B34TD0WN 5UX0RZ!
I did it again! I can't believe it! I misspelt 'Chumley'! Honestly! What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I spell these darn characters' names right? HONESTLY! I am very thankful that it has been proving that there is no link between spelling and intelligence, because with the state of mine, I'd be dropped down to drool monkey!
Fire Emblem is fun! The thing is that I bout 'Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones' first, and it tended to be a little more happy and upbeat than its predecessor, but at the same time, gut-wrenchingly and sad moments aren't there, which can be both a good or an ill thing, depending on what you like in a game. Of course, both the upside and the downside of this game series is that it's designed to make you fall in love with all the characters, more so even than the 'Final Fantasy' series. So if anything halfway bad happens to them, you can't help but burst into tears. And from what I've seen, I'm sure there are going to be a couple I like who aren't going to have happy endings. That's probably the only thing that makes me sad about this game; the fact that it starts out as such a happy game, but gets progressively sad. It almost seems like a reverse of a typical game, whereas they usually start sad, and become more upbeat as the story progresses, or at least keep to the usual mood, but this one just starts happy, then the mood just feels a little sadder (sort of like this paragraph). It's very weird…oh yeah, and I'd really like to figure out how old everyone is, because none of them look their ages (and I want sure I'm not setting up underage romances with them…heh, sometimes I really take these things too seriously).
And does any of that have to do with anything in the story? No. Of course not.
One thing I've noticed is that when I get writer's block, it's very selective. Namely, I can't think of writing anything good for one thing (mostly things I want to get done on time), but when it comes to something else, I'm in a maddeningly good state. My only problem is that I have to be careful how many side-projects I take on, so I don't become overloaded, or lax on all of them. It's when you slack off on even your side projects when you know something's wrong.
Anyway…this chapter's…kooky. I mean, basically, it's going to be written when I'm in a high, giggly mood, and just sit down and write random stupidity. It was, honestly, just a desperate attempt to get Bastian into the story, as well as provide a little more meat on the lives of the Slifer Boiz. All of them turn out to be a very interesting group on their own, but it's a relatively well-tapped market, since they're really the center of the show and all, so I just sort of shy away from having a hard-core story with them. Besides, I guess I just kind of like to screw around with the groups of people who tend to get overlooked in storylines. I'm funny like that. Besides, due to the fact that I was just writing this chapter with no clear plan, it turn out to be randomly hilarious, which I'm actually kind of proud of.
This isn't the first time that I've looked to the lives of the 'intellectually advantaged'. I have to admit, being in that kind of position myself, I sometimes get frustrated by the way the world views me and my kind. However, whenever I get vocal with it, sometimes it's misinterpreted. Yes folks, I am a nerd, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!
Weather is also a thing I really have to look out for, considering that we're shifting later and later into October in the story, while it's prime summer where I'm writing from. It's very hard to imagine slowly cooling, graying skies and cold winds blowing when it's bright and sunny outside.
Oh yeah, and Jaden's 'here's what I think of your common sense!' moment was based on something that I did to my Dad. Oh yes, and the nurse is a reused insane nurse from 'The Wizard Of Cuz'.
I sometimes think poor Akiro has yet to find his 'niche' in the story, so he just kind of wanders around doing whatever he wants. I think that may be both his greatest advantage and disadvantage. You know, for this story being called 'Those Crazy Obelisks', the Obelisk OCs are really tough to work with. I think their personalities really reflect their involvement in the story. For instance, Josephina is like 'Well…uh…you can take your time…putting me in…I really don't mind, honest…", and Akiro's like 'I'll come in whenever I feel like it, thank you very much'. So basically, I have to drag both of them kicking and screaming into anything that halfway resembles a storyline. My god, I really do take these things way too seriously.
I thought this chapter was going to be at a manageable length…no such luck. I mean, this rant is probably about a thousand words long in itself. However, considering that I had no real plan of attack for this story, I'm surprisingly happy at how well it turned out.
CHAPTER NINE
Those Crazy Slifers: Nerd On Campus
And now for a paragraph that doesn't have anything to do with this story
"YOU SHALL PERISH WITH ALL YOUR KIND!" yelled a random man that was dressed in a chef's hat and a turkey costume, pulling out a flamethrower, who was walking down what looked like a suburban block, destroying every flower bed in the yard with a flamethrower.
