My friends all call me 'You again?'
Oh god, not another OC! Sorry gang, I bet your getting sick of all the OCs…this is the last 'main character' one, I promise!
Oh yeah, and try your best to ignore Marcus...oh, and fun fact. For some reason, I think Zane has about as many fanboys as fangirls in this story (cackles).
Sadly, I have nothing to rant about…except that if your all waiting eagerly for the Slifer Boiz to show up…you'll have to wait another chapter. HA HA! Don't worry. I have no clue how I'm going to introduce Misawa. I think the next chapter is going to be like a 'forced introduction' kind of chapter. At the same time, that's kind of difficult, because certain dramatic events (sorta) are tied to it. Oh well, que sera sera!
Oh yeah…and why does it seem that whenever Chazz stars in a chapter, it ends up especially insane? Hmm…oh yeah...HOLY GOD, THIS IS A LONG CHAPTER!
A SUPER IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
To the readers,
We, Shrilanka-San and the ten million little voices insider her head wish to inform the readers of the recent passing of the 'Original and OC Character Rights Act', declaring that in addition to the original characters of the particular fan fiction series that are published on Fan Fiction dot Net or any other additional fan sites, 'OCs', Other Characters, must also be paid a fair and adequate wage other than living in the writers sick and demented little mind. Violation of this bill will cost the writer up to a six month ban, a two hundred dollar fine, eighty hours of community service, and/or snogging a member of the staff if you are particularly good looking member of your gender.
That being said, as you know, this fic is very cheep and uncreative, as has been pointed out on numerous occations, so do to a lack of additional finances, we cannot afford a decent chapter title. However, we did manage to hire someone of low enough awareness to only accept a tenth of what a decent chapter title would cost. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Thank you.
Shrilanka-San
---ooo---
"Alright uh…" said Chazz, sitting in a fold up chair and flipping through the script. "Okay, here we go. 'Chapter Five: The Devil Compels J00'. Now hand over the five bucks, I owe someone!"
---ooo---
"Mornin' Zane," said Alexis cheerfully, slapping her books down on the desk next to Zane. Zane's mood, it seemed, was far from a mirror image of hers. His eyes seemed moderately glazed over as he stared at the tile floor, not moving a muscle in response.
"Morning…" he muttered dully, as all the books that were balance on his binder slipped off and crashed to the ground. This was less of a problem than expected, because ten-thousand Zane fanboys jumped up and immediately began to pick them up for him (after thoroughly dusting it for DNA particles that they have any hope of using in cloning him).
"Zane, you don't look so good…" said Alexis. "Is something wrong?"
"No…" said Zane. "I just had a rough night's sleep…well, to be honest, I never sleep well, but still."
"Why not?" asked Alexis.
"It's nothing," said Zane, shaking tiredness off a bit, or at least trying to make himself look a little less tired.
"I'm back from announcing the chapter title faceless non-entities not fit to lick my boots," said Chazz to Alexis and Zane, just before he fell over and began to shriek in pain, as he fell to the ground on his stomach, a huge pencil sticking out of his back. This was followed by the sound of Kat's head being attempted to be cracked open on Samantha's desk by Samantha's hands.
"Wow, her range has improved since last year," said Zane, as Alexis stuck her heel in Chazz's back, and used it to apply pressure to hold him down as she yanked the deeply-embedded pencil out of his vertebrae.
"OW!" screamed Chazz, half from the heel, half from the pencil being yanked out of his back.
"Alright children, settle down, settle down…" said the sickeningly sweet voice of Professor Banner, head of the Slifer Red Dorms. He had the 'Dartz' hairdo, except that it was gray, and his eyes were shut, covered with a pair of thin reading glasses (which were paradoxes within themselves). He also was carrying his loyal brown-and-darker-brown cat, Pharaoh. "Chazz, stop bleeding on the floor."
"I WOULDN'T BE BLEEDING IF IT WEREN'T FOR THOSE FILTY UNDER-RANKING CLASSMEN!" yelled Chazz, getting up angrily. "ALL PEOPLE WHO AREN'T OBELISK STUDENTS DON'T EVEN BELONG IN THIS ACADEMY! THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE BEATEN, STARVED, KICKED AROUND, CALLED NAMES, FORCED TO WATCH ANIME RERUNS UNTIL THEIR BRAINS LEAK OUT OF THEIR SKULLS, AND THEN THROWN OUT BY THEIR-"
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Chazz's hair stuck on end even more than usual, as he had an airhorn stuck right next to his ear by Zane, which set a full blast of sound to kill his eardrums.
"We get it Chazz," said Zane, as 'conversation killer' embedded in big, red letters glittered on the can. "Stop ranting and sit down."
"This isn't any of your-" Chazz started.
BWAP!
Zane let out a short blast from the air horn.
"I have a right to-"
BWAP!
"I'm-"
BWAP!
"They're a-"
BWAP!
"STOPPI-"
BWAP!
"SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK YOU STUPID SENIOR!" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs, more to the airhorn than Zane.
BWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAP-
"Now both of you settle down…settle down now…" said Banner. "SETTLE DOWN FOOLS, OR I'LL OPEN MY EYES!"
All the students gasped in horror, as Chazz frantically pulled back his chair and leapt into it, while Zane quickly stuffed the air horn into his desk, and both placed their hands neatly cuffed together on top of their desks.
