Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter(TM), and in no way affiliated with JK Rowling. I'm not an actor in any of the movies, and I don't live in England. I don't know any actors, and all I gain from this is the pain of writers' block. Thank you, and have a nice day.
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To my reviewers: Thank you for reviewing! X3 Your reviews and critiques will help me to improve.
Waste of Space: I will try to make it more... paragraphy? XDD I'm really bad that these things BUT I WILL TRY! D
OH and I forgot to mention, they're in 5th year. But you should've guessed from Sirius' 'You're 15 but no chest hair' line.
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Chapter Two: Poor James
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The four boys were sitting in their dorm, Remus sitting on his bed reading, Peter looking out the window, Sirius pretending to sleep, and James... sulking on the floor.
"If you don't like her, why don't you just break up with her?" Peter asked, confused. He pulled away from the window and sat down on the floor next to James.
"Sirius, don't you think that would be a good idea?"
Sirius jolted in his 'sleep'. Peter sighed. Sirius was always lying down on his bed, whether he was studying or supposed to be studying, playing on his gameboy, pretending to read, or sleeping, you could find him on his bed. There was a rumour that his girlfriend had been turned into a bed by Snape, which is why he was always spending time with it and harassing Snape, but there was no such thing: Sirius was just a lazy slob, and he harassed Snape because he had nothing better to do.
"Shut up Peter, if he gives up now, Lily will hate him forever. I can feel it; she's about to snap. She's going to fall in loveeee!" Sirius said cheerfully. James whimpered.
James had survived two weeks with Matilda, and was showing the effects - he hadn't slept in two days, and was seriously thinking of dumping her.
"Hey, if you're really that desperate, I could break up for you, okay? I'll tell her that you cheated on her with another girl and that you got acne overnight, that'll put her off. Oh, should I say that you're in the hospital wing too? No, that'll just make it worse... Anyhow, I'm going to sort this through for you, okay mate? Should I just hex her? Nah, that wouldn't be good, or..." Sirius continued to talk, but James had already fallen asleep on the floor.
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'Dear JAMES!
How are you? Your friend Black told me that you're very sick. I hope you get better soon, then we can do all sorts of fun things again! But if you have acne, like he says, I won't be able to go out with you anymore because acne means having lots of pimples on your face, and pimples are ugly! Just letting you know that I've got another boyfriend now! I can't remember what his name is, but he doesn't have any pimples!
Get well soon!
Your ex-girlfriend, Matilda.
PS. I'm sure you will be good looking again soon!'
"WHAT? After all this time, she's the one that dumps ME? This is ridiculous! I'll never get Lily to like me..." James slumped down on the sofa in the common room.
Sirius was really frustrated - he was sure that the jealousy tactic would work. It really seemed that she wasn't interested in James! But that was impossible, he thought. She must like something. He'd need to find out. But how? Girls seemed to keep to themselves, the only place they'd ever talk about secrets were in their dorms or the girls' toilets.
The girls' toilets.
Of course! Why hadn't he thought of it earlier!? The girls' toilets on the second floor was haunted by the ghost of Moaning Myrtle, a girl. But, she seemed to be quite friendly most of the time, once you got over your depressing nature.
"Hey, we could get Myrtle to spy on them while they're in the toilets! Then we'll find out what sorts of things Lily likes, and James can charm her with that!" Sirius grinned cockily, thinking he'd just come up with the best idea ever.
"That would work, except... do you really think Myrtle would agree to something like that?" Remus said skeptically.
"I don't know, we could just try, couldn't we? We've got nothing to lose!" Sirius patted James on the back.
"Do what you want," James replied gloomily.
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To their surprise, Myrtle seemed more than happy to help!
"Oh, how exciting! I'd never have known that Jamesy would have a crush on Lily Evans! Nothing interesting's been around lately, so I guess I could help you guys out!" Myrtle squealed, but it came out more like a sob than anything else. "Ah, I miss the excitement of love in the living world!!" Myrtle beamed at them through her thick-rimmed glasses.
"Thanks a lot, Myrtle. You're doing James here a huge favour!" Sirius gave her a thumbs up. Sure enough, the ghost disappeared. The plan was in action!
"So... we just wait now, right?" Peter asked timidly. The poor boy had nearly wet himself. He didn't like ghosts, especially not Moaning Myrtle. You couldn't blame him for this fears - after all, the first thing he'd seen when he walked into Hogwarts four years earlier was Nearly Headless Nick with his head flipped off, hovering in mid-air.
"Oh for goodness sakes, Peter. She isn't going to murder you in your sleep," Remus grumbled.
The four boys walked outside, down the steps of the main entrance, and sat down on the grass, ready to spend their study period studying - or in Sirius' case, mucking around. After a few moments, he spotted a greasy Slytherin by the lake with his girlfriend.
"I smell Snivellus, boys." Sirius grinned like the cheshire cat.
The four marauders, with Sirius leading, stalked over to Severus Snape. (Or, being dragged along, if we're talking about Remus.) Standing right behind him, Sirius threw a small pebble at his head.
"Snivellus. So nice to see you again! How are you, old chap? I see you've neglected to take a shower again." His smart remark was returned with a glare of loathing from the Slytherin.
"What do you want, Black?" He spat.
"Why nothing! What's wrong with a few friendly words between mates? Anyway, who's this lovely lady? I'm surprised, I never thought you could get a girl with those looks of yours. Here, let me fix your hair for you! You must've forgotten to comb it again." With a swish of his wand, Sirius summoned at least twenty birds that flew around his head, pooping as they went.
"Oops, wrong spell. Oh well. Good luck cleaning that up, Snivellus!" Sirius laughed.
"Just you wait, you -" Snape stopped in mid sentence. "Mudblood. What're you doing? With these bastards, are you?"
Lily had walked from her group of friends to them, to see what was the matter. Not much to her surprise, the marauders were harassing Severus Snape again.
"What's going on here? Black, are you hexing Snape again?" Knowing full well the answer would be some excuse, Lily continued,"I'm going to have to tell the Head boy about this, if it keeps going on."
Sirius nearly choked.
"Why? We're in your house! Anyway, he started it. He stinks." He said matter-of-factly, as if bad odour was an excuse.
Lily rolled her eyes.
"I don't need no Mudblood to stick up for me," Snape sneered.
"Shut up, Snivellus! Don't you dare insult Lily!" James disarmed the Slytherin. As he was scrabbling to get his wand, Sirius laughed.
"You - Potter, I can't believe you!" And as Lily was walking away, all James could feel was the painful sting from her slap on his left cheek.
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Authors' Notes: I had to put Severus in there somewhere X3;. No writers' block yet, but I'm pretty sure I over-dialogged it again D: Oh well. I'll try to get better! Yosh! Stay tuned Chapter 3 will be in soon. Read and Review! A review a day keeps the writers' block away! I'm going to start the next chapter once I get home from dinner, but no guarantees as to when I'll finish it! I have lots of stuff to do ;;