I want mo-nee!
Congrats gang, we've made it to a whole other Word document on my computer! Good for us! Yay! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Alright, enough celebrating.
Sadly, now, officially, Yu-Gi-Oh is over. I thought I'd be a lot sadder than I am, but I guess overtime, I gradually managed to accept the fact that, yes, this was doomed to end, and…well, it didn't hurt. Though I am going to say, I'm going to miss the gang. Yugi, Joey, Tea, Tristan (sorta), Seto, Bakura, Serenity, Marik, The Doom Bikers, Noah, Ziggy and Leon…all gone. Ah well…it was fun. It really was. I gained a lot more than I lost from being a part of the rabid fandom (gazes off into the distance…) it's also kind of weird, because the show ended about the same time I finished my Sophomore year of high school…not that, in retrospect, makes it super-significant, but still…(gazes off again…)
Snapping out of it, everyone seemed to love the Atticus bit (it fits with my theory that everyone on the planet, great and small, loves Atticus), and now my mailbox is overflowing with 'WE WANT ATTICUS! GIVE US ATTICUS!' Not that I mind, he's one of my favorites to write. Shame it's going to take a bit for him to show up.
We can learn a lot about people (and fictional characters) by looking at their parents. We hate to admit it, but, unless under extreme circumstance, our parents are probably the closest beings to us as we'll ever get. Sometimes I write characters simply so I can give them a bizarre family. Sometimes, altering family backgrounds just a little bit so that a character's parents have aspects that are radically different from their children (and vice versa), or that are so painfully like their children it's not funny, can create enough shock value for something that's really…quite fun.
As a side rant, I think Zane tends to shoulders Seto Kaiba's legacy of being accused of having an eating disorder (along with this freaky thing that's popped up more than once about him being on a swim team. Shut up fangirls! The day he willingly takes off his shirt is the day I go to the psychiatrist!). I find my explanation much more plausible.
Oh yeah, Sam's older sibling was originally supposed to be a guy, but I switched it to a girl at virtually the last minute. Why? I can't even remember…probably because there are a surprising lack of older female siblings in the Anime world that are really worth it…or I'm just usually create my characters on pure whim. Oh, and in case any of you are wondering how she knows Kat, it's because both Sam and Kat are second years, so she's met Kat before at the last open house. Well, that's all!
Again, this chapter is so long it HURTS (I don't even recommend reading it in one sitting), but I couldn't find any sufficient place for a break, so…it's just a sickeningly long chapter. Ah… in consequence, lots of thing seem kind of rushed. And despite it, this chapter took forever to write, partially because it's a kajillion words long (well, six thousand something something actually...), partially because I've been lazy, partially because of finals, and partially because Fire Emblem finally came in the mail (insert fangirl squee).
CHAPTER EIGHT
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far
"Well…I actually found that very enlightening!" said Alexis.
"Yes, I've always wondered what I should do if Keith Richards was ever spotted in my area…" said Zane, closing the notebook. "Though I still have no idea what any of it had to do with card safety."
"Well, come to think of it, the purpose of this class in general sort of slips my mind…" said Alexis. "I think it's just a chance to show off the fact that Duel Academy is an equal opportunity employer."
"AND THAT'S WHY YEH CAN'T TRUST BADGERS EITHER!" yelled Mr. Hurtz the pseudo-Scotsman said (ALLITERATION POLICE!)
"WOW! THAT WAS QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST BORING LESSON I'VE EVER HEARD!" yelled Chazz. "My brain is about to explode from how mind-bendingly STUPID that was! I swear, I've yawned so much in the span of one period, I may need my jaw wired together!"
"You didn't listen to a single word he said, did you?" said Alexis.
"No, why?" asked Chazz.
"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"
SLAM!
Suddenly, Alexis, Zane, and Chazz, nearly jumped out of their chair in horror when, soaring from behind them, Kat leapt up in the air, and dive bombed right back down, in her outstreatched hands held…a tray of brownies. After landing on Zane's desk tray down, smashing her entire body-weight into the desks, she did a back flip of it, landing gracefully in front of the desk.
Silence.
"Those are brownies," said Alexis.
"Eat them," said Kat.
"Finally, you're Rotten Ra carcass finds it's niche in society," said Chazz reaching for one of the brownies, as he got his chair leg kicked out from under him, causing him to fall backwards.
"NOT YOU!" she yelled at the top of her lung, kicking the legs out of Chazz's chair, sending him falling backwards, an instant afterward pointing a finger at Zane, as Chazz screamed in anger. "HIM!"
"What? Why?" asked Alexis, quickly drawing her hand back.
"Because I want to see for myself if this man really does eat!" yelled Kat, putting herself down at Zane's eyelevel (which didn't take much). "Now…EAT THEM!"
"Dare I ask?" said Zane.
"Yes, I am single, but I'm not desperate, so scrub off," said Kat.
"No, may I ask why you want to force-feed me?" asked Zane.