"Now aren't things easier…when you do as I say…" said Banner, in darkly sinister tone. "Now then, I came here before Card Safety started to tell you that we have a brand new transfer student! She's going to be in the Obelisk Blue Dorm, and she came to us all the way from Montpelier!"
"MONTPELIER?" Kat cried in horror. "That's where I grew up! They…they breed killers there! Absolute murders I say! I remember that in my Kindergarten graduation, they picked the weakest and sickest members of our class and…"
Silence.
"MY NEW RIVAL!" said Kat.
"WHAT!" screamed Samantha.
"At last! FINALLY! AN OBELISK WHO'S WORTH BEATING UP!" screamed Kat. "BRING HER ON TEACH!"
"Now Kat, I must ask that you show respect and good will toward any new student, Slifer, Obelisk, or Ra," said Banner. "If you don't..."
With that, he opened his eyes just the tiniest sliver so that everyone could see a sparkly edge to them. Everyone who saw it screamed in terror, frantically covering their eyes and flinching in deep pain.
"See?" said Banner. "Besides…to be so cruel disgraces the memory of all the good Obelisks out there…"
"Oh God, here we go," said Akiro, rolling his eyes and slapping his pencil down on his desk.
"Including…poor Akiro…" said Banner.
"I'm not dead professor!" called Akiro from his seat.
"Youth…cut down in its prime," said Banner.
"I'm not dead professor!" said Akiro, a little louder and sharper. "I'm right here!"
"I can still hear his voice calling to me," said Banner, pulling out a hanky from his left breast pocket while holding Pharoah in the other, who let out an angry meow, and stuffed it in his face and blowing his nose in it.
"I'M NOT BLOODY DEAD DARNIT!" screamed Akiro at the top of his lungs, getting up out of his chair. "HOW LONG WILL I HAVE TO SCREAM BEFORE IT OCCURS TO YOU THAT-"
"SILENCE!" screamed Banner, opening his eyes all the way, Akiro shrieking and hiding under his desk.
"Now then, with out further adeu…Ms. Josephina Edwards!" said Professor Banner, clapping his hands, and stepping aside, letting the student walk in.
Josephina was incredibly thin, thin so much that it was nearly sad to look at, especially in the very short skirts that were required for the girls. She had silver blonde hair that covered her ears and fell about halfway down her back and in neatly trimmed bangs, as well as gray-purple eyes.
"Hello…" she said in a quiet voice, her eyes firmly glued to the floor.
"POW-"
Before Kat could jump over her desk and pounce on the new student, Sam ripped out a cloth and clamped it over her mouth. Kat's eyes rolled, and she collapsed limply back into a sprawled looking position in her chair, as Josephina looked at the scene in front.
"I'm going to run out of chloroform is she keeps doing this," said Sam angrily, re-corking the bottle. "Don't worry about it just…just carry on professor…"
"Okay," said Professor Banner, still sickeningly happy. "Now then children, remember that your one thousand word book report is due on Monday, so you only have one weekend to finish it up!"
"Wait…BOOK REPORT?" said Chazz. "What the-this is such short notice it's criminal!"
"Chazz, we've had three weeks," said Alexis.
"We have?" asked Chazz.
"Uh, yeah!" said Alexis.
"Since when have we had three weeks?" said Chazz.
"For the past three weeks," said Alexis.
"WHY HASN'T ANYONE TOLD ME!" asked Chazz.
"We have…over and over again…" said Alexis. "Weren't you listening to every time the teacher said 'book reports are due in blah days…you should be finished with this part of the report…have you picked out the books for the report…is any of this ringing a bell?"
"…oh," said Chazz. "Wow, and I thought Zane was out of it!"
"Don't you dare Zane," said Alexis, as Zane was pulling out the air horn.
---ooo---
"Stupid books…stupid library…stupid…floor!" said Chazz, as he stomped up and down the aisle of the library, the librarians cowering in fear in a corner. "What a load of utter garbage! I mean, who actually reads anymore? Can't people just buy the reading tapes or something! WHY DO WE NOT BURN THESE PEST HOLES CALLED LIBRARIES AND CONSTANTLY BREED FILTHY AUTHORS WHO ONLY INCREASE THIS INCURABLE PLAUGE OF…LITERATE PEOPLE? WHEN WILL THIS DISEASE EVER BE CURED?"
SLPC (Stupid and Lazy Persons Club) got up on their feet from their table and applauded at Chazz's passionate rant.
"Whatever, I'll just get the shortest book possible and read it," said Chazz bluntly, walking up to the picture book section to find the sickest of it's numbers to read. "Now which one…which one…ah."
He pulled out the thinnest looking book on the shelf, a book that had a completely black, leathery looking cover, with huge slashes on it that were filled in with red, rough looking writing. It read thus; 'How to Be Evil: A Picture Book by Dr. Bad'.
"Must be a Dr. Seuss affiliate," said Chazz, casually opening the book to see how many pages it had in it.
That's when he keeled over.
---ooo---
Chazz…Chaaaaaaazz…wake up Chazz…Chazz, wake up…Chazz…
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Chazz shrieked and sat up in horror after having an air horn blast thrown right next to his head. Zane was holding the airhorn on his left side, and Alexis was on his right.
"Good, you're up," said Zane.
"BLOODY SENIOR!" screamed Chazz.
"And of regular mind," said Zane.
"Chazz, what happened?" said Alexis. "Nothing personal, but you don't strike me as the pass out type…the nervous breakdown type maybe but-anyway, and why in a library of all places!"
