I tried to focus on where Alice was pointing, but all I could see where flippin' trees. Then Emmett started giggling and Edward came stumbling out of the brush very dramatic like. His hair was interestingly enough in pigtails, which considering that his hair was short, was not an easy feet to pull off. His shirt was ripped almost completely off, and his pants were slung low around hips like a rap gangster (a question I had been pondering for a while was finally answered, Edward was a boxer man, he was currently wearing Christmas Scooby Doo ones it was July). He was barefoot, he looked like some sort of a cross between a god, Britney Spears, and a hippie. Umm, is it wrong that I still think he is totally hott even when he's hammered and completely out of his mind? Didn't think so. Now that I knew that no deer where hurt (other than the mental consequences of course) this whole thing had turned into sort of an unintentional payback for me. Now Edward was the one who needed saving, he was the one who had unending opportunities in front of himself to effectively embarrass him beyond any of my wildest beliefs. How conveniently this was working (maybe we could avoid another crash of the stock market). I could finally have my random and pointless revenge! MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Note to self: Don't even whisper the evil laugh when there are two coherent vampires and one not so coherent vampire in close quarters. They will hear you, the two sane ones will point and laugh, and the insane one will, well….
He'll run at you and do that thing that guys do when they want to fight, you know walk up to each other and spread their arms out saying "Do you wanna roll? Huh, you think you're big and bad? I'll break you, mo-fo! Yeah, I said it! YEEAAHHH BBBOOOIIII!" Complete and total silence followed this outburst. Then Edward fell to the ground and rolled up on his feet, one leg bent behind him ala James Bond. He pulled a water gun from his pocket and began singing to himself.
"When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? EDWARDO!
When there's evil alien Martians threatening to kill all you virgin children? Who you gonna call? EDWARDO!
When you're really bored, and need someone's hair to mess with, who you gonna call? EDWARDO!" Then he broke into the Mission: Impossible theme song.
Emmett was beside himself with glee. "This is even better than the stalk market thing!"
All of the sudden Edward leapt up onto the roof, and when he noticed they didn't follow, he plopped down on his butt and gave them the puppy lips.
"Guys!! Come on, I don't want the virgin killing evil alien Martians to get you!" He said crossing his arms like an angry two year old.
Alice rolled her eyes and leapt up beside him, making it look really easy. "Edward, none of us are virgins, so what does it matter?" Then three pairs of golden eyes turned to look at me. Edward's were flicking back and forth madly, he obviously had no idea why everyone was looking at me.
Then with a loud scream of "AHA!" it clicked in his mind. "You're a virgin, Bella!"
I blushed red, "It's your fault!"
He became very somber, "Isabella Marie Swan, I will do everything in my awesome and invincible power to either fix that, or kill all the evil Martians. Because I love you! MWAH!" He slapped a wet, sloppy kiss on my lips, and even though it was slightly gross, I still mildly enjoyed it.