(Sorry for the wait, but here's the next chapter. This story is winding down now, and I'm thankful for those of you who've read it and been kind enough to give me some feedback. I still don't own any of the characters or anything about the show, I just have ideas for things I wish could happen…)

And Still We Smile

Chapter Nine

"There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments

of our first great sorrow; when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered

and healed, to have despaired and recovered hope."

- George Eliot

Reid woke the next morning to the sun slanting brightly in his eyes from the small crack between the curtains. He was stopped from stretching and throwing off the covers by the sudden awareness of someone's cold toes into the curve at the back of his knees.

Used to sleeping very much alone, Reid was startled to say the least. He glanced over quickly to find JJ curled up in the chair beside his bed, hers legs propped up on the mattress and somehow unwittingly snuggled to the warmth of his own. Her book lay, page lost, in her lap, and her mouth was just slightly open as she dozed. She looked positively adorable, and he was surprised to realize that the sight of her there when he woke had a genuine smile curving across his face.

The disintegration of his family, and then his mother's sanity, at such a young age had made Spence Reid almost painfully independent, and he knew that if it weren't for the team, he could easily have completely closed off within himself long ago. And it was at time like this now, glancing over at JJ and discovering how nice it was to have someone with him – at his side, knowing what he was going through – that he saw how much he still tried to handle everything alone. And sometimes, when it couldn't really be done alone, he was only hurting himself.

With a smile, he carefully sat up and scooted from under the sheets and out of the bed on the other side without disturbing JJ. Certainly, after her spending the night in a chair just to help him feel safe and the tiniest bit more comfortable, the least he could do was let her get some rest now if she could. A goofy smile kept creeping across his face despite how horrible he'd feel for days and weeks up until this morning, as he leaned across JJ to drape a blanket over her and make sure that he neck wasn't cramped at a strange angle. Then, he headed into the bathroom where the hotel room's coffeemaker sat and started a fresh pot brewing. It was amazing what a few hours' sleep and someone to share his burden with had done for him.

It was this thought that sobered his good mood again. The grin slid back off his face when he thought of telling Hotch that he'd been injecting himself with Dilaudid he'd stolen off of Tobias Hankel's body and now he feared that he was addicted. He didn't know just how many rules he'd broken, how much trust he had betrayed, who all he could have hurt, but while he'd been lost in that hazy world of fear and pain and confusion everything else had slipped out of focus and he hadn't been able to bring himself to care about or consider the others or even the consequences as he normally would have.

It was still early, before six, and he began to worry over what he would say, how he would finally come clean; practicing and running it through his head. Reid was so engrossed in fact that he didn't even hear the footsteps tiptoeing quietly up behind him as JJ entered the room, still wrapped in the blanket and stopped just short of reaching him, watching his actions hopefully.

She'd woken up almost as soon as the bed beneath her legs had shifted upon losing his weight and then she'd felt a cover being gently laid over her. Now, stepping into the light of early morning sunrise and seeing him standing there leaning against the sink in his pjs, looking so typically 'Reid' as he puzzled something over while awaiting his caffeine fix, she couldn't help thinking how nice it would be to see him this way every morning. It seemed so normal and easy. The thought startled her and flitted away nearly as soon as she had it, and her cheeks blossomed prettily in a rosy blush. 'Where did that come from?' she wondered.

Reid glanced up to see her watching him, gave her a small smile and hitched his shoulder, half-shrugging. "Would you like some coffee before we face the firing squad?" he asked.

JJ returned his smile with one of her own and nodded as he handed her a mug and poured the steaming liquid into it.

They made their way back into the main room and sat across from each other at the small table, sipping quietly.

Reid watched as she tipped the mug and her eyes peeped over the brim of it, making her appear much younger for a second. Those eyes were as dark and all-encompassing as always against the contrast of her golden hair and flawless skin. Capable, knowing, compassionate, and still able to glimpse at optimism and innocence from time to time.

She put her cup down and stood, coming over to give him a quick hug, which completely threw him off. She met his eyes and held them, until he smiled back at her, feeling settled again at last. "Spence," she whispered, not letting him break the connection for even a second, "it truly is going to work out. Things will be better from here on it. I know it."

He nodded, wanting very much to believe her. When their coffee was gone, they went their separate ways to freshen up and change into their clothes for the day. She was back at his door within twenty minutes, and as they headed down the hall to Hotch's room, signs of the hotel's other guests starting to stir greeted their eyes and ears. Pausing as he reached the door, Reid drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, attempting to collect himself one final time. Then, raising his hand, he rapped three times on the wood surface and stood back waiting for Hotch to answer, somehow, hoping against hope that he wouldn't.

But, of course, despite fervent nervous prayers to the contrary, Hotch opened the door after only minute, already in his dress shirt and slacks, the only difference to his usual look being that he was still in the process of knotting his tie.

"Yes?" he asked, seeing his two youngest agents standing outside his door and the serious looks on their faces. His brow arched suspiciously as he studied them, trying to gauge what was going on.

"Can I come in for a minute?" Reid asked, fidgeting inspite of his best efforts to steady himself.

Hotch gave a curt nod, his jaw clenching unconsciously as he realized that something was wrong, and stepped aside so they could enter. But as they did, Reid felt an inexplicable amount of relief when JJ simply slipped her hand into his and held it as he began to speak. "Hotch, there's something I have to tell you…"