Press here for insanity!
First off, I'd like to apologize for a few spelling errors in the names of the characters. Jazmine is Jasmine. Princton is Princeton. I can't believe it's people who screw up names that annoy me the most, and what do I do? Screw up names. Idiot. I am an idiot. And I've been writing on this site for what, one and half years? (resists urge to break own arm) I hope you guys can forgive me for committing a cardinal sin on a fan fiction site. And I was seriously like 'At least I'm not one of those losers who can't even spell "Syrus".'
Joku, as will be a trend with the male OCs, is a 'reused' OC from the last fic 'There's Something About Marik' (same with Akiro, but he's later). When he showed up, comments about him were somewhere in the general category of 'just how much has he had to drink?'. And now I'm going to make him a somewhat main character. Ha ha ha ha ha ha…ha…ahem, sorry.
Yeah, and actually, Samantha's supposed to be a main character to, and in contrast to Chazz, who showed up later, she popped up right when I thought she was going to show up later in the story. Sometimes I feel as if I have no control when my OCs pop up…and it's a very bizarre feeling.
Do these rants annoy you? Don't hesitate to tell me.
CHAPTER THREE
A Spoon, a No-Win Situation, and Bucket of Water
"I didn't know that some of the tests actually took place in the school," Alexis commented to Zane, as the two were looking up from the balcony at some of the duel tests below.
"Actually, a lot of people prefer getting tested at the school," said Zane. "I don't know why myself, but that's just me."
"Again, I'm really sorry about insulting you yesterday," said Alexis.
"And again, I really don't mind, honest," said Zane. "It was a mistake. We all make them."
"I still feel awful about it," said Alexis, watching a girl with silver blonde hair beat one of the duel instructors.
"Don't. It annoys me," said Zane.
"I'm starting to think that nothing annoys you," said Alexis.
"Not true," said Zane. "Selfish, arrogant people annoy me. And that awful squeaky crunch new Styrofoam makes…yeah…that annoys me too…"
"Well…good for you," said Alexis. "By the way…speaking of arrogant jerks, I met a really, really off-the-wall disgusting one. His name's Chazz…something. What year's he in?"
"Never heard of him," said Zane. "He's probably a first."
"Oh," said Alexis. "Yeah…he literally just walked up to a girl who had just gotten a really bad letter of dorm switching or something, and he just told her to get out of her chair."
"That's pretty cold," said Zane.
"I know! It ticks me off! I mean, I get ticked off just thinking about it!" said Alexis. "I'm almost not mad that he got nailed by Kat."
"The scene is slowly starting to write itself in front of my very eyes," said Zane. "Oh well…"
And once again, fate decided to drop a bomb on our hero's lives.
"Shove off, shove off!" said Chazz, once again barging his way past a bunch of other people along the edge of the balcony, pushing and shoving a bunch of other students aside, as Alexis slowly approached from the distance, causing her heart to skip a beat.
"Oh God…that's the kid I was talking about…" said Alexis.
"Don't be ridiculous," said Zane. "That's not Kat."
"No, no, no, the creepy first year!" said Alexis, jerking her head to an oncoming Chazz.
"Wow…" said Zane, being the most polite thing he could say after seeing Chazz's appearance. "He seems…he seems very…"
"Just come out and say that he looks like a lint ball that didn't get a mother's love while being haphazardly pulled out of a garbage disposal," said Alexis.
"YOU!" screamed Chazz, suddenly spotting Alexis from about ten feet away, angrily striding up to her with the strength and resistance of a freight train, everyone frantically getting out of his way with one look on his angry face. "You're that stupid Obelisk Girl who made a fool out of me yesterday!"
"And your that arrogant jerk that was kicking people around yesterday!" said Alexis, as the two met eye to eye, as a bunch of angry sparks shot between them.
"Oh good, I hate awkward introductions," said Zane, taking his usual 'third party' stance in the conversation.
"HOLY GOD!" said Chazz. "You two make one ugly couple!"
Very awkward, very angry silence.
"Okay…I feel just a bit offended by that…" said Zane.
