Chapter 18 - Is Pain Really Worth It

"Morning Lois, how was your weekend off?" Lois threw down her stuff and turned on the computer to check her mail.

"Good. Lex and I spent most of it out of town at this little hotel in the mountains. Clark, look at this. I have a friend across town that sent me this. I need to print this out." Lois printed it out on the computer on the other side of the newsroom and rushed into Perry's office.

"Perr, I think we might have a hot topic for the next edition." Perry took the copy and read it with his eyebrows raised.

"Lois, this sounds dangerous. If you go for this, I want you to be careful and take Clark with you to assist."

"Whatever chief, but I think it's a great lead." She ran out of the office with Perry sitting back in his chair, that girl never stops.

"Lois, what is it?" Clark had been watching her dash around the newsroom the last few minutes.

"We have a lead. Have you ever gone undercover?" Clark peered at her funny and then laughed quietly.

"In a way...why?"

"We are going to go undercover to pull this story out. You game?" Clark nodded yes and followed her out of the newsroom. "I'll meet you back at nine." Clark nodded again and went upstairs to pick up Brit.

"How's my little girl today?" He picked her up and spun her around. He put her back down and put her coat on her. She had been practicing getting in it since the cold weather had been getting worse. "How's she doing Ellen?"

"She is a delight, Mr. Kent. Seems to take after you in the communication area. She never ceases to amaze us with her ability to talk."

"She can talk your ear off. Let's go honey. Daddy has to get back here in a couple of hours." They walked down the stairs to the elevator and then out the Daily Planet door.

"Are you seeing Lois?"

"Yes, but we have to work tonight so you will have to stay at home with Grandma. I know it's our night but I have to work."

"Daddy, I understand. You want to be with Lois." Clark felt her squeeze his hand and laugh. He looked down at her and couldn't keep himself from laughing. "Daddy, do you ever think of mommy?"

"Sometimes, why do you ask?"

"I do. Did she love us?" Clark stopped and knelt next to his daughter and took her arms.

"Brittany, she loved you more than anything. Don't you ever think differently."

"Then why did she leave?"

"Your mother and I had some problems that we couldn't work out. It would have hurt you more if we had stayed together. Brit, it's hard to explain to you right now. Just believe me, she never meant to hurt you. She loves you. I love you." Brit had started to whimper and Clark tried to comfort her as he cursed his ex under his breath. All the superpowers in the world would ever be able to fix his daughter's heart.

"I love you daddy. Let's go home." Brit took his hand and started home again.

"Lex, what are you doing here?" Lex was sitting on the couch as Lois walked into her apartment. She remembered that she had given him a key several months ago when they became engaged.

"I was on my way home and thought you could use some company."

"Not tonight, I have to work." Lois started into the bedroom completely ignoring Lex waiting to kiss her. He followed her.

"Working late again...Kent no doubt."

"We are partners and have an undercover job tonight." Lex had had it. He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him.

"I don't want you working with this Clark. I remembered hearing what happened between you years ago and saw you at the New Year's Eve banquet. You're not over him. I don't want you working with him." Lois tried to pull away from Lex's grip but it was too hard.

"Lex, let me go. I'm a grown woman - I think I can handle myself. We were just dancing." Lex's grip tightened around her arm as he pushed her to the doorjam. "Lex, you're hurting me. Please let go of me." Lois' arm started turning red. Lex could see her start crying and let go at that. He had never meant to hurt Lois, but he felt he was losing her.

"Lois, I just feel like you're moving farther away from me every time we see each other. Lois, do you love me?" Lex pursed his lips together and waited for a response.

"Lex, I love you. I'm marrying you in a month. It's just right now I have to get ready for work - this could be another important article for us...me."

"So, who is it for? You or for you and Clark?" Lex went on the defensive again.

Lois turned around as she could tell Lex was getting angry again. He was now calm and collected but still had the undeniable look of hatred on his face. "Why do you hate him so much? He is my partner."

"He is still in love with you and you're leading him on. Sometimes I wonder if you're doing more than that. Just tell me what you're relationship is with him?" Lex raised his voice in an uncharacteristic manner before turning away to collect himself.

"Lex, stop yelling at me. You have no right. I remember when we first started dating you were still seeing your ex." Lois started waving her arms in a frenzy. Lex again grabbed her to calm her down but she continued on. He pushed her up against the wall. "Lex, LET GO OF ME!!"