"What?" asked Chazz. "I…I DON'T KNOW! Forgive me for not having a clear account of what happens to me when I black out for like, fifteen minutes!"
"Actually, you've been here for five hours, and no one's really cared until just recently," said Zane.
"AND I DON'T NEED YOUR COMENTARY EITHER!" yelled Chazz at Zane, who stuck the airhorn threateningly in his face.
"For God's sake, put that thing away Zane!" said Alexis. "Come on Chazz, let's get you down to the nurse-"
"I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' NURSE!" yelled Chazz. As he angrily glared at the two, his eyes suddenly, violently twitching, met with a corner of the cover of the book.
"Oh yeah! I picked out the book I want to read for the report!" he said, picking it up. "Look, it's even written by a doctor!"
"You mean that book that looks like it's possessed by an evil enigma we found lying not far from your passed out body?" asked Alexis, pointing to the book in Chazz's hand.
"Yeah!" said Chazz.
"It looks cursed," said Zane.
"And short!" said Chazz.
"You do realize that the report book has to be at least two hundred pages long, right?" asked Zane.
"STUPID RULES!" yelled Chazz. "Who seriously would want to read at least two hundred pages anyway? I mean, it's boring enough to read the summery in the book jacket! I'd probably fall asleep reading the whole smegging thing!"
"I've said it before, but Chazz, truly, I seriously thought that you were going to overcome this 'stupid Obelisk' thing…" said Zane.
"I SAID SHUT IT!" yelled Chazz.
"Don't worry Chazz," said Alexis. "Look, just explain to the teacher what happened. It's probably the best option you've got at the moment."
"Do you want me to chalk the little dotted line along my neck before hand, or will he do it for me?" asked Chazz, rolling his eyes.
"You know what? It's your GPA, not mine," said Alexis. "If you want to be an idiot, it's no skin off my nose, that's for sure. Believe me, I'm dealing with it more and more the more you come in contact with my life."
"Look, he doesn't have to know it's a picture book!" said Chazz, holding the book as if it were made of pure gold. "All I have to do is read the thing, make up a lot of stuff that happened in the book that didn't actually happen, over analyze it, and bam! Problem solved!"
"He's soooooo not going to fall for it," said Alexis.
"I soooooo don't care," said Chazz.
"Never mind Alexis," said Zane. "The methods of the captain are always more admired than that of the rat, but when the ship sinks, guess which one gets out alive."
"Do you have, like, a book where you keep this stuff in?" asked Chazz.
"Funny you should mention that," said Zane, holding up a huge book that said 'The Big Book of Obscure Analogies'.
"Boy, I'm starving," said Alexis, getting up and heading toward the door, with the intent to walk back to the girls' dorm and, more specifically, the mess hall.
---ooo---
"Alright!" said Chazz, flicking on the light that was on his desk that night in his room, slapping his hands together eagerly, looking, truly like, as the authoress would say, 'da man wit da plan'. "I have made all the preparations necessary for reading all twenty-some pages of 'How to Be Evil'! Now…reading light?"
He adjusted the shade of the reading light so that there was a golden pool pouring onto the center of his desk.
"Check!" said Chazz triumphantly. "Huge pile of fresh baked triple-chocolate chip cookies…which I stole?"
He pulled out a huge tray of steaming hot cookies, shimmering brightly as if they had just gotten out of the oven, slapping them heavily on the desk.
"Check!" he said. "Ten gallons of milk, cleverly poured into a novel and terribly fun to use drinking hat?"
He slapped on a ridiculous looking had on his head with what looked like two garden hoses coming out of its sides.
"Check!" said Chazz. "And last, but certainly not least…the terribly repulsive yet disgustingly amusing bobble-head?"
He slapped a bobble-head on the table that looked just like Seto Kaiba, except it had fangs and its tongue was sticking out.
"Check!" said Chazz. "Finally…I have assembled the ultimate reading experience so that through the horror, I shall be suffering in absolute comfort! And now…there's only one thing left. The…book…"
Chazz shuddered, and gingerly dragged the book by his thumb and index finger onto the reading table, slapping it down quickly, as if it was going to jump up and bite him at any second.
"Well…there's no way around this…" he said. "I better…do it…"
He stared at the book
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
He was still staring at it.
Very, very gently, he pulled open the cover, and exposed the horror of…the title page. He sighed in both horror and to release the massive amount of stress that was balling on his chest.
He then blankly stared at the title page.
TEN MORE MINUTES LATER
Silence.
"That was awful…" Chazz said, shuddering after reading the title to the publishing company, the piracy warning, and the city of original print. "Alright…here we go. No more avoiding. I am going to read this book, and I am going to read it right!"
With that, he boldly flipped over the title page, looked proudly at page one-
-and fell asleep.
---ooo---
Morning had arrived at Duel Academy, but not many people cared, because it was Saturday morning, and most students took no time to do nothing more than sleep in until noon and then muck about doing nothing in particular for the rest of the day. So we'll just skip over the boring bits and head straight to the somewhat interesting parts.
Alexis was walking on the public grounds, where most students hung out when there weren't any classes or decent fights going on, often hoping for a good duel, or at least a decent fight to witness. She didn't have much to do, so she decided to kill a little time before lunch. She was passing by one of the large, decorative rock pillar things, which besides decorations, were excellent places to either lean on or hide behind, and by pure chance, she happened to encounter Zane. Now, since his back was against it, it was safe to assume he wasn't admiring it as a decorative piece, and since he was more sort of crouching down behind it than leaning on it, Alexis assumed that he was hiding. Since her father, who was an incredibly wise man, where Alexis got her general level headedness from, despite her mother, who was off her rocker, the product of this we shall see later (my, this is turning into a long sentence!) told her never to assume things, she decided to test out her hypothesis.