And now, something that does
"Hello, and welcome once again to another exciting episode of 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?'" said Akiro, once again talking into his microphone outside of the Duel Academy entranceway. "Today, we're going to take a break from our hard-pressed attempts to beat the conspiracy and truth out this school like a cheep rug to look at the issues of modern day society, especially the oppressed masses among the student campus…so you know, it is kind of like our usual hard-pressed attempts to beat the conspiracy and truth out of this school. I mean, to an extent, because really…can we just write this entire part of the conversation of the tape?"
ONE ERASING LATER
"Today, we look at the oppressed masses of the school," said Akiro. "We could look at the persecution of groups of people that cause massive, angry public outcries, such as the abuse of African American students, homosexuals, etc, but we decided to do one that no one really cares about. Today on 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?', we shall analyze the plight of the common intellectually advantaged persons, commonly referred to as…the nerd."
---ooo---
"Yes, this is the domain of the most oppressed masses in the school," said Akiro, walking around the courtyard during lunch, when most everyone had taken their's outside to enjoy the last few decently days before the weather took a turn for the drastically cold. "Here, they stick together to fend for their lives during the intense and psychologically straining periods of lunch. This documentary centers around these oppressed masses…and a few of their dimwitted friends."
"O, kind and merciful spirits that live in this vending machine," said Jaden, bowing toward the innocent vending machine, "answer my simple prayers and let lots of lovely quarters rain from the coin return slot when I press the coin return button! Do so, and I will never kick one of your brethren again…unless they make me reeeeeeeeeealy angry."
His eyes looked huge and hopeful as he slowly and gingerly extended a pointer finger and put all pressure on the coin return button. Not a singe quarter popped out.
"THEN SCRUB YOU!" yelled Jaden, slamming his foot into the vending machine in an almighty kick, causing it to crash down on top of him and squish him like a bug.
"Don't worry Jaden!" said Syrus, pulling out a coin purse, and stood in front of an identical soda machine. "I'll get you a soda!"
"Mmr mr mrmfh mr," said Jaden.
"No, I do not want to tango with you in a cowboy suit in a public rest area!" said Syrus in a matter-of-fact tone, shuffling through his coin purse, as Jaden slowly managed to claw his way out from under the vending machine that was trying it's hardest to crush every ounce of life from his pathetic, flimsy body. "Oh…bad luck…it seems I'm short a quarter."
"IT SURE AS HECK AIN'T THE ONLY THING!" screamed Jaden, following this revelation with hysterical, somewhat inappropriate laughter, pounding his fist on the ground and rolling all over the place as if he had heard the infamous killer joke that was buried with all its kind after the Treaty of Versailles.
This inappropriate laughter, followed by uncontrolled giggling, followed Syrus for a long period of time, up to a point five minutes later, when he and Jaden were enjoying a boxed lunch outside. Jaden was slowly getting over his incredible wit, but after a while, would eventually break down into another snorting and poorly contained laugh.
"Jaden…" said Syrus.
"Yeah…(snort) Syrus?" Jaden gagged.
"You've spent a long time thinking up that joke, haven't you?" said Syrus.
"Yep!" said Jaden.
"And that's why you've been following me to every vending machine and lunch line for the past six weeks, huh?" said Syrus.
"Yep!" said Syrus.
"So basically, it took you two weeks to think up the joke, and the rest of the time has been following me, waiting for the perfect opportunity to say the joke, huh?" said Syrus.
"YEP!" said Jaden.
"So basically…our entire high school career has been so far has been the conceiving and executing of that joke?" said Syrus. "That's really what it boils down to, huh?"
"Yes!" said Jaden. "Still, it was really funny, huh?"
Silence.
"Hey, whassup guys?" asked Chumley, walking up to the group, his boxed lunch very tiny in comparison to his hands, which were about the size of dinner plates. "Judging by the ridiculous smile on Jaden's face, he finally got around to telling that stupid joke."
"You knew about that?" Syrus asked, now feeling a little hurt.
"You didn't?" asked Chumley.
"Eh…no…" said Syrus awkwardly and sadly.
"WHAT HO! YONDER COMES A SOUL MOST MARRED INDEED!" said Jaden.
"What?" asked Syrus and Chumley at the same time.
