It's better than bad, it's good!
Hey gang, out of hibernation, and back to destroy souls and ruin lives. Funny, I said I'd be back in November, and no we're…um…in the middle of February. Yes, yes, I know I'm much later than originally expected, but here I am…awake from my long…em…first semester nap.
So here's a big Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving, Chrismahanakwanza, New Year, of course, Valentine' Day, and whatever obscure national holiday I might have missed from me to you in my absence!
Nothing really interesting has happened in my life since we briefly (ha ha) parted ways. I still write demented things. I still draw demented pictures. I still do demented things. That being said lately I've become a youtube junkie, my favorite things to watch being 'Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged' and 'Naruto Abridged'. Though sometimes, I like to listen to opening theme songs and various anime episodes (like the super-cute Kisa episode from Fruits Basket .). And also, I've been watching a lot of 'Crazy Boris' cartoons (CACTAUR IS THE GREATEST!). And I still play Fire Emblem on an almost daily basis. I'm still trying to beat one of the games I imported from Japan (yes, I am obsessed). And now I'm trying to beat my two new Final Fantasy games…and am having very little luck. Maybe it's just because my minute attention span can't quite handle the job system…
Anyway, onto the actual story. I'm proud to present that November is a super-special month in the storyline, considering, Alexis, Zane, and Chazz get a whole chapter that almost completely revolves around them during this month. Aren't they special?
I had a lot of fun thinking up the characters for this particular chapter. Considering that the characters are almost doomed to become hit-and-run, throwaway, one trick ponies, you might as well make them as memorable as they can. And boy, they are SCARY. Scary beyond mortal comprehension. But I'll let you find that out for yourself.
And now, without further rants, Chapter Eleven, in all its eleveny glory!
Chapter Eleven
THERE'S NO 'I' IN RETAIL (Oh…wait…)
And now…Kat…
"Herro gang!" said Kat, waving at the audience. "If you haven't been reading this story, then you know that I am POWAH LAD33 KAT, THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS! If you have been reading the previous sentence…then you also know I'm POWAH LAD33 KAT, THE EMEMY OF ALL OBELISKS! If you have read neither the previous bits of the story nor any of the paragraph up to this point…HEY, I'M KAT!"
She peace signed the audience.
"Anyway, I am proud to inform you that we have no entered the glorious land that we here in Duel Acadamy like to call…NOVEMBER! And since there is always the risk that you haven't read ANYTHING from October, I'm here to inform of you of all the Octobery events that have occurred in the previous month, chomped down in easy-to-swallow bits!
THING NUMBER ONE
"Chazz's favorite kind of shampoo is anything that smells like blueberry or strawberry cream!" said Kat, once again pointing to our favorite Chazz, who was sitting at his desk, waiting for the upcoming exam.
"Again, where do you come up with this load of garbage?" he asked, giving her an especially evil eye.
"I read it in your diary!" said Kat in a sing-song voice.
"I don't have a diary sponge for brains!" yelled Chazz.
"This big, fuzzy pink thing begs to differ," said Kat sweetly, holding up a wad of fake pink fur that looked more like an overstuffed pillow than a diary, with the words 'Chazz' in shining, purple letters on the cover.
"…you are a terrible woman, and may a plague fall upon your family, your future husband run off with another woman and take every last drop of your personal property with him, and have either your head explode at the worst possible time or get run down by a three-year-old's tricycle."
"Heh…you said 'tricycle'…" said Kat, sticking out her hand. "And now, appropriate bribe please!"
"Here's a quarter, go buy yourself a new brain," said Chazz, digging into his pocket briefly before unearthing a quarter, absentmindedly tossing into Kat's hands.
"WOOT! QUAR-TER! QUAR-TER!" sung Kat.
THING NUMBER TWO
"…it's me next isn't it?" asked Zane, reading a copy of Lord of the Flies.
"YES, IT IS!" said Kat, sitting on his desk. "Thing number two…"
Silence.
"Hey, can you tell me a really embarrassing personal secret?" asked Kat.
"No," said Zane.
"Please?" asked Kat.
"No," said Zane.
"I'll give you a super-awesome quarter!" said Kat, holding out the dully glittering corner in front of the text of the book that Zane was trying to read.