"Oh God!" said Chazz, now laughing out loud, and managed to choke on between chuckles, pointing at Zane. "I...I guess this proves that…you shouldn't be here…being stupid enough to go out…with that…"
"I can see that you're not exactly the master of concierge," said Zane.
"Are you implying that…that…" asked Alexis. "Oh God…you repulsive little…"
"Ooooh, did I strike a nerve?" said Chazz mockingly. "I'm sorry. I leave you and you both be then…though I must say…I won't envy your kids…"
"That's fine, because I don't envy you right," said Zane calmly.
"What's that supposed to-" Chazz started-
"Hellooooooooo Spazzy," said Kat's voice behind him, clamping her hand on Chazz's shoulder.
"IT'S THE CRAZY WITCH!" screamed Chazz.
"It's the punching bag!" said Kat eagerly, cracking her knuckles.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Chazz, running away from her as fast as he could, Kat in hot pursuit, laughing like some kind of homicidal maniac.
"You know…the relationship between me and karma is bittersweet…this is one of the sweet moments," said Alexis, watching the two frantically scramble around people.
With that, they heard a scream of 'POWAH', and what sounded like Chazz's scream of pain from having an arm wrenched out of his socket.
"We really should stop her," said Zane. "But then again…no, for some reason, I'm having a momentary lack of compassion…"
----ooo---
It was a really great day just for a walk, being it the first Saturday of the school year, and with no classes on the horizon until Monday, and a whole lot happening to her in just two short days, Alexis thought it would be best just to fly solo and take a good look at the grounds. Duel Academy turned out to be a very interesting place just in the set up the terrain, with forest, coast, a lake, cliffs, and all surrounded by a huge, blue sea. It was a beautiful place…
"I guess once you make the change, it's not so bad…" said Alexis, standing at the top of the same rock cliff where she stood just a few days before, trying to write that letter. "I think I can get used to it. It'll take awhile but-"
"Hello," said a voice in a monotone, causing Alexis to cry out in surprise to see who it was, whirling around. What she saw was just a guy…a guy with really dark, spiky black hair with blue undertones (again with the haircolors…), who was wearing a Ra Yellow Boys Uniform…and standing on his head.
"Oh…you scared me," said Alexis, catching her breath.
"Hello," he said again, still in a dull monotone.
"Oh, hi," said Alexis. "Sorry…my name's Alexis."
"I'm Joku," sad the kid.
"Doesn't it hurt to stand on your head like that?" asked Alexis, tilting her head to try to meet eyes with the odd boy.
"My last name's Zokida," said Joku dully.
"Okay…Joku Zokida. Nice to meet you," said Alexix.
"And my middle name's Julie," said Joku.
"Joku Julie Zokida then…" said Alexis awkwardly.
"You're Alexis Rhodes, fifteen, Obeliks Blue, size nine shoes, and you've just met with a kid named Chazz Princton, correct?" asked Joku.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW ALL THAT?" screamed Alexis.
"I know everything…everything in the world…" said Joku. "Go on, ask me anything."
"Um," said Alexis.
"Come on…do it…do it…you know you want to…" said Joku.
"Uh, fine," said Alexis. "Is there such thing as a unicorn?"
"Yes, their just incredibly good at disguise," said Joku.
"What's my middle name?" asked Alexis.
"Cameron," said Joku.
"What my favorite color?" asked Alexis.
"Orange," sad Joku.
"How many times has Elizabeth Taylor remarried?" asked Alexis.
"I lost count," said Joku.
"What's Zane's middle name?" asked Alexis.
"Stuart," said Joku.
"Ew," said Alexis.
"I know," said Joku.
"What's the next most significant thing that's going to happen in my life?" asked Alexis.
"This spoon," said Joku, holding up a spoon.
"Uh…what?" asked Alexis.
"Take it," said Joku.
"I don't know…" said Alexis, something about the tone of this whole conversation not sounding right in her ears. "I really don't think-"
"Just touch it," said Joku.
"No thank you…come to think of it, I should be going now…" said Alexis, starting to back off.
"Touch the spoon…" sad Joku.
"I said no!" said Alexis.
