Yashamaru and the two erupted into stifled laughter as Raymond nodded seriously and shook Marcus's hand with means that he'll do ANYTHING to capture Gaara. "Yes sir."
"Very well. Now. Let's order."
------------------------------
The members of Team Ino-Shika-Cho were in their apartment's living room, which had a zebra motif. Zebra carpet, Zebra chair, 48 inch plasma screen, a window with a view, and the black-and-white zebra-themed kitchen in a corner by the entrance. Where does Asuma get the money to buy all this stuff? Well...I'll explain that in Chapter 10!
Ino was lounging on the couch flipping through a History magazine while doing her History homework while Chouji was on his stomach doing his science homework while eating from multiple bags of Sour Cream n' Onion Lays. "Why does he give us these detailed diagrams! They almost look so lifelike!"
"Hey, Jiraiya-sensei's also an illustrator, you know." Ino found an answer to one of the questions, then she wrote it down in the blank. "Choji...do you think Paul Revere's ass is hotter than George Washington's? And I'm talking about when they were both 18."
"Hmm." The fat one was comparing sized and shape structure of potato chips, when eating them.
"I'm writing about that for my Final paper."
"Yeah..." Choji wasn't paying attantion any more, but just devouring more chips. He stopped and looked up when the doorknob rattled and then Shikamaru entered the room with some mail. "Yo."
"Shikamaru!" Ino tossed her homework aside and jumped off the couch, running to Shikamaru and giving him a hug. "Who's ass is hotter? Paul Revere's or George Was-"
"We got mail." Ino and Choji gasped in shock as this news and crowded around Shikamaru as he tore the envelope open and pulled out a stiff piece of paper shaped like a tuxedo. The rest of the mail went on the end table in front of the lamp with zebra lampshade.
"READ IT!"
"Okay!" Shikamaru began to read the letter out loud.
"Dear Students
The Eighth Grade Class of Konoha New York Middle School requests the pleasure of your company as the KNY Dinner Dance on Friday-"
"That's tommorrow!" Ino hissed to Choji, who nodded in reply and stuffed another twelve potato chips into his mouth. Shikamaru continued.
"May 18th, 2007 at 7:30 pm. Konoha New York Banquet Center, third floor. Paint the town red. P.S.: Girls dresses must not exceed the knees...that's wierd..." Shikamaru remarked. "It's supposed to be longer than knee-length..."
"There's more on the back!" Ino pointed out. The lazy genius turned the card around and read the back. "It says 'Jiraiya was here. Bitchin'."
"THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING NOW!" The blonde female pulled Shikamaru and Choji off of the couch. "And guess who's paying for my dress!"
------------------------------
"Neji...the statue of liberty is one of the most important landmarks in history..and has a romantic view, doesn't it?" she asked flirtatiously at Neji, who was gazing at the skyscrapers of Konoha New York.
"I guess..."
The two were on top of the Statue of Liberty, looking out at the sunset at the view of the buildings, lights beginning to flicker on and the water turning a shining orange-blue. Stars also began to appear in the sky.
"GO AYAME GO!!!" Gina and Kashike were watching the scene through binoculars at the pier. Zabuza was eating a hot dog while Sasuke was nowhere in sight.'
"Where's Sasuke?"
"...crap." Gina ran onto the nearest ferry to the statue, throwing some money at the ticket man as she ran past him. "I'LL BE BACK!"
"Neji...I brought you here against your will to tell you something."
"Yeah?"
"Neji...I-"
/splat/
"NASTY!" Neji ran his hands in disgust through his long brown hair trying to get whatever landed on his head off, however the white stuff just kept on spreading. Ayame was deciding between getting her hands dirty and helping her 'boyfriend'. Her hands won. "Uh...sorry Neji-kun! I'm...allergic to all things white!"
"AYAME-"
"Sorry!" Ayame and Neji both looked up at somebody on top of the statue, a ninja with blode hair in a ponytail with a flock of white pidgeon-sized birds. "Is there a problem?"
"DAMN YEAH! Not only were you eavesdropping on MY conversation, but one of your birds crapped on NEJI-KUN'S BEAUTIFUL BROWN HAIR!" Ayame shook her fist angrily at Deidara. "Seriously! The one that landed on Neji's head was THIS big!" Ayame extended her arms as far as she could, indicating that the bird must have eaten something about three feet long.