"DUDE, THERE'S A TICKED-OFF GUY!" said Jaden, pointing of their shoulders, causing them both to need to turn around. What Jaden pointed to was a pensive looking young man with short gray hair that spiked toward the back, as well as brown eyes that were, now, in deep thought over some situation. In truth, it was him mulling over a plan on how he would take out the army that would be waiting him on the Suez Canal when he successfully conquered Africa on his military campaign to conquer the world, but thankfully, only I, THE ALMIGHTY NARATOR, WHO PLAYS GOD TO THESE FOOLISH MORTALS'S PATHETIC LIVES have the power to see into other peoples thoughts, so by the time anyone knows the truth…IT SHALL BE TOO LATE! BWA HA HA!
"Why do I have a terrible feeling that a third-person-omniscent being is laughing at our inescapable fates?" asked Chumley, with tears in his eyes.
"Hey! It's Bastian!" said Syrus cheerfully.
"Who's Bastian?" asked Chumley.
"HE'S, LIKE, TOTALLY, THE SMARTEST NERD IN SCHOOL!" yelled Jaden. "HE'S, LIKE, WAY COOL BEANS MAH HOMMIE! GAG ME WITH A SPOON!"
"Jaden, are you sick, and it's effecting your speech patterns again?" asked Syrus.
"He looks kind of depressed…" said Syrus sadly.
"DUH!" said Jaden. "He is the nerd, the base of all of societies needs, and yet he must suffer the blunt of society's wrath. No matter how much he contributes, society will kick him in the butt whenever it has a free chance."
"Like us?" chirped Syrus.
"No Syrus, we are dorks," said Jaden. "We are close relatives of the nerds, yet we provide no practical, functional, constructive, effective, positive, advantageous, beneficial, worthwhile, or convenient role, occupation, task, or utility in the face of the general population. We are naught but inadequate, incompetent, and ineffectual units in the universal totality of our state of being."
Silence.
"WHAT UP GIRLFRIEND?" said Jaden.
"That's it Jaden! Something's wrong with your brain!" said Syrus. "We need to go to the nurse right now to have it checked!"
"NO I DON'T PRESIDENT JAMES MADISON!" yelled Jaden.
"I don't know…you're acting more drunk than usual," said Chumley.
"I AM NOT! I HAVEN'T TOUCHED A SINGLE KUMQUAT IN WEEKS!" yelled Jaden.
"Still, it would make sense to just…you know, get a checkup…" said Syrus.
"WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR COMMON SENSE!" said Jaden, putting his thumbs next to his ears and flapping around his open hands. "NAH NA-NA NAH NAH! NENER NENER NENER!"
"That's it, we're going down right now!" said Syrus, grabbing Jaden to the nurse by the ear, as Jaden cackled like a homicidal maniac.
---ooo---
"Oh yes…this is very bad I…think he's going…to need to get the…big needle so…" said the nurse in the nurses office, twitching wildly as Jaden was belted to a bed and singing Christmas carols. The nurse was holding a hypodermic needle the size of a large surfboard in her trembling hands, and she was eyeing Jaden's posterior hungrily with the intention of shoving it up.
"No! It's his brain nurse! His brain!" Syrus said, pointing to Jaden's head.
"RHYME ALERT!" screamed a random magical girl, popping out of nowhere and slamming Syrus on the head with a huge, pink magic wand.
"His…what…" the nurse muttered, turning a pair of hollow eyes in Syrus's direction, clinging even tighter to her needle.
"His brain nurse," said Chumley.
"Oh…brain…brain…" said the nurse. "Can I…stab him anyway?"
"No, you shouldn't," said Chumley flatly. "Shouldn't you…you know…take a few tests or someth-"
"He needs a lobotomy…" said the nurse suddenly. "You. Teal-head. Go get me the plunger. You get the Windex and jumper cables pigtail boy."
"…okay kids, can you say 'Gross Malpractice?'" asked Chumley, turning to the audience.
---ooo---
"And so after a quick visit to the nurse to get his head examined, the three dorks have summoned their courage to give aid to their nerd comrade," said Akiro, standing outside the nurse's office. "Now while this may seem like a rash decision, may I point out that nerds are extremely beneficial allies to have. Why, some of the greatest inventions in the worlds, like the cure for polio, the radio, the modern computer, the telephone, and even the Pez Dispenser wouldn't have come into being without the tireless struggle of the nerd to understand the world around him. In fact-"
"IT'S A DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR!" screamed someone down the hall, causing Akiro to whirl around in horror.
