Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami. I'm not her. Kaythanks.

Shatter CH 10. Shuichi POV.

Yummy.

That smells...yummy.

It takes quite some effort to open my eyes, on account of how it feels like my eyelids weigh five pounds each now.

How does the story about the Sandman go?

I really don't remember, but I think he visited me. He made my eyelids very, very heavy, because he didn't want me to wake up for a long, long time.

Well, sorry, Sandman-san, but this yummy smell is calling me, and I simply must answer it.

I attempt to push myself up out of bed and –

Ow. Ow. Hand.

I keep forgetting about it.

Owww.

"Hey, hey," Hiro walks over, laughing like he's half amused, half terrified I'm gonna fall off the bed and split my head open. "Easy there, man. Need some help?"

I weakly nod up at him. As he pulls me up so I can sit, I find myself wondering why it is that I wasn't expecting Hiro to be the one here in this bleak, white room with me. He is the one who brought me here, after all. He is my best friend.

Why is it that I thought...that I hoped Yuki would be here?

He was here, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah he was...I remember. He was right here. I remember because I didn't want him there. But he...he tried to hold me and...

And...

I fell asleep.

Did he leave then? Without saying goodbye? Why, Yuki? Did I say something mean in my sleep, or drool or do something stupid?

Did he...finally get sick of me? He finally threw me away, discarded me, just like he's probably always planned to do?

No...he...he loved me. At least a little bit. I know he did.

Could he have found out about...about that? Could somebody have told him? No, nobody knows, do they? No one can know, it's too...

I can't have the rest of the world hating me too.

I already hate me.

And Yuki's always hated me.

Well, then, I guess everyone else doesn't really matter. If Yuki hates me, then...then...I don't really know what I'd do, and I kind of get the feeling I don't want to find out.

So I think, for now, I'll try forgetting about Yuki.

As gently as I can, I place his cigarette pack back on the nightstand.

I didn't even realize I was holding it.

Sigh.

"Hey, Hiro, can I have some of that?"

That was my voice again, wasn't it? It keeps talking without my permission. One day, it's really going to get me into trouble.

You know, more.

He nods, and hands me a white carton of Chinese takeout. Yummy. Hiro always picks the best foods, he really does.

"Itadakimasu," I say quietly. My voice obeys me this time.

I split my chopsticks, which proves to be quite difficult when you've only got one functioning hand. I end up using my teeth, too, and they come out a bit uneven. Can't see how it really matters though, they're just chopsticks. It looks kinda cool, actually, when the wood's all jagged and splintery.

Unless you get a splinter in your tongue.

That hurts.

I don't notice how quickly I'm eating until I dig my chopsticks into the carton for more and find out that it's completely empty. Hiro's laughing at me. I shoot him a glare.

At least, I think I do. Well, I don't know. My face probably doesn't obey me anymore either.

Maybe it isn't even my face.

Maybe this person, this Shindou Shuichi sitting here in a hospital bed with an empty Chinese food carton, maybe he's not me.

Who is me, anyway?

"Hey...Shuichi?" Hiro's voice is very quiet, like it's scared it might break the air if it's too loud.

I guess I'm still Shuichi, then.

"Mm?" I would answer him with a real word, but I'm busy stuffing my face with a second helping of shrimp fried rice. I guess I'm hungrier than I thought I was.

"Yuki-san didn't..." He shifts his eyes around, searching the room for the right word. "Hurt you, did he?"

What? No way! Never! Hiro, how could you even think that? Yuki isn't...he's too...Yuki would never, ever hurt me.

Not on purpose, anyway.

"No," I say, my voice very quiet too. Our voices are very scared today.

Does that mean we're scared too?

"It's more like..." I swallow. Hard. And again. I can't tell Hiro this, can I?

What if he hates me too?

"Like I hurt Yuki." I choke, saying his name. Not on food or anything. On my own heart, I think.

"Shu," he says, looking at me, so confused and so worried, "how could you possibly hurt Yuki-san?"

"I...I, well..." No. No. Go away, stupid tears. I don't want to cry again. "I think I may have destroyed his life."

Okay, now he just looks confused. "Sounds like you're overreacting a bit there."

"I am not! I never overreact!" I shake a chopstick at him.

Now he's laughing at me! "Okay, Shu," he says, leaning back in his chair and still chuckling. "Name one time when you didn't overreact."