"Uh...not likely. None of my birds would try to do that on purpose. Which one?"
"THAT ONE!" Ayame pointed to a bird which seemed to be giving her a mean glare.
"Oh...then it WAS doing it on purpose. He doesn't like people." Deidara laughed nervously as Sasuke entered the Statue of Liberty's veranda-head, binoculars around his denim-blue Uchiha shirt and Hollister shorts. "Hey..."
"YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?! I'LL HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN IN PT. 10! GRRR!"
"Uhhhhh-"
"THE NEXT PERSON WHO INTERRUPTS MY CONFESSION DIES!"
"Waitwaitwaitwait...hold up." Ayame studied Sasuke for a quick moment...her being with Neji had caused her to forget anyone else existed, "who are you again?"
"I'm SASUKE UCHIHA! Sole survivor of the Uchiha clan."
"Yeah but Itachi survived too! And that means you're a liar!" Ayame's face turned into one of disgust. "And...I don't like liars. Whatever-"
"Aren't you one of the people who held me captive for the paintball thing?" Sasuke couldn't remember if Ayame was there or not, also he forgot her name. "And what's your name anyway?"
"Uh...I am Neptune, god of the sea! I control water and rule the Water Tribe of the east lands!"
"...well...okay, but uh..." Sasuke glanced at Neji's hair. "What happened to him?"
A few minutes of silence passed, then was broken by a voice in the statue's doorway.
"Sasuke Uchiha!"
"What-" Sasuke whirled around to see Gina running toward him up the stairs. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY LAST NAME?!!!"
"Uh...well, that's hard to explain."
I mean...some of my best friends don't know my last name... Sasuke thought to himself.
"Anyway, I'm here to tell you my story and convice you to join NEJI." Gina hugged Sasuke, who rolled his eyes at her.
"Wasn't I already part of it? Whatever."
"Last night! I had a dream!" Gina threw her arms out and went into a dramatic explination about her dream.
"I was in a desert...an empty oasis...no food...or water...and I was THIRSTY!" When she said thirsty, she said it as if she was dehydrated. "I was dying of thirst...when all of a sudden...out of a hole in the sky...a cow flew toward me!"
"...a cow-"
Gina kept on going despite the interruptions. "Hurray! I'm saved, I thought! And so I begged the cow, 'please, let me have some of your milk!'. The cow said, 'In this land, I am forbidden to give milk. The only drink allowed in this land is
Diet Coke." Gina's fear seemed like one she would have if she heard that Sasuke was killed by Itachi.
"NOOOOO!" Sasuke and Ayame screamed in horror.
"The cow said 'Do not worry, however! There is a place where you can feel safe!' and the cow pointed east...and was that a building I saw? I thought. I walked closer to the building and entered. Dazzling lights blinded my sight, and a voice said 'Welcome to N.E.J.I., a source where all of our members are our first priority-"
"You KIDNAP people and not feed them for about a WEEK." grumbled the Hyuga male. "AND try to feed us to demons!"
"Same thing." Gina slapped Neji on the back. "The Neji-Ten Haters Justice League or whatever the hell it stands for will CONQUOR THE WORLD! And then change it's name to the SasuSaku Annihalation Section Under Kage's Empire!"
"What-"
"You guys are the section of my empire that are going to kill off Sakura...and starting when the SASUKE will be in effect, my name will no longer be in the meaning of silver, but in the meaning of shadow! My name will not be Gina, but Kage! And we'll not only drink Sprite but Mountain Dew as well. MUHAHAHA!!!!" Gina laughed maniacally as everyone else stared at her as if she were bananas.
"Uh...still here." Deidara waved to get NEJI's attention. The members turned toward him to see what he wanted when the bird that crapped on Neji's hair stepped forward and tossed something in front of it's body.
"OH MY GOD CHARLIE!" Ayame and the others stared in horror as the donut with it's icing now smeared was on the floor, appearing to Ayame to be begging for mercy. The bird's face had 'Try me' written all over it. Ayame's angry eyes locked onto the bird's, then she spoke in a sinister voice. "If you DARE-"
The bird smirked and ate half of the donut, then smeared the rest onto the cement of the Statue's veranda floor.
"NOOOO! He was SO YOUNG!