"Uh, Zane, are you…hiding?" she asked, as Zane finally acknowledged her presence by fixing her with a somewhat angry glare.
"No, I'm seeing what it's like to be short," said Zane, in a much more annoyed, sarcastic tone than he usually takes. "Of course I'm hiding! You didn't assume that?"
Alexis didn't even bother explaining to Zane that her sane father always told her never to assume things. She instead decided to investigate his odd behavior further.
"Hiding from who?" she asked.
"Well…it's not really a who…it's more of a what…" said Zane awkwardly.
"A what?" said Alexis.
"Exactly," Zane replied. "Though he is somewhat of a who…to an extent."
"Then who/what is he/it?" asked Alexis. Please note that Alexis said 'who slash what', as the little more technical symbol for the slash implies, not simply 'who, what' as one would say if they chose to ignore the little slash. I don't want their to be any massive arguments across the forum of whether she did say 'slash' or didn't say 'slash' in this particular chapter.
"Well…his name is Marcus…" said Zane.
"What? Is he a student?" said Alexis, once again working on her assumption, 'a kid from school' being the top of her list of assumptions.
"No…he's a chinchilla," said Zane. "A cartoon chinchilla to be exact."
And this is why you should never assume things. Why, a chinchilla was near the bottom of the list of Alexis's assumptions, and a cartoon chinchilla was so low on the list that it was right behind 'a small portion of fruit salad'.
"Okay Zane, has Chazz been skipping out on his pills and slipping them to you instead?" asked Alexis.
"I knew that you'd think I was crazy," said Zane flatly and angrily. Now, obviously Zane didn't have a kind, sane father who told him not to assume things, or else he wouldn't have assumed that Alexis now thinks that he's crazy, even when she quite clearly stated that she didn't think he was crazy, more that he was under the influence of someone else's medication.
"Why are you hiding from this…Marcus?" asked Alexis.
"Remember when I told you that I had a hard time sleeping?" Zane said.
"Yes," said Alexis.
"Well…it's because every night, I'd have a terrible dream," said Zane. "I'd just be sitting alone in this room on a bed, and then, the door would open, and then this gray, cartoon chinchilla named Marcus would always walk in, and then, he'd say the same thing to me that he'd always say."
"Which is?" asked Alexis.
"'Hello'," said Zane chillingly. "Then…things got crazy. But that's besides the point. I swear I heard him say hello just now Alexis. I swear it!"
Alexis was just about to drag Zane by his hair to the nurse's office, when a shriek and the sound of Kat's voice began echoing over the courtyard.
It had started off innocently enough. The new student, Josephina Edwards, who was briefly mentioned earlier, had one line, and was basically forgotten for about two thousand words, was about as familiar with the grounds as Alexis was when she came to the school, and was simply trying to get her bearings. She was luckier in the aspect that she didn't get lost just before an oncoming storm, but she was unluckier in the aspect of a power mad student pouncing on her while her somewhat neurotic friend, who usually prevented these kinds of things, was out chasing after an enigma that looked suspiciously like a badly-drawn chinchilla that had stolen the donut that she was just about to eat.
"HA! I GOT YOU NOW NEW GIRL!" said Kat triumphantly, slamming Josephina's back against a tree, no one in the courtyard being stupid enough to intervene in the quarrel between a new student and a mad Ra with really sharp heels. "You got lucky yesterday, but now, it's time for a beatdown!"
"What…are…" Josephina stammered, clutching a copy of The Pickwick Papers. As you might have guessed, she was nowhere as strong as Kat in body or spirit.
"DON'T GIVE ME THAT!" yelled Kat. "You may pull off this cute little façade-HEY! I FINALLY USED THAT SMEGGING WORD IN A SENTENCE-of fragility-THAT ONE TOO-but I know that you're from…MONTPELIER! An Obelisk from a town of pure punks…this is my dream come true."
"I d-don't understand…" said Josephina, so afraid that she swear she just felt her hair turn white (which really wouldn't be that hard since it was a really, really light blonde).
"POWAH RIVAL SMASH!" said Kat, whipping out a freshly made fist, drawing it back.
"Please don't kill meeeeeeee…" said Josephina pathetically, shoving The Pickwick Papers in front of her face, which was a very flimsy defense against a mad Ra who was about to beat the snot out of you. However, the fact that a) this girl was sobbing in terror b) she wasn't attempting to bite Kat's arm and c) she was actually being somewhat polite to someone who was about to beat the snot out of her, it began to occur to her brain particle that maybe, just maybe, this girl wasn't some punky rival anti-Kat Obelisk who was going to challenge Kat's position.
And of course, Kat's great power of observation kicked in.
"WHOA! You're totally scared!" said Kat.
"Yeah…" said Josephina, this situation turning out incredibly similar to when Kat met Alexis.
"Cool! Wicked cool! AND you said please!" said Kat. "And a Montpelier kid too…coolly cool!"
"Uh…huh?" said Josephina.
"HEY EVERYONE! SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING!" yelled Kat to basically everyone in the courtyard. "I SAID SHUT YOUR FACE HOLES!"
