Rain: Check it out dudes I'm back

Zel: -reads on and cries-

Dark: Gets her a tissue- You guys might need tissues for this one

Snow: And remember that time has passed

Kaden: Rain don't own this folks.

Spark: Lets get on with it already!

Send Me An Angel

Chapter 15

Rain's eyes were cold and harsh as she stared at the bottle that was in her hands, almost if it was the cause of all her pain. It was the glass's fault that he had left and that she was left alone yet again. Pissed when the last drop was drank for the large bottle she threw it against the wall only for the pieces to land on top of those that were already on the floor.

With that latest bottle she was up to ten in the last hour. Ten bottles and she wasn't feeling any better. Grabbing another bottle and closing her eyes she thought of the past. A past where he was still here, a past that held happiness, a past that held her, rolled her through the cold nights, and loved her through the hot ones... her mind and the booze took her to a time before all this.

the wise man said just walk this way
to the dawn of the light
the wind will blow into your face
as the years pass you by
hear this voice from deep inside
it's the call of your heart
close your eyes and you will find
the way out of the dark

-flashback-

The battle was won, she ran into Youko's welcoming arms and kissed her kitsune lover with all her being. He tasted just as good as he did when the battle started. Smirking to her friends that were also showing they're content that they saved their homes and people she heard Youko's voice in her ear, he wanted to celebrate on a more private level. And she was more then happy to comply, pulling away from him and dragging him by one of the straps of his black armor into her office, him closing and locking the door behind them... that sex was mind blowing to say the least... and the adrenaline still left over from battle was put to better use... But that was then...this was now.

-End Flashback-

Rain growled remembering all the times he'd left...every time he'd promised he'd come back...and he always did, and she'd welcome into her arms and into her bed, but this time he'd left before she woke up after a day full of verbal sparing matches and the two just not getting along... and a night that'd woke her up all over again... she remembered every touch, every stroke, every kiss, every thing he did to her that night...only to wake up alone to the smell of roses and a note... telling her he'd return...but that was going to be a broken promise... a broken rose, so many shattered dreams... Yes Rain was like any other girl, she wanted to be loved, just like any other girl she needed to be held, and she had dreams...dreams of baring his children, of spending her days and her nights with him, she had fantasys of biting him...finishing their once strong bond, mating him fully and wholly...but they never got around to that...oh yes they spent many of long night twisting the sheets, but she was a wolf...she needed more...she needed a lifetime... she needed someone willing to give themselves to her for the rest of their lives and keep her for just as long... she knew Youko felt... Strongly for her, but mating? She never really thought they were ready for that. Oh who was she kidding she was ready to mate him from the very first kiss so many years ago...he truly had her, heart and soul, but now she couldn't even feel him...all she felt...was cold.

There was a time when the two hardly ever see each other but once in a full moon, when they'd hunt each other in primal need. Thats how it started, a wanting, a waiting, a shared lust that grew into a need much stronger and meaningful.

So what if he hadn't been there for so long? He'd kept her hanging on the gallows of his love for so long...only to take it away again. He'd been there when she needed saving, he'd been there when he needed his strength, He'd been there when she needed his hand to hold and his shoulder to cry on, he'd been there when she needed his touch. With Every kiss he'd given her freedom, with every touch he'd given her slavery, every sweet sweet moment with him sent her farther into oblivion.

But those moments were gone, the roses where wilted and the honey was dry...She through her head back downing as much of the smooth fluid as she could force to roll rushing down her throat, she tried so hard to drink away his memory, to drown away his sent from her breaking mind. For every memory morned a tear from her emerald eyes was shed in sadness and in anger at the past that flooded her mind without quarter or permission. Memories of him in the garden late at night, that smirk, those eyes, strong arms, a black velvet voice, his hot breath on her ear, hands guiding her in a slow dance. Her hands, her fingers itched to feel, to explore, long silken strands of moonlight. She wanted. No. She needed him so bad, like roses need sunlight and love... like the moonlight needs the waves and the night needs it's stars...Living without him was like saying merely to breathe was to live...