By the way Neji and Sasuke, you guys are sitting with us tomorrow night at our table for the dance."
"...the DANCE?!" the two of them yelled at exactly the same time. "No, we're not party people. We DON'T go to parties and we are NOT going to the dance."
-------------------------------
/the next day/
"I can't believe I'm going to this dance." Neji complained to Sasuke, shaking his head sadly. Sasuke was wearing his one and only suit, one that looked identical to everyone else's. He was wearing a black tuxedo with neck tie. Neji's tuxedo was white and his bow tie was red. Gina, Ayame, and Kashike were all wearing short black dresses.
"You look like an ice cream man." Sasuke mumbled back to him.
"Welcome to the KNY High School 8th Grade Dinner Dance!" Jiraiya pointed to the entrance, where there was a red and white balloon arch leading into a room with red neon disco lights flashing and people dancing. He handed each of the group a glow-in-the-dark red necklace, like the ones they have at concerts. "It's over there! And...the best thing is that all the girls are wearing the SHORT dresses!" Jiraiya said the last part quietly and only to himself as the NEJI members proceeded. "Heh heh...Jiraiya you're a genius!"
The banquet hall room was dark. As the NEJI members entered, there were a vertical row of circular tables to the left, and a soda counter/dance floor to the right.
(note from author: I got bored so I made a diagram on how it looked like from birds eye-view since I can't really describe it that well. The Os represent tables. The N symbolizes NEJI's table. The ls and -s symbolize sections.
Madara's diagram of KNY's banquet center, third floor, during the prom. Birds eye-view (Deidara's birds)
lprojector for slideshowl
O O O O O O
O O O O O O
O O O N O
O - - - - - -- l F
O l Dance l l o
O l Floor l l o
O l - - - - - l l d
O ------
O l drink
O l section
O l-------
lentrancel
On each table was either a red or white table cloth and a silver bucket in the center. Red crepe paper was inside the bucket, and some red balloons were tied to the handle. In front of everybody's place was a keepsake black drawstring rolled burrito-style, a red water bottle, and a chocolate paintbrush lollipop wrapped in plastic. Silverware was rolled in a napkin as well.
They arrived at table 21, which was a white-clothed table. Each took a seat as followed.
Sasuke, Gina, Ayame, Neji, Kashike, Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji, and an empty chair for Zabuza. When Zabuza sits down, he'll be between Chouji and Sasuke. (It goes in a circle)
They were interrupted by Zabuza in a spiffy black tuxedo running over to their table, making him look like James Bond for a second. As he puched past crowds of students taking pictures, they recognized him as Zabuza and greeted him: omg you look great, etc.
"Zabuza! hi!"
"Hey." The exhausted Zabuza took the empty seat and took a lot of breaths. "I'm like 27 years old. Why am I even here?"
"That's a long story, and I don't have time to explain it Zabuza." Ayame answered him.
"Oh...well...Ayame...will...will just this once, will you call me Mr. Drummond?"
"Uh...okay."
"Will everyone please have a seat!" Sandaime Hokage spoke into the microphone, his voice booming out of the speakers so that everybody could hear. Everyone took their assigned seats at each table of twelve as the spotlights dimmed on the principal's face. He then spoke once more in a tone of welcome.
"The past year has been a great achievement in Konoha New York Middle School. I would like to welcome all of you here and wish you good luck next year as you graduate!"
Thunderous applause filled the room as Sarutobi took a bow and continued speaking. "Well, we will be calling tables for you to get up and go get the food. After you eat, we have a special slideshow to present in order to keep your memories in tact. We will also like to dedicate this dinner dance to a student who could not be here today. We hope to have a good time for a..." Sarutobi squinted at the name on the paper he was reading off of. "Gaara...there's no last name. He got hit by last night's meteor and died. Table 23, get up and get your food!"
The students and Zabuza who belonged to table three rose and went single file to the food table, where they each got the same order: Roast beef with a side of mashed potatoes(brown gravy), salad, and vegetables. When they all returned, they dug in.
"Mmm...this is good!" said the disappointed Chouji, who wasn't able to get second/thirds/fifths.
"Hmm...it is, isn't it?..." Ayame remarked. "This tastes good...TOO good..." her eyes glanced at the empty seat between her and Sasuke. "..speaking of which where's Gina?"
