Disclaimer: Please see previous chapters.

A/N: First and foremost, I would like to extend a special thank you to all who reviewed and another appology to Sammie for not up-dateing sooner. I know I left you guys at cliff hanger, but complications arose with this chapter and I was away for a while as well. The reviews were appreciated nonetheless. This chapter was difficult to write, as I said, and it is very different. It mainly revolves around a lot of important speech. Please, leave me a review to let me know what you thought of it! Thanks for reading, as always!

Babygirl

"Yep, it's an original name, but my dad was an original person..."

Chapter 11: Can't Be Selfish

I froze.

What had I been thinking anyway? Did I really believe they weren't going to notice me? Was I following them out of instinct the way Soda had guided me out of the same? Was part of me hoping that by pretending things were normal they might miraculously return to the way they once were? More importantly, how the hell was I supposed to answer that question?

As I sat transfixed, I noticed I wasn't the only one in room that seemed temporarily paralyzed. Two-Bit's mouth was open, but no sound issued from it. Actually, I think that was a first. Ponyboy looked surprised, and then, at the same time, not. Knowing me as well as he did he had probably been expecting something like this to happen for some time now. Johnny looked from person to person as though he had seriously missed something. Dally grinned, cocky as ever. What else would Dallas Winston do at a time like this? Darry looked, well, mortified. It was unnerving to see the calmest, most level headed, strongest of the group with his eye brows raised past his hairline and his eyes themselves as wide as they had ever been.

I still hadn't answered, and Darry still hadn't said anything. To be honest, he was sort of beginning to scare me, so I just opened my mouth to say the first thing excuse that popped into my head in a pure attempt to break the heavy silence. It was something brilliant to the effect of: "Nothin'."

My answer, I soon realized, meant little or nothing. Steve was still ticked, Dally still slightly amused, everyone else still shocked, and Soda... I turned and saw he was making his way slowly towards me down the hall. He looked as if he wasn't quite sure what he was seeing was real. Then, without warning, he practically leapt on me, throwing us down onto the sofa with a thump. He hugged me so tightly my back was popping, but I didn't mind. He could squeeze me all day for all I cared. I breathed deeply into his shoulder where my face was pressed. I had forgotten what Soda smelled like.

That's another thing you don't think about a whole lot. When someone dies, or moves away, or you just don't see them anymore, you don't forget what they look like because you have pictures, but sometimes you forget other important memories like how they sounded or smelled. They aren't a three dimensional memory anymore. They sort of fade out of your grasp.

I recall that after my parents died I would go their closet and shut myself in. I would hold onto mom's soft dresses, or dad's worn work clothes, and breath in the remnants of their smell that still lingered there. It was comforting. Likewise, sometimes, when I couldn't go to sleep, Ponyboy's voice would soothe me because he sounded like mom. Darry's laugh from the other room allowed me to pretend it was dad in there for a few sweet, ignorant moments..

It scared me to realize that I'd been away from my brother so long that I had not been able to remember his smell; like he had been dead to me all this time, or me to him. To hold onto him again was like cheating death. I squeezed him back, suddenly feeling the need to prove to myself he was real. I think he was doing the same thing.

That, what some saps would call, "touching moment" did not last long, I assure you. Chaos soon broke out, as is custom in the Curtis household. Two-Bit let a whoop and a holler. Dally threw back his head and laughed out right, then swore appropriately. Johnny began grinning ear to ear, asking or welcoming or something else that I couldn't quite make out in his quiet voice through all the ruckus. Ponyboy was excited, and that is a sight to see as all his energy kind of explodes and his mouth runs a mile a minute. Steve was shouting as well, which is a little confusing, but so what? I couldn't really think about that anyway, because Soda was twirling and swinging me around in the air (which is really fun, if a tad hard on the arms). A three way wrestling match broke out between Steve, Two-Bit, and Pony. Dally yelled at them (curses and encouragement and bets) as Johnny laughed weakly along.

Then, Two-Bit's beer spilled in the battle on the rug before me as Soda tackled Pony. While the bitter sweet smell twanged at my nostrils, I made up my mind. I belonged here and I was not leaving my home again. The supreme court judges could rule that I could leave or go to jail and I would not budge. John, Eugene, and a regiment of social workers could not pry me from those rickety front porch stairs. They say your instincts are fight or flight, and I had spent my life running away from problems. This time I would have to stand and fight. Nothing and no one in the world was going to keep me from this any longer.

