"Are you fucking kidding me Nick?" He asked angirly. He started walking over to the younger man, who had almost jumped out of his skin from the unexpected voice coming from the dark.
"What the hell are you doing up here?" Nick asked when Jeremy came into view.
But his brother didn't answer him.Instead, Jeremy decided to keep pushing Nick back repeatedly until he was so close to the edge of the roof that a pencil wouldn't even fit in the space between the heel of Nick's shoes and where the roof ended.
"I came up here to see if you were okay. But I guess you're not, seeing as how you just tried to kill yourself."
Nick stared at Jeremy blankly. "You...you saw that?" His voice was quiet and soft.
Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, I did. Why did you try to do that?"
"I didn't know you were there." Nick said, shaking his head. "Besides, Ryan told me there was only one bullet left."
"So? What if there wasn't?" Jeremy kept pounding Nick with questions.
"I used it on him. I knew there was only one left." Nick answered.
"Then why did you still try?" Jeremy yelled. Nick didn't blink. He didn't move at all. Jeremy looked down at the ground, then back up at his brother. "I was right there. Right there. What if there wasn't only one left? What if Ryan had lied?" Jeremy's voice fell to a whisper. "I was right there Nick."
"I didn't know...if I did I wouldn't have.." Nick tried to explain, but Jeremy wasn't listening.
"You wouldn't have cared because you would have taken the easy way out. You would have just given up completely." Jeremy reached out and grabbed Nick's arms in between his elbows and shoulders. "Do you really want to die that much?" He asked as he started shaking Nick, threatening to send him falling off the roof.
Nick nodded slowly. "I'm sick of everything. I want all the pain to just stop. I want everything to just stop." Jeremy stopped shaking him, but didn't let go of his arms.
"Remember when you were in the hospital after the kidnapping and I didn't come see you and mom and dad got mad at me?" Jeremy asked, catching Nick off gaurd. The younger Stokes nodded. "I said I had to work, but I lied. I was too scared. I was afraid that I'd go to see you, but you wouldn't be there. I thought it was a trick to get me to go to your funeral or something. When I found out, I was so scared that I didn't have a little brother anymore. You almost died, Nicky."
Nick swallowed the lump in his throat. "But I didn't."
Jeremy shook his head. "No, you didn't. But you still keep trying to change that. I know that I'm the worst big brother on the face of the Earth and that I've never been there to protect you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. Nothing will change that. Whether or not you're in immense pain or scared out of your mind...that won't change the fact that you're my little brother. You'll always have that."
A few tears had trickled down from Jeremy's eyes, but he didn't pay any attention to them. He pulled Nick away from the edge of the roof before finally letting go of his arms. Jeremy let his own arms fall to his sides before he slowly turned and climbed down from the roof, back to the flashing lights of the cops still waiting below.
It took Nick longer to get down from the roof than it had to get up. He had to wait a couple minutes after Jeremy had left until the sick feeling he had in his stomach went away. His hands were shaking, but he couldn't feel them at all. A couple times he thought he was going to throw up, and he wished he would so the pain in his stomach would go away. When it finally did, he made his way down from the roof.
Brass and Warrick came up to him immediatly after he set both of his feet on the ground. They both looked worried and relieved at the same time. Nick wasn't looking at them. He was looking behind them to see where Jeremy had went. He was nowhere to be seen.
"Are you okay?" Warrick asked to get Nick's attention.
The Texan nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"I see things didn't go exactly according to plan." Brass said, motioning to Ryan's dead body.
Nick sighed. "Unfortunately, no they didn't. He...I had to."
"I know." Brass said softly. "Why don't you two get outta here? Go home and get some rest."
Warrick nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a good idea."
He slowly started walking towards his car, and Nick followed. They climbed into the Denali and began to make their way back to Vegas. Warrick could tell something was wrong with Nick, but didn't ask. He didn't have to wait too long for an explanation.
"Ryan gave me his gun and said I could either shoot myself or try to shoot him. He told me there was only one bullet left. Obviously I shot him, but I got lucky. Then I...Jeremy came up...I didn't know he was there..."
Warrick looked over at Nick with concern in his eyes. "What happened?"
Nick closed his eyes and sighed. "I tried to...I thought maybe there was two bullets..."
He didn't need to explain anymore. Warrick understood completely, although he wished he wasn't hearing what he was. Warrick felt his stomach churn and his grip tightened on the wheel. He forced himself to stay calm and not get angry at Nick. That wouldn't do anyone any good.
"Why?" He asked.
"I just want everything to stop. I want it all to go away." Nick said quietly. His eyes were still closed and his head was now resting against the cool window.
"Killing yourself isn't the only way to accomplish that Nicky." Warrick said coldly.
Nick opened his eyes and looked over at his best friend. He didn't say anything. He just stared at Warrick with his sad, dark brown eyes and waited for Warrick to say something else because he himself didn't know what he should say.
"I know you have that weird idea in your head that if you were gone everyone would be better off...but you couldn't be more wrong about that. Why do you think that we all tried to hard to find you when you were kidnapped? Why do you think we didn't give up?"
Nick opened his mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. He wanted to apologize and that he knew he was being stupid, but he simply couldn't form any words.
"I know it hurts and things have only gotten worse for you and I wish there was something I could do to change that. I wish I could change everything that's ever happened to you...but I can't. I'm still not gonna give up on you. Nobody will as long as you don't give up on us."
Nick finally managed to speak. "I'm not going to. I promise I won't. I'm really trying not to...it's just hard." Warrick glanced over at him, then back at the road. "What should I do?" Nick asked.
"For starters, talk to your brother. Seeing you almost do that isn't the easiest thing to forget."
Nick pulled his eyes away from Warrick and mentally hit himself. He remembered how shaken up Warrick had been for months after he had seen Nick about to end his life. It was easy to understand that being hard to forget. Nick knew he had to talk to Jeremy and try to fix things. He didn't want his older brother to hate him for something he wasn't sure he ever really wanted to do anymore.
Jeremy didn't say anything when he opened the door and saw Nick standing on the other side. He just opened it wider and walked back into his hotel room. Nick followed, closing the door behind him. Jeremy sat at the table in the corner. Nick took the seat across from him and took a deep breath before beginning.
"I'm sorry I did that. Or tried to do that. Whatever...anyway, I know what I think is stupid and painful for everyone else. I didn't want to hurt anyone else but myself."
"That's impossible." Jeremy said. "Did you think it didn't hurt when I saw you hung upside and almost drowned in a pool? Or when Eric threw you through a window?"
Nick hung his head. "I know it did...I didn't mean to be selfish. I know I've been a pain. I promise that I'm gonna be fine. Everything's okay now. I'm sorry for before...but it's over with."
"What if...God forbid...something else happens? Are you just gonna end it?"
"No." Nick shook his head. "I'm not. I couldn't. I'd miss everyone too much. Even you."
Jeremy smiled at his little brother's comment. "You better not be lying to me Nicky. "
"I'm not."
"Okay." Jeremy said, nodding. "Okay, I believe you. Just remember that no matter what, I'm always gonna be your brother which entitles me to always be here for you. Don't forget that."
Nick smiled. "I couldn't even if I tried."
Next and last chapter should hopefully be up soon. I'm not sure how I want to end it yet. Suggestions and ideas are welcomed. thanks for the reviews.