Everyone promptly followed Kat's orders.
"GOOD!" said Kat. "Listen everyone. I know it seemed to all of you that I was going to declare Josephina-something-or-other here my rival! But seeing how pathetic and un-battle-ready she is, I instead have decided to make her my pall!"
Everyone stared at Kat with the assumption that her last brain cell exploded.
"So from now on, Josie and I are friends!" said Kat, slapping an arm around a very confused Josephina. "And all of you have to be nice to her…I mean, I know it's tempting to not be, since she's skinny and short and spineless looking and she has no figure. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO HER ANYWAY!"
"…Josie?" asked Josephina.
Everyone just decided to ignore the stupidity of the monolog, and went back to whatever they were doing before it began.
"Kat!" screamed Alexis, running toward the scene. "Kat, don't tell me that you're going to-"
ZOOM!
"I'M GOING TO KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!" screamed Samantha at the top of her lungs, running past Alexis at twice her speed, even though Alexis was running as fast as she could, wildly brandishing a metal bat. Kat then screamed at the horror of her neurotic-at-best roommate, dropping a newly christened 'Josie' and making a break for it.
"Ah…what a great morning!" said Chazz, in a frighteningly good mood, carrying his book as he was walking up to Alexis, who had stopped in her tracks after Samantha ran by, and Zane, who just decided to follow her after being positive that Marcus was gone. "It's oddly refreshing to get up early on the weekend to watch the world wake up!"
"It's one in the afternoon Chazz," said Alexis.
"Mood killer," said Chazz, proudly waving the book. "Anyway, it's only natural that I'd be up late since I was up all night reading this!"
"It took you all night to read a picture book?" said Zane.
"Actually, I only read the title page before I fell asleep," said Chazz. "Then I got up at seven and managed to read three more pages, then I fell asleep for another…five or so hours I guess."
Both Alexis and Zane were looking at him as if he just said 'I have cancer, I'm going to die in three days, and I'm not leaving you anything.'
"What?" Chazz asked.
"You are utterly pathetic," said Alexis.
"Chazz Princeton-"
---ooo---
"I SPELT IT RIGHT!" screamed Shri, waving little flags wildly.
---ooo---
"-please report to Chancellor Sheppard's office immediately," said a voice over the intercom. "Thank you."
"Yet another sweet moment in my bitter-sweet war on Karma," said Alexis.
A SMALL PERIOD OF TIME OF VERY LITTLE IMPORTANCE LATER IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE
"So how did it go?" asked Alexis, as she and Zane waited outside the office, eager to see the damage on Chazz's pride.
"Great, I read another two pages!" said Chazz triumphantly, holding up the book as Alexis sweat dropped and Zane looked both sickened and amused.
"I meant are you in trouble, what was it for…" said Alexis.
"Oh, it was about something about me being caught on videotape setting fire something or some other rubbish like that," said Chazz. "I was really concentrating on my book, so I didn't feel like listening to some old, fat Slifer rant."
"YOU WHAT?" cried Alexis.
"Didn't feel like-"
"No, you idiot, you got caught on TAPE setting something on FIRE?" yelled Alexis, Zane taking one step away from Chazz.
"Again, a senile, overweight Slifer of a chancellor, and you expect me to believe him?" asked Chazz. "He probably just felt like blowing up on someone or some other reason why any loser would drag a model student like me to the office. You know that teachers like to do that, try to knock really good students down who are obviously smarter and hotter than they are…but the Chazz is just too darn cool. I mean seriously, you'd think I'd have a little better memory if I burned something to the ground!"
"You're being surprisingly laid back for someone who's just committed a criminal offense," said Zane.
"You're just jealous because he needed to wail on a good student, not some over-the-counter duelist who's obviously only gotten his fame because he knew people!" said Chazz.
"Oh yes," said Zane. "That's it. That's completely it. Thank you for the enlightenment Chazz. Oh, and by the way, may I point out that I told you that book was possessed?"
Go for his throat.
"Come again?" Chazz asked Alexis.
"Come again what?" asked Alexis.
"Go for who's throat?" asked Chazz.
"What?" asked Alexis.
He knows to much. Break the senior's neck. Crush his scrawny windpipe.
"Holy crappers!" yelled Chazz to Alexis. "How the heck can you talk without moving your lips and make it sound like it's a sinister, unholy spirit that dwells within the darkest corner of my soul?"
"That reminds me Chazz," said Alexis. "Have you been slipping Zane your medication?"
Do it. Kill him. Now.
"Seriously, I like the way you think, but guys hate women who act creepy," said Chazz.
"You're really don't want to have any girl date you at all, do you Chazz?" asked Alexis.
If you aren't going to listen to my will mortal, then I'll just have to make you follow my command!
"Mortal's an odd pet name, don't you thi-" Chazz started, before his eyes clouded over, then turned bright red. That's when he spun around on his heel, and whipped out a huge, double-edged blade that was made of black metal, and had huge chip marks in it from splitting pure hard stone, human bones, and getting the lid off the stuck-together peanut butter jar.
"GET READY TO ENTER THE NINE REALMS OF THE ABYSS FITLH!" yelled Chazz in an unearthly voice that sounded like it didn't belong to him.
Scene Sensored LOL:)
"You really didn't need to break arm," said Alexis to Zane, as Chazz lay twitching madly in a corner, his eyes completely bugged out.