/meanwhile/
"Uh...m'am?" The black-haired female leaned over the food toward the lady in charge of it. "An order of pancakes please."
"Sorry, we stopped serving breakfast this MORNING. This is a DINNER dance." The lady motioned Gina away to serve the next student in line, but Gina just stood there.
"Well I'd appreaciate it if uh..." Gina took out a dollar and gave a sly grin as she slid it toward the dinner lady, trying to bribe her. "You make me some pancakes?"
"..."
"Go on...take it." Gina winked.
"No. Next!" The defeated Gina got roast beef instead, then sadly walked to her table, where Zabuza was telling a story.
"-so then Kashike, Ayame, Gina, and I went to the movie theaters on Saturday to watch Captivity, and I farted really loud, you know, just to make everyone laugh. And you know Tayuya from your geometry class? She THREW UP into her popcorn and then the guy she was dating didn't hear and he ATE some of it!"
Sasuke slammed his fork onto his plate, which made a CLINK sound. "I'm sorry but is this really proper dinner conversation?"
"Stupid rigged cafeteria lady didn't give me pancakes." Gina was all doom and gloom as she slumped back down in her chair.
Zabuza didn't want a party pooper, so he shrugged and asked a question that has been on his mind lately. "Guys. What does yaoi mean?"
The whole table went into shocked silences, jaws dropping, and looks of disbelief, all except for Shino and Zabuza.
Shino pushed his glasses up with his finger.. "I believe it's a kind of fruit drink."
"Hmm...since SASUKE drank my glass of water," Zabuza burned holes into Sasuke's eyes, "He's going to take the liberty of paying."
"This is a free dinner." Sasuke obviously stated to Zabuza, but the swordsman wasn't paying attention but trying to get the waiter's attention.
"WAITER! MAY I HAVE SOME YAOI WITH MY POTATOES?!"
"Zabuza!"
A mean glare.
"I mean Mr. Drummond!"
A few minutes after they ate, the NEJI members got up to go dance. Ayame made the foolish mistake of letting Neji out of her sight as she did the Misissippi Slide with Gina and the others. When they were tired of dancing, Ayame took notice of Neji's unpresent-ness and went to go look for him as the others went around saying hi to people.
"Gina! Zabuza! Kashike! Sasuke! To the table, NOW!" The dragon-faced Ayame hissed as she kicked everyone into their chairs, then growled feriociously. "Look over there. Table 10."
Everyone at table 21 turned their heads and looked at the couple sitting at table 10. Neji was sitting down and Tenten was on his lap, giggling. She was wearing a tight-fitting short hot pink dress (shorter than the time at Olive Garden or whatever restaurant the NaruLee-NejiTen took place). Neji's expession was bland, same as always.
Gina put on one of the army hats she brought along just in case there was a chance of this happening. "Battlestations."
"SHE'S ON NEJI-KUN'S LAP! AND HE'S NOT EVEN PUSHING HER OFF!"
"but...but WHY!" Kashike was baffled. "He pushes off ANYBODY who touches him! Why the sudden change of heart?"
Ayame's purple bangs shadowed her eyes, and she spoke in an emotionless tone. "You want to know why?"
"W-why?!" Kashike stammered.
"Because she's a succubus."
"I'll take care of this one." Zabuza reached into the inside of his black tuxedo jacket and pulled out a gun, cocking it. Ayame put a hand in front of him, signaling for him to put it back. "No. Succubi are immune to weapons when they are working on a man. There's only one thing that can affect them."
"what is it?"
"I know! I read this in a book. Regular woman have estrogen as their hormone. However, succubus have an enchanced set of hormones in the brain that can signal estrogen out of her mind and into Neji's testosorone-filled mind, making them attract in a reltationship...however, when the male unleashes a power that make regular women attracted to him, the power is so strong that the succubus's estrogen-signals are killed off and the succubus's power won't affect Neji, making her prone to weapons! And THAT'S when I push her out the window. It's more awesome that way." Ayame beamed as everyone else started in shock.
"I didn't know Ayame knew how to read!"
/smack/
"Owwww..." Zabuza rubbed his head in pain, flinching when he touched the forming bruise.
"Therefore, we need the most powerful woman-attracting object in the market. And thank goodness I have a can of it in my purse."
"What is it?"