"You know you want too…" said Joku.
"NO I DON'T WANT TO!" screamed Alexis. "Look, I don't know why, but why does this whole idea sound so…so…wrong?"
"Come on…it's natural…" said Joku.
"So is running around naked, going to the bathroom in plants, and eating carrion, and I'm not planning to do any of the above anytime soon!" said Alexis.
"Well that's a shame," said Joku.
"WHY YOU-" screamed Alexis.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Suddenly, a horrible, high pitched scream, very reminiscent of the one from 'Psycho' echoed over the cliffs of Duel Academy, or a very young women being tortured at the hands of a merciless fiend, sending huge flocks of birds scattering in the air from the cliffs.
"That sounded like Chazz!" said Alexis.
"Alexis…take the spoon…" said Joku, continuing to hold out the spoon while somehow supporting himself with one hand.
"FINE! WHATEVER!" yelled Alexis, grabbing the spoon and running off with it in her hand.
---ooo---
Alexis felt like kicking herself as he rushed in the direction the scream came from, which was actually on the beach of the school. She can't believe that something in her conscience would even halfway consider to drive her to aid the saddest little madboy to ever walk the planet.
"Chazz! Chazz!' she said, her heels kicking up sand on the beach, as Chazz's cringing, unhappy form lay in a fetal position, his uniform wrinkled and careworn. "Chazz?" His parents must have been drunk when they gave him that name "What happened?" Like I give a darn about your life "Are you okay?" See previous
"Gah…no…creepy Obelisk girl…" said Chazz, looking at her for a split moment, then trying to drag himself across the sand. "Must…crawl…away…"
"No you idiot! What happened?" she said, grabbing him by the back of the collar and yanking him up, causing him to scream in fury and terror. "Did you get attacked? Who did it? Did you fall? Are you-STOP SCREAMING YOU NINNY!"
"IT'S MY PARTY, AND I'LL SCREAM IF I'M ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY A PASSERBYE IF I WANT TO!" yelled Chazz at her.
"I'm not going to kill you!" yelled Alexis.
"Oh! Great! Thank you so much!" yelled Chazz. "Everyone knows that homicidal maniacs never kill anyone if they say they aren't!"
"Fine! Then I'll just leave you here to die then!" said Alexis, dropping like a rock.
"WAIT! NO!" said Chazz frantically. "What if they come back? THEY'LL KILL ME! They'll strip me, take embarrassing photographs, then they'll KILL ME!"
"Calm down…calm down…" said Alexis, trying her best to speak in a soothing tone of voice. "Now just take a few deep breaths…"
"OH MY GOD!" screamed Chazz, before he sucked in ten thousand square kilograms of air. "They're (GASP) so totally…(GASP)…gonna…(GASP)…"
"Okay…now who are 'they'?" asked Alexis.
"Okay…I just walked around, you know…minding my own business…" said Chazz. "Then, out of nowhere, I run into this guy, and for some stupid reason, he's gotta problem with me calling his mother a Chihuahua, and comparing his face to his rear end!"
"Yeah, really pugnacious," said Alexis.
"If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!" said Chazz. "Anyway, it turned out this guy was huge, wicked strong, and have his entire body caked with ten thousand pounds worth of he-man muscle!"
"Which of course, no one can tell from first glance," said Alexis.
"I SAID SHUT IT!" said Chazz. "And he had friends-DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING-and…they got mad…"
"I see," said Alexis.
"And now all of them want to kill me," said Chazz.
"Then why didn't the kill you the first time around?" said Alexis.
"I don't know…they said they felt their bodies suddenly double over in intense spiritual pain that can only be caused by one with a brave heart and a true spirit obtaining the mighty power of a mystic spoon, or some other utter crap like that," said Chazz, as Alexis gave the spoon in her hand a very odd look. "I couldn't really tell…I was busy setting off every Richter Scale in a ten mile radius with my scream…hey, what's that?"
"Nothing!" said Alexis, frantically stuffing the spoon behind her back.
"YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!" screamed Chazz, jumping up and grabbing her by the Obelisk Blue Girls Jacket collar. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! WHEN I DO, I WANT IT TO BE AFTER I'VE MARRIED, HAD A FAMILY, AND FINALLY WATCHED EVERY THE NANNY EPISODE EVER MADE!"
"I don't know!" said Alexis. "What can I possibly do to help you? Their after my blood! I'm a high school student, not a UN diplomat!"
"I'm deeeeeeeespraaaaaaaaaaaaaate…." said Chazz, pathetically sinking to the ground in painful sobs.
"You don't say…" said Alexis sarcastically.
"I'll do anything you want! Anything! I resort to any indignity necessary to save my life!" yelled Chazz. "I'm begging yooooooooooou!"
"Will you shut up and stop being an arrogant Son Of?" asked Alexis.
"Save the jokes for later Crazy Obelisk Girl!" yelled Chazz.
"I HAVE A NAME! IT'S ALEXIS! IT'S BLOODY ALEXIS!" said Alexis.
"I don't care!" yelled Chazz. "I'll say I owe you, okay? I'll owe you big time! Think about it later! JUST HELP ME NOW!"
"Demands, demands, demands," said Alexis. "Look, I can't promise anything, I mean…ah…"
Something about a full grown man that looked like his hair had gotten into a biomedical experiment that went terribly wrong (A/N for some reason, I have a bizarre fixation with the weird, disgusting, bizarre angle's of Chazz's hair) sobbing like a little kid even sickened Alexis at heart.
"OKAY!" said Alexis. "I'll try, okay?"
"That's a start…" said Chazz.
"Okay….I better consult some sort of older figure to see if we can work something out," said Alexis.
---ooo---
"NOW I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE DESPERATE!" Chazz screamed indignantly.
"You're not my first choice either," said Zane flatly, sitting at his usual spot by the lighthouse, as Chazz looked like a cat that had been given the most vicious bath of its life, his hand standing on end even more than usual.
"I can't believe that I'm begging for the help of a…a…freaky, white wearing, gothic kid!" yelled Chazz, spitting out the last part of the sentence angrilly.
"Freaky, white wearing gothic kid?" echoed Zane.
"Zane, there's gotta be something we can do!" said Alexis. "I figured you, with your infinite knowledge of the students here, would know how to bail us out! Doctor Crowler wouldn't listen to us, because apparently, the kids an upper class Obelisk, Professor Banner can't do anything because he's not in his dorm, and Miss Fontaine just made Chazz do laps (which was very amusing to watch I might add)."
"Look, I'm a third year, I'm not God," said Zane.
"I wouldn't be a Christian if you were!" yelled Chazz.
"Youthful innocence is so adorable," said Zane flatly, holding out a fist. "I should fix that."
"Well is there anything you'd be willing to do to help him?" asked Alexis.
"Do you want me to be honest, or polite?" asked Zane.
Silence.
"Is there a happy median?" asked Chazz.
"Go smother yourself, I've heard it's the quickest way to go," said Zane.
"HOW IS THAT POLITE?" asked Chazz.
"If you want the non-polite version, may I point out that I'm wearing white, and the dry cleaner bills me for cleaning off body fluids," said Zane. "Good day."
---ooo---
"GREAT! SCREAMING, ELATED GREAT!" yelled Chazz, ranting up and down the beach as Alexis watched him kick up sand and have a borderline temper tantrum. "The suns setting, you're stupid, white wearing gothic-friend won't help us, I can't go home, because that's where they reside, if I stay out here, they'll hunt me down, and on top of everything else, no one's on my side! You know what? I QUIT! I don't need to see Fran and Shetfield's wedding episode anyway!"
"I think your making this out to be a bigger deal than it is," said Alexis, for some sickening reason, still listening to Chazz's mindless ramblings. "They won't actually kill you. They're much too stupid-sounding."
"And of course, Son of Sam was a Ph crippin' D," said Chazz.
"Well, a bully usually only attacks when a victim is alone, right?" said Alexis. "So that means if I stick here for a little while, they won't kill you."
"Oh yeah, girl in a mini-skirt. That's a rock-solid defense mechanism," said Chazz.
