Chapter Four:

Trowa fled to Duo's bedroom seeking refuge. It was only natural for him to head to Duo's room since he'd spent the past three weeks rooming with Duo. In fact, he'd started to feel comfortable enough to forget sometimes that it wasn't his room originally. Sitting down heavily on the bed they shared, Trowa closed his eyes as though that would somehow make the pain would go away. Unconsciously he rubbed his arms in a bracing motion and forced himself to face the reality of the situation. Thoughts he hadn't wanted to acknowledge were suddenly clamouring in his brain, loudly demanding his attention.

He gave a little sigh and then looked up when he heard a scraping sound. Duo had just entered the bedroom and was silently watching him.

"I think he really does love Wufei." Trowa whispered brokenly, finally breaking the oppressive silence after a long while.

"No, Tro!" Duo immediately refuted, shaking his head vehemently as he moved towards the bed to take Trowa's hand in his. Sitting beside Trowa, Duo soothed, "It's the amnesia talking, that's all."

Trowa regarded Duo sadly, completely unconvinced. "You don't understand. I think…" Trowa shook his head and then continued. "I think… that even if I'd been sitting with Quatre when he had woken up, he'd still have wanted Wufei... instead of me." He finished in an aching whisper.

Duo stared at him but wisely didn't say anything. Instead he sat there and listened attentively, knowing that Trowa needed to get his feelings off his chest.

"Do you know," Trowa mused huskily, "Quatre has always worried most about Wufei."

Duo just squeezed Trowa's hand tightly.

Staring blankly at the floor Trowa continued to speak, his voice softening as he lost himself in his memories. "There was a time – " he paused and cleared his throat. "One time, you three had gone on a mission, and only Quatre and I were left in the safe house. We were – " Trowa choked a bit. "We were making love when you unexpectedly phoned back."

Duo listened carefully, not making a sound.

Trowa continued to recount what had to be a miserable tale. "We didn't pick up; I was buried deep inside Quatre at the time, so we let the answering machine take the call."

He paused for another long minute, gathering his thoughts. "And then you said that Wufei had been injured." Trowa gave a strangled laugh that held little amusement and a world of pain. "I'd always known Quatre could be strong and fast, but I certainly hadn't expected to have that demonstrated at just that moment. He pushed me off him so quickly and so forcefully that I actually fell off the bed." Trowa shook his head, his breath hitching a bit. "And then he ran to take the call. He wasn't even hard anymore; hearing that Wufei was hurt had the same effect on his passion as a bucket of cold water." Trowa's voice broke, and Duo wrapped his arms around him in commiseration.

Swallowing hard, Trowa continued to speak. "You said that you were going to be delayed because of Wufei's injuries, but that it was nothing life threatening." Duo nodded in remembrance and waited for Trowa to continue.

Trowa swiped at his eyes and glanced quickly at Duo before looking down at the ground again. "Even hearing that, Quatre didn't come back to bed to finish our lovemaking. Instead, he spent the night pacing. He even seemed to have forgotten I was there at all. And he didn't stop worrying until you three made it back and he could see for himself that Wufei wasn't going to die."

Trowa gave a barking laugh that sounded harshly to both his and Duo's ears. "I didn't think much of it at the time because Quatre is so kind-hearted; he always cares about everyone's wellbeing. But, now looking back, I think I should have realised at that time the truth of the matter."

Duo looked sad. "Trowa."

Trowa lifted his eyes and looked at Duo. "Wufei is too honourable. From the beginning, he's been trying to do everything possible in his power to get Quatre to acknowledge me. I know that he'd never deliberately try to take Quatre away from me. He's probably feeling eaten alive by guilt right now..."

Trowa lapsed off into a thoughtful silence. He seemed to be deep in thought. Finally he seemed to come to a decision. He stood up slowly, scrubbing quickly at his eyes again to wipe away any trace of his tears.

"Trowa." Duo tried again.

Trowa turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry." Duo finally said mournfully.

Trowa smiled just as mournfully back. "It's not your fault. In a way, I think this whole experience has shown me that I'm not capable of loving Quatre as much as Wufei is."

Duo opened his mouth to deny that assumption, but Trowa shook his head to forestall his words. "I think you realise it, too, Duo."

Duo gave a little sigh of agreement. "Yeah, Wufei treats Quatre differently than I thought he would."

Trowa nodded sadly. "There are times when I'm with Quatre and I just want to hurt him. I just want to scream in frustration. Where has the Quatre I know gone to? Why isn't he here with me when I need him to be? And I realise exactly how selfish and unworthy I am. After all, it's not Quatre's fault that any of this has happened. How can I blame him as if it were?" Trowa turned to look at Duo with a small bitter smile on his face. "Would you have been able to put up with it?" And he turned to leave the room.