"Um...well..." Huh. This is hard. I bite my lip. "There was the time..." Oh, come on! There has to be one time when I didn't...!

He's laughing again. "Told you so."

Then, a knock at the door. There's a knock, and I'm filled to the brim with both hope and utter dread, and I think whether it's Yuki or not, I'm going to explode.

Please be Yuki.

No, please don't.

Hiro stands up the door. I think he thinks I can't do anything for myself. I mean, I know he's trying to be helpful, which is really nice, but...

Please be Yuki.

It's...it's not Yuki. It's a girl. I think. Well, it sounds like a girl.

Actually, it sounds very much like it's purring.

Wait. I know this voice.

I need to get out of here.

I wonder which floor I'm on. Because I could probably jump four, five stories and still live, right?

Ack.

She's here, in all her blue-highlighted glory.

Somebody, anybody, please.

Help me.

I glance at Hiro. He just shrugs and makes a pained face. Oh, Hiro, if only you knew.

My heart just flipped over in my chest, just now.

"Higuchi-san," I squeak, sounding strangely like my rusty old bike tires.

"Shuichi," she purrs, like a big fat cat in need of a shave. Or something.

"We need to talk."

-

A/N: It seems that I used a lot of italics and "..." in this chapter. Forgive me! I like this one...it seems the old Shuichi is coming back, just a little bit...perhaps? I dunno, I suck with characterization. -laughs- This one was fun to write though. The next chapter, just so y'all know, is my favorite.

It's also the penultimate chapter. That thought makes me a little sad.

Anyways! Onto the...whoa. Wait a minute. Okay, um, you guys are way too kind! Thanks so much for all the reviews! Ten reviews for one chapter...that's crazy, man.

Think we can beat it? ;D

Renaaa. Yes, cuter than a clown. They are scary. -shudders- Omg, you like contemplative chapters too? I love to read them. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy...or something. Hee. LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Yukiiii! NO WAY! Do NOT slump in jealousy! You're way cooler than me. And so...so flippin' nice! Thanks so so so much. And "writhing in excitement" is now my new offical favorite phrase. XD YAY POCKY! -throws some of her Pocky at you-

Xedra: Man oh man. I'm so sorry! I really don't mean for this to be so sad! I keep making people cry...I feel bad. But but...wowie. You're just so very kind! I'm one of those kinds of people who has to keep a box of Kleenex next to the computer, because fanfic makes me cry so easily. How sad. XD But gosh, thanks so much. Love youuuu.

DarkMetalAngel: Does he really? Ack. I'm sorry. Thanks for pointing that out, I really appreciate it. :D

sayuriiii: DARN! You figured out my secret! Yeah, I wrote this during a pretty sad time, which, I am very happy to say, is now mostly over. I'm guessing that's why this fanfic turned out so well. I haven't been able to write since. I need to get sad again. -laughs-

Oh my gosh...you like Tristesse? Really? Yaaay! -dances in circles- I love her. I always wanted to do the 'novel within a novel' thing, and I thought that since Eiri is a novelist, this was a perfect opportunity. I'd had the 'melancholy French whore' idea floating around in my head for quite some time, and I was so happy to finally find somewhere to use it. So thanks SO much! -super Shu hug-

morot: What can I say? I love angst. :D Thanks so much!

My Fluffy Scarf: LOL! I know exactly how you feel. I too, get super-emotional over fiction. It's fun, ne? Loving your insults for Eiri. He is a dummy-head. -laughs-

murmury-channy-chan: Wowie! Hooked, really, truly? This kid doesn't even know Gravi! -faints- Hee. Thanks so much, love. He may come back...may not...who knows? ;D

Stormpaw: Oh my gosh! So many food references! -happy dance- I've never tried Oriental ramen, so I'll have that. :D Chicken is my fave. ...Here I am, talking about noodles, when I'm supposed to be talking about my work of fiction. Oh well! Thanks so much! I love you toooo! And I'm sorry for making you cry. X3

Newtral Not Outkast: Man. Such a cool username. -defeated- Um um um...please love again! Don't let my fanfic get in the way of fulfilling your dreams! -hit over the head with a fish- Ahem. Thanks so much! I'm sorry you think it's sad...I feel terrible. But I'm happy you're enjoying it. :D

And, to my lovely Real Life Friend Who Shall Not Be Named...thank you. Love you. And I'm still mad at you for figuring out the twist. -laughs and glomps-

Thanks so much again for reading, everyone! Super love!