"Tag Body Spray." Everyone except Sasuke oohed and aahed as Ayame pulled out a can and set it in front of her on the white-clothed table. "And you guys thought I wasn't prepared!"
The very impressed Zabuza nodded in approval as drank some more of his Aprite. "By the way, which INGENIOUS book told you this?"
"Killing a Succubus for Dummies." Ayame got up and then walked toward Tenten's direction with her weapon. "I'll be back."
Gina uttered a psst. "That sprite you're drinking will soon be Mountain Dew, Zabuza."
"Erhm..."
"I mean Mr. Drummond." Gina corrected her mistake, satisying Zabuza.
Ayame took deep breaths before approaching the evil succubus with her sweet Neji-kun. Tenten looked up and started gushing to Neji even more when she caught sight of Ayame. "Oh Neji-kun! You look SoOoOoOo CUTE with that tuxedo!"
"Yes...Tenten-chan..." Neji replied, blushing a little.
Ayame froze. "Ten...ten...CHAN?!?!"
"WHY THE HELL DOES SHE GET A SUFFIX?!" Inner Ayame erupted into a roar, towering over Tenten.
"Tenten...you look...nice..." Ayame said smiling through gritted teeth. Tenten just winked and said "I know, right?"
"Yes...I do." Ayame sprayed the Tag on Neji, who started coughing and immediately stopped blushing. He looked at Tenten on his lap, then went into a spasm. He shoved her off onto the floor and then ran back to the table.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!?!" Tenten got up grimacing, wiping dust off her dress. Her face was as red as a beet and the same flame that was in Yashamaru's eyes was in hers.
Ayame smirked and then began to laugh. "You thought you had me fooled...didn't you..."
The music has stopped. Everyone was in a circle, staring at Ayame and Tenten, who were about to 'get it on' according to Jiraiya. Jiraiya pushed his way to the front of the crowd and then yelled loud enough so that everyone can hear "CATFIGHT!"
The students, and even some of the staff, started to make bets. Tenten's eyes flared even more and then her eye's locked onto Ayame's. "I don't understand what you're talking about."
"You're a succubus..." Ayame accused her.
Tenten thought about denying it, but she couldn't for some reason. Here was the only person in the world who knew what a succubus was...maybe she'd put on a good fight. "...how did you know?"
"Your picture wasn't in the yearbook! And you were present for picture day!"
"You're right...succubi don't appear in flash pictures, only when the flash is off." Tenten stated, proving Gina wrong in Ch. 7 but explaining why she was in Ayame's power point.
"Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara...they're succubi too?"
"Them and their relatives. And mine too." Tenten clenched her fists preparing to fight.
"All you succubi also get a page in the yearbook! All the succubi in our school are on that page, yet the staff don't know what a succubus is! You want to know why?"
"I know why. Not only do succubi disappear in flash pictures, but they don't have last names."
"Exactly!" Ayame took out a kunai knife and held it in her mouth.
Tenten's eyes met Jiraiya's, then Jiraiya nodded. As he unleashed the contents from a can of whipped cream on her, she went-all-out on Ayame, pinning her onto the ground with her succubus strength. She hissed in a new demonic succubus voice. "Say goodbye!"
/smack/
"Owww..." Tenten put her hand to where Ayame smacked her and touched the surface of her cheek. "Dude...you smacked me."
"Damn straight." Ayame kicked Tenten off of her and dragged her by her hair to the window, where she shoved her out. Everyone in the room ran to the broken window asnd watched in horror as Tenten fell until her she hit the pavement with a sickening splat.
-------------------------------
Raymond motioned everyone to get into his gray pickup truck. After everyone was in and seatbelts were on, Ray put the car in drive and speeded onto the bridge to cross Konoha New York. "We have to kill a certain jinchuriki. If he is not killed, his demon will awaken on Thursday night.
"We? What the hell do you mean WE?" Chiyo muttered only to herself but Raymond and Yashamaru could hear.
"Why's the demon awakening?"
"If he is not killed, the jinchuriki's demon will awaken the other demons and raise the Army of Bijuu!"
/long silence/
Chiyo raised her hand. "...is that a good thing?"
"Oh, it's nothing really. They'll just wipe out the world." Raymond spoke sarcastically as he swerved to avoid crashing into a ford and a honda. However, Gaara still has more time left to live, because on his side was a force of nature that stalls Raymond for 45 minutes: Rush Hour. "Damn it! We're ON the SLOWEST LANE!"