"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS!" screamed Kat, causing a few glances toward their direction, as did usually happen when Kat's voice got to 'that tone'. "You look like one of those wicked-thin kids from a developing country! I could probably wrap two fingers around the thickest part of your leg! I AM SICK OF LOOKING AT A MAN WHO STARVES HIMSELF! NOW EAT THE BROWNIES!"
Silence.
"So it's come to this…" said Zane, staring at the brownie tray. "This is how said I really look, isn't it? I can't believe it. I really can't."
"What are…either of you talking about?" asked Chazz, using the edge of his desk to pull himself to his feet.
"I'm one of those people who's metabolism is so high, it's scary…" said Zane. "I don't get it…I was six feet halfway through middle school…and I can't gain weight."
"That's no problem!" said Alexis. "Most people would die to be like that! Just eat a little more, and your fine!"
"That's the problem…" said Zane. "I probably eat twice as much as anyone else in my family…and I can't get higher than a twenty-eight inch waist…I can even drop to a twenty-six or lower when I don't keep it in check…"
Lucky jerk…thought Chazz, tears welling up in his eyes.
"What are you talking about? You're pretty skinny too, anorexic boy," said Kat.
"HEY! THE SCRIPT WAS ITALICIZED! I WAS THINKING!" yelled Chazz.
"Oh…my bad," said Kat. "Well in that case, you just have to break the scale so it weigh's ten pounds extra! That's what I did to Sam's scale, just to hear the little squeaky cries she makes every time she weighs herself!"
"YOU WHAT?" yelled Sam from the other end of the room.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha…" laughed Professor Banner as his voice grew progressively evil, as he walked into the room, as Professor Hurtz continued to rant as he left the platform. "Hello children! Sorry to interrupt the class…I'm just here to remind you that this weekend is Duel Academy Open House!"
"OH GOD, NO!" screamed Akiro at the top of his lungs, his chair falling from behind him as he sprang up, gripping the sides of his head, as his eyes dialated in supreme horror, the volume of his voice on the level that risks causing sound pollution. In response, almost all eyes turned to him, and for a moment, there was absolute silence. Then, very slowly, he picked up his chair, adjusted it to the right distance from his desk, and quietly sat down, as if nothing had happened.
"That being said," said Banner cheerfully, stroking his cat, Pharaoh (who sincerely wished to die at that particular moment), "This is a very special time in Duel Academy, and I'm sure that everyone's very excited to meet each other's parents. So I want all of you to be on your best behavior…or your blood shall be the price…"
"DON'T OPEN THEM!" screamed several students, shutting their eyes tight, and throwing their arms in front of their faces.
"Ah ha ha ha…of course I won't!" said Professor Banner. "Unless of course you deserve to be punished."
"NO! WE'LL BE GOOD!" screamed several, putting up pathetic smiles to convince him.
"It's Open House already?" said Zane. "Oh well…I suppose it's getting to be that time."
"You're kidding…you're bloody kidding…" said Chazz weakly.
"What's the matter Chazz?" asked Alexis. "Are your parents creeps or embarrassing or something?"
"No, they're fine, aside from the fact that both of them are terminally stupid," said Chazz. "It's my…BROTHERS I'm worried about."
"What? Are they jerks?" asked Alexis.
"THAT'S PROBABLY THE BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!" yelled Chazz. "They're not jerks, they're INHUMAN!"
"That being said, from my experience with older siblings, they usually don't want to come to the school when it's having an open house," said Alexis. "You'll be fine Chazz."
"Let's hope so…" said Chazz.
"Still, I think that with our batch, we're going to have a crazy batch of parents-" said Alexis.
"OH! WAIT! I just realized something!" yelled Chazz, cutting her off. "WHAT THE HECK ARE JOKU'S PARENTS LIKE?" I bet they're carnies or…circus freaks or…LIBRARIANS…or…"
"Normal people like you and I?" asked Zane.
"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS ZACK!" yelled Chazz.
"Zane. I'm Zane," said Zane angrily.
"AWRIGHT!" yelled Kat at the top of her lungs. "I get to introduce all of you FILTHY OBELISK SCUM to my wicked awesome POWAH PARENTS! MADLY COOL!"
"Please don't tell me I'm too late to prevent anything stupid!" said Sam, digging her heel into the floor as she skidded to a halt in front of the desks. "Figures, I go to my locker to get a pen and-SO THAT'S WHERE THE BROWNIES WENT TO!"
"Did I mention that I can't cook worth squat?" said Kat, as everyone in front of her sweat dropped.
"YOU IDIOT!" yelled Sam, grabbing Kat by the throat.
"It's okay Sam! It's only brownies!" said Alexis, trying to stop Sam from crushing Kat's windpipe.
"I know it looks innocent," said Sam, letting Kat go with a forceful shove. "That's how it always starts. Last December, it started with a few paperclips, it ended with six people in the hospital!"
"Wow," said Zane.
"I'm Joku," said Joku, floating around on an umbrella like something from Mary Poppins.