"Well if you had a homicidal maniac running toward you with a sword drawn with the intent to kill you, what would you do?" asked Zane.
"But it's Chazz," said Alexis.
Zane just looked at her.
"Okay, not the most solid defense ever devised by man, but still," said Alexis. "Whatever, just…let's drag him down to the infirmary.
The term was taken a little more literally than intended. Zane and Alexis just walked down to the nurse, as Zane dragging Chazz limply along the ground by one leg, which caused him to receive a slap from Alexis.
They left behind a huge blade sticking out of the wall, and scuff marks all over the nice, clean, freshly waxed floor. The entire hallway sighed in the pleasure of about a solid minute of silence.
"Hello…anyone? P-please…help…" said Josephina, who was walking down the hallway limply. "Kat…she's hurt and…"
She then gasped in horror at the hallway, which looked like a fresh battle ground. She looked all around, at the walls, at the floor, at the huge black blade that was sticking out of the wall…and a little laminated piece of paper that was on the ground.
"Oh…it's a student ID…" she said, sinking to her knees to pick up the student ID. "Hm…so it's 'Zane Truesdale'…that's a cute name but…the poor kid must be last in line for everything, nom matter if it's first name or last name…"
"NEW GIRL!" yelled Akiro down the hall. "ARE YOU HELPING ME MOP UP KAT'S BODY FLUID OR NOT!"
"S-sorry!" said Josephina, stuffing the ID in her pocket and running back to help Sam.
---ooo---
"Oh great! Just great!" said Chazz, as all three of the gang were walking home from a hard day of…scaring the masses in general. "How the heck am I going to write an essay with a broken arm? I'm going to need to hire someone to type it up for me!"
"But typing it's kind of part of the task Chazz," said Alexis.
"I DON'T CARE!" said Chazz angrily. "If I could hire someone to read the darn thing for me, I would."
"Pathetic," said Zane.
"AND YOU'RE THE WORST OF ALL!" yelled Chazz. "You insult me, you break my arm, and you only get let off with a warning! WHAT THE BEEPIN' BEEP IS WITH THAT?"
"It was in self-defense," said Zane. "You were going to hack me to ribbons."
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" said Chazz.
"Actually…it is…" said Zane.
"I still want an apology!" yelled Chazz, pointing at Zane threateningly. "Apologize! NOW!"
"Well I don't really regret it, considering it was the only way to stop you from airing out the inner lining of my stomach, so it would be insincere anyway," said Zane. "What's the point?"
"Couldn't you at least…you know, pretend?" said Alexis.
"No," said Zane.
Both of them gave him the group glare.
"Alright…alright…" said Zane, reaching into his schoolbag-
"Wait, we have school bags?" asked Chazz.
Shut up. Anyway, he reached into his school bag, shuffling between a few papers, books, etc, until he pulled out a small, cut out, smiley-face mask that was glued to a stick.
"I'm sorry," he said, holding the smiley-face in front of his own.
"YOU CALL THAT AN APPOLOGY!" screamed Chazz.
"Give me some credit, I was only pretending," said Zane. "Now it's your turn to apologize for attempting to kill me."
"HEY ALEXIS!" said Kat, walking down the path to the Ra Girl's Dorm (which was in the opposite direction of the Obelisk's dorms on that particular path). "Oh…hi other two-HEY GUESS WHAT! THIS TIME, I CAME OUT RELATIVLY UNINJURED AFTER BEING PUNISHED BY SAM FOR BEING STUPID!"
"Um…good for you?" said Alexis.
"HEY! CHAZZ GOT AN ARM BROKEN!" said Kat, pointing to the arm that Chazz had in a sling.
"Well, I'd expect such poor observational skills from a piece of homicidal Ra Rubbish…" said Chazz.
"YOU TRYING TO BE COOLER THAN ME!" said Sam, glaring evilly at Chazz, her face about three inches from his, causing his eye to start twitching again, as she grabbed her arm. "WELL CHECK THIS OUT DON JUAN!"
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEER-RICK!
All three stared at her with their mouths open.
"You broke your own arm?" asked Alexis in shock.
"POWAH!"
With that, with the arm that wasn't now hanging limply at her side, she balled her hand into a fist and slammed it into Chazz's solar plexus, causing him to emit a cry that sounded like a combination of a nasal scream and a muffled squeek.
"AND THAT'S FOR CALLING ME RUBBISH AND TRYING TO BE COOLER THAN ME!" said Kat, as Chazz clutched his lower chest and sank painfully to the ground. "Now you have been dealt proper justice from NANA-KAT, THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS!"
"You…son of a…" muttered Chazz.
"Kat, how could you!" said Alexis. "Hitting a wounded man…that's just low!"
"Well, she was wounded herself so..." Zane said.
"Where's Sam when you need her?" muttered Alexis, rolling her eyes, as she helped Chazz up.
"Right here…" said Sam dangerously, suddenly appearing out of virtually nowhere behind Kat, tossing a bat up and down in her hand. "Oh don't worry…when it comes to wrecking stupidity…I'm never far away…"
"HA HA!" said Kat, running away to the girls' dorms, as Sam charged after her. "Now you can't hurt me that much, cause I'm injured."
"HOW DARE YOU PLAY ON MY MORALS!" said Sam, as her condoning yells mixed with Kat's babbling slowly faded into the distance.
"Seriously, can they both hurry up and get expelled already?" asked Chazz.
