"Ugh, I LOATHE the bus!" Liz moaned as she and Colleen Arthur, her right-hand confidante, walked down the aisle of her geek-ridden bus at the end of the school day.

"Tell me about it. There's this nerd with a trombone who offered to let me 'toot his horn' yesterday!" Colleen groaned. "I'm getting a Ferrari when I turn 18!"

"Don't hold your breath!" Liz warned, indicating their usual seat about halfway back and sitting down in the window. Colleen plopped down next to her. Liz just stared out the window as Colleen began chit-chatting about her day. Liz didn't really pay attention. She planted her forehead against the glass window and stared out as the bus began pulling away from the school. Colleen didn't bother taking notice right away. After a minute, small rain drops began splattering against the window. Liz didn't pull her head away.

Only one image had been passing through Liz's mind all afternoon. The tall long-haired, ruggedly-dressed man who'd pulled Allison away from her during lunch. The one Allison had called "John." Liz skipped her Global Studies class to go to the library and sift though the old yearbooks to find out John's last name. He was so tall, so muscularly built, he definitely could not have been a freshman! Liz found a small, scowling photo of the man (his hair was a bit shorter) in the yearbook from the previous year. John Bender. His name was John Bender.

"Liz! Did you hear me?" Colleen asked. Liz sighed and muttered something to herself. Colleen was perplexed. "Liz?"

"Allison's always beaten me at life, hasn't she?" Liz asked.

"The freak with the baggy sweater?" Colleen sneered. "You told her off at lunch! You won! She got pregnant and you got Vernon on her tail! You can get you dignity back from the Christmas party last year!"

Liz shook her head. "No, I lost."

"Liz? Do you need to see Mr. Hashimoto tomorrow?" Colleen asked. "You look pale…"

"…that bitch has something that I don't….as usual."

"What? A bun in the oven? Liz, you always said you wanted to be an anchorwoman before even thinking about kids!" Colleen was never a very smart girl. She wasted studying time perfecting her makeup-application skills. It paid off to an extent; Colleen had been voted Junior Prom Queen. But she was voted Junior Prom Queen TWICE, and that's where her weakness lied. It was similar with Liz. But Liz was acting odd today.

"I know, Colleen, but it's not a baby I want. Allison has it right now, but this is bigger than any beauty pageant crown. I will make sure that he's mine."

"Then what is it?" Colleen asked. "Wait…HE?"

"John Bender," Liz sighed.

"He's a burnout! And he's a criminal! Lizzie, you're insane!"

"You know what, Colleen? I never get anything I want. I fight the good fight and the forces at work never come through in my favor. I've always beena wannabe, a loser. But I'm tired of being a loser! For once, I think Elizabeth Lembo should get the prize!"

"Oh come off it! You're above him, Lizzie!" Colleen said.

"No. No, I'm not." Liz lamented. "You'd be surprised, Colleen. Even Liz Lembo has her faults that she can't ignore." Liz looked out the bus window as it came to an intersection and stopped for the red light. The quick rain shower that had just dumped water all over the place passed over and a peek of sun was beginning to emerge. "But mark my words, Colleen. By the end of the school year, John Bender will be mine. I swear it."

Bender and Allison hadn't done much since they left Dick's office. They got into Bender's ramshackle car and drove around for hours and hours in circles around the outskirts of Shermer. Neither of them talked to each other. The atmosphere in the car was red, angry, and tense. They weren't pissed at each other, but they were pissed, so talking at each other made them mad at each other. They stopped once to let Allison puke a little bit in the library restroom.

"Did you take your pills before you left?" asked Bender concerning.

"It doesn't matter right now," Allison said after ralphing. "Let's just keep going."

When Bender had to stop again for Allison outside a 7-11, he'd had enough.

"I didn't drive 30 miles so you could spew over half of Illinois! We're going back to your place!"

Allison stormed into her apartment with Bender following right behind her. Allison was fuming mad. Bender was fairly pissed off too, but not to the extent Allison was. Bender had to skip a few steps to keep up with Allison as she scampered up the stairs to her top-floor apartment. Bender wished sometimes the landlord would install an elevator in the joint.

"Al, whatsa matter? You still on about Dick being an asshole? Because what he told you was a sonnet compared to what he greets me with every Saturday!" He wasn't lying, but he hoped Allison would feel a little bit better.

"I don't care!" Allison said coldly. Allison was incredible heated with anger. Was it possible for a pregnant girl to have mood swings so soon into her term?

She slammed her bag down on the counter in the kitchen and ran into her bedroom. Bender didn't follow her, because within a few seconds, she re-emerged, a small appear in her hand…the one Andy had left behind on his door before leaving for Kenosha.

"You're calling him?" asked Bender. Allison nodded.

"What you did for me was honorable, thanks. But I'm not going to wait until the contractions are 4 minutes apart to let him know!"

"Who knows? Maybe we can squeeze some palimony out of him!" Bender joked, grabbing an apple off a basket on the counter and taking an enormous single bite that left only half the apple. Allison grunted.

"I couldn't give a damn about palimony. I just want to get this weight off my chest!"

"What does this have to do with Dick being, well, a dick to you?"