---ooo---
"And so the days past with very little interesting occurrences within the lives of our heroes," said a 16th century Shakesperian looking narrator, sitting on a huge, red, futon chair in the middle of a well-stocked library, holding a huge book that had 'Our Story' printed on it in big, fancy letters, as a fire crackled in the frame of view. "A lack of incidences seemed to riddle the week of the upcoming open house, save for a few, extremely brief periods of mild interest, such as-"
---ooo---
"I'm Joku," said Joku to Sam as he stood next to her desk, wearing a small, floral bikini, as Sam's eyes were bugging out of their sockets.
---ooo---
"-as well as-" continued the narrator.
---ooo---
"Oh come on Sam, I think I look good in this color!" said Kat, her hair died and electric blue with green streaks in it, as Sam looked at her with a severe eye twitch in her right eye.
---ooo---
"-and of course-" continued to narrator.
---ooo---
"Don't jump Sam, it's not that bad," said Akiro, as Sam stared glassy-eyed out of the window to the classroom, as Kat and Joku walked around wearing identical kilts and Scottish berets, totting huge bagpipes, which they both played random, jumbled tunes, as Jo sat in the back holding up a huge sign that says 'Everyone Ignores Me', which, of course, everyone ignored.
---ooo---
"But putting that aside, things slowly began to progress," said the narrator. "So let's skip to the big night itself…the night…of…"
After making a pathetic at being dramatic, he was promptly crushed by a sixteen ton weight that said 'OPEN HOUSE' on it.
---ooo---
"Wow! I can't believe the big night's come already!" said Alexis, standing under a banner in the doorway of the school that originally said 'Welcome Duck Enthusiasts', but 'Duck Enthusiasts' was crossed out, and was replaced with 'Parents' in bright, red letter over it. "Well, I'm ready for the onslaught of insanity…oh! Hi Zane!"
"Evening," said Zane unenthusiastically, walking as if he really didn't care anymore (which he didn't). His attitude seemed directly opposite of everyone else's, who were eagerly bustling by, often with a few parents in tow, all around the school.
"Wow Zane, calm down," said Alexis sarcastically. "I don't get it. Shouldn't you be at least moderately excited that your parents are coming?"
"Why?" said Zane. "This happens every year. It's not like it's never going to happen again. Besides, it's not that huge of an ordeal anyway."
"Oh come on!" said Alexis. "This is when you get to show your parents your school, how everything's changed…really, this is a great excuse to bring your parents to school! I mean everyone's excited! Look, Joku's so excited he's wearing the boys' uniform for once!"
She pointed to Joku, who stood there with a dull, blank expression on his face, as if he was pretending to be a statue. However, he was, indeed, not wearing womens clothing, man skirts, or anything but a common Ra Yellow boy's uniform.
"Yes, he looks like he's just overflowing with joy," said Zane, as Joku tipped over, and fell to the ground like a stiff board. "The only thing I'm halfway looking forward to is the sweet sound of an elongated period of time when Chazz isn't whining about how much he hates the entire concept of this entire day."
"IT'S THE OBELISK SCUM AND LEXI!"
"God! Why do you have to be so rude?"
"Hi Kat, hi Sam," said Alexis, not needing to turn around to know the voices of the two Ra girls as they walked up. "I'm guessing your parents aren't here yet?"
"NOPE! Not yet!" said Kat.
"Oh…my parents aren't coming," said Sam. "They're busy…but my sister is! She'll be here pretty soon too!"
"I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE THEM BEAT ZANE UP!" said Kat, throwing a few punches at empty air, as well as a few kick-boxing moves, her face twisted in a homicidal smile. "Oh yeah! It's going to be the highlight of the evening! I call a shot at his legs though! WOOT!"
"I'm going to get the tranquilizers," said Sam, turning to the Ra dorm. "I'll be back in a few."
"Okay, see you Sam!" said Alexis, as Sam ran off toward the Ra dorms. However, her presence was quickly replaced by the sulking, angry presense of Chazz, who's face suggested that all who listened were going to get the most acidic snide comments that he could muster.
"Evening Chazz," said Zane.
"Oh my God! You're right! It is evening!" yelled Chazz, looking around. "Holy cow Zane! You're observation skills are truly superior! Now I know why your head student! If I could, I would curtsy!"
Told you.
"Okay, what happened?" said Alexis.
"ALL OF YOU WERE BORN!" yelled Chazz.
"No Chazz…why are you upset?" said Alexis.
"Refer to the previous!" yelled Chazz.
"You're brothers are coming, aren't they?" said Zane, giving Chazz a pensive look.
"NO, THEY AREN'T, THANK GOD!" yelled Chazz.
"So why are you upset then?" asked Zane. "Are your parents coming, and you just don't feel like walking around?"
"NO!" said Chazz. "For your information FREAKYWHITEWEARINGGOTHICKID, they decided that they just happened to be busy tonight, so they SKIPPED OUT!"
"I thought you said that they were stupid and you didn't care if they came or not!" said Alexis.
"THEY ARE! AND I DON'T!" said Chazz.