---ooo---
THE NEXT DAY…A SUNDAY
"Hm…I wonder…" said Zane, holding a very small medicine bottle in either hand, leaning on a wall in the main hall of the Obelisk Blue Boys' Dormm, still being very late in the day considering it was Sunday, and there were no Yu-Gi-Oh episodes that were worth getting up before twelve to see. "Is today a generic aspirin day, or is it an Advil day?"
The sound of groaning caused him to turn around and see Chazz, walking down the stairs, his legs wobbling violently, huge bags under his eyes, looking either sick or dead. He stared at Zane for a moment with empty, hallow eyes.
"Advil," said Zane, tossing the other bottle into his bag.
"Zane…is it natural to have all evidence point to you that your commiting evil deeds, such as the fact that Dr. Crowlers office has been demolished, and you find rubble stuck in your hair, yet have no recollection of anything like that, nor anything for certain periods of time?" asked Chazz.
"In a word…no." said Zane, working the childproof cap. "Now are you going to admit the book's possessed, or am I going to have to hit you?"
"IT'S NOT POSSESSED!" yelled Chazz. "It's my safety net!"
"Chazz, is a single grade, the first grade of the entire year really worth selling your soul?" asked Zane, shaking a pill into his hand.
"Yack yack yack, now are you going to help me figure out what the heck's going on or not?" asked Chazz.
"And a double dose day at that," said Zane, shaking out another pill, popping both into his mouth, and swallowing. "As much as I hate to play exorcist…whatever's in Chazz, come on out already."
"HA!" said Chazz. "Like that's seriously going to wor-"
---ooo---
"Alexis, it's Zane," said Zane into the video e-mail things that all the students at DA had, his back to a closet. "Yeah, both the good news and the bad news is that Chazz read more of that stupid book last night. Anyway…I think it'd be a good idea if I had a hand here. I mean, I'd normally try to contact what few fragments of Chazz's control over his own but-"
He was briefly cut off as the edge of an axe managed to split the wood of the door to the closet, the corner of the blade shimmering about two inches from his head.
"-I really don't think I'd be the best candidate. Don't rush or anything," finished Zane, flipping the E-mail thing shut.
"Ah, it's Chazz isn't it?" said Akiro, pointing to the closet, as Chazz screamed from inside it and managed to rip the axe back in.
"Yeah…" said Zane.
"Whatever he's doing, it isn't enough to get him expelled, is it?" asked Akiro.
"No," said Zane.
"Well that's a shame…" said Akiro.
---ooo---
"Okay, so have we actually figured out what is inside Chazz?" asked Alexis, finally arriving on the scene, as the door now had seven new axe holes in it, as Zane was no longer brave enough to stand right next to the door.
"OI! What are you?" yelled Akiro toward the door.
"History has called me many things…the black plague…greed…pestilence…sin…" snarled Chazz from within the closet, in a dark, sinister voice that was very much unlike his normal, ticked, nasal-sounding voice, ramming the axe through it once again, creating a fresh hole. "But I prefer to be called…Almanzo…"
"Okay…Almanzo it is then," said Alexis, rolling her eyes. "Look, Almanzo, why the heck do you want Chazz to be your vessel? I mean, six billion people in this world, and you choose a guy who hasn't taken his meds?"
"I have no control over what FOOL happens to trip over my picture book!" snarled Chazz from within the closet. "A body is a body, and whatever tool I have to unleash the abyss upon Earth I will use!"
"Chazz, come on, fight this!" said Alexis. "I mean seriously, the only reason this thing is in your body is because your letting it! Chazz! Come on! YOU GOT DA POWAH!"
"CHAZZ IS GONE FOOL!" screamed Chazz from within the door. "The second his eyes lay themselves on the title page, I managed to plant a fragment of my will into his feeble and pathetic soul! The more he reads, the more I consume him! And as long as I survive within the pages of my book, I CANNOT BE DEFE…oh sweet mother of God, I've said too much."
"HA!" said Alexis, snapping her fingers. "I knew if I started begging pathetically for Chazz to break free of your control, arrogance would kick in, and you'd get caught in the classic powerful-foe monolog!"
"I'll get the book," Zane said.
"I'll get ready to laugh in Chazz's face when he get's out," said Akiro.
"YOU BOTH SHALL DO NO SUCH THING!" yelled Chazz angrily. "You may have discovered the nature of the existence of the book, but by feeding off this pathetic boy's soul, now I am stronger still, so strong that merely touching that book will cause you to be infected with a piece of my soul! HA! HOWS THAT FOR A MONOLOG! HA HA HA! I WIN! I WIN AND YOU DON'T, I WIN AND YOU-"
"One word…flamethrower…" sad Zane.
"Uh…"
Silence
"BUT MY POWER HAS GROWN SO-" the voice started.
"Oh shut up already!" said Alexis. "Jeez, your going down, so have a little pride!"
"NO SERIOUSLY!" said the voice in the closet. "I'M A MANIAC MAN! I MEAN, GET INTO A SEVEN MILE RADIUS OF ME AND-"
SEVERAL SECONDS LATER
"-and there goes page six," said Alexis, after ripping out the book and stuffing it into a shredder, enjoying the satisfying sound of metal on paper. "And there goes seven…and eight…and nine…"
"NO! WAIT, HOLD ON!" said Chazz in the closet. "HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I HAVE EVIL MINIONS THAT WILL SPAWN AND CRUSH YOUR LITTLE WORLD INTO NOTHING BUT COSMIC DUST!"
