Disclaimer: If it was mine, I'd have better things to do than sit around writing fanfic. I promise.

Shatter CH 9. Eiri POV.

After about an hour, or so it feels, of trying to wriggle himself out of my arms, attempting to shove me away, only to remember that I am much stronger than him...the damn brat falls asleep.

I don't blame him. I recall sleeping a lot after getting stitches, too. But that, if I remember correctly, was because I'd stupidly smashed my writing hand, so I had nothing better to do.

And because, of course, if I was unconscious, then I wouldn't have to deal with Seguchi.

God. It's only been a day, and I've forgotten how beautiful he is. I've never noticed how long his eyelashes are, gently dusting his cheeks, still tinted pink after all his crying.

Which, I somehow get the feeling, I caused.

Shuichi. I can't look at you. Your hand...You're turning into me, aren't you?

No. That can't happen. It won't.

I won't let it.

Shuichi...God, Shuichi, you're beautiful. Your sweetness, your innocence...look at what I've done to you. I've poisoned you, tainted you, haven't I? I've turned you into something terrible. Into a monster. Just like me.

You never should have met me.

I've taken everything good and sweet and wonderful in you, and twisted it all up. So much so that you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize yourself. It's someone else, staring back at you, isn't it, and you don't like him. You hate him, don't you?

You want your old self back. You search for him, you look everywhere. But you don't find him. You never will.

You're stuck, for the rest of your life, with this horrible, repulsive person, and you can't stand him. You'll never be able to look in the mirror again. You don't want to admit that this person is you.

At least, I don't.

Shuichi. God, Shuichi.

I almost wish we'd never met at all. That we never kissed, never touched.

That we never fell in love.

I almost wish you found someone else, before you got to me. You found someone who makes you smile, makes you happy, someone who deserves you, your sparkle, your light. I would just be a nameless, faceless person who quickly stepped in and out of your life, leaving no footprints, and you'd never think of me again.

I wish you'd never found me.

Almost.

After 'the incident', everything good inside me was gone. Torn apart, ripped into shreds, thrown carelessly out the window to be devoured by desperately hungry birds. He stole everything from me.

Or rather, I did.

I never, ever thought I'd get any of it back.

Then you came along, you little brat. I don't know how but, your stupid, insipid 'lyrics' and your freaking persistence and...you somehow wormed your way into my heart. I let you in.

Mistake.

I started noticing the little sparkle in your eyes, the way you smile in your sleep. You'd tiptoe into my office and give me backrubs. You'd order pizza, respecting my wish for you to never set foot in my kitchen, and a six-pack of my favorite beer. We'd sit together, all those nights in the dark, you chattering on about absolutely nothing, and me pretending I didn't completely adore it.

You sweetly asked me for my heart, and I graciously, ridiculously handed it over, trusting you not to break it. In return, you gave me everything good in myself, everything I thought I'd lost forever.

Shuichi, you gave me everything.

Then...you took it all back. Smashed it all up, threw it in the blender, crushed it all like a butterfly on the windshield, a streak of fading color with no chance of ever breathing again.

So, now...now what? Is there any of me left, anything at all?

And what about you, Shuichi? Where's your sparkle, your light? Where have you hidden it?

Oh.

I took it, didn't I?

-

She knocked on his door lightly, breathless, ecstatic.She was here. And so was he. In a matter of seconds, just a few more seconds, he would open the door, and she'd jump into his arms; she'd hold him and never let him go, never.

He did open the door. But he was in the arms of a woman. Another woman, who was busying herself sucking on his neck, kissing him there in the dark, dusty room, pretending she was in love with him.

And there stood Tristesse, in the narrow doorway, unable to move, blink. She couldn't even slap him, or yell at him. She couldn't hate him.

She wasn't pretending, anymore. She was in love with him.

She stood on her toes, and gave him one last kiss. She hoped it was wonderful, and breathtaking, and everything he was for her.

She hoped he regretted it, watching her walk out his door, out of his life, never to return. Never.

-

I kiss him, one last time. Just a forehead-kiss. Simple and sweet, just like how he always was, and how I'll never be again.