"The minivan in front of us is killing me!" Chiyo leaned from here chair across Raymond to the steering wheel, where she pushed on it emitting the horn sound about nine times in an attempt to somehow speed up the minivan. She beeped it a tenth time with a clenched fist, then huffed, returning back to her upright position. She read the bumper sticker. "Ooh, My child is an Honor Student at Konoha New York Middle School..."
"Hey Marcus!" Chiyo shouted into her earphone. "Remember this: BLOW UP Konoha New York Middle School!"
"I forgot my line..." the one in the back seat fumbled around in his pocket until his hand closed around an index card, then he pulled it out and read what it said. "I'm supposed to say...twinkies.
THAT'S SO HARD TO REMEMBER!" Yashamaru complained as he kicked Raymonds seat continuously until Raymond turned around, the look in his eye with demons flying around as fire spewed.
"Stop. It."
"Yes Raymond!"
"Don't you guys care about being accepted into the most prestegious group in the world?"
"Uh...no?"
"Figures." Raymond slammed on the horn once more and then crossed his arms in hate. "You guys are both so weak, you're pathetic. After I'm accepted in the Akatsuki, I am going to go my seperate ways."
"YOU KNOW WHAT RAYMOND?!! WE DON'T CARE!!!!"
Forty-five minutes later after they were out of traffic and in Konoha, New York. Raymond, makind a dumb move, decided to let Yashamaru take over the diving. After they pulled over to a curb and changed seats, Yashamaru was behind the wheel and Raymond was in the passenger seat taking an aspirin.
"Okay Yashamaru," Raymond instructed as his partner was driving down the lane. "In order to force Karura to tell us where Gaara is, we have to go to Konoha Zoo. Take a left at the next lane."
Yashamaru took a right instead. "I'm hungry. How 'bout we stop at the golden arches?"
Chiyo nodded. "Sure, I could use a tasty McSalad."
"WHAT THE HELL?! WE'RE FIVE MINUTES AWAY FROM KONOHA ZOO! WHERE GAARA IS! Doesn't that OCCUR to you?" shouted Raymond.
"Ray, relax! We're just going to get some food, and then we'll go over to get...Gaara...I don't like him for biting my finger."
"What did you expect, to suck it like last time?" Ray snapped.
"Oh, yet I have my own little secrets!" Yashamaru laughed out then mouthed to Chiyo. "I have Hepititis C."
Yashamaru took out his cell phone and dialed a number as he went through McDonald's drive thru. "I hope they have twinkies!" he said out loud.
"...bastard." Raymond flipped him off.
Yashamaru's thoughts: He's just jealous of my twinkies! Well, I'll show Raymond what I can do when we get to wherever-we're-going...I just hope it has twinkies...uh...TWINKIES!
Chiyo's thoughts: I wonder if we'll see the demon...I want to give it a piece of my mind...not to mention I hope to see Sarutobi Hokage...he has a fine ass.
------------------------------
"WE'RE GOING TO ROB A BANK!" Deidara shouted to some random people as he skipped along the sidewalk to the Washington Mutual around the corner.
Zetsu trudged along beside him, trying to shut up his partner. "Deidara-"
Deidara waved to a cop car that was parked next to another vehicle. Two of the police officers appeared to be giving the owner of a vehicle a speeding ticket.
"HI TWO POLICE OFFICERS! WE'RE GOING TO ROB A B-"
"DEIDARA SHUT UP!!!!!!" Zetsu screamed at the top of his lungs as they stopped by the entrance of the bank. He then put on a ski cap (which hardly covered his ginormous pinsir-thingies) and Deidara but on a blindfold. However, he forgot to cut holes in the fabric around his eyes, leaving him blind. Zetsu then took out a rifle for himself and gave Deidara a sack. The two then barged into the bank and held the guns up.
"EVERYBODY FREEZE!"
"DON'T MOVE!"
"I am Sailor Carbon Dioxide! In the name of photosynthesis and evapotranspiration, prepare to be CO 2'd!" Zetsu yelled as people screamed and put their hands up.
"AND I AM DEIDARA FROM THE AKATSUKI! MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 88150!"
"...Deidara..."