All this time, Clark had been sitting outside of her apartment waiting for Lex to leave. He thought it would be nice to meet her at her place instead of just meeting at work. When he heard her yell, Clark knew it had gone on long enough. Clark went around the corner and flew up to her room and pulled Lex off of her.

"Superman." Lois sighed as she rubbed her wrists and arms.

"Is this your other boyfriend?" Lex was still very angry and kicked Superman continually while being held off the ground.

"Put him down please Superman, we were just talking."

"It didn't sound like you were just talking. Does he need to be leaving?" Lois, still in tears, shook her head yes and Superman took Lex down to the street level. Lex searched for the key but remembered he had left it on the table in the living room.

Returning up to her apartment, he asked, "You ok?"

"I think so." Superman took her arms gently and looked at them.

"You'll be ok. But why would you want to marry someone like that? You could have much more." Lois looked over and saw Superman seem to change his demeanor to something more gentle.

"I love him. He isn't really all that bad. I have been doing some strange things with my partner at work. He just has a bad jealous streak, but I do too. I shouldn't be pouring my problems out on you."

"Lois, it's fine. You need someone to talk to." He walked over and rubbed her shoulders gently before hugging her. She looked at herself and Superman in the mirror and smiled.

"Superman, have you ever been in love before? I mean, you do have feelings?" He went and sat down on the bed while she sat in the lounger.

"Yes, I have been in love. You could say I am in love with someone right now. Unfortunately, she doesn't know and couldn't possibly be in love with me."

"Tell me." Lois sat up interested.

"She's beautiful and smart. She works very hard and is almost in love with her work more than anything else."

"She sounds wonderful - I can't see how she could possibly turn you down. Have you asked her out or told her?"

"In my position, I can't ask her out in a normal way, but I have thought about telling her many times."

Lois got up and went over to him. "Then you should tell her. Yep, you need to go and fly off and tell her." She led him to the window and told him to go. She stood there and watched him fly off and then started cleaning up to go back to the Planet. Moments later she heard the woosh again and felt a breeze through her room. She turned around and saw Superman there again.

"I thought I told you to go tell girl everything." He walked closer to her.

"I have." He lowered his head.

"What are you talking about. You weren't gone long enough to say two words to anyone."

Lois started to pass him up to go to the closet when he took her face in his hand. "I love you Lois." His head was still down so he couldn't see her jaw drop. He felt her pull away and turn cold. "I'm sorry. I know that you're engaged to Lex, but it hurt when I saw him hurt you. That shouldn't happen to you."

"I thank you for what you did, but I..." She stopped and faced him knowing that she couldn't possibly tell him she didn't love him because she did. She walked over to him. "Things are hard for me right now. I love Lex but have feelings for you and another. I just need to be left alone - I have to decide." Superman walked to the window and smiled at her.

"Ok, but if something happens, I'll be there." Superman flew off with Lois standing in the middle of the living room in tears.

"I sure hope so," she whispered. RING

"Hi, I thought I could just come by to get you. Lois, are you ok?" Clark looked at Lois with sad eyes.

"I'm fine. It's just been a long day."

"We can do this later or skip it."

"No way, let's get going." Lois grabbed him by the shirt sleeve and dragged him to the car. When she opened the door for Clark, he held her shoulder. She flinched and pulled away.

"What is it Lois?" Clark looked at her closer to see that her eyes were red and she was rubbing her arm a little. Pushing her sleeve up, he revealed the bruises that had already formed from Lex's grip. "Lois, What happened?" Lois pulled away.

"Nothin, Lex and I had a little spat. That's it."

Clark grabbed both of her sleeves and pushed them up in surprise. Even having seen them as Superman, they hadn't been nearly as bad. Lex had really hurt her.

"This doesn't look like a little spat. Lois, he hurt you. He abused you." Lois pulled away and got in on the other side.

"He was just upset." Lois shoved a CD in the player and started the car.

They arrived on the Southside without saying a word in the car. Lois pulled her car into a secured parking area and Clark got out, dressed in their undercover wear. "You look good Clark."