She starred still at her newest bottle,asking the questions that haunted her mind like his perfect image as if she held a crystal ball in the palm of her hand. As she remembered when there sons, Spark a red dragon who'd grown strong and proud since that day she'd met him, a poor, sickly child who'd been beaten and treated as a slave by bandits not as noble as her love. He'd been a prince of the House of Long, the lead family in the red dragon clan but they'd all been wiped out by Tetsou...Rain remembered countless hours of training that boy to harness and control his flame and fight like his new family, the Gunji. Youko had taken a liking to him too...teaching him all the things he could, even to charm his way into a girls bed and into her dreams... and Naruto... Rain's youngest now...she'd adopted him when slipping on the village hidden in the leaves she found great potential in the human shell...and he worked hard to prove himself and Rain was proud. But Youko would never see their boys mate... he'd never see little Sparks and little Narutos. Both were full grown and doing their own thing, but still it was a shame.

Rain downed the rest of the bottle in desperation, trying to ignore how weak she sounded in her own ears. Why had she allowed herself to fall so deeply in love with him? Love? That word was so foreign to the kitsune high fist, was she in love with the handsome dog fox(1)? Had she been all this time? And what exactly was love on that level? Of course she loved her adopted sons, they were her children, and of course she loved her sisters, she'd cross seas and move mountains for them, but love, strong undying, unyielding, faithful, Love between a man and a woman, the kind of love that existed in every girl's dreams, the love in books and in legends, Love, sweet like fruit from vines, strong like oak and true like a river, was that the what held her heart to him? And again...what is love? How do you know love?

Rain gazed unblinking into the glass of her new companion, trying to gather and organize her thoughts that scattered about the confines of her weary mind.

If love, real, true love was still alive and true in this world or in any other, if it lived and breathed, if it still beat strong in the hearts and minds of the living and undead... If love was a smile at every glance, if love was laughter at every smile, if love was hunger in a touch, if love was peace, if love was joy, if love was breathing life into life, if love could be described and defined as all of these things and so much more, then yes, she was, yes she had been from the start and yes she would probably always be.

She growled knowing she would never again feel the joy of being near him, or the contentment she'd once felt talking, loving, just being with him, her fox...her Youko Kurama.

As soon as the latest empty bottle joined its shattered brothers on the floor. She opened another, letting the smooth fluid ease its way down with a sigh.

-Flash Back-

The early morning sun shone through the window highlighting every bit of the room, from the clay red walls, which had roses growing and vines all about them, evidence of Youko's power, it shown on it all, from walls to the walnut hard wood floors, accenting blood red cotton sheets tangled about naked skin as smiling lovers held each other exhausted from the night's activitys.

A hand drug its way up silken flesh as fingers tangled themselves into rust colored hair caressing a smiling face who although sound asleep, knew his hand and soon knew his kiss all over again with feather light gentleness. His kisses soft and slow came in worshiping attentions melted over her body like candy in the mid day sun.

She moaned as her eyes slowly caught her first sights of a brand new day as her hand snaked up to hold him in place with a smile and lazy eyes.

"Good Morning Foxey." He smirked down at the form before him, she smiled running her fingers through his long strands of silver hair and yawned happily.

"Mmm. Good morning indeed." It was the way he woke her up every morning, and every morning they'd be glad to walk and talk of nothing important and breath...

She felt his teasing and growled lowly, still smiling as his hands skimmed up her thigh.

"What time is it love?" she asked him not wanting to look away. He smiled contenting his path finding.

"Its 7:45, that gives us 15 minuets before Mr. Power Trip forces you away from me." He laughed tracing the scar on her chest with his fingertips, she smirked reaching up to kiss his lips.

"Perfect."She smirked bringing him down to her. For 12 shining minutes the lovers showed each other a love and a lust that was never to grow old.