From behind him Duo spoke. "Not for Quatre. But for you. Yes. Yes, I would."

Trowa froze in his tracks, at first not believing what he'd heard. //Am I really that pitiful?// "Don't feel sorry for me." He finally bit out harshly and then he made to leave again.

Before he'd taken more than two steps, he found himself being held back by a pair of warm arms circling him from behind.

"Give me a chance to show you that I love you. Give yourself a chance to see if you can love me back." Duo whispered plaintively from behind him, burying his face into Trowa's back.

Trowa just stood there, shaken; some dim part of his brain couldn't even begin to comprehend what was happening. He felt confusion, shock, disbelief, but one thought stood out clearly in his mind. Duo had been there for him the entire time. He'd spent the past three weeks comforting Trowa and putting up with his anger and moods. Duo had whole-heartedly and unfailingly been by Trowa's side throughout the entire ordeal.

"I need to think." He whispered finally at last.

Duo pulled back slowly, reluctantly releasing Trowa from his arms. "I understand." He murmured, not looking at Trowa. Trowa turned to stare at the crown of Duo's head for one more moment before leaving the room.

Left behind, Duo sat down on the bed, feeling a bit numb. //I understand. You could never accept me, could you, Trowa?//

XXX

Trowa found Wufei and Quatre in the bedroom they now shared. Quatre was looking at the pictures in his 'Fairy Tales' book, and Wufei was watching him with a troubled expression on his face.

Wufei looked up when Trowa appeared but didn't say anything. If anything, the troubled expression on his face grew even more pronounced.

Trowa gazed at Wufei. "I have a few things I want to say to Quatre."

Wufei looked at him. "I can't really leave." He murmured apologetically. "He'll get upset."

Trowa shook his head. "That's fine. I think you should hear it, too."

Wufei stared at him in some puzzlement. Trowa was looking very serious and sombre. Wufei wondered what it was that Trowa wanted to tell Quatre. //I'll find out soon, I suppose.// He thought to himself just that little bit worriedly. He had a feeling that whatever it was, it wasn't going to be good.

Trowa sat down opposite Quatre on the bed. "Quatre." He murmured gently, calling his former lover's attention to him.

Quatre lifted his head from his colourful book and peered at him curiously but without any other emotion.

"Little one." Trowa whispered poignantly, leaning forward to take his hand. Quatre pulled back, pressing himself into Wufei's chest. Trowa gave a little sigh of sad resignation but did not attempt to touch Quatre again. He waited until he had established eye contact with Quatre once again before he said gently. "I'm breaking up with you."

Quatre just stared, not saying anything and showing little reaction, but Wufei exploded. "What the hell, Barton?!"

Trowa didn't look at him. "I'm breaking up with Quatre."

"Look." Wufei snapped. "If this is about what he said earlier, he doesn't know what he's saying. You can't break up with him because of that."

Trowa finally broke eye contact with Quatre and turned to stare at Wufei. "That's not the reason." He replied calmly.

"Then what is?" Wufei growled. "Damnit, you know he's amnesic! He doesn't love me. He loves you."

"That's not the reason." Trowa snarled, his green eyes glinting as he glared angrily at Wufei. Hearing Quatre's whimper and seeing Wufei immediately move to soothe him, Trowa realised that he'd lost his temper yet again. He took three deep calming breaths before finally explaining quietly. "You love him more than I do."

Trowa could feel the shock coming off Wufei in nearly palpable waves. Wufei was staring at him with a stunned, horrified look. Then as quickly as it'd appeared, the expression was gone, wiped from Wufei's face and replaced with a blank look as if it had never been. "Barton!" Wufei huffed. "That's nonsense."

Trowa looked at him calmly. "No more lies, Wufei."

Wufei's mouth which had been opening for another comment closed with an audible snap.

"Take care of him for me." Trowa added softly before getting up from the bed and walking towards the door.

"Barton." Wufei called from behind him.

Trowa paused at the door frame.

"What happens," Wufei questioned, his voice low, "when he regains his memories and discovers that his lover has left him? Can you even begin to imagine how betrayed and abandoned he'll feel?"

Trowa turned around to look at Wufei. Giving Wufei a small, sad, smile he replied, "He has always loved you, Wufei. I think he'll understand my decision and forgive me for it." And then he passed through the door leaving Wufei in a state of shock.

Still staring after Trowa in disbelief, Wufei barely heard Quatre pipe up cheerily. "I love you!"

Wufei regarded him sadly. Quatre didn't notice the expression because he'd gone back to looking at the pictures in his book. //You say you love me now, but can you really love me when you regain your memory?// Wufei questioned silently. Then he cuddled Quatre close and rested his chin on top of Quatre's head, snuffling his hair. Quatre just turned another page.