"Your little sarcastic streak is really starting to bug me," said Alexis. "So what do they look like anyway?"
"Exactly like them…and I mean exactly…" said Chazz, utterly crestfallen as a bunch of huge, surly guys began to lumber toward them, all toting huge muscular limbs.
"HOLY GOD!" screamed Alexis.
"What?" asked Chazz.
"I…I thought he was a PE teacher!" said Alexis in horror, pointing to the biggest one in the group, for he did have the physic eerily reminiscent of a gym teacher.
"Could you, you know, try not to make my last moments of not breathing through a tube miserable?" asked Chazz.
All three of the jerks limbered right up to Chazz, all with dark, nasty looks plastered on their huge, predominant mandibles, beetle brows, and tiny eyes. They looked like a fresh batch of fools from stereotype land.
"And you were stupid enough to insult these guys, why?" asked Alexis.
"Yeah…ignorance of youth," said Chazz, as all three of the huge, muscular men stopped right in front of them.
There was silence, as Alexis and Chazz just stood there, staring at the brutes.
"HEY! IT'S…THAT GUY!" said one of the muscular guys, in an incredibly intelligent sounding tone of voice.
There was a brief silence.
"YEAH!" screamed another.
Another silence.
"Hey, should we…beat them up?" asked one of the guys to the leader.
"Uh…" said the leader.
Silence, partnered by Alexis slapping her hand on her head.
"WHATEVER!" screamed the guy.
"WHATEVER!" screamed the others, grabbing Chazz by his pencil neck.
"In retrospect…we should have booked when we had the chance…" said Chazz.
"LET HIM GO!" yelled Alexis.
"Ha ha! You're like…a girl!" said one of them.
"YEAH! Ha ha…ha ha…I don't get it," said another.
"Big words! I have big words!" yelled Alexis.
All three gasped in horror, Chazz still being choked.
"She can't!" screamed one. "That would be too…SMART!"
"Antidisestablishmentarianism!" screamed Alexis.
"AAAAH! NO!" screamed the guys, the one that held Chazz instantly dropping him like a rock and stuffing his hands over his ears in ultimate horror. "STOP! NO! DON'T SAY ANYMORE!"
"Phantasmagorical!" yelled Alexis, grabbing a limp Chazz by the wrist and running away, dragging him behind her. "Run Chazz! They're going to kill us!"
"Oh, and what was all this about them being too stupid too?" asked Chazz, gasping through the bruises on his trachea.
"You can be sarcastic later moron!" said Alexis angrily, still running as fast as she could. "Megalomania!"
"Hey, she's like…going!" said one guy.
Silence.
"Let's beat them both up!" said another.
"YEAH!" screamed the other two, all chasing after the duo as they tried their best to flee.
"I can't just keep saying long words!" said Alexis. "Their tiny brains are slowly developing immunity! Dang, I shouldn't have used antidisestablishmentarianism first…"
"So what's the plan then?" asked Chazz.
"Run faster than they can!" said Alexis.
"Brilliant…ingenious…" panted Chazz.
"GIT THEM!" screamed the angry voices behind them.
"Chazz…I want you to know something before we die," said Alexis.
"Yeah?" panted Chazz.
"I HATE YOUR GUTS!" yelled Alexis. "Oh, and there's a cliff ahead."
Indeed, they hit a place where the beach ended, and right at it, there was a huge, towering cliff. And it wasn't one of those ones with all the crevices and stuff really small and nimble people can climb with ease while huge, muscular jerks can't. Nope, this was one of those nice, smooth cliffs that no one can climb up, especially people in distress.
"THE NARRATOR HATES US!" yelled Chazz.
"Hey! They like, stopped!" said one of the three guys, as all three of them also stopped. "Now what?"
"Uh…" said another.
Silence.
"Let us go?" asked Alexis.
"Beat them up?" another asked, a millisecond after her.
"Uh…" said the other two.
"BEAT UP!" screamed one of them.
"YEAH!" screamed the other two.
"I'm too beautiful to die!" yelled Chazz, as Alexis just stared at him.
"Guh…which one should we beat up first?" asked one of the guys.