"No thank you, I don't want to get whatever Chazz has," said Zane dully, trying to turn a page with the quarter and Kat's hand in his way.
"HEY! I HEARD THAT YOU ANGSTY JERK!" yelled Chazz as the top of his lungs, pointing angrily at Zane, who was about as 'I-don't-care' looking as you could possibly get.
"Only one desk separates us, giving a total of four feet of distance between us," said Zane flatly. "I'd be worried if you didn't hear me."
"OH! OH! I FOUND THING TWO!" said Kat. "Zane is a germaphobe!"
"I don't know whether to be disgusted or depressed on how much information you are capable of manipulating information that have the vaguest connections so for a second you have to actually consider it, but ultimately, it manifests into nothing more than garbage. You should seriously consider a career in journalism…or certain churches."
"And he talks way too much!" said Kat to the audience.
"Likewise," Zane muttered.
THING NUMBER THREE
"Okay, I'm bored," said Kat, turning away from the two. "SAM ANNOYING TIME!"
"What?!" yelled Chazz, now properly riled up in a furry. "You're going to make us suffer your stupidity and then you leave before finishing it off?!"
"Yeah, why?" said Kat.
"THAT'S UNFAIR! THAT'S UNFAIR! STAY HERE AND ANNOY ALEXIS!" said Chazz.
"Um…no," said Kat.
"I'LL NAIL YOU FOR SEXISM YOU INSANE RA RUGRAT!" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs, as Zane pulled out a loose sheet of notebook paper and put another little scratch under an underlined 'how many times Chazz has used alliteration and not have a clue what the word "alliteration" means'.
"The Brillo Pad makes a point," said Zane, shoving the notebook paper back into it's original resting place.
"I've got three words…boo…hoo…hoo…" said Kat, counting off her words on her fingers, but somehow managing to end up with four fingers. "Now if you FOOLS are done talking-"
BAM!
"Sit down Ms. Tillian," said Dr. Crowler, as Kat fell to the ground, once again nailed by a brick thrown at her head at terminal velocity. "Alright students, I have the results from your last test. I'm both grateful and somewhat disappointed to inform you that nothing much has changed…save for the fact that I'm now on eight hundred milligrams of aspirin a day…"
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ANY OF US CARE LADY?" yelled Kat, as she was once again clocked by a brick.
"And your responsible for about seven hundred of them," said Crowler. "Right. Your grades are being passed out. And I just passed a construction site today, so I think all of you know what my inevitable reply will be to anyone who asks 'are you SURE this is right'?"
"So what did I miss?" asked Alexis, sitting down in her usual chair between the two, coming back from the water fountain.
"Kat suffered another couple of traumatic injuries, and we're getting our tests back," said Zane.
"I wish I had a couple bricks…" said Chazz.
"I'm so worried about the test results…" said Josephina, almost openly shuttering a few desks behind the others. "What if I did something wrong? I'm a little worried about how I did on my practical test…oh no…if I get dropped to another house, I don't know what I'll tell Mom and Dad…they'll be so disappointed…what am I going to-"
"Calm down already," said Akiro dully. "Obelisk Blue's like a rat trap; once you're in, you're in. You either have to do something really stupid, or be sucked into a teacher's grudge against another student to such an extreme level that he forces said student or a close associate of said student to duel you to trade places in dorm rank."
"Uh…what's that?" asked Josephina, pointing to a huge, flashing sign that said "foreshadowing" over Akiro's head.
"Just ignore it," said Akiro. "The author isn't very good at 'subtle literary elements'."
"Wow! The chemistry between you two is intense," said Kat sarcastically, and loudly, as she was clobbered by yet another brick.
"Why do I have an awful feeling that no matter how many bricks Dr. Crowler chucks at her, Kat's never quite going to get the message?" mused Akiro.
"Actually, that was mine," said Sam, grabbing Kat by the collar and dragging her back to the desk once again.
"So how do you think you did on your test Sam?" asked Kat cheerfully.
"If your conscience, than you can walk yourself," said Sam, dropping her on the floor like a rock with a loud 'THUMP'. "Honestly, just how many consecutive brain injuries can you withstand without being remotely…un-yourself?"
"YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION!" Kat yelled at the top of her lungs, pulling herself to her feet, and with one spring, leaping right into her chair.