"Because I feel so helpless! I have to do something! Maybe he'll come back to me!" Allison snapped. Bender thought a moment.

"So, that's it," he nodded. "You still love Captain Jock Strap."

"Maybe not LOVE, John. But one half of this kid is his—"

"—albeit the lower half," Bender said, chuckling to himself. Allison pouted. It wasn't funny. She picked up the kitchen phone and dialed the number, holding her breath. Bender looked on intently as she did. He couldn't believe that Allison still had hidden feelings for that dope!

Allison put the phone to her ear. Then, what seemed like an eternity passed. Allison began pacing. Bender stopped chewing the apple in his mouth so he could potentially hear the conversation. It was as if time was almost hanging in suspension for them. Allison twiddled with the phone cord. She was pretty nerve-wracked.

"Damnit," Allison cursed after a moment. "Answering machine."

"Leave a message!" Bender said matter-of-factly. Allison nodded and paused a moment. Bender could hear the beep from the phone, it was dead silent. Allison remained silent. Why wasn't she talking? Was she chickening out?

Allison looked at Bender again and gulped. "Andy….Allison."

Bender motioned for her to say more. Allison nodded. "Andy, you're a father."

With those words, Allison hung up the phone and went pale in the face. "Oh god…"

"What? You did it!" Bender said.

Allison shook her head. "I have to ralph again…"

Kenosha was being good to Andy. VERY good.

After being in Kenosha for two short months, Andy was on the John F. Kennedy High School varsity wrestling team, won a regional match, and became the envy of every boy in Kenosha, and the desire of every GIRL in Kenosha! Andy had been quite the popular fellow with the ladies. After a fortnight, he'd been asked out by the captain of the JV cheerleading squad, a girl named Meghan Doherty. She was pretty enough, with her jazzy smile and soft blonde curls, but she really didn't have much in the way of brains, so she didn't last very long with Andy. After that came Tammy Hanson, who was also very pretty (she was part Turk, so she had a nice exotic skin complexion). But when Andy accidentally made a pass at Tammy's twin sister Gillian, Tammy got pissed and broke it off. Tammy (or Gillian) wasn't too smart either. The Kenosha girls were willing to do anything for a date, but nobody yet had been good for a talk. JFK High didn't even have a case of academic trophies like Shermer did. But the sports and cheerleading trophy cases were twice as big. Andy recalled that Shermer once lost a football championship to this school. But more importantly, Andy almost felt himself getting dumber. Andy didn't realize why he was craving a nice intelligent conversation with a woman. But after some time went by, he forgot about the craving, and he began taking up date offers from every girl who asked him. He didn't even note the date on the day of his movie date with Darla Mann: November 1st. The day his bet with his father expired. His last chance to come home to his girlfriend, who technically he'd never broken it off with.

But George Clark sure noted the date. That night before he went to bed as he crossed the date off on the calendar, he chuckled to himself. His son was out with a girl who wasn't the floozy he'd slept with. Andy was smartening up. George knew his son would. Andy was happy, George was happy. Who cared if that dark-haired girl back in Shermer wasn't happy? She didn't matter to anyone in the Clark family anymore.

Today, George, Kathleen, and the twins were out looking at new televisions, leaving Andy alone in the house with a black-haired girl, Patty Sanders. They'd gotten to 2nd base within 10 minutes of walking in the door.

"Andy! Andy! My ear!" Patty wailed quietly as Andy advanced on her.

"Patty…what color is your bra today?" Andy moaned back.

Two months ago, Andy was a gentleman. He truly had made a change for the worse.

Patty suddenly pulled away from Andy, leaving him startled. "Andy, I want you to commit to me," she said.

"What?"

"I'm not some whore made for your pleasure. I know how your father feels about letting girls into the house. Can you promise that as soon as we do this, you'll stay with me?" Patty playfully pouted her lip. Andy laughed.

"I'm a free man, I can do whatever I want!" Andy said triumphantly., grabbing for his shot glass (filled with some vodka he had his 'perfect' brother Adam bootleg into his room). After taking a long sip, Andy advanced on Patty again, who giggled and sifted around on the couch a little bit.

"Let's play police man!" said Patty. "You'll be the strong handsome cop, and I'll be the bad, bad criminal who needs to be punished!"

"You're in trouble, young lady! BIG trouble!" Andy laughed.

"I've been REALLY bad!!" Patty shouted as Andy crawled on top of her. He suddenly heard the phone ring.

"Ugh, I'd better get that, Dad told me to pick it up if his broker was calling…"

"No! Why? You have an answering machine, right?" Patty asked. Andy looked at her as the answering machine beeped…whoever was calling, they weren't much of a talker. Andy smirked and took another sip of vodka.

Suddenly, a small, meek, yet incredibly familiar voice came over the answering machine. "Andy? Allison…Andy, you're a father."

Andy spit out his vodka…all over Patty, who shrieked and shot up. Andy had a look of horror on his face.

Father? What did Allison mean? Suddenly, that Sunday night 2 months ago hit him. How he and Allison had screwed around without a condom, depending on Allison's birth control pills. Anyone could miss a day or two…

Andy felt the blood drain from his face. He turned around to look at Patty.

But Patty had already grabbed her coat and slammed the door shut.