"Then why are you miserable?" asked Alexis.
"Because you're all a bunch of idiots!" yelled Chazz.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Chazz," said Zane. "Forgive me and my miniscule brain particles. I'll just go solve a Rubik's Cube and read the Encyclopedia Britannica."
"Well…it seems that our friend is immovable at somewhat of a shortcoming …" said Kat, tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully.
Everyone stared at her in amazement.
"If any of you are wondering where I learned that, I heard Sam say it!" said Kat, as everyone sweatdropped. "DON'T WORRY SPAZZEROO! I have the perfect resolution for your particular quandary! Again, FROM SAM!"
"Big…words…" said Chazz, looking like he was stuck in a brain freeze.
"FOR TONIGHT, I HEREBY DUB AND SUBDUB YE HONARARY SPAZZ-HEAD CHAZZO TILLIAN!" said Kat, pointing at Chazz. "This night, and this night alone, you are a member of the Tillian family, and my very own little brother!"
"EXCUSE ME?" yelled Chazz. "No way! No flipping way! I have enough trouble living under the same last name of two older siblings/genetic experiments gone wrong! I don't need to play younger sibling to some hormone-enhanced madwoman with an eye twitch and spiked heels!"
"TOO BAD!" screamed Kat, grabbing Chazz roughly around the neck, dragging his head right up next to her. "YOU NEED A P0W4H N00G13!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH YOU WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" yelled Chazz, as he got a fist dug into his head and rubbed hard by an overly zealous Kat, who was cackling wildly as she drove her fist up and down Chazz's scalp. Chazz was wildly flailing in her grasp, but it was to no avail. Kat's grip was like a vice.
"You know, just as some people aren't meant to be parents, some people aren't meant to be siblings," said Zane, as Chazz was screaming a few choice words, which only caused Kat to rub harder.
"You don't say…" said Alexis.
"ALRIGHT! THIS IS A HOLDUP! HANDS IN THE AIR!"
Everyone whirled around behind them to see what looked like something from a very bad movie, consisting of a young couple, both holding up a pair of bazooka cannons at the gang. The man looked like a cross between a pro-wrestler and a Monster Truck Driver from Jersey with a huge, red Mohawk. The lady of the team was a woman who was wearing an outfit that was similar to Mai Valentines, with a black, skin-tight micro mini, thigh high spiked boots, a tube top with a black leather jacket on top, and a roman cross dangling lightly from a black ribbon choker.
"Alright…well, I said this was a stickup!" yelled the man in a very gruff, masculine voice. "Come on, hands up, hands up…ah…that's better!"
Everyone quickly scrambled to put their hands up in the air, even Kat, who reluctantly put Chazz down, who snarled angrily, and too, very gingerly, put up his.
"Good…I love it when they cooperate…" said the woman. "Now then. Hand over all of your valuables…come on, bunch them all together. That kid over there can give it to us…the spazzy scrub brush, Chia Pet thing…"
Chazz nodded smugly at Zane.
"She means you bonehead," said Zane flatly.
"No way!" said Kat, throwing down her arms in anger. "I don't care what anyone says! I don't car how big your guns are! I don't care that you have enough fire power to completely rearrange my sub-atomic structure-"
"Kat?" asked Zane.
"Yes I am," continued Kat. "ANYWAY! But when you pick on innocent, defenseless spazzwads…YOU CROSS THE LINE! Time to get a taste of-"
"Kat! Don't be stupid!" yelled Alexis.
"Blondy over there has a point," said the guy. "Go on kid…give us your best shot…and we'll give you-"
"Mom? Dad?" asked Josephina from the top of the steps to Duel Academy, with a combination of a pensive look and a severe stare, as if she had seen this before, but didn't condone it any less. "I thought you said you weren't going to do that kind of thing anymore!"
"JO-JO!" said the man, dropping the cannon like weapon on the ground like a rock, as his female friend quickly did the same. "Aw, look at you! Come down here and give your old man a hug!"
"Oh sweetie, you look so grown up in your uniform!" said the woman, opeing her arms wide as Josephina quickly rushed down to meet the two of them. "My baby…my baby's going to be an adult soon!"
"Wha...wha…" said Chazz, as virtually everyone's eyes opened wide, as well as their mouths, as Josephina ran down and threw herself into her parents arms, not being able to believe what they saw. Even Zane looked a little off color.
"WHOA! Someone took a dip in the wrong gene pool!" said Kat.
"Yeah," said Aleixis. "This is defiantly surprising new evidence in the nature vs. nurture debate."
"HA HA! Just look at you Jo!" said the man, assumingly Josephina's father, giving her a pat on the back. "You've grown since I've last saw you! A good two millimeters, I think!"
"Thank you Dad!" said Josephina.
"One day Jo-Jo, you're going to crack six feet!" said her presumable mother.
"Yes…thank you Mom…" said Josephina, even though she doubted it with every fiber of her 5'4" being.
"Oh, so are these your friends then?" said the man, pointing to the others, who frantically shook their heads yes.