"LET'S TRAMPLE HIM!" screamed someone else. That's when an entire stampede consisting of almost every member of the student body that happened to be in the halway at that particular moment (and professor Fontaine) decided to form a massive stampede down the hallway, as Akiro had ten pounds per square inch trampled quickly and painfully over his body, as the massive thunder of foot stomps could be heard almost a mile away.
"Wow! My brain feels a whole-KASAFRAZ-lot better!" said Jaden, walking down the hallway with a huge bandage on his forehead. "I didn't know botched lobotomies could be so much RUN JIMMY RUN!"
"Jaden!" said Syrus. "The nurse told you it's bad to think too much right after your operation! Quick! Stop thinking right now!"
Suddenly, a blank expression appeared on Jaden's face, as his eyes went completely glassy, and his mouth fell slack, as his tongue rolled out of it, as he began to softly moan.
"I'm almost scared how quickly he complied…" Chumley said, as Jaden fell over on the ground. At that minute, deeply absorbed in one of the war diaries of Napoleon, Bastian walked by, the troubled expression still on his face.
"HEY! IT'S BASTIAN!" said Syrus happily, as he yanked Jaden off the floor. "Bastian! Hey Bastian! It's us! How ya doin'?"
"Oh…Syrus right?" said Bastian, turning to the group. "Ah…and that's Jaden. I recognize the drool."
"AND THIS IS OUR OTHER FRIEND CHUMLEY!" said Syrus, pointing to Chumley. "HE'S A NICE GUY, AND A WELL-RESPECTED MEMBER OF OUR DORMS!"
"Interesting," said Bastian.
Silence.
"Well…I probably should be going…" said Bastian.
"WAIT WIGGY JIGGY JIM!" said Jaden. "You look really, really sad! Is something wrong? Is someone being mean to you? Are you depressed? Do you need a hug? Wanna go steady? What color is your underwear? What's eighteen minus twelve? Can I try on you shirt?"
Another silence.
"He's just had a botched lobotomy," said Syrus apologetically.
"Ah, I see…" said Bastain. "Well, in that order, yes, nothing I'm not used to, somewhat, no, defiantly not, none of your business, six, and…what?"
"Oh, what's making you sad?" asked Syrus.
"It's nothing you can fix…" said Bastian. "I am merely suffering the psychological ennui of possessing an above average intelligence, partnered with several of my collogues owning no such advantage. It's nothing that can be fixed, and something that can be easily overcome…I'm just in a position where I need to overcome that particular hurdle. Alas, how I'd long for a companion possessing an equal to above mind to mind…but alas, such is a fantasy, a never-ending dream that I must, sadly, wake up from."
Silence.
"WHAT?" Jaden said.
"He says he's upset because he's a smart person and everyone else in the entire school is stupid, and so he's got no friends to hang out with," said Syrus.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" said Jaden. "THAT'S SO SAD! But don't worry! Me, Syrus, and Chumley'll be your friends!"
"There's no need," said Bastian. "Whatever friendship we would have would be one-sided and hallow, not the true commune bond true allies in life share."
"Don't be ridiculous! My personal hygene is just as nauseating as everyone else's!" said Jaden defensively. "YOU'RE GOING TO BE FRIENDS WITH US, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!"
"I told you not to bother," said Bastian. "Go home. Leave me in peace. That's all I could ever want."
"Please notice that while an intellectually advantaged youth may have confidence in his or her own abilities, often society creates a sense that their powers will cost them any kind of social acceptance," said Akiro, his body covered in slowly forming bruises, and his clothes covered in scuff marks and sneaker prints. "Often, this isn't the case, and these youths often can form healthy relationships with anyone just as well as anyone with any kind of social status, and yet due to the massive cloud hanging over them that society creates, most seek a life of recluse and solitary status only darkening their-"
"LOOK! THE DOCUMENTARY GUY'S STILL ALIVE!" screamed someone at the end of the hall.
"LET'S TRAMPLE HIM AGAIN!" screamed someone else.
"I appreciate your concern for my psychological well being, but may I assure you that I am fine," said Bastian, speaking a little louder as a huge herd of students once again stampeded down the hall, and as Akiro's painful cries echoed down the hallway. "Please continue your merrymaking Saturday activities."
"WAIT! DON'T GO BASTIAN!" screamed Jaden over the din of pounding feet, sinking to his knees. "I LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"
"Jaden, I think that you should turn of your brain again now," said Syrus, sweat dropping.
"Oh! Right!" said Jaden, his eyes glazing over, his tongue lolling out, finishing off by his entire body collapsing onto the floor.