-end Flashback-

here i am
will you send me an angel
here i am
in the land of the morning star

Rain sat the bottle down, closing her eyes, her palm trying ease the tension in her neck, sighing as she heard Zel, asking if she would like some breakfast. She answered no and laid her head on her desk. She couldn't feel him and it left her lacking something...over the last few hundred years their bond had grown just as strong as some mated couples, honestly she didn't know why she was still alive when it felt this bad just to be breathing. She wondered if she could go on much longer knowing he was gone...forever, she felt the pain rip through her, she felt like dying, she felt like disappearing shunning this life that had taken everything, her love, her joy, her hope...life, in its wicked humor had taken everything expecting her to have faith in a brand new day. Faith...she shook her head... he was dead. Dead as winter, dead as the roses in the vase on her desk...how was their to be faith that she would be so happy again if the only way she could ever feel his warm embrace is in dreams? She took another long swing smelling him and the dying roses in the room.

What was life with no hope for the future, that small little light in the dark had disappeared for her, the moonlight in the dark sky it was gone and with it all her plans, everything she had fought so hard for in the battle of Tetsou, everything was taken and thrown to the winds.

She shook her head in building anger staring in the darkness of her office, closed window blinds letting in scarce light. Those times had found her always smiling always content with a kiss, a kiss a shining chance at bliss in every form that it came.

She chugged the bottle dry, her grip on it tightening until it finally it shattered, blood spilling in thick drops out from her fisted hand on to white papers on the desk, slowly she opened her palm, staring in awe at the wound, the gash was deep and it should have at least stung, but to the fox's deep surprise there was no sting, no pain, no hurt, no nothing, it was almost as if she felt nothing at all and it scared her. How much of her had Youko stolen? How much had she lost? She growled. This wasn't working anymore...the alcohol failed to numb her she missed him so, she watched her skin slowly fuse itself together, would her heart do the same? Rain had always been free, she had always believed she didn't need love, she didn't need anyone or anything at all she could live and live well with or without a man, and she still believed that to a point...She knew she didn't need Youko to live, but was that living? She wanted to be near him so badly... She opened another bottle.

the wise man said just find your place
in the eye of the storm
seek the roses along the way
just beware of the thorns

Youko had died A week ago with him part of her also died. She remembered only an intense pain witch filled her vines and the fact that she couldn't feel him anymore nor would she ever hear his heart beat or bask in the sent of his long silver hair or see his ears twitch in there cute fashion, never again would he hold her…. That day she had ran out the door howling her dirge then everything went blank and she woke up in her wolf form.

Something in her mind made her refuse the feeling of there bond being broken. It was probably the only thing keeping her mind together. She stayed in wolf form and laid by the door resting her head on her paws as it rained and she waited for her lover's return to her arms.

Every now and then Zel would sit with her, filling the bar and Rain's ears with the songs of her heavenly voice trying to sooth her friends mind and talk to Rain who said nothing… It was almost as if the angel felt every bit of the demon's pain ,Knowing Zel she most likely did and Snow kept her distance… The closer she was to the fox the more pain she felt radiate like a cold fire, she couldn't stand to hear the prideful fox leader whimper. Kaden was angry to say the least although it did nothing she drank and drank to keep from kicking her former students ass, and she couldn't help but think.

"Before Youko Rain was stronger he broke her…" And no matter how much Kaden didn't want to believe it, in the back of her mind a voice told her it was true. The bar was quite all inhabitants afraid to speak or perhaps not knowing what to say and it being a cold winter it snowed heavy in the outside world. Rain shivered and for all the world no one new why she didn't use her powers it was as if she had made a packed not to until she saw that silver kitsune walk through that door. She loved him after all. Then came that day the day Rain locked herself away from life and the sun that had bathed her with its giving light.

Tsurai ran to the bar out of breath a worried expression worn like a mask of guilt and sadness on his usual happy face. The dragon bent down to the wolf almost crying for her, Youko and the horrible news that was his duty to tell.