"Um, yes…you see-" Josephina started.
"OF COURSE WERE HER FRIENDS!" said Kat, springing out from behind her, causing her to shriek at the top of her lungs. "Anyone who hurts Josie has to go through me!"
"…Josie?" asked the couple simultaneously.
"Um, well…actually…" said Josephina.
"Well that's great!" said the man, slapping Kat on the back. "Jo needs some good, strong friends who have the rage and social sophistication of a homicidal ax maniac and the brains of the gunk that floats around in pickle jars!"
"Well, Dad, she-ah, she-" Josephina tried.
"THANK YOU DUDE!" said Kat. "I'll be the best friend that I can be forever and ever and ever and ever!"
"But-" Josephina tried.
"Come on Jo!" said her Dad, as the two of them affectionately dragged her with them into the school. "Let's go and meet all of your teachers!"
"There goes the most miserable woman alive," said Alexis, watching as Jo and the couple were taken into the school. "Poor girl…she's probably about as enthusiastic about these days as Zane is."
"HA HA! ZANE'S NOT HAPPY! ZANE'S NOT HAPPY!" said Chazz in a very mocking, nasal sounding voice, pointing a finger at Zane and cackling maliciously at the top of his lungs.
"It's amazing how much pleasure you find in other people's pain," said Zane.
"So why aren't you happy about today anyway?" asked Alexis. "Is it that your parents couldn't make it?"
"No, they said they'd make it," said Zane. "It's just that…contradictory to popular opinion, I'm not the favorite in the family."
"They don't like you?" asked Alexis.
"Oh no, they like me and Syrus equally to the best of my knowledge," said Zane. "It's just that…they brought my Grandmother…"
"And she doesn't," said Alexis.
"Oh yes, very much so," said Zane. "Though to be honest, I'm not too worried."
"Why not?" asked Alexis.
"Five words," said Zane. "Memory's the first to go."
"THERE YOU ARE SYRUS!" yelled a very little old lady, well stooped with age, making her look much shorter than she already was, as she hobbled over on her cane toward the group at a relatively fast pace. As she got closer to Zane, the differences in their heights became almost comical.
"I'm Zane Grandma," said Zane, in a somewhat loud tone of voice.
"Don't be ridiculous Syrus!" said the elderly woman affectionately. "I know the difference between my darling, adorable little grandson and that SIX FOOT TWO, MUTANT, INDIGO HAIRED, ILLEGITAMATE KAISER FREAK!"
"I see it more as a cross between cobalt and aqua myself but…" said Zane
"I LOVE YOU MOTHER TRUESDALE!" said Chazz happily.
"Shut up Spazz," said Zane.
"OH! ZANE!" said a middle aged woman in a sweater and knee-length skirt, followed by a man in pants and a white dress shirt toward the others…both of whom were just barely over 5'5". "Sorry Zane honey, she didn't-"
"No, thank god for memory loss," said Zane, waving it away, as everyone just stared in shock at how Zane turned out so…tall. Well, tall in comparison to both halves of his genome, as hugs and handshakes were exchanged within the group.
"…What?" asked Zane, as everyone stared at him.
"Oh, are these your friends?" asked the main, pointing to the rest of the gang.
"Well…a solid majority," said Zane.
"WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THESE STENUOUS GLITCHES IN THE GENE POOL?" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs. "I mean, here's a biology question! How does short with black hair (Mr. Truesdale) and short with brown hair (Mrs. Truesdale), make TALL WITH CONFORKING BLUE HAIR (Monkeyboy Truesdale)?"
Silence, as the family gave each other an awkward look.
"IT'S THE INBREED!" screamed the elderly woman, as Syrus screamed in horror in the distance and ran away as fast as his little legs could carry him, the old woman in hot pursuits.
"Sorry, I'll catch up with you later," said Zane blankly, following his parents on their mad scramble to keep a single old woman from tearing the school asunder.
Silence.
"Well…that's…interesting…" said Alexis.
"Oh, hello Kat dear…" said a calm but strong, almost regal-sounding voice, as a tall, thin, graceful looking woman with silver gray hair that was an identical color to Samantha's walked up to the gang, wearing a jacket, calf-length skirt, white shirt, and a gentle smile. "How have you been?"
"Been fine Ms. Anika!" said Kat, saluting, slinging her arm around Chazz throat and dragging her right next to her.
"Oh, are you Sam's Mom?" asked Alexis, remembering that Sam's last name was Anika.
"No dear, Sam's parents could come. I'm her older sister, Elizabeth," said the woman, giving Alexis a friendly smile. "Nice to meet you…miss…"
"Alexis! Alexis Rhodes!" said Alexis, extending a hand, which the woman shook with a light but firm grip. "It's nice to meet you."
"Oh, Kat dear, is that your boyfriend?" said Elizabeth, pointing to Chazz, whose pupils dilated.
"NEVER! NEVER! NOT EVEN IF I WAS PAID!" yelled Chazz, flailing in Kat's arms.