"Poor Bastian," said Syrus, as the stampeding crowd began to slowly thin. "I can't help but feel sorry for him. I can't help but think that he still may be just a little bit lonely…"
"Let him go Syrus," said Chumley. "His IQ is greater than you, me, Jaden's, and that tree's IQ combined. I think he realizes what he's doing."
"NONSENSE!" said Jaden, springing up. "He's miserable, and we will making him feel better no matter what! Victory…OR DEATH!"
"DEATH?" cried Syrus in horror.
"Yes! Death!" said Jaden. "Slow, long, ZEBRA death! Fatality! Downfall! Ice cream! Mortality! Rosemary Olive Oil Artisan Bread! Loss! Casuality! Fall! Abraham Lincoln! Loss of life! The cotton gin! We shall face our aunties, and we shall box kick it like turtles!"
Silence.
"I think your brain's on Mad Lib mode, Jaden," said Syrus.
"SILENCE HORSE!" yelled Jaden. "TO BASTIANS REFRIGERATOR!"
---ooo---
"And so the Dork Three make their way to the intellectually advantaged student's house to try to expose him to the kinder aspects of society," said Akiro, holding onto a climbing rope in one hand and his microphone in the other, looking like he was attempting to scale the wall of the Ra Boy's Dorms. "This attempt is both a bold move and a somewhat stupid one, for violating the rules of the almost Caste System-Like structure of the school could cost them dearly in society's eyes. That being said, there is a good chance that the content for the next part of this episode could be incredibly graphic and disturbing, so-"
"P0W4H!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
CRASH!
"THAT'LL TEACH YOU 'BOUT ENLIGHTENING THE MASSES, YOU POLLITICALLY CORRECT BUTTHEAD!" said Kat, who was sitting on the roof with a huge machete in her hand, which she had used to sever Akiro's climbing rope, which sent him plummeting to earth. "So proclaims L4D33 K4T, the Enemy of all Documentaries!"
"IT'S THE CRAZY GIRL!"
"GET HER!"
"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DOCUMENTARY GUY?"
"HE'S IN PAIN, TRAMPLE HER FIRST!"
"Ruh roh!" said Kat, turning around, as a portable mob trampled it's way across the roof of the dorms.
"Ugh…can't believe that fall didn't kill me…" said Akiro, his body sprawled out over some crushed shrubbery. "Thank you…humor genre…"
"Hullo…" said Joku dully, as usual, almost magically appearing up next to Akiro when he was needed the least.
"AH! NO!" screamed Akiro. "NOT YOU! MUST…CRAWL…AWAY…"
"I had a dream that I was Sailor Moon last night…" said Joku in a monotone that was duller than usual.
"NO!...SLIPPED TO MANY…DISKS… TO MOVE…CURSE YOU HUMOR…GENRE…" said Akiro.
"…which is ironic…since I cosplayed her once…" said Joku.
"NO! Must strangle…myself…with microphone cord!" yelled Akiro. "AH! She cut that too! DARN YOU KAT! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"
"Wanna hear about when I hit puberty?" asked Joku flatly.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Akrio at the top of his lungs, attempting to stab himself with his microphone, which turned out to be equally useless.
Meanwhile, while Akiro was writhing in supreme horror, inside a quiet hallway in the Ra dorm, Jaden had hopped out from behind a large recycling bin, humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme song very loudly, wearing a black sweater, black pants, and a ski mask, even though all of the above really served no purpose, because he was in broad daylight in an open hallway.
"Right team!" whispered Jaden so loudly, it could easily be mistaken for a scream, as Syrus and Chumley walked casually behind him in normal clothes. "When I knock him out, you stuff him into the trunk reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally quick, 'kay?"
"Okay, first of all, we don't have a car," said Chumley. "And second, between a guy who's three foot one, someone like me, and the three flights of stairs we had to climb to get up here, we aren't going anywhere fast."
"EH? WE'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO KNOCK HIM OUT?" cried Syrus.
"No, we're going to ask him very politely, and using the powers of extreme tact, he will, without a doubt, agree to come with us, despite the fact that he clearly stated that he doesn't want anything to do with us," said Chumley, with a mild tone of sarcasm in his voice.
"Thank goodness!" said Syrus, sighing in supreme relieve. "I thought we were going to do something bad!"
