A/N: Thanks for the request whoever did request this. (Sorry, can't remember!) Please review!
If I Had a Nice Face – to the tune of If I Were a Rich Man
Erik:
If I had a nice face
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
I wouldn't live in the sewer system.
If my face wasn't so gross.
Wouldn't have a mask on.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
If I weren't so badly distorted.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of Paris.
A real fine roof with beautiful floors below.
There would be plenty of stairs that go right on up
It would be such a sight to see.
So what, I'm a dreamer.
It goes to show . . .
I'd fill the world with music composed by me
And shows so you'll all see and hear.
With singers singing as beautifully as they can.
And you'll hear:
La! La! La! Laaaaaa!
Going right through your ear.
And Christine would be singing every time.
Oh, if I had a nice face.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I wouldn't live in the sewer system.
If my face wasn't so gross.
Wouldn't have a mask on.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
If I weren't so badly distorted.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I see my wife
My Christine looking like a proper wife
Singing a wonderful G.
Supervising songs to her hearts' delight.
I see her strutting around, proudly like a peacock.
Oh my, what a happy mood she's in.
Studying my great music day and night.
The most important men in town will come and ask for me.
They will ask me to teach them
My great musical skills.
If you please, Monsieur Erik!
Please, Monsieur Erik!
And I'll teach them, don't you doubt it that I will!
And it won't make one bit a difference if I teach them right or wrong.
When handsome, they think you really know.
When I'm handsome I'll have no time that I have
To use the op'ra as my prey.
But does it matter?
I'll have Christine by side, you know.
And I'll discuss music theory with my dear Christine for hours every day.
That will be the sweetest gift of all.
Oh!
If I had a nice face.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I wouldn't live in the sewer system
If I my face weren't so gross.
Wouldn't have a mask on.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Lord who made the lion and the lamb.
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan?
If I were a handsome man!