"Don't be ridiculous Beth!" said Kat, strangling Chazz a little more. "I'd never date OBELISK SCUM! He's my honorary little brother!"
This caused Chazz to gag and flail about a little more.
"So where's Sam?" asked Elizabeth politly to Kat.
"Oh, she said that she was going to be back soon!" said Kat cheerily.
"I'll wait here then!" said Elizabeth sweetly, standing next to Kat and a flailing Chazz.
Wow…she looks and acts like a diplomat…she's even polite to Kat of all people thought Alexis to herself. I guess I can see where Sam gets her mature, level-headed, composed side…when Kat isn't pushing her buttons.
"Kat, I couldn't find anything to calm you down," said Sam, walking back to the front of the school. "So your just going to have to try to keep-"
"IT'S MY SAMMY SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" the woman suddenly screamed in a sing-song voice, suddenly disregarding the fact that she was wearing high heels, and charged over to Sam, who nearly fell over in shock of having her sister's body, which was much bigger than hers, thrown on top of her. She was then scooped up off her feet and nearly strangled in a bone crushing hug.
And the other half too…thought Alexis.
"I LOVE MY SAMMY SAM SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!" said Elizabeth energetically, squeezing even tighter, as Sam had to take huge, gasping breaths to keep in enough air as her sister shook her from sheer joy.
"I…love…you…too…" Sam managed to say on shallow breaths.
"OH! SAY IT AGAIN!" squealed Elizabeth.
"I love…you…" Sam said, nearly suffocating on every word. This caused Elizabeth to squeal even more, slamming her face next to Sam and nuzzling her like a new mother and her toddler child.
"Is she…um…" Alexis faltered.
"She's got a sister complex in the worst kind of way!" said Kat with a smile.
"LET GO OF ME YOU IDIOT!" yelled Chazz to Kat.
"Oh…I see…" said Alexis.
"COME ON SAMMY!" said Elizabeth, still dragging Sam behind her as if she was nothing more than a rag doll. "Let's go and see all of your wonderful teachers!"
As the deranged twenty-something year old ran off, dragging Sam behind her, the others just sort of stared as they ran by.
"Wow…that's just…" said Alexis said awkwardly.
"Psst! Alexis!"
Alexis turned absentmindedly to the direction of the voice, trying to ignore Chazz's angry hisses, to find that the source of it was actually…a bush. Well, not the bush itself, mind you, it was just that Akiro hiding in the bushes.
"Uh…what are you doing?" asked Alexis, giving the bush a curious look.
"I'm a trans-kingdomal organism wanting to become a bush," said Akiro sarcastically. "WHAT THE HECK DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING! I'm hiding! I'm hiding darnit!"
"Hiding?" asked Alexis. "What the heck are you hiding from?"
"Jeez, what would be the only thing a sane human being hide from on parents day?" said Akiro.
"Oh come on," said Alexis, in an almost condoning tone of voice. "Compared to everything, and I mean everything we've seen so far, they can't possibly be something that deserves to be hidden from."
"Hello!" said a cheerful, high-pitched voice from behind Alexis, causing both her and Akiro to scream at the top of their lungs. The voice actually turned out to belong to a little girl with strawberry blonde hair that was tied back in pigtails, blue eyes, and a happy smile on her face.
"Ah…hello…" said Alexis. "Sorry…you scared me."
"I'm Becca!" said Becca cheerfully. "I'm Akiro's ten-year-old sister, and everyone says my most redeeming quality is that I'm perpetually happy!"
"Becca, get out of here!" yelled Akiro. "Mom and Dad will see you! And then they'll know I'm here and-"
"THERE YOU ARE AKIRO!" said a middle aged women in a dress tuxedo (the real thing, not a cheep rent-a-tux), with hair that was about the same color as Becca's cut to about her chin. Unfortunately, one couldn't easily tell this, because her head was covered with a space helmet. "Are you hiding in shrubbery again? You're so naughty!"
"MOM! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO WEAR WOMEN'S CLOTHING TO SOCIAL GATHERINGS?" yelled Akiro angrily, as Alexis just slowly backed away. "Oh please, please please please tell me that dad isn't wearing-"
"Have you found Akiro hon?" asked a middle aged man, walking up in a long, sweeping, purple ballroom dress that had AKiro's brown hair and wirey figure (making him look ever so attractive).
"OKAY! LET'S WAIT OVER HERE!" yelled Kat, dragging Chazz away (not the supreme mistress of tact) to another part of the front. "Well Lex, looks like it's only you, me, and Chazzero Tillian!"
"ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT!" yelled Chazz, with one violent nudge in Kat's ribs, finally broke free from her restraint. "I am not doing this anymore! Of every single person I've met in my entire life, YOU are the living reason why I'm one hundred percent supportive of human euthanasia! WHAT FOUL, DEMENTED HUMANS HAD TO MEET TO CREATE SOMETHING AS LOW, DEVIANT, AND GENETICALLY INFERIOR AS YOU?"