"…Syrus, this innocence thing is cute, but really, don't move to any big cities out of high school, okay?" said Chumley.
"COME ON OUT SUSIE!" screamed Jaden, banging on the door to Bastian's dorm room. "I GOTTA NICE SLICE OF MACARENA FOR YOU!"
"Jaden, that better not be you making idle threats right after brain surgery," said Bastian's voice from behind the doorway, as he opened it idly, revealing that he had taken his school jacket off, wearing the causual black under-turtleneck.
"SAY GOOD NIGHT TO THE FOLKS JEFFRY!" yelled Jaden, whipping out a white hankerchief and slamming it up against Bastian's face, covering his mouth and nose, causing him to cry briefly in shock, as well as to completely freeze in horror.
For a moment, nothing happened.
"Just what is this anyway?" asked Bastian, meaning the liquid smeared over the cloth.
"The label on the bottle said 'Exotic Breeze'," said Jaden. "Whatdya think?"
"Hm…nice I suppose," said Bastian. "Subtle, clean, and…with just a hint of…citrus I believe. Why you attempted to drug me with it, I don't know though."
"Oh no, that's not what we were planning," said Chumley, as Jaden pulled out a huge slab of wood with rusty nails sticking out of it. "Jaden just wanted to have an opinion on the aftershave. 'Spiky Club' is the way you're getting knocked out."
"WHAT?" cried Syrus.
"Wha-" Bastian started.
---ooo---
"Ow…my…head…" said Bastian, slowly coming too, his vision completely fuzzy, causing him to clamp his eyes shut in pain. "What happened? I remember…Jaden…and the board…and…where am I?"
"On a roller coaster that's so mind-bendingly excitingly that we needed to sign medical release forms (we forged your signature)," Jaden replied.
"WHAT?" Bastian screamed, his eyes shooting open, but then, he needed to clamp them shut again. He could bear the brief glimpse of what appeared to be a roller coaster track that was climbing into the air at a height that was about six stories.
"Aw, come on Bastian, it's going to be fun!" said Jaden.
"I love that long climb up to the top…" said Syrus, almos cryptically as the roller coaster climbed oh-so-slowly up the long slope to the top. "It's so slow…so lovely…"
"MEDICAL RELEASE FORMS?" cried Bastian.
"Oh, you bet!" said Chumley. "I mean, just out of the last batch from the ride before of us, a solid one out of five needed to be given the kiss of life!"
"…it's almost like it's contemplating what it should do to our Earthly forms…" said Syrus.
"Then I REALLY shouldn't be…why the heck did you take me on it anyway?" asked Bastian angrily, as the roller coaster climbed ever higher.
"…'shall I tear them to little bits, or shall I spare them a fate that doesn't involve throwing them through twists, turns, and loops at whiplash-inducing speeds'…" said Syrus. "Yeah…that's what it feels like…"
"How would it be fun if I got a concussion as product of being sent down speeding tracks at mind boggling speeds while upside down?" said Bastian. "While forging my signature on a medical release form is enough of a crime, on top of that, I'd think you should get in trouble for taking someone with a head…injury…on…"
"HEY SYRUS!" said Jaden. "I just found out that I can make one of my eyeballs look in one direction, and the other in the opposite direction like a chameleon!"
"…you know, without the little tidbit that we're about to be flung down thousands of feet, you can really cut the irony of this moment with a knife," said Chumley, the second they reached the top of the roller coaster.
I'll let your imagination handle this bit
As the roller coaster slowly screeched to a stop, Bastian's eyes were bugged out to twice their normal size, one of them was twitching involontarilly.
"Is…is…Jaden…alive?" he asked Chumley.
"Uh…" said Chumley, looking over his shoulder. "Yeah…he is. But he thinks he's the queen of England."
"ROYAL SUBJECTS! I HAVE ARRIVED!" said Jaden, standing up in the Chair in a slightly more feminine voice with an incredibly bad British accent, peace signing everyone that went by.
"JADEN! SIT DOWN!" said Syrus. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOUR ENTIRE BODY INSIDE THE CAR!"
"I think this grey thing is Jaden's brain," said Chumley, pointing to something on the floor.
---ooo---
"Ooooooooh," said Syrus, looking around at all the rides at the amusement park. "What do you think that we should ride next your majesty?"
"WE SHALL OVERCOME ALL OBSTACLES!" said Jaden regally. "We shall not lose our territories to the east, nor shall we lose them to the west! THERE SHALL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND!"