Hands on hips and resolute, I stood watching the scene and wondering how long life could go on with everyone playing as if this was normal. The hectic kind of peace did not last long. Darry rose from the dinning room chair and brushed his hand nervously through his hair. His eyes darted around as if thinking frantically. His frustration visibly grew. I waited. No one else noticed they way his was softly and unconsciously pounding his fists onto his jean pockets. Steve brought in a chocolate cake, and I turned up the t.v. - that's when he lost it.

"Stop it! Just stop it!" he yelled at us. Once again, everything was unusually quiet and still. "You're acting like this is how things are supposed to be and they're not! You're all acting like nothing has happened and it has! Baby can't be here. Johnny's in a wheel chair..."

"Darry," it was probably the first time I ever interrupted an agitated Darry. He looked at me fiercely for a fraction of a second and his look softened greatly. He was caring old Darry again, who had once risked his job to come and see me at school. I almost smiled at him. "You don't understand,"

His face softened. He knelt down towards me. "Baby, what are you doing here? What happened?"

So, I told him most of my story. Admittedly, I glossed over a few things I felt uncomfortable telling. Everybody was listening to me for about the first time I could remember. I mean they were really hearing what I had to say. They'd interject with: "Darry we gotta stop this." or "Wait-when did that happen?" We were sort of formulating a plan or building a case as went on. Each of us had then thinking fast, complacent look. This may be possible. Hope crept up inside me. It was so unusual that I barely recognized it. I did not miss a beat. I got right up to the part about Massey somebody when he stopped me.

"Massey?" his incredulous look was contagious and it traveled across the room like an epidemic.

"Who is Massey?" The exchanges significant glances that followed was one I did not miss.

"Get in the car, Baby." Darry said. I did. He could have told me to pack my bags and follow him to the south pole and I would have too.

We loaded up a few minutes later and pulled out of the driveway casually. We ended up silently in front of the Dingo, buying an ice-cream Sunday. This is a lot like when Darry gave me a couple other important talks. One was: "what's going to happen now that mom and dad are gone." Another was: "why we don't talk to strangers." The first ever was: "why I couldn't date until I was 25."

We pulled out, ice-cream in hand, and drove around for a long time saying nothing. After a while, he swallowed a bite of ice-cream and spoke up.

"Massey owns this city."

I gulped down my bite. I didn't know anyone could own a city. "The city?" I asked

"Well, he owns half the businesses. He owns half the land. He was a senator at one time, and a lawyer, so he knows the law and government like the back of his hand. He also holds the respect of half the people involved in it. He's not exactly the nicest man. The only one he's polite to anymore is his kid, or that's what they say."

"Wow." It seemed like a plausible reaction.

"He's just not someone you want to cross, and he thinks a lot of you, he'll get you what you want, more or less."

"That's perfect."

"How's that?"

"We just talk to this Mr. Massey guy and tell him all about us and our problem. He'll help us out once he sees how important it is for me to be home."

Darry didn't answer.

"Darry?" He just sucked on his straw. My eyes burned and poured over and for once I didn't fight it. The world could fight me as much as it wanted, but my brother not needing me, that hurt too much for me to play tough any longer.

"Baby," he said softly. He put one of his warm, massive arms around me. "Baby, what's wrong?" He pulled over.

I sniffed and let out a low, quiet sob. "Don't you want me anymore?" I know it was pathetic, but I was a 9-year-old with a broken heart. How much more pathetic can one get?

"Of course."

"We want you around." He tried to reassure me, though his voice was cracking. "We need you to help with breakfast and find Soda's shoes in the morning. You know he completely lost a pair for a week? Two-Bit has to walk to the fridge to get his beers and Pony has to do the dishes every night. Soda is bored because he has no one to laugh at his jokes like you did."

"You guys laugh."

"Yeah, but me and Dally can't exactly giggle hysterically."

"No one helps me clean up or listens to my baseball playing advice. It's not the money, Baby. I want you to know that."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"We don't us your room either. It's just like you left it. Probably nothing compared to your new fancy, girly one, but..."