"Them!" said Kat, pointing behind Chazz to a couple and two young men, all who were very tall, all who were very muscular, and all who looked like they had a very sincere wish to beat the living hormones out of Chazz.
"Eh…heh heh…" said Chazz awkwardly, backing off slightly, as Alexis was already thinking of a plan to grab Chazz and drag him away through the nearest escape route. "You must be Mr. and Mrs. Tillain…"
"Allow me to introduce you to them!" said Kat, throwing a falsely friendly arm around Chazz, as the four all began to crack their knuckles eagerly. "This is Mom and Dad, and these two are the older uga-boy brothers."
"Hey, who's this pipsqueak with the eye-twitch Kat?" asked one of the older brothers.
"Can we pound him to bacon mist?" asked the other one.
"No, no!" said Kat. "I wanted that job! Besides…THIS POOR SPAZZ IS A TEMPORARY MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY OF TILLIAN! Say hello…to the honorary Chazz Tillian!"
"BWA HA HA HA HA!" screamed the huge, patriarchal male, laughing his head off, as if Kat said that she was actually a small pineapple that inhabits northern parts of Barcelona. "You're kidding right? There's no way in heck that we could possibly even pretend to be related to that!"
"Yeah!" said the woman. "He would be the one that gets killed of in Kindergarten back in Montpellier!"
"Too true!" said Kat. "However, the two who spawned him aren't coming, and being such a generous person, I have decided through my infinite charity to allow Chazz to join our ranks temporarily!"
"Aw, you always were the nice one Kat!" said one of the Uga-Boy Brothers.
WHAT? screamed Chazz in his head.
"Even if you were the ugly one!" said the other Uga-Boy Brother.
"Well at least people can tell the difference between my face and my butt!" yelled Kat back angrily, kicking the man in the side.
"Well at least I have a brain in my head and not in my butt!" yelled the Uga-Boy Brother back.
"SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?"
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?"
"YEAH! YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE!"
"I'M THE UGLY ONE! YOUR BOTH SO UGLY THAT THE DOCTOR WAS SUED WHEN YOU WERE BORN!"
"Wow…I'm touched…" said Alexis, as she turned to take her leave, deciding that Chazz was in no real danger, since it seemed Like Kat's attention was going to be firmly glued in her attempt to knock the lights out of her two older brothers, as would her older brothers to her. However, she noticed that whenever Chazz tried to sneak away (which was quite often), someone would grab him and drag him back into the mêlée.
"A-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX-IS!"
Alexis new that peculiar call anywhere.
"MOM! Hi!" said Alexis, waving her over to her and away from the crowds of insanity that were now plaguing the school grounds. Her mom had the exact same length of hair as Alexis, except it was very dark brown; she was at a decent height (except a few inches shorter than Alexis), and she had a blissful, one would almost go as far as saying goofy, expression on her face. "Hey, where's dad?"
"…I don't know!" she said.
"You don't know?" Alexis said in horror.
"NOPE!" she said. "I just kind of…lost him."
Silence.
"Lost him?" Alexis asked flatly.
"Yep!" she said.
"How, per chance, did you lose him?" asked Alexis, sensing yet another amazing story starting to brew from the infinite adventures of her mother.
"Well, I don't know really…" said her mother, cocking her head back to think, her fingers under her chin. "Lets see…um…come to think of it…it's all kind of blurry after the seventh cup of espresso and-"
"Never mind…sounds more like he lost you," said Alexis. "It's okay just…stay with me, and let's go talk to Dr. Crowler, okay?"
---ooo---
"Wow…that was about ten thousand times more exhausting than I thought it was going to be…" said Alexis, collapsing in one of the chair set up in the court yard (now the refreshment area), as the crowds slowly began to die off as Open House started to wind down. "Oh well…it went well, the teachers said nice things, Mom's back with dad…mission accomplished. One down, two to go-OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"
Her attention was turned to Zane, who was walking into the scene looking like he had survived something that would have killed any normal man. His face was completely covered in red patches that were slowly turning into bruises, one of his arms seemed to be at an askew angle, and he had a pronounced limp in his left leg. His face was in it's usual stoicism-wreathed freeze, but something about the way he looked at her mad Alexis think I may be goin' down kiddo, but I'm takin' a couple dozen down with me.
"She finally figured out who you were, huh?" said Alexis.
"Yes…" said Zane flatly, almost sadly.
Silence.
"I at least have the pleasure that I will get her funeral invitation a few years down the line," said Zane flatly.
"Not if she kills you first," said Alexis.
"Where's my OTCs?" muttered Zane, on a search for his arsenal of aspirin and other legal drugs.
"ALRIGHT! THAT WAS AWESOME!" said Kat, walking up to Alexis, her arm in a sling, with what looked suspiciously like a black eye beginning to form over her right eye. "THAT WAS THE BEST BATTLE EVAH! And scratch one victory for the POWA4H L4D33!"
"…you didn't get to talk to a single teacher, did you?" asked Alexis.