"What do you think we should do Bastian?" asked Syrus.
"Something that will give me some confidence that the next ride won't leave any of us in a state of vegetation?" asked Bastian.
"HOW ABOUT THE TUNNEL OF LOVE?" asked Syrus.
"…please tell me your kidding," said Chumley.
"Alas, Chumley's wish would be unfilled, for as everyone knows-" Akiro said, limping into the scene.
"A DOCUMENTAWY PEWSON!" screamed a little kid.
"WETS TWAMPLE HIM!" screamed another.
"…just in case any of you are wondering, no, I may not get out of this one alive," said Akiro, as a huge hoard of kids that escaped from the petting zoo came with the intention to trample him into the dust.
"Then why don't we just take a nice walk around the park?" asked Syrus.
Keep your eyes open for exits…keep you eyes open for exits…thought Bastain.
And so the four of them did indeed tour the entire park, riding on such rides as 'The Scrambler', 'The Terminator', 'The Naughty Chair', and the appropriately name 'That One Ride That Mutilates Your Body in Inappropriate Ways That Shouldn't Be Discussed in a K+ Fic'. They enjoyed an afternoon of happiness, save for the time when Bastian thought he could make an escape by jumping out of the bumper cars. However, as the sun set in the distance…alas…the day had to come to a close.
"Wow…I must say, I didn't think amusement park food could be so enjoyable for things that are practically baked in fat," said Bastian, enjoying a funnel cake that he got from a stand.
"Yeah…I know what you mean," said Chumley, who was currently polishing off three.
"HEY LADIES! WANNA LOOK AT MAH SEXAH BOD?" asked Jaden, his mind switching from Queen of England to man flirt, attempting to take off his shirt in front of a pair of college-age girls.
"JADEN! NO!" screamed Syrus, yanking his shirt down from behind.
"Well…this has been rather…fun…" said Bastian. "I thought I wouldn't enjoy this sort of thing but…it really has been fun."
"You're welcome," said Chumley.
"Yeah, we had a lot of fun with you Bastian!" said Syrus. "Are you sure you don't want to be friends with us?"
"Considering you nearly destroyed my cranium, no," said Bastian.
"COME ON!" said Jaden, giving Bastian a hug from behind. "YOOOOOOU KNOOOOW YOOOOOOOU WAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOO."
"Stop hugging me," Bastian said flatly. "I still don't know…you all act like some sort of group of frat boys…"
"COME ON! WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?" asked Syrus. "You had a lot of fun, we learned a lot about each other, I learned how to do CPR-"
"THERE! THAT'S THEM OFFICER!" yelled a random woman, pointing to the group. "THERE THE ONES THAT STOLE MY ATM CARD!"
"And…we committed a misdemeanor," said Chumley.
"WHAT?" asked Bastian.
"Well…we didn't have any money, and you didn't have anything on you…so…" Chumley said.
Silence.
"I wonder if I can ask that group of little kids over there who are trampling that poor man trying to do a documentary if they'd do the same for me," mused Bastian.
---ooo---
"Well, what have we learned today?" asked Jaden.
"When it comes to brain surgery, just go private practice?" asked Syrus.
"Nerds don't handle having a criminal record well?" asked Chumley.
"Nylon's itchy?" asked Syrus.
"NOOOOOOO!" said Jaden, as the three of them were hanging upside down from the roof of their room by some random ropes. "We learned that thirty days has September, April, June, and November…AND ALL THE REST ARE FILTHY, HEATHEN, ODD-NUMBER-DAY-LONG MOUNTHS! ESPECIALLY ON LEAP YEAR!"
"Huh?" asked Syrus.
"It would have been nice if Bastian didn't tie us up here…" said Chumley.
"But he said 'see you later' afterwards," said Syrus. "Does that mean we're friends?"
"This is a bit of a bizarre way to show friendship, isn't it?" asked Chumley.
"Ow…the bloods rushing to my head," said Syrus.
"COOL! I THINK BLOOD'S LEAKING OUT OF MINE!" said Jaden.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" screamed Syrus.
"I have to agree with you on this one," said Chumley.
"Well well well!" said Professor Banner, walking into the room of the three, stroking Pharaoh, who was purring softly in his arms. "You three are finally back from your wild day of fun? Ah ha ha ha ha…reminds me of my days as a boy…"
"Um…professor?" asked Syrus. "Could you please untie us?"