"I hate my room."

"Well, what's wrong with it?"

"I dunno. Nothing, I guess."

"Well, if that's all you've got to worry about..." He sighed. "Look we all miss you, annoying as you can be. It feels weird not singing on stormy nights,"

"Darry." I whined, although no one had overheard the embarrassing fact. He half-heartedly laughed.

"Look Baby, I'll tell you the truth if you can be grown up for a minute, okay?"

I nodded. He pulled back onto the road again and started driving. What he said next flipped my universe upside down.

"When the judge ruled that I couldn't have custody of you, I was happy."

WHAT?!

"Not for me, or because we wanted to get rid of you or anything, but because it was such a relief. You see, when I was younger, I used to get so mad at school that so many of my team members were so rich and we were so poor."

'What did that have to with anything?' I thought.

"It bugged me that my jersey was always a little more ragged than theirs; that I could buy as much stuff when we went out for meals together; or drive my own car around town; or go to movies as often. Paul was a good enough friend, and most of the time he made me feel like it didn't matter, but I would occasionally get really mad and argue with mom and dad. One night, we got in a real bad fight,"

My surprise must have shown.

"Yeah, we fought. It was the last time too because I finally realized how selfish I was being. There were doing the best they could and couldn't help that were poor. It hurt them when they had to say no to me, and it hurt even worse when I got angry. And over what? Movies I didn't really want to see and cars? There were times when I wanted to be a Soc so bad it hurt. That's were I thought I belonged. It wasn't because I liked them better, or thought I was better than the rest of family, I just fit in and felt I deserved as much as they did."

I understood what he was saying for once. That's how I felt. I remembered, not fo the first time, what the boys had said about the only thing keeping Darry from being a Soc.

"The truth is: I dodeserve it, but life doesn't give you what you deserve and the world isn't fair. All you can do is accept who you are, work hard, and never turn your back on your family. It's hard. It's called growing up."

At that moment, the car stopped and I looked around vaguely. My jaw dropped. I could not believe where we were: John and Milly Densey's home. I turned to him with a look a shock and betrayal, but he wasn't finished.

" I want you around, Baby, but this is a big chance for you. It's the chance I have to offer you something better for your future in this world. You can take piano, learn to be a lady, see the world on vacation, maybe visit Disney world, or even possibly take horseback ridding lessons. You'll get a good education. You can have enough to eat and wear nice clothes and live in a safe neighborhood. What can I offer you? A house full of beer, chocolate cake, and rowdy boys? This is the only shot we have at giving you the things we never got."

"You could have gone to college and been a Soc. You gave up your chance, why can't I do the same?" I pleaded.

"I gave up the scholarship for the same reason I'm giving up you. This isn't about the money or what I want or even what you want. It's making the responsible decision, like I did when I gave up my scholarship. We've talked it over and all agreed that as much as we want you back, this is the biggest favor we can do for you. You don't understand all the problems you'll face at home when you get older if you stay. Please try and understand, Baby. I just can't be that selfish." To my immense horror, his eyes watered painfully.

And that what it took for me to realize how selfish I was being. I had nearly made my biggest, toughest brother cry. They were just trying to do what was best for me. This new life may not be what I was used to, or the most fun, but it was what they could offer. These people (Milly and John) were trying to do the right thing too, and I was giving them a hard time. I was making the situation harder on everybody by running away. The boys couldn't adapt still worrying about me. If I was concerned about them having money, getting their own rooms, and having less worries, then I should do them the only favor a little nine-year-old girl could and get out of their way. People, mainly adults, have to accept what they are in life, like Darry said. It's rough to accept being poor, but my family had done it and made the most of it. Now, it was my turn. I had to accept my place. It didn't mean I had to abandon my family or become a Soc, but I did have to grow up and quit whining. If I didn't, my brothers could get in trouble with law. It wasn't fair to split them up too. Darry was wrong, it was me that couldn't be selfish.

I did what I had to do. I did what I never dreamed I'd do. I did the first mature thing I had done in my life. I got out of the car and went inside.

A/N: Well, I hope that explained a lot. don't worry there's still more to go, and there are a few surprises in store! Please let me know what you thought! Questions? Comments? Suggestions?