"Rain… My old friend I'm sorry but a hunter has just been named the killer of Youko he got his bounty and all… Koenma sends his deepest regrets Emma paid the price for Youko's head… I'm sorry." He tried to give her a hug but she stood to her four feet while walking to her office she reverted back to two legs in complete silence. Yes there was safety in the lone cold dark of her office. Now the door was locked and held a barrier, the blinds were closed and for the first time in her long life she sat alone in the darkness willfully drinking it up. She knew she was being selfish. Her friends may they be blessed tried repeatedly to get her to eat something , every time she sent them away. She still felt bad for snapping at Snow that day, the neko was merely worried for Rain's safety and Rain barked at her as if it was her who hunted her beloved down like some low class swine. She could still remember it as clear as the empty glass she held in her hand…

- Last Thursday-

It had been a week since Rain had locked herself in her room … The sun that had once loved her so kindly was now a stranger… Booze was her lover who she welcomed numbly. Her fox side wept and moaned morning her lover's pass while her wolf side raged in anger at it cursing every living thing turning colder and colder every time she closed her eyes. She was caught in the middle , sitting in her large leather chair crying with no tears….

" Rain we made your favorite please eat." Came Snow's voice behind the door.

"I'm not hungry … you wasted your time!" Rain yelled back

"Rain you baka kitsune you have got to eat!"

"Snow I Said I'm Not hungry! Back the fuck off!"

"Kit You will eat this damn kitsune Udon if I have to break in and shove it down your brooding throat!" the neko yelled.

"Snow I am Not hungry Go the fuck away! Let me be alone!"

"Rai if you don't eat you won't be able to keep your strength up and you'll die…." Replied a worried cat.

"Snow BACK OFF!" Rain snapped uncontrollably threw her bourbon bottle at the door shattering it to tons of tiny shards.

"baka kitsune…." was barley heard from Snow

"I'm sorry friends but life just seems so cruel and the world feels so cold." Rain whispered. Rain should have been with him that day, she could have helped him, she could have helped him then he would be here and she wouldn't be alone… Rain had let him die in her mind… but deep down she knew it wasn't true. Her heart, everything in her just felt ready to follow him into the next life... everything in her wanted to know he was near, to feel him to touch him, to hear his black velvet voice, to chase the moonlight with him...with these thoughts in her mind she fell asleep.

When she awoke in the darkness, the full moon's light was shining down on her head. She turned to gaze at it, marveling at its divine beauty, its rays calling her closer to the window. Gazing at its light in a hypnotic trance her wolf side was able to break from its chains, it snarled howling loudly into the night. Everything in Rain called for blood the blood and soul of anything that was cursed enough to walk any of the three worlds she was permitted to walk. There was something primal running trough her soon everything went red and she in wolf form jumped through the glass window, landing in human form she walked... killing anything stupid enough to walk near her with her aura feeling and smelling even looking like it was... and with pure anger and wrath in her eyes she walked and she killed blood splattering all about her and the grown...reaching a portal she stepped through , laughing evilly to herself at the smell of humans...there were so many...so many lined up like lambs to the slaughter. She entered woods attracted by loud music and shouts of excitement, a joyfully wicked look up on her face smelling their puny little fires and the sea of beer these adolescence must have swam in, one had the ignorance to step up to her as she walked.

"Yo, sweet cheeks wanna drink?" She laughed louder sticking her clawed hand into his cut and pushing it through she felt the blood on her hands in bliss knowing he was soon to be dead. He choked on his blood looking up in fear at his dispatcher her eyes cold and red a smile glued to her face as she slowly pulled her hand away and let him fall to her feet. Others saw him fall and were inclined to rush to his rescue only to be taken by flames, Rain kept walking through the kegger fire coming from her finger tips as screams came like the sweetest music to her ears, only making her rip them apart in more creative ways fire bursting from the ground the wolf feeding off the fear around her she laughed, killing them all their blood bathing her as she went from tent to tent even killing a couple as they rutted, ah what a fitting way to die in the arms of your lover as your skin melted from your flesh. Soon she found herself with nothing more to kill, finally there was quiet, fires burnt all around her as her world went black.