"Hm…perhaps…" said Professor Banner. "I'll just have to take a good, LONG look at this one…"
"AH! NO! STOP!"
"WE'RE SORRY! WE'RE TOTALLY SORRY!"
"STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY BRAIN!"
"I'M BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNING!"
---ooo---
"And that's all the time we have for this episode of 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?'," said Akiro, sitting back in his dorm room. "I know we managed to get very little exposition on the life of the intellectually advantaged…but thanks to this little excursion, I now can sue the theme park for all it's worth for letting little children run wild…heh heh…I love revenge."
"HEY AKIRO!" screamed Kat, bursting into his dorm room. "I lost my machete, but I found this really awesome board with nails stuck through it that I can beat you with! Oh, and I brought Joku with me!"
"…I have one or two beefs with irony though," said Akiro.
L33T B0NU5 PHUN
A Preferable Type (getting away from the whole 'Library' thing)
"Hey Joku," said Alexis, walking up to Joku, who was sitting with his face on top of his desk. "I never got a chance to ask this, but what kind of deck do you have?"
"…I once ate a-"
"No no, what kind of deck do you have?" asked Alexis.
"Oh…a mighty deck of supreme power…" said Joku.
"Uh…which is?" asked Alexis.
"He's got a frog deck," said Akiro dully, who happened to be behind them at the moment.
"PH34R T3H PHR0GZ…" Joku said.
"Oh? Really?" asked Zane. "And what might you have?"
"An elemental deck," said Akiro matter-of-factly.
"YES! ANOTHER ELEMENTAL HERO MAN!" said Jaden, running up and spreading his arms out wide. "HUG ME, MY BROTHER!"
"No, not Elemental Heroes you twit," said Akiro. "I mean cards that are attuned to the elements, like 'Element Dragon' and 'Element Valkyrie' and other cards like that. AND WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO HUG YOU?"
"Like 'Familiar Possesed Aussa' and 'Hiita the Fire Charmer' too?" asked Chazz.
"Yeah," said Akiro.
"So basically, your decks riddled with girl cards?" said Chazz.
"What the heck's wrong with that?" asked Akiro.
"It states that you're a certified girly-boy," said Chazz.
"Oh, shut up!" said Akiro. "Lots of girls have male cards in their decks, how come I can't have female?"
"Because it's the way of society," said Chazz. "Besides, I'm not sure a SINGLE man exists, other than you, who has the bulk of his cards female."
"That's not true!" said Akiro. "What about Zigfried Shroder?"
Silence.
"I'll just crawl into that corner and cry now…" said Akiro, slinking away.
"HEY JOSIE!" screamed Kat right next to Josephina's ear, causing her to nearly fall out of her chair. "What kind of deck do you have?"
"Um…well…" Josephina said, shaking.
"COMEONCOMEONCOMEONSPITITOUT!" said Kat, shaking Josephina violently.
"MAGICIANGIRLSNOWPLEASEDON'TKILLME!" cried Josephina pathetically.
"COOL!" said Kat, dropping Joshephina on the floor like a rock.
"And what kind of deck do you have Sam?" asked Chazz. "Let me guess, it has something to do with how boring a person you are."
"Why you-" Sam started.
"HA! FORGET HER DECK FOOL!" said Kat, jumping in front of Sam. "I HAVE A DECK THAT NONE OF YOU CAN STOP! NOT EVEN ZANE AND HIS STUPID CHROME DRAGONS-O-RAMA!"
"…and what kind of deck would this be?" asked Zane.
"PRINCESS PIKERU AND PRINCESS CURRAN!" screamed Kat triumphantly.
Silence.
"No, we can't have nice normal OCs like the other fics," said Chazz. "Oh no, we need to get a batch of pseudo-carnies…"
---ooo---
Alexis: HEY! Remember us? We still exist!
Zane: Yay us. It's felt like forever.
Chazz: That's because the writer is a LAZY WENCH!
(a ton of bricks falls on Chazz)
Zane: He really doesn't get it, does he?
Alexis: It doesn't really matter, because next time is a Halloween Special!
Zane: And what better way to spend Halloween than…babysit kids?
Chazz: WHAT? WHAT THE HECK? YOU'RE KIDDING!
Zane: And I use the term 'kids' in the loosest way possible-
Chazz: YOU-ARE-KID-DING-ME-YOU-
Alexis: Um, next time, 'Curse of Youth'. See you!