"NO WAY!" said Kat, giving Alexis a thumbs up, as Zane was reaching through a hole in a nearby tree.
"So…did Chazz make out okay?" asked Alexis.
Silence, as Zane triumphantly pulled out a Family Sized ibuprofen bottle.
"Yes," said Kat, trying to put on a straight face.
"He didn't, did he?" said Alexis.
"If I say yes, will I be in trouble?" asked Kat, as Zane opened the bottle, and began to shake a few pills into his hand.
"…where is he Kat?" asked Alexis.
"I have no idea," said Kat, once again putting on a very bad lying face, as Zane popped the few pills into his mouth, and began to shake out a couple more.
"Where is he Kat?" asked Alexis, in a slightly more dangerous tone.
"Wow! I've never noticed that it's blue before!" said Kat, pointing up at the sky, as a stream of pills was beging to spill over Zane's hands.
"Where is he Kat?" said Alexis darkly.
"Not in that bush!" said Kat, pointing to a bush, as Alexis ran over the second after she said it, expecting to find Chazz's twisted corpse somewhere in the center of the bush, as she frantically began to tear through the bush.
"Hey Alexis," said Chazz, walking up behind her, as Alexis whirled around to see that he was completely unharmed, no bruises, no scratches…nothing. "Why are you trying to kill that bush?"
Silence.
"Okay...I officially have no faith in body language anymore," said Alexis.
"Shoving your useless female rambling aside," said Chazz, as Kat balled her hand in a fist. "The only thing I really regret is the fact that I never got to see Joku's parents! I guess they just didn't-"
"It was so nice to see you again Joku!" said a woman with short, black hair to the left side of Joku, wearing a gentle smile on her face, as a dark brown haired man stood on his right side, both looking absolutely normal in every way. "It's always so sad to see you go off to school…"
"Well, it seems like your doing a good job so far," said the man. "Keep up the good work son."
"I'm Joku…" Joku said.
"NO WAY!" screamed Chazz, rushing over to the trio, skidding to a halt in the pavement right in front of the three. "NO WAY! ABSOULULTY…NO…WAY!"
There was a silence, as Chazz panted frantically, and the three all stared at him as if he was going to suddenly start foaming at the mouth and jump at their throats.
"Um…are you okay?" the woman asked.
"ARE YOU MRS. ZOKIDA!" asked Chazz.
"Yes, why?" asked the woman.
"And you're Mr. Zokida?" said Chazz, pointing an accusing finger at the man.
"Yes…" said the man.
Silence.
"NO! NO WAY!" screamed Chazz. "You don't even look like him! How can you possibly be his parents!"
"CHAZZ! STOP BEING SPAZZY!" yelled Alexis.
"I'M NOT BEING SPAZZY!" yelled Chazz. "I'm just in shock on how much the gene pool has gone awry!"
"Are…you sick or something?" asked the woman to Chazz.
"You have no idea…" said Alexis, walking up to the group, grabbing Chazz by his largest spike of hair, and dragging him away (making sure that it was an incredibly painful trip). "Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Zokida. Have a nice evening."
"IT'S NOT RIGHT! IT'S NOT RIGHT I TELL YOU!" yelled Chazz. "SOMEONE SWITCHED THE BASINETS! IT'S A TEST TUBE BABY GONE WRONG! AH, LET GO OF ME, DARNIT! THEY'RE NOT HUMAN! I BET THEY'RE NOT HIS BIOLOGICAL PARENTS! I BET HIS REAL PARENTS ARE SPAWNING AS WE SPEAK! THEY'RE NOT-"
"What's wrong with that kid dear?" Mrs. Zokida asked Joku, as the trio began to walk around the campus.
"Dunno Mom…he's just plain nuts…" said Joku flatly.
---ooo---
Jaden: WOOT! NEXT TIME IT'S A 'THOSE CRAZY SLIFERS' DAY!
Syrus: WHAT! NO! I'M NOT READY! AND I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT ADVANCING A STORYLINE!
Bastian: Well…technically, this is actually a pathetic attempt to somehow get me into the storyline.
Jaden: NO IT'S NOT! IT'S A 'THOSE CRAZY SLIFERS' DAY! A 'THOSE CRAZY SLIFERS' DAY, DARNIT!
Akiro: Well actually, it's a special edition of 'Who Cares About Your Opinion', not all of this nonsense that you fools bring to the table.
Chumely: No it's not!
Akiro: Yes it is. End of story.
Chumely: WHO DIED AND MADE YOU THE KING OF THIS STORY?
Akiro: Shirlanka-San.
Syrus: ARG! She's dead? NOOOOOOO!
Jaden: Wait…if she's dead…then who's writing this now?
Syrus: Uh…aliens?
Jaden: SWEET!
Akiro: I was kidding idiots.
Bastian: Next time, it's 'Those Crazy Slifers: Nerd on Campus'. HEY! I'M NOT A NERD!
Jaden: SEE? I TOLD YOU IT WAS A-
Akiro: Oh, shut up.