Rain woke up early the following morning with a headache from hell, looking around with a moan at the sunlight taking her and shaking her from her sleep ...looking around taking her first breath of the day she smelt the lingering essence of death, she felt her stomach tighten in response...looking around she saw the flames and the bodies of the departed, looks of horror concreted on there faces, there limbs in pieces, cuts littering their bodies and guts leaving them as they stared at their murderer in shock. They almost looked as if they cursed the fox and she felt sick. Looking at her hands she saw the blood she'd split caked on them... scared she did the only thing she could do...she ran home.

When she got there Kaden was sitting at the bar drinking something bloody, Snow sat in a wooden chair at a table… They were waiting for her… Rain bust through the door and hit her knees . She looked up at Snow with fear in her eyes how could she kill all thoughts people with no reason? Snow and Kaden looked at her watching her…. At that moment Rain turned around and with the smell of all the blood overwhelming her she puked her guts out with nothing in her stomach but various alcohols….

here i am
will you send me an angel
here i am
in the land of the morning star

-O- Next day

Rain woke up with the dead, bloody faces of the dead in her eyes and the sent of dried up blood and burning flesh filling her nose. She couldn't escape it and all through the night her victims haunted her and it made her sick to think she had let herself lose the control she had in her morning and afterwards after all of the tears she cried for her lover she could not cry for the people who would never get to fall in love or even get to be cool… she had not the decency or the honor to give them justice or shed for there family a single tear of her regret. She would wake up screaming for Youko preying for his touch, his warmth even to know he was within her reach. There was no way in this life that that would happen…. Not in this life. The pain of being separated by his death was taken away by a single light of hope atooishinjuu… (2)Yes that was all she could do… and she would do anything for love even break her honor code except leave him. She aimed her dagger to her heart.

"I will be with you… Iro(3)…"

-O- Outside office

"Kaden! Rain is losing the fight…." Zel spoke up sadly.

"What do you mean?" Kaden asked worried that it could be what she was fearing at this very moment.

"She's going to give up… she's committing lover's suicide! We've got to do something!" Snow screamed almost in tears. Kaden jumped up running to the door.

'My foolish student… don't you dare become a coward on me!' Kaden's growled joining Zel, Shippo, Dark and Snow in trying to break her barrier… Inuyasha would have been a great help for once but as usual he was nowhere to be found. After much work they broke down the barrier taking the door with them. Kaden Ran in with a flash and took up the weapon by it's blade her blood splattering like a fountain in the room. She growled slapping her young student with as much force as she could manage.

"You stupid foolish child how could you… I thought you had more pride!?" She screamed in a mix between anger and worry. Rain only stared she said nothing… Kaden slapped her again with the back of her hand this time drawing blood from the kit's lips.

"Answer me!" she waited still nothing…

"Worthless, foolish, pathetic fox demon how could you be such a pride less coward!" Kaden screamed with a growl and pouched Rain square in the nose making her fly to the wall.

Rain got back up and stared Kaden straight in the eye… The vampire closed the distance between them.

"Look down you weak fox you have not the right to look upon the face of your better!" Kaden snarled at Rain receiving the same cold blank stare that only pissed her off more.

"Get out…" came a voice that almost was not heard. Kaden growled again this time not even thinking just using all her might to smash her fist into the foxes gut.

"You sicken' me Rain you get down on your knees to beg for a thing your lover does not and never will want for you!" Still Rain gave no reply.

"You bloody coward!!! Have you not the courage to live life like Youko would have wanted!? Of course not your too weak!" Kaden spit on Rain's boot and glared at her.

"I… am…. Not… WEAK!!!" Came Rain's loud roar of wrath as she sung blindly at her old sensei landing a hit square in the jaw… Kaden smiled and shrugged it off… Rain feel to her knees.