"Look, I look on this particular situation like I do every situation I face," said Sam. "You are neither to look at it with intense optimism nor blatant pessimism. Everything is with balance. While I do not expect a guaranteed spot-"
NeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerSMACK!
With a tremendous, shuddering crash, Joku crashed into the window, flattening him against the glass, pressing it so that his face looked…slightly more ridiculous than it usually did.
"Irm Jrkur…" said Joku dully, slidding down the glass with a sickening squeaking sound.
"If I was a superstitious woman, I'd consider that a bad omen," said Sam. "Thank God I'm not a superstitious woman!"
"You're still in Ra," said Dr. Crolwer, slapping her test on the desk, turning to Kat. "And by some miracle that both the clergy and science have yet to explain, so are you."
"Oh…" said Sam, staring at the paper. "In confession…maybe I was…hoping…even believing…that this…would be the one. I really thought I'd make it to House Obelisk this time…I was…foolish I guess…to believe…"
"LOOK! I MADE AN ORAGAMI DOG WITH YOUR TEST PAPER!" said Kat cheerfully, proudly sporting the folded paper pooch while Sam continued to sink into the black well of despair. "It even barks when you pull its tail…heh heh…woof…bark bark doggy! Heh heh heh heh…"
"Hey! Develop your characters on your own time!" yelled Chazz from the other end of the room. "WE'RE the cannon characters here, you OC freaks!"
"Chazz, stop ruining the fourth wall…and yelling…" said Alexis, as her paper was placed on her desk. "Okay, let's see…I'm still in Obelisk!"
"Me too!" said Chazz, looking at his paper.
"As am I," said Zane, putting his to the side. "Well, looks like we're all Obelisks for another month."
"Good thing!" said Alexis in relief. "I don't know what I'd tell my parents if something happened and my grades slipped…oh! Speaking of parents, do any of you have any idea how much the card counter pays?"
"Um…forgive me for not having the random capacity to be able to see the relevance between the two but…what?" asked Zane.
"Oh," said Alexis. "You see, my parent's birthdays are coming up-"
"What, BOTH of them?" asked Chazz.
"Don't be stupid Chazz," said Zane.
"Yep, both of them," said Alexis. "For some odd reason, my Mom's Birthday and my Dad's Birthday are only a week apart! It's really cool…and annoying when it comes to buying presents. Recently, I've been a little short on cash so I just want to land a job for a little while until I have enough money to buy them both something decent."
"I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING!" said Chazz.
"Speaking of random capacity…" said Zane.
"But I don't have a clue what they pay," said Chazz. "Not that I as a general rule recommend associating with worthless underlings, you should ask. Sam. Word on the yard is she's the lady when it comes to the card counter."
"Really?" said Alexis. "Strange…Sam doesn't really strike me as one who'd you'd associate with-"
"Menial labor?" asked Zane.
"I'm…sure there's a more polite way to put it but…" said Alexis.
"Hey, that's what I heard, if you don't like it, don't listen," said Chazz. "Now about me being right and Zane being wrong-"
"Three words-dead, cat, bounce," said Zane.
"IT IS NOT! It's a fully alive cat bounce!" yelled Chazz.
"Then who am I to argue?" said Zane dully.
"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" yelled Chazz.
"Well, as a general rule, I don't usually jump on gossip…" said Alexis. "I'll just go their and ask. And if it turns out Sam actually works there, then great, I'll just ask her there."
"Good idea," said Zane. "A rational thought process. You should really follow her example Chazz."
"MY THOUGHTS ARE VERY RATIONAL!" said Chazz.
"Suuuuuuure…" Zane said.
---ooo---
"Wow…I can't believe they're still open this late," said Alexis, looking at her watch, which read 7:30 PM. Being the start of November, the sun had long since set, and she was standing in the spotlight of a streetlight, looking like a tiny little island surrounded by a sea of night on the somewhat deserted school grounds. "Not that it's late…but I heard the counter is run entirely by students. You'd think they'd need to get home and get homework and food and everything else out of the way…"
Alexis sighed, realizing what a prude she was sounding like. Just because she was madly possessive of her eight hours of sleep doesn't mean that every other person was. She was about to (temporarily) enter the work force, and thus, one or two routine habits needed to be discarded. She put a cheerful smile on her face, gripped the handle to the glass door (not automatic-how classic!), and opened it, ready for whatever was inside.
