Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter(TM), and in no way affiliated with JK Rowling. I'm not an actor in any of the movies, and I don't live in England. I don't know any actors, and all I gain from this is the pain of writers' block. Thank you, and have a nice day.

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I'm sorry everyone for the long wait (and this chapter is still pretty retarded for a 6 month wait, sorry all.)

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Chapter Four: Peter and the Love Potion

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The boys were back in their dormitory, the afternoon sun burning its way through the windows as birds flew in the clear cloudless sky. Half a week has passed since Moaning Myrtle finished her mission and reported back to the Marauders, but as you can imagine, nobody was particularly energetic (with the exception of Sirius, but then again, when is he not energetic?). Of course, it was partly James' fault.

"How about a hanging? Do you think Lily would prefer that over a stab to the heart, or not? Nah… it's too unoriginal, been done tonnes of times before," James mumbled gloomily, mostly to himself, as he sat on his four-poster bed.

"James, you realise that if you commit suicide, there's no way you can go out with Lily Evans?" Remus pointed out obviously. James sighed pathetically.

"Yeah, but it's what she wants, right? 'Why doesn't he just go kill himself'? I'm doing it all for her… It's an act from the bottom of my heart," he said devotedly.

"That's right Remus. Can't you see that James is proving his love to Lily? Oh by the way, go with the stab to the heart. It symbolises HEARTbreak. Get it?" That was Sirius, being as idiotic as usual.

"You know, with James dead, you won't have a best friend anymore, and you wouldn't be able to tease him about Lily ever again," Remus muttered, amused, "ever."

Sirius pondered this for a couple of seconds (Sirius is a slow thinker).

"…Yeah, maybe Remus is right. After all, you wouldn't want Lily to think you're an idiot would you? I mean… what guy would kill himself over a girl? Eh, well you would, but... euh… I mean, she already thinks you're crazy so it wouldn't hurt… but even if she totally rejects you, you still have a chance with some of her friends, but if you die… oh and… uh… I'm not making sense am I? By the way, where's Peter?" Sirius changed the subject to avoid himself being contradicted into pieces by Remus again.

"Huh, Peter? Who knows? He's a lost case."

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Peter, at that moment, was actually being harassed by one of Lily Evan's 'friends'. He was pinned up in the corner of the common room while the blonde was staring at him seriously.

"…You're a friend of James Potter, right?"

"Y-yes I am!" He squeaked, afraid of what might happen to him if he didn't answer.

"What's your name, like Percy Parsons or something?"

"P-Peter Pettigrew."

"Whatever, I was close enough. So anyway… I've liked James for a really long time but I can't help but notice that he's gone all swoony on Lily… So, I want you to take this," she thrust a little tube of pink powder into Peter's trembling hands, "and put it into his pumpkin juice tonight at dinner."

"I-I don't think that's a n-nice thing to do. W-what is it exactly?"

"That's not important… JUST DO IT, OKAY? Otherwise, I'll tell McGonagall about you and your friends'… animal problems." With one last fiery glare from her sharp blue eyes, the girl spun around and exited the room, leaving little Peter all alone in the common room.

Poor Peter was beside himself with fear. Should he listen to the girl? But that would mean something bad would happen to James! But if he didn't… she'd tell McGonagall about Remus' werewolf problem and that they were all animagi! In the end, he decided that better one person was in trouble than four, so that night at dinner, he tipped the pink powder into the pumpkin juice flask at the long table in the great hall…

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Sirius giggled. It was the next morning at breakfast, and something was seriously wrong with him. More than usual, that is. Peter eyed James nervously to see if he had caught some kind of pimple disease, or sprouted bushy nose hair overnight. But he looked exactly the same as usual – round glasses, hazel eyes, scruffy hair…

"Oh my God, it's her!" Sirius giggled nervously again as he glanced every so often at a certain blue-eyed blonde girl entering the Great Hall, Lily in tow.

"What the—" Remus lowered his book and raised his eyebrow at Sirius. "Are you okay, Sirius? That's Hannah Crossgrove, you've always hated her guts." He paused. "Or maybe this is some sort of trick to get close enough to hex her?"

Ignoring his friend's evaluation of the situation, Sirius clutched his heart dramatically (according to him later, it was how they did it on Muggle television) and sighed lovingly. Hannah Crossgrove strode strongly over to the group of boys, Lily closely behind.

"Good morning James," she purred seductively. James, spoonful of cornflakes stuffed in his mouth, looked up at the pair.

"Oh, good morschning Lily! Your 'air ish ash nishce ash alwaysh!" He winked. (Jamesglish translation note: 'your hair is as nice as always.') Lily turned away in disgust as bits of cornflake sprayed across the tablecloth. Then, he turned to the other girl.

"…"

He squinted. Obviously he was still half asleep.

"Who're you?"

"I –" Hannah glared at Peter, and he cringed noticeably.

"…My name is Hannah Crossgrove." She smiled through sparkling teeth. "You're James Potter, right? I met your friend Peter the other day and got him to do a favour for me," still smiling, "and I was just checking to see whether it was all perfect." She shot the smile in Peter's direction. "So, how'd the potions assignment go?"

"I-it was a failure, I'm sorry. Don't tell McGonagall –" He cut himself off. Didn't want these guys to find out what he had done… but what exactly had he done? James was fine, didn't seem to be phased at all with the pink powder. Sirius interrupted his thoughts, that's when Peter remembered – Sirius had eaten it by accident. Whoops, guess it was a love potion. No