I leave everything with him. The Uesugi Eiri that was, the Yuki Eiri that is, the God-knows-who that will someday be. I give him the very last of my shattered, mangled heart. He'll take care of it, I know he will. And much better than I ever could.

Take care, Shuichi. I hope, with all my broken heart, that you find someone who loves you, someone who deserves you.

I leave the hospital with nothing.

I even left my freaking cigarette pack on his nightstand.

Oh well. I can get more. Cigarettes are everywhere.

Destroying ourselves, I've noticed, is something we humans really are fond of.

Outside, I'm hit with a wall of rain. Lovely. Soaking, sopping wet, I find my way into the car. Raindrops fall from the tips of my hair, into the collar of my shirt, and slither their way down my spine. I shiver.

I don't know where I'm going. Do I ever, really?

I need something, I realize, to believe in. I consider, for a brief, brief moment, driving all the way out to the temple, to visit my dad and...pray, or whatever he does.

Ha. That's funny.

I need somewhere to go. Anywhere but home. I don't want Shuichi, the thoughts of him, following me around. I don't need him haunting me.

One ghost is enough.

Okay. It's dark and rainy and miserable and I need a drink.

I'm turning into the next bar I see.

Another raindrop, another shiver. Something, in the back of my mind, tells me this isn't right.

Too bad I stopped listening to the voices in my head a long time ago.

-

A/N: I really am one for action...I like writing huge emotional breakdowns and fistfights and stuff. But for some reason, this little contemplative chapter was a total blast for me to write. Weird. I thought it was fun, anyway. You guys?

Oh...wow. I'm getting a lot of reviews these days. I don't even know how to express my gratitude. You guys are crazy awesome. Thank you all so so so so much.

Xedra: The song...the SONG! D: You have made me love that song, actually. It's awesome. Thank you so, so much. I always feared that I was making Eiri and Shu a bit OOC in this story so, I'm glad someone told me otherwise. Your reviews make me so happy! X3

Yuki-Mizu: Yay, I'm hyper too! 8D I love your reviews so much as well. You're so nice and awesome! Eeeyah! Share some of your Pocky with meeee! -flails and falls out of chair- Thank you!

Bad Luck Jynx: Whoooa, that's so cool. It is, actually, a witty name! I love it. :D

DarkMetalAngel of Destruction: Oh my gosh, your username is awesome. I'm sorry I made you sad...I seem to be making a lot of people sad. Eep. I'm so glad you're enjoying it. :D

sayuri-girl: I know I say this every chapter, but I love your reviews soooo much. Are you secretly living in my mind or something? Eek, that's a little creepy. -laughs- Thank you so so so much, na no da!

Rena! Ohhh my gosh. You make me laugh like crazy. Thank you so so so so so much!!! You are way too kind! And...omg! I GOT MY OWN MOUNTAIN! AND IT'S TASTY TOO! Hee, I'm happy happy. LOVE!

StormpawofMoonclan: Aww, thank you SO much! I'm really sorry if I made you cry. However, it seems to be that only the really great authors can make me cry so...omg thanks so much! XD That's such a huge compliment! I'm so glad you like the story. :D

Silvea: Waaah, I'm making everyone sad. This is terrible. I love your reviews though. I'm sure Shuichi is very happy he's getting huggled. :D

Vindalootoo: Oh my gosh, where do I begin?! Your reviews are so wonderful, thank you so extremely much for taking the time to review every chapter! I would not have the attention span for that. I really can't bring myself to believe that you thought something I wrote was so funny that you read it out loud...that is seriously like, the super-duper ultimate honor. Thank you so very very much, I think by now you have somewhat of an idea of how much your reviews mean to me, maybe? ...Well, it's a lot. :D

Julin Mizumi: Yet another totally awesome username. And, um...wow. Thank you SO SO much, man! That was like the nicest review ever! Even your review was really well-written, so of course I'm gonna have to check out those stories of yours. Thanks so much for your opinion, that review really made my day.

And YAY! I was called poetic again! -happy dances-

Umm...this is getting extremely long. Thanks so much for reading, everyone! And especially all you who reviewed, it means the world to me! Love yous.