"WHAT?! oh...uh...ehehhehheh...sorry." Deidara smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Let's do that over."
Deidara ran past the automatic door and back outside as Zetsu walked back outside, shaking his head. When he joined Deidara, the two of them ran back inside and held the guns up once more to the confused bankers and citizens. Families were huddled in groups, and a little girl in a Dora the Explorer shirt was crying loudly.
"I AM SAILOR CARBON DIOXIDE! IN THE NAME OF EVAPOTRANSPITATION AND PHOTOSYNTHESIS, PREPARE TO BE CO 2'D!!!"
"I am uh..." Deidara's eyes quickly scanned the room in need to come up with an introduction. His eyes went from:
a wall calendar. "Uh...Day..."
The crying little girl's shirt. "...Dora..."
The newspaper's photo of Marcus in an akatsuki robe. "Akatsuki..."
And then one of the accountants' computer screen, which read Withdrawal: $88,150. "88150..."
Deidara then put those four words together to make up an identity."Yes, uh...MY NAME IS DEIDARA FROM THE AKATSUKI! MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 88150!
...oh crap."
Zetsu blinked, then continued. "...ANYWAY! This is a stick up! EVERYONE PUT THEIR HANDS UP WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"
The people, including Deidara, obeyed Zetsu out of fear. "Not you Deidara." said Zetsu, Deidara being relieved as he lowered his hands.
"Uh...yeah! I'm robbing you guys...I guess."
"Deidara!"
"What?"
"You're facing the wrong way!" Zetsu called out to the one with the camera-eye that has his back to everybody, who froze and then turned around. "Oh...well...uh...what do I do now?"
"Ask for the money." Zetsu hissed in his ear. Deidara groaned and slapped his forhead, then walked over to the accountant behind the counter, who's facial expression looked like Simon Cowells's.
"Damn, I always forget to ask for the money...uh...PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG! PUT IT IN!"
"Will that be from your savings account or your checking account?" The accountant asked in a bored tone, one that he always had. His nametag read 'Bob'.
"Uh..savings."
"May I see your license?" Deidara put his license in Bob's open hand, who read it. It said 'Deidara' in inelligable handwriting, and that was it.
Deidara flashed a thumbs up in what he presumed was where Zetsu was standing, but turned out to be a wall.
"You have an amount of zero dollars and zero cents, for both of your accounts."
"Oh...okay!" Deidara took back his license and left the bank, Zetsu giving up and following him.
"WE DID IT!"
"NO WE DIDN'T!!!!...damn, This wasn't nearly as idiotic as the time you made a waterslide with the stairs." Zetsu went into a flashback about that day.
"ZETSU! SASORI! KISAME! This is gonna be awesome!" Deidara was at the top of the stairs in blue swimming trunks. On the floor was a garden hose, running so that the water flowed from the top of the stairs to the floor at the foot of the stairs, where there was now a large puddle.
Zetsu, Kisame, and Sasori ignored Deidara. Instead of joining his crazy scheme, they were playing Trivial Pursuit.
"Oh well!" Deidara then toom a few steps back and then ran towards the stairs, jumping and landing on the 'slide' on his stomach, so that he goes down headfirst. "SLIP N' SLI-
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sasori, Zetsu, and Kisame ignored Deidara's cried of pain as he tumbled down the stairs on his stomach. They kept on playing the game and only stopped to look up when Deidara was shadowing them, scrapes all over his body, bleeding on the white shag carpet. Sasori's eyes widened in terror.
"OMG THE CARPET!"
"SHUT UP! Why didn't my waterslide work? I read the instuction manual in a book!"
Sasori studied Deidara's wounds and sighed. "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't NOTHING?"
"...oh yeah!"
"That...didn't go well." Deidara shrugged. "You have any quarters?"
"Here." Zetsu gave Deidara a quarter, who went over to a pay phone.
-----------------------------
Marcus was in his office wearing his usual Akatsuki robe. He was having a conference with Itachi and Kisame. Marcus was seated in a usual boss leather chair in front of his mahogany wood desk with computer/printer/faxes/family photos on top of it in an arranged manner. His certificates and cased trophies were on the walls and took up most of the room. A window with a view of the bridge was one whole wall. Besides that, there was a fish tank. Itachi was seated in front of his boss in one of the chairs, while Kisame was at the fish tank, tapping on the glass at the clown fish.