Silence.
"Page ten," said Alexis, ripping it out.
"I'M NOT-"
"QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD!" all three yelled at once.
"BUT I-"
"SHUT UP!"
"But-"
"NO!"
"Seriously I-"
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the unreal sounding voice from within the closet, which rattled wildly, with loud, banging sounds echoing from it with such intensity that it looked like the door was going to fly of it's hinges, sounding as if Chazz was flailing in absolute pain within it. The scream of absolute pain slowly faded away, the door stopped rattling, and the banging, very slowly, quieted.
"Ow…my head…ow…" said the very familiar, nasal-sounding voice from in the closet. "I swear...these stupid beds…pathetic…three thousand thread count…feels li-HOLY CRAP! I'VE GONE BLIND! BLIND! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
As Chazz screamed in horror, as the flailing bangs began to start again, Zane just calmly walked up to the door and pulled it open, causing Chazz to spill out, still screaming at the top of his lungs and flailing his arms, and then seeing pretty much everyone staring at his patheticness, his scream trailed off, until very slowly, it disappeared.
There was silence.
"WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING HERE!" screamed Chazz, pointing at Akiro.
"You'll see…you'll all see…" cackled Akrio darkly, walking out of the scene, as infernal sounding music played behind him.
"Okay…" said Alexis, as the other three sweatdropped, and she turned to Chazz. "Well, the good news is you'll never be possessed by insane spirits again Chazz!"
"Good luck with that," said Zane, as Alexis shot him a look.
"And the bad news?" asked Chazz.
Alexis held up the spine and cover of the book, a mere exoskeleton with shards of ripped paper still sticking out of it.
"YOU'RE KIDDING!" yelled Chazz. "QUICK! WE GOT TO PUT THE PAGES BACK TOGETHER!"
"If we do that, we risk you getting possessed again," said Zane.
"I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE! I'M A DESPERATE MAN!" screamed Chazz, ripping through the shredder. "Alright…just got to put all these little bits of shredded paper back together…no problem…no problem…no problem…"
The two just looked on him, as he took massive handfuls of paper, pulled them out of the bin, and slap a huge snowball of shredded paper on the floor. He continued to do it, with slowly calming pants, until there was a huge pile, consisting of three scoops of paper shreds, lying on the ground.
"I don't think you'd take to the fact that I shredded all of my draft college essays in that same bin, would you?" asked Zane.
"WHAT THE HECK?" yelled Chazz. "How many!"
"…you'd cry if I tell you," said Zane.
"How many!" Chazz growled fiercly.
"Um…six…oh wait…eight," said Zane.
"EIGHT!" screamed Chazz.
"And you just shred them?" said Alexis. "Honestly Zane, what are you, a mega perfectionist?"
"…"
"Never mind," said Alexis, as Chazz started sobbing like a baby.
THAT NIGHT
"Garbage…Garbage…Garbage…" said Chazz, flicking through the channels. "Oh…AFV…that can't be too bad…"
"-and the winner of the ten thousand dollars, 'Spazz in a Closet' sent by Akiro…darn, can't read the last name…"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY GAAAAAAAAAAH!"
---ooo---
"Heh…spazz…" said Zane, watching the same program in his room.
"HELLO!" screamed an extremely high pitched voice, as a gray, bug-eyed, cartoon chinchilla stood in the doorway.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
---ooo---
"Hey Sam, check out my new best friend slash rival Josie!" screamed Kat, dragging Josephina in by one arm.
"Kat, I just put the bat away…" said Sam in frustration.
"BUT SHE'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND AND RIVAL!" screamed Kat.
"In what? Stupidity?" asked Sam.
"Uh…can you please let me go?" whimpered Josephina.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" screamed Sam in terror, turning around to see just who Kat dragged home this time. "YOU DRAGGED AN OBELISKHEREOMYGOOOOOOOOOOODIHATEYOOOOOUWEREGONNADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
"WHAT IS WITH YOUR SICK HERO-WORSHIPINGNESS OF OBELISKS ANYWAY!" yelled Kat angrily. "THEY AREN'T MENT TO BE WORSHIPED LIKE YOU DO! THEY ARE MENT TO BE KICKED AROUND AND TURNED INTO SHOE TREES!"
"WELL THAT JUST PROVES HOW STUPID YOU ARE WHEN IT COMES TO OTHER PEOPLE!" yelled Sam.
"Wanna sign my cast?" asked Kat.
"DON'T START PLAYING THAT GAME!" yelled Sam.
"Um…" started Josephina.
"SHUT UP!" screamed the two Ras.
"Okay!" said Josephina frantically, as the bickering continued.
---ooo---
Zane: Oh great, the next chapter has a bit of a serious bit in it.
Chazz: WHAAAAAAAAAA! The last time Shri tried to put out something dramatic, it turned into a load of utter crud!
Zane: Well there was no way to get around it I guess. And I didn't say dramatic. I said serious.
Chazz: I DON'T GIVE ONE! HOLY CHRISTMAS! WHAT KIND OF UTTER-
Zane: Next time, it's-
Chazz: I WANNA SAY THE CHAPTER!
Zane: Ne-
Chazz: I SAID I WANNA SAY IT!
Kat: POWAH! (Slams both of them with the same text book) NEXT TIME! KAT TILLIAN'S YEAR IN REVIEW!
Zane: It is not!
Chazz: I'M GONNA-
Kat: CUT!