"You just think about that Rain." Kaden still smiled as she walked to the bar took a seat.

The door was left open and Sesshoumaru stepped through closeting and locking the door behind him. He helped Rain to her feet and sat her in her black leather chair then in deep thought sat on her desk facing her.

"Rain… did you love him?" Sesshoumaru asked seeming oddly out of himself these days.

"Yes sir… with all of my heart."

"Rain even if you can take your life to be with him… it's not yours to take…"

"Sir I don't understand." Rain interrupted.

"Rain hold on I'll explain… Your not on your own anymore Rain… back then when you were younger you would have left with no regrets but Rain you have your clan, Shippo, your promise to me, your friends… Rain you have responsibilities now you don't have as much control as when you were a pirate your not that person anymore that person died as soon as you took your title as Lady of the foxes. Plus if you wait Youko will be reincarnated and if you two were meant to be you will survive the tide love divides." He spoke like a father to her it was odd to hear him like this… and even though she knew he was right being without Youko hurt so bad.

"Sir… the waiting… it hurts." She finally spoke up.

"Rain… You don't have to tell me…"

"Yes sir… I understand…" and she did she and Sesshoumaru weren't really that different after all and she wished him all the luck Apollo could give… maybe they'd get over there pride, come together and stop acting like cats and dogs. (bad pun alert)

"Oh and Rain?"

"Sir?"

"We never had this talk…"

"Yes sir." With that she watched him leave. She looked up at the ceiling and started picking up the office, throwing away empty bottles and broken ones and cleaning up the split liquor. She then after finished took a shower letting the hot water and bathroom witch was filled with the smell of Youko's shampoo. She fought the tears… She swore she wouldn't cry anymore.

the wise man said just raise your hand
and reach out for the spell
find the door to the promised land
just believe in yourself
hear this voice from deep inside
it's the call of your heart
close your eyes and you will find
the way out of the dark

"Hey guys, she said coming downstairs, I'm sorry for the trouble." She poured herself a strong drink.

It was then that they told her Snow had been taken away by her tall dark and godly lover, the emotional strain must have been to much.

"We all understand Rai, but you could have talked with us before trying to take your own life." Cy told her.

"I realize it was selfish… I also realize that Youko took a part of me that I don't know anymore… I'm leaving for awhile to go find that part of me again."

"How long?" Zel asked.

"As long as it takes. I'm taking my motorcycle and only my leather jacket."

"What will you survive on?"

"Look Zel don't worry… the world isn't what it used to be."

"So when are you leaving?" Kaden asked.

"Tomorrow when the sun comes up." she said gulping her drink.

"Hn… well good luck and I hope you find what your looking for."

"Get rid of those damn frowns if we're gonna see Rain off we're gonna do it right." Cy commanded.

Promptly all males were kicked out of the bar and told to find someplace to go for the night. The girls sat around a table drinking and playing cards long into the night… each telling stories of the good ole days.

"I remember the battle with Tetsou Zel you acted like he was just your type!"

"What can I say he was hot."

"And the incarnation of evil." Rain laughed they all smiled hearing her … it was something they had missed.

Finally after a very long girls night in Rain had fallen asleep passed out in her chair, legs propped up on the table. Kaden smiled to Zel… as the vamp draped a blanket over the fox. They were all very worried but knew she had to do this and would be gone in the morning.

here i am
will you send me an angel
here i am
in the land of the morning star
here i am
will you send me an angel
here i am
in the land of the morning star

Rain: (1) Male Foxes are called Dogs, (2) Lover's suicide, (3) Lover

Snow: Its about damned time you finished this!

Kaden: Yes Now get to work on the next one no breaks! -cracks whip-

Rain:YIKES -typing- ok ok I am!

Shin: Please Review.

Zel: Yes it hurts Rai and my feelings when you don't...I'm an angel do you want to see me cry?

Dark: No No Don't cry.

Spark: Flames are welcome

Fleuve: I like em' hot.