"NEMO!"
"Kisame sit down." Marcus motioned at the other empty seay next to Itachi, to which Kisame took a seat in. "Now."
"We need more jinchuriki if we are even going to take over the world. And THAT MEANS you better get a lot of wheat thins, Itachi." Marcus chuckled at his little joke while Itachi activated his sharingan.
"Never. Mention. The word 'wheat thins' EVER AGAIN."
"Anyways, uh..." The phone rang, interrupting Marcus. "Hold on guys, let me take this. Hello?"
An automatic female voice came on. "You have a collect call from..."
The voice then chainged to Deidara's. "Zetsu, I don't trust giving my name to a machine!"
Marcus accepted the call and then motioned Itachi and Kisame to stay quiet for a minute. "Deidara, how's my favorite employee!...what?..."
The leader started swearing profoundly in front of the others, saying the most insulting curse word you can think of repeatedly.
"What do you mean you couldn't ROD the BANK? WHAT WAS HOLDING YOU!!!!"
Itachi and Kisame exchanged nervous glances as Marcus kept on yelling/lecturing Deidara.
"WE NEED MONEY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST A CRIMINAL PRODIGY WITH THE TASK OF ROBBING THE BANK BUT NOOOOO!!!!! YOU SUCK YOU LITTLE BASTARD F-"
The phone beeped and Marcus spoke one more to Deidara before switching to the other line. "Hold on, I got another call." Marcus took the other call as Itachi and Kisame were watching him in an awkward situation.
"WHAT, I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW!!!!...oh...uh...okay, where are they going...alright, get me a McChicken Sandwich meal with a medium fry...uh...okay, mustard...and uh...no ranch...sure, put onion on it. I'm not even gonna eat it." Marcus now crossed his legs and they were on top of his desk. The Uchiha and Shark boy looked at each other and shrugged.
"Well, what are you getting...see, I always order the wrong thing." Marcus told the caller, and Itachi and Kisame. "No...I'll just stick with that...okay bye." Marcus was about to press the button switching him back to Deidara when the voice on the other line asked him another question. "I'm sorry, what was that...uh, yeah. Cherry Coke...bye." Marcus switched back to Deidara.
"Sorry about that...oh, JUST ROB ANOTHER ONE? YEAH, I BET YOU EVEN GAVE THE BANKERS YOUR IDENTITY, YOU CHEAP RETARDED BASTARD!!!!!..." Marcus covered the reciever with one of his hands and whispered to Itachi and Kisame. "Dude...he's crying!
Listen, Deidara...I'm sorry I snapped. It's just I've been having a rough day. There are some things I have on my mind right now, I couldn't get any money not to mention I might have to hire three idiots...just get back here. Bye." Marcus slammed the reciever down and massaged his temples. "Where were we...oh yeah."
"We have to capture the following jinchuriki:
Uzumaki Naruto with Kyuubi, I'm leaving that to Itachi."
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Itachi clutched his head and moaned.
"Some old-guy whose name I can't remember (note from Madara: I'm gonna call him Shabadaba o.o) with the four tailes, I'll leave to Kisame."
"Now...where's Hidan?"
"Church comittee." Kisame and Itachi sais at the same time (simultaniously? o.o)
"Right, he will get Yugito with the two-tailed cat..."
"And Raymond is not going to bring me Gaara obviously, so Deidara will capture him." Marcus knew that Gaara was dead, but he also knew someone will revive him.
"I am also going to kill Raymond. Itachi and Kisame, I'll leave you guys to kill the other two. This PTA is over." Marcus dismissed the other two as he laughed maniacally.
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Well, that marks the end of Pt. 9. Not to worry, Gaara and Tenten fans! That's what Chiyo and Orochimaru are for! Right?
Kimi: NOOO! NO NO NO! I mean...uhh...
Next chapter:
Gaara's alive again, and Deidara's out to capture him. Hidan, Itachi, and Kisame are also out to capture their jinchuriki. Will they succeed? There is a serial bomber loose in the streets of Konoha. Tenten is dead and gone...or is she? And when Team NEJI...or should I say, SASUKE agrees to be on The Real World: Konoha, will they get along as well as they always do or drive each other crazy? And WHY is there a mass corruption in society?