A/N: Thanks to Andrew Laplante for this request.
As Someday It May Happen - A parody of As Someday It May Happenfrom The Mikado
Andre and Firmin are in their office after the death of Piangi, contemplating who should take his place. Andre then takes out a list from his pocket and sings:
As someday it may happen that an actor must be found
I've got a little list.
I've got a little list.
There are plenty little people who audition by the pound.
They never could be missed.
They never could be missed.
There are some who just can't wait to sign their first few autographs
Or those who have those ugly hands or irritating laughs
And children who think they can sing but actu'ly sing flat
And others who shake on stage
Shake on the stage like that!
(He trembles as though he is stage fright)
And all these people who want to act, oh how they do insist.
Oh, none of them are missed.
Oh, none of them are missed.
Firmin: You've got them on the list.
You've got them on the list.
And none of them are missed.
Oh, none of them are missed.
Andre: There's the guy who plays the banjo
And the guy who won the race
And the stupid organist.
I've got him on the list.
And the guy who loves his peppermint and puffs it in my face.
He never would be missed.
He never would be missed.
And the idiot who does sad scenes in enthusiastic tones
And the man who only praises scenes he does all him own
And the lady from Notre Dame who wants to have a try
Who never ever dances but thinks that she will try
And the singular sensation who's also a novelist.
I don't think she'd be missed!
I'm sure she'd not be missed!
Firmin: You've got her on the list.
You've got her on the list
And I'm sure she'd not be missed.
I'm sure she'd not be missed.
Andre: And the funny little nuisance who's quite a shocking sight.
The real stupid humorist.
Of course he's on the list!
There's silly guys and dancing girls and clowns without a life!
Oh, none of them are missed.
Oh, none of them are missed.
And a strong-willed strict business-man with a compromising mind
And there's what-ya-call-it
Thing-ma-bob
And likewise, oh, just never mind.
Oh, tut, tut, tut
What is his name?
And also . . .
Shhh! You know who!
The task of filling up these blanks I might just leave to you.
But does it really matter whom you put upon the list?
For none of them be missed.
Oh, none of them be missed.
Firmin: You may put them on the list.
You may put them on the list.
For none of them be missed.
For none of them be missed!