"Eh…" said another.
More silence.
"HEY! WHY DON'T WE, LIKE…uh…FLIP...A…uh…"
SPLASH!
"Okay, I've had enough of the outlandish displays of the human ability of communication," said Zane, all three of the idiots soaking wet from having a bucket of water dumped on their heads, which Zane charitably provided them. All three of them just slowly turned around and stared at him for a moment, as he chucked the bucket aside.
"HEY!...IT'S ANOTHER GUY!" said one.
Silence.
"Uh…" said another.
Silence.
"Can we beat him up too?" asked another.
Silence.
"Before all three of us leave you gentlemen to your quest for ultimate individuality, I would like to leave you all with one last thought," said Zane. "If a tree falls and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Silence.
"What?" asked one of the moron three dully.
"Let's go guys," said Zane, turning around on his heal.
"What the heck was that?" asked Chazz.
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth Chazz," said Alexis, immediately running off to catch up with Zane, leaving Chazz with no choice but to run after her.
"HA! I knew it! I knew you'd come to your senses and help Chazz!" said Alexis, to Zane, as Chazz managed to catch up with the two. "C'mon Zane! Admit it! Admit it!"
"I said I wouldn't help Chazz, you're a different story," said Zane. "Which reminds me, Chazz, do you know the answer to the tree question?"
"HA! THAT'S EASY!" said Chazz. "It's…"
Silence.
"Well technically, he owes you now," said Alexis.
"What fun," said Zane dully, as Chazz's eyes glazed over in thought.
"Well…" said Alexis.
There was a brief silence, Chazz looking like he was straining his sad littl mind.
"Is he going to be okay?" asked Zane.
"Eventually I guess," said Alexis. "Sad thing is, he's got such an awful personality, I doubt anyone will want to be his friend."
"Not our problem," said Zane.
"Yeah but…I don't know…" said Alexis.
There was another brief silence, Chazz still looking deeply strained.
"The answer to the question 'shouldn't we at least try to be his friend out of pity', that is struggling weakly and painfully on its stomach into this conversation is thus," said Zane. "You can do whatever makes you happy, but don't expect me to make him cookies and plastic bracelets that say 'Chazz and Zane BFF'."
"You're pretty blunt, aren't you?" said Alexis.
"I'm not blunt. I'm just a conversation killer," said Zane.
"Ah," said Alexis. "Well, now I owe you for taking me back to my dorm, and this. I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to pay you back."
"I like twenties," said Zane.
"I mean by favors," said Alexis.
"By me twenty dollars worth of stuff," said Zane.
"I sense a bizarre relationship between us on the horizon," said Alexis.
---ooo---
But if the tree is fall, it's gotta make a sound, thought Chazz, as he stay awake in bed, as he had been for the past five hours. I mean everything makes noise! But…what if by some freaky coincidence…I mean…well…but it's the bloody laws of physics! Isn't it? AH! DANGIT! I HATE YOU WHITE-WEARING GOTHIC KID!
---ooo---
Chazz: You know what I hate?
Alexis: Zane? Society? Combs?
Chazz: NO! Well, Zane, yeah…BUT STUPID YIPPER DOGS!
Zane: What about them?
Chazz: I HATE THEM, DARNIT!
Alexis: That's great Chazz. Still, that being said, what's with this freaky curse that's buzzing around the school anyway? Am I the only one who sees it as somewhat lame?
Zane: No…but a lot of things strike me as lame (shrugs).
Alexis: And what about the OC's? What's new with them?
Chazz: I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID CURSE OR SOME STUPID PEOPLE WITH DEEP ROOTED EMOTIONAL ISSUES! IT WON'T DO ME A LOAD OF GOOD IF ALL I DO IS SIT AROUND AND HAVING MY EARDRUMS BLOWN OUT BY A STUPID MUTT THAT BARKS FOR THE SAKE OF IT!"
Alexis: Enough of this mindless ranting! Next Friday's Chapter Four, 'Mr. Muffin: Pomeranian from the Abyss'.
Chazz: Hey! We agreed it was my turn to announce the next chapter!
Zane: Cry me a river.