"Thanks, let's get this over with." Clark carefully took her hand and walked down the street to a man. The man showed the sign of a 200. Lois looked at Clark, "200, that's a bit steep." The man waited for a better response. Clark shook his head and walked Lois and the man to the hotel they had made arrangements to meet at. They walked to the fourth floor and to a little empty room. "So, what do I get for my two hundred?"

"This. I hear that there's a man working on something like operational chemical bomb. I overheard that he's breaking something potent, something Superman potent out of the plant upstate. What he has could blow most of the city away and then miles around would feel it."

"All you can give us is an address?"

"You want more - you find another informant girlie. By the way, nice wig." The man turned and walked toward the door and shut it behind him.

"Now what? Clark, this means there is someone walking around town with the most deadly substance known to man...not to mention the small thing about knowing how to kill Superman. I remember Superman saying that he knew of something that could harm him but didn't know if anyone had been able to find it. From this, I guess we know that its out, at least on the black market. We have to warn him." Clark answered with a strong yes, worried about how this could affect him if he ever ran into to it again. That night they put their notes together but decided not to print until they had more information, knowing the man could easily lose it and release it if they wrote anything about what they knew before they should.

"Lois, I have to be getting home. Brit will be getting up soon and she gets worried if she doesn't see me in the morning." Lois waved him off for a moment. Clark touched her on the shoulder and she looked up at him. "Lois, please call me if anything happens to you. Get that checked honey." Clark stopped, realizing what he had said.

"Sure Clark, but don't worry about me. Why don't you take the day off or something. I know you have the father/daughter thing going on. Just take your beeper."

"How did you know about that?"

"Brit told me that you two have nights for just you two. I think it's sweet - putting her above all else. Did you call me honey?"

"Slip, sorry. I have to put her ahead. I'll talk to you later today." Clark picked up his stuff, rubbed his hand gently across her arm, and left for home.

Clark walked in just as Brittany had woken up. "Good morning sunshine. What do you want to do on daddy's day off?" Brittany smiled up at him.

"Can we go to the park? My friend is supposed to be there today."

"Let me go change and we'll catch breakfast on he way." Clark and Brittany went and changed and headed out for breakfast and a day out in the sun. Luckily, it was a warm January day. They got to the park around noon after eating slowly at a café around the corner from the Daily Planet. They had briefly saw Jimmy as he went to work.

"Jimmy, please come get me if anything happens to Lois and don't tell her I'm having you spy."

"Is there a problem?"

"Nothing really, but just watch her." Brit was pulling on Clark's hand.

"There's my friend over there." Brit ran over to Michael.

"You must be Brittany's father. She has told me so much about you." Clark sat down beside her and almost laughed. "My name is Ally. I hear you work for the Daily Planet - that must be pretty exciting."

"I never really thought of it before but I guess so." Clark smiled at Ally and saw her smile back.

"Brit told me that you aren't married. Your daughter seems very interested in getting a mother." Clark was thrown that this woman he didn't know was making such drastic moves to make relations with him, a complete stranger.

"She sometimes talks too much as you can tell. I'm sorry that she bothered you with our problems."

"It's no bother. When my husband left, I tried to convince Michael that he was coming back. I think I hurt him more than I helped him."

"I don't think she really understands what happened yet. And I'm not sure I'm ready to tell her everything yet. " Looking over at Brit, "BRIT...You apologize to him. Excuse me a minute." He got up and walked over to Brit and took her hand. "Time out young lady. Look at me - I'll tell you when you can get up." He walked back and sat down with Ally.

"Now I see why she is so well behaved." Ally smiled and looked over at Clark. He smiled back, feeling strangely attracted to her. "So, how about lunch with Michael and me."

"We ate a late breakfast, but thanks anyway. I think we're going to catch a movie later." He bid Ally goodbye and went over to sit with Brit. "What do you have there?"

"I found it in the dirt." Brit handed the rock to Clark and he looked at it. He started to feel dizzy; maybe he hadn't eaten enough. Putting it in his pocket, Clark responded, "Let's keep it for your collection. Now, I want to talk to you about how you acted today." He tried to continue but started coughing.

"Daddy?"

"I'm ok; it must be something in the air." He looked around and didn't see anyone that could possibly be around to help. He tried to get up but fell over. Brit started off, "Brit, where are you going?"

"Be back daddy." He could see her run toward the street and tried to see past the bushes.

"BRITTANY!"