Absently Wufei stroked Quatre's hair gently with one hand. //Poor Trowa, he doesn't deserve this.//

"Barton will be fine. Maxwell will take care of him."

Wide-eyed in surprise, Wufei lifted his head and saw Heero leaning against the doorway. //Is he a mind reader or something? And when did he get here?//

"Maxwell?" Wufei murmured hesitantly in question as he attempted to assimilate that information, but Heero wasn't done with his shocking revelations yet. As succinct as always, he continued on to add. "Winner loves you. Towards the end, just before the accident, he was beginning to come to terms with that fact."

Wufei opened and closed his mouth a few times, nonplussed, staring hard at Heero, wondering if he was hallucinating. When nothing changed, Wufei accepted that he wasn't experiencing sensory illusions, and he finally managed to get out through his constricted throat, "How do you know?"

Heero shrugged nonchalantly. "I heard him. He was sitting under the apple tree muttering to himself." Heero gazed at Wufei for a few extra seconds before adding, "I was sitting in the tree." Then he left on silent feet.

Left behind, all Wufei could do was clutch at Quatre feeling slightly light-headed from the shock of all of these unexpected confrontations. It was not until Quatre squeaked in pained protest that Wufei had the good sense to loosen his grip.

XXX

After leaving Quatre's bedroom, Trowa wandered the hall aimlessly. He was carrying out an internal debate with himself, not that anyone could have been able to tell from his expressionless face. Finally coming to a decision, Trowa abruptly turned left and made his way towards Duo's bedroom door. He knocked on the door twice and waited.

"Come in." He heard Duo call in a subdued voice.

Trowa frowned. Duo was never subdued. He should never be subdued. Duo provided the cheer and humour that their group of alternately angry, cold, and determined group of pilots desperately needed — the exception being Quatre, of course, though he too also needed Duo's joyfulness from time to time.

Pushing the door open, he quietly entered and saw Duo sitting silently on the bed. Duo lifted his head when Trowa entered.

Standing at the doorway, Trowa carefully took in Duo's appearance. His eyes were red rimmed and his hair was mussed. //Did I do that to him?//

Trowa swallowed twice, the sound of the action audible in the silent room. He swallowed a third time and saw a small smile tug at the corner of Duo's mouth. That smile gave Trowa the courage to begin speaking. "I suppose I never realised that Wufei loved Quatre until I saw Wufei with him." He began.

He saw Duo watching him intently and continued to explain his thought processes. "Wufei loves Quatre to such an extent that his inclination to shun weakness has disappeared. And Quatre, Quatre loves Wufei so much that even with amnesia, Quatre is automatically, instinctively turns to Wufei. Wufei is the one he feels safest with."

Trowa took a deep breath and caught Duo's gaze. "I want to give you and myself the chance to find such love."

Duo gaped at him and then his lips curled up in a wide smile, eyes suddenly shining like the brightest stars. Standing up, he moved carefully towards Trowa. When Trowa didn't move away, Duo pulled the other pilot into a hug. "I'll make you happy." He promised fervently. "We'll find that love." And then he lifted his head and kissed Trowa deeply.

XXX

It wasn't until much later that the two emerged from the bedroom. They'd spent a lot of time talking and holding each other close. For the first time in weeks, Trowa felt light-hearted. It was as though a great weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders. They found Wufei, Quatre, and Heero sitting in the family room. Quatre was still clutching his brightly coloured book.

Wufei lifted his head when he heard them enter, and his eyes immediately and uncannily dropped to their clasped hands. Duo gave him a nervous grin before walking forward while still holding Trowa's hand. Reaching Quatre, he stopped and crouched in front of him.

"Q-bean." He said gently. Quatre lifted his head to look at Duo. Duo took a deep breath. "Trowa has accepted me as his boyfriend. Are you happy for us?"

There was a long moment of silence before Quatre gave Duo a cute grin. "Yes." Then he clapped in childish glee.

"Maxwell." Wufei growled, his voice low and deadly. "He doesn't know what you're asking him. How dare you?!"

Duo ignored him. "Do you know what a boyfriend is, Quatre?" He asked again.

Quatre stared at him and then leaned back into Wufei's embrace. "Wufei is my boyfriend." He declared. From somewhere in the room Heero snorted.

Duo looked at Wufei with a small grin. "I think he knows very well what I'm asking him."

Wufei merely looked troubled again. Heero spoke from where he was sitting. "Don't think too much, Chang."

Wufei gave a little sigh of resignation and just cuddled Quatre closer as though doing so could protect him from the inevitable hurts of the world.