The card shop itself was of a good size, not so small that it was crowded, but no so large it was overbearing. The walls were lined with various advertisements for new decks and packs that were coming out soon, as well as prices for the ones that were currently available. They added a blanket of myriads of colors and patterns all over the otherwise plain white walls, making Alexis feel the need to turn around to get a good look at everything. The counter itself was very long, consisting primarily of glass to properly display sets of very rare cards or other sundry advertising items. The top of the counter was lined with polished wood, not metal or glass, a tad bit surprising to Alexis, but otherwise, it seemed very nice.
"Hello?" Alexis called into the store, which seemed very quiet and empty despite the fact that all the lights were on. "I've come here to apply for a job…I just have a few questions…is anyone here?"
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
What came next was something crossed between a ninja attack, a little kid running toward someone holding a lollypop…and an atomic bomb. What came at her came fast-something somehow managed to spring out the door leading to behind the counter, completely clear the counter with one spring, shoot toward Alexis, and tackle her to the ground. Regardless, one instant, Alexis was on her feet, the next she was on the ground, being violently hugged by what seemed to be a boy at least five inches shorter than her, with very short but very shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes (or at least, Alexis was sure they were blue-she only caught a flashing glimpse), and, by the feeling of her cracking ribs, a very powerful upper body.
"HELLO CUSTOMER!" screamed the boy at the top of his lungs, tightening his hug, forcing out what little oxygen remained in Alexis's lungs. "I'M TOTALLY RAY! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Ah…stop…it…" Alexis gasped, somehow managing to get on arm free from the hug, which she was now trying to use to rip off the newfound pest, finding herself reminded of that one breed of fish where the male surgically attaches himself to the female (though she couldn't quite remember the name). "You're…going…to…kill…me…"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked, getting onto his knees, still with Alexis tight in his grasp, this time shaking her wildly in a hysteric grief, causing Alexis to believe she preferred lying on the ground. "RAY DOESN'T WANT THE CUSTOMER TO DIE! RAY WILL BY SAD! AND RAY'S PAY WILL BE CUT! NOOOOOOOO!"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" yelled a very familiar, angry voice, which, on that particular note, was usually reserved for the word 'KAAAAAAAAAAT!'. Yep, there, in an angry stance behind the counter, stood Sam, glaring bitterly at the youth, who stopped shaking Alexis long enough for her to steal a hasty, shallow breath. "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? I told you to stay behind the counter and count stock! God, I can't leave you alone for more than forty eight seconds without you-"
"BUT SAM, THE CUSTOMER SAID SHE'S GOING TO DIE!" said Ray, with huge tears bubbling in his eyes.
"Well gee, I wonder why iron lung!" yelled Sam, then she caught a sight of Alexis, who looked windblown, pale, and…something frighteningly close to abused. "GYA! RAY! LET HER GO! LETHERGOTHISSECOND!"
"KAY!" Ray said, dropping Alexis like a stone, causing Alexis to crash to the floor, sucking in a humongous gulp of air, as if it was the last one she'd ever receive in her lifetime. She managed to push herself up from the floor, on her knees, trying to regain a regular heartbeat and breathing rate. "Now buy something lovely customer!"
"Alexis!" cried Sam, quickly darting around the counter and up toward the poor, panting woman. "Alexis, I'm so sorry! If I'd only came back a minute sooner…I'm sorry about Ray he's-"
"It's alright…" Alexis managed to choke out, almost with a half-smile on her face. "Don't worry about it…I've received the death hug more than once…"
"Bet from no one like Ray," said Sam giving Ray a sweet smile, who returned her smile with a humongous, almost comical, toothy grin. Then, with that smile still on her face, she gave him a swift punch across his.
"Oh no," said Alexis. "They're nothing compared to-"
Her voice suddenly dropped like a stone.
"Compared to what?" Sam asked curiously, as Ray still managed to kip his dismal smile on his face while nursing a swollen cheek, a few of his teeth looking loose.
"Nothing," said Alexis. "Um…actually, I didn't come here to buy anything, I was wondering if I could get a job…"
"…a job?" asked Sam, almost puzzled, as if Alexis had asked her to tang on the moon.
"Yes, a job," said Alexis matter-of-factly. "Oh, are there no positions open?"
"No, not at all!" said Sam, as the boy jumped on her and eagerly gave her a hug, just as he received a huge elbow in his gut, sending him falling over. "It's just…so when can you get started?"
"Um…anytime…" said Alexis.
"Good, well I'll get you the papers then," said Sam with a small smile. "You. Ray. Over here."
"But I want to hug the customer!" said Ray.
"Do you want to have dentures at forty?" said Sam darkly over her shoulder, going behind the counter once again.
"Coming darling!" said Ray eagerly, leaping over the counter once again to follow Sam behind the counter to the storage room.
"Don't call me darling!" Sam scolded. "And what have I told you about the counter?"
THE NEXT NIGHT
"I landed a job this quickly?" asked Alexis, almost in confusion.
"First rule of working at the card counter…okay, who am I kidding, there are no rules…" said Sam. "Well, welcome to the work force Alexis. I, of course, will help you if you have any questions."
"My biggest question is why our uniforms make us look like a bunch of dinks…" said Alexis, indicating her uniform, which consisted of a short-sleeved white shirt with puffy sleeves, a bright purple skirt a centimeter shorter than her other one (making it really, really short), a pair of suspenders the same color as the skirt, and a pair of pink heart clips on them, and a matching baseball cap. "I look like Romper Room meets GGW."
"All male BOE," said Sam.
"Ah, thought so," said Alexis.
"Well, probably the most important thing is to know how to handle customers in general," said Sam, looking at her watch. "Ah, and it seems like very soon, we're going to have our first customer."
"How do you know?" asked Alexis.
"William W. Wilson, second year Ra student," said Sam. "He's infamous for being a combination of frighteningly eccentric and a stickler for efficiency. At exactly 6:37, he will open the door."
BAM!
The door suddenly slammed open, revealing a dull eyed Ra student.
"Then, he will close the door," said Sam, as the door slammed shut. "Then he will open and shut the door seven times at an alarmingly fast speed.
SLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAM!
"Then he will use a giant log to break open the door," said Sam, as, with a resounding crash, the door was suddenly knocked off its hinges, falling to the floor with a creak. "Now, since it is Wednesday, he will beat the door to 'death' with a bat."
No sooner had she said it, the Ra student ripped out a bat, and began to pummel the door to glass shards.
"Now, he will skip exactly ten spaces toward the counter, then he will do a moonwalk until he's about halfway back," said Sam, as William did just that. "Now, he will sashay over to the counter. Mind you, he's probably going to say something very strange."
"Your lips look very hot today, foxy mama," said William in an almost uncaring tone of voice.
"He gave everyone this pamphlet to translate these random comments," said Sam, holding up a pamphlet that, for reasons Alexis didn't really want to know, had a picture of cheese in a tutu on it. "Now then…lips…foxy mama…oh, he wants two warriors pack and a spell pack. The red box and the green."
"Oh…kay…" Alexis said uneasily, as she bent into the glass chamber under the wood, fishing around with her hands through the boxes of packs, picking out the ones that Sam/William requested.
"Now he will give us a large fish as payment," said Sam, as William slapped a huge sturgeon on the counter. "Reach into the fish's stomach and you will find a bomb. Chuck the bomb out the window."
"AH!" cried Alexis in alarm, quickly ripping out the clock-like device and chucking it out the window.
"Now he will take off his pants," said Sam, as Alexis quickly covered her eyes in alarm. "In his pocket, you'll find a wallet. Fish out what you need. Don't take any less, or he'll start crying. Don't take any more, or he'll punch you in the face."
"Uh…my eyes are closed…" said Alexis.
"Funny…so are mine…" said Sam. "It seems we are in a bit of dilemma…well, I usually just feel through his pants and hope I get the right amount. Don't worry…he always carries singles."
"And your saying this is the normal customer?" said Alexis, as she listened to the sound of pants ruffling.
"…Alexis, who's the last normal person you've tripped on after entering this school…"
"Good point."
"My gallbladder thanks you!" said William, throwing a salute, then throwing his pants over his shoulder, confidently walking out the door. Only when she heard the sound of the glass door open, then shut with a small bang, did she dare uncover her eyes.
Then she remembered the door was made of glass.
"Okay, I think that's pretty much everything," said Sam again, as Alexis frantically covered her eyes. "Oh yes, your coworkers. You've already met Ray-"
"SOMEONESAIDMYNAME!" screamed Ray, sticking his head through the storage door.
"No Ray," said Sam darkly, as Ray quickly squeaked and ducked back into the back room. "Oh, also, there's only one other person I should introduce to you….hey! Sophia! Come out and say hello!"
She turned towards the storage room again, where, aside from Ray's rants, there was absolute silence.
"Come on, don't be shy!" said Sam. "Alexis is going to be working with us for a little while, so why don't you come out and be friends?"
There was nothing but more silence. Then, very, very slowly, a small head began to peak out from behind the doorway, as a pair of blue eyes flecked with brown spots peered from behind the counter, followed by a wave of shimmering black hair that was laced with red streaks, landing gracefully at her sides, shoulder length. Then, very timidly, with her eyes to the ground, she walked out-a graceful figure, not too tall, not too short.
"This is Sophia Hadley, but everyone here calls her 'Tigress' because of her hair," said Sam good naturedly. "She's a senior in Obelisk!"
"Oh…I'm in Obelisk too!" said Alexis with a friendly tone of voice. "It's nice to meet you Sophia!"
"Um…yes…you too…" said Sophia, giving Alexis a small bow, her eyes still on the floor. "Um…if you want to call me 'Tigress'…it's alright…"
"Okay, if you want me too!" said Alexis. "You're so polite Tigress! You remind me a little bit of one of my other friends! Her name's Josephina, and she's really-"
KA-RASH!!!!-Shhhhhhhhhh….
Alexis's eyes were either bugging out of her skull or had grown twice their size in 1.31734 seconds that it took for Tigress's fist to crash through the glass case, sending shards of glass flying every which was, missing Alexis's entire right side by a fraction of a centimeter.
"How dare you compare me to that stuck up, wussy little brat you worthless little freshman piece of TRASH!" snarled Tigress in a suddenly darker, more frightening voice, contrasting sharply to the calm, gentle voice of before. "I will not forgive you for this! You will die little worm! YOU WILL DIE, AND YOUR KIND SHALL NIBBLE ON YOUR BONES UNTIL YOU DISSAPEAR FROM THIS MEAGER ALLOWENCE OF LIFE!!!"
"I'm…sor…ry…" Alexis said weakly, trembling slightly.
"Uh, Tigress, you realize you risk losing your job if you keep threatening employees…" said Sam. "Not to mention this is the fifth glass panel you've punched out…"
"…I…apologize…" said Tigress, suddenly shrinking away, tears welling up in her eyes, dripping down her face in streams. "P…please…send me…the b-bill…"
With that, it seemed she could no longer contain wild tears, as she turned around, muffling sobs, running as fast as she could back into the storage area of the store, presumably to join Ray.
"…uh…" Alexis said, as Sam went to get a broom.
"Really, it's best not to ask," she said simply, walking with careful steps so as not to tread on the glass shards.
"Em…is…there…anything else?" Alexis asked awkwardly.
"OH! Right, I almost forgot!" said Sam, the broom in her hand, as she quickly rushed over to one of the shelves in the back, accidentally breaking the already numerous glass shards. "And it would have been really bad if I forgot to…"
She began to shuffle around the various boxes and files after leaning the broom gently against the wall. As Alexis was given a few moments to catch her breath, the almost hypnotic sound of rustling paper and cardboard felt almost kind compared to everything else. It was a shame it didn't last longer.
"Ah, here it is!" said Sam triumphantly, pulling out a small box that looked like it was made of aging ebony, with strange, cryptic, rune-like patterns marching along the very edges of it, in the very center of the box was a carved, golden Millennium Symbol.
"Uh…what's that?" asked Alexis.
"Many millennia ago, the Ancient Egyptians played dark games called the 'Shadow Games'," said Sam solemnly. "These games came to be so disastrous that they were sealed away for all eternity…when really the smart thing would have been to just destroy the darn things, but hey, what do I know? The point is that the power of the shadows were sealed in mystical items. Now, today, these priceless artifacts are dug up and sold on the black market. And one day, for no good reason at all, we found this particular item in a 2-for-1 bin at Big Lots under a pink sweater and a 'Prince of Egypt' DVD. So we bought it, and it turned out to be the most powerful tool ever designed by mankind."
"…that sounds really dangerous…" said Alexis.
"Open the box," said Sam.
"Will whatever is inside warp my mind and turn me into its own personal meat puppet?" asked Alexis.
"No…I don't think so…I mean…" Sam said, eventually ending with a sigh. "Okay, fine, I'll open it. But I hate this part."
With that, she unhooked the latch on the box, very gingerly, while still keeping it shut. Then, with an involuntary twitch, she slowly opened it.
The contents in the box seemed to explode with a bright light that seared into Alexis's eyes like a flood beacon. The second it opened, powerful organ music began playing, as well as other wicked cool sound effects that were making it seem like Sam was releasing the four riders of the apocalypse.
Os iusti meditabitur, sapientiam, et lingua eius-
"OH SHUT UP!!!" yelled Sam at the monks that were donned in black cloaks at the other side of the room (singing in Latin was one of her pet peeves). "Anyway, here it is…"
With that, she pulled out what looked like a very simple children's toy made of wood. It had cylindrical cone of medium thickness lined with some sort of ancient text, mounted on a sturdy-looking wooden handle, at the top of it a primitive looking duck made out of the same thin wood over a cup-like depression in the center. Through the center of the wooden handle was a long chord with a small wooden ball attached to it on the end.
"Okay…so what is it?" said Alexis, looking curiously at the item.
"Well, my translation of runes leaves much to be desired, but I believe it says 'Duck Eat Corn'," said Sam.
"Facinating…so what does it do?" asked Alexis.
"This, Alexis, is the only device ever crafted by the hands of man that can stop Ray on a full rampage," said Sam. "Please observe…OH MY GOD RAY! A CUSTOMER! AND HE LOOKS CHRONICALLY DEPRESSED!"
"CUSTOMER?!" screeched Ray at the top of his lungs, once again shooting out of the storage room like a bat out of Detroit, just as he had done to Alexis the previous night, made a quick bound over the display case, and then frantically scurried around the entire area in front of the counter, looking every which way at lighting fast speed with a combination of duty, enthusiasm, and something dangerously similar to insanity glittering in his eyes. "NOOOOO! CUSTOMER! DON'T BE SAD!! WHERE'S THE CUSTOMER SAM? IS HE HERE? IS HE HIDING? IS HE INVISIBLE? MEEEER CUSOMER! MUST HUG DEPRESSED-"
Sam gave the item a shake, causing it to rattle slightly. Like a cat hearing the treat can, Ray spun around like a top, his eyes suddenly shimmering with a new light.
"DUCK EAT CORN!" he cried, almost ripping it out of Sam's outstretched hands, walking solemnly to a corner of the room near the door, and began to pull the string, causing the duck head on the toy to come down, 'eating' out of the little wooden bowl it was standing over.
"Wow…that's both disturbing and utterly amazing…" said Alexis. "I…don't know what to say."
"No one really does…" said Sam. "Well…I suggest you sit down Alexis."
"Why?" asked Alexis, as Sam pulled up a fold up chair from behind the counter, sitting down heavily into it, clearly already exhausted.
"We're waiting," said Sam.
"For…what?" asked Alexis.
"Everything," muttered Sam darkly.
To be continued…
---ooo---
Chazz: WHAT? IT'S OVER?!
Zane: Well what were you expecting? Fanfare?
Chazz: BUT I WASN'T IN THIS ONE! AND I THOUGHT THE AUTHOR SAID SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE SURE THERE WERE AS FEW CONTINUATION CHAPTERS AS POSSIBLE!
Alexis: Well, get used to it, because not only is the next one a continuation chapter…you're not in it much.
Chazz: YOU FOOLS WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!
Alexis: Look, just be patient okay? Your chapter's coming.
Chazz: EVERY CHAPTER SHOULD BE MY CHAPTER! In fact, I demand that this entire story to be called 'That Crazy Chazz'!
Alexis:…how shockingly fitting.
Zane: Stay tuned for the next chapter, 'Thank You, Come Again'.
Chazz: WHAT? Your announcing the chapter again!
Zane: I've gotten even less lines than you. Deal with it.
Chazz: MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO BORING, YOU'D HAVE MORE!
Zane: Then please, by all means, be more boring.
Alexis: Bicker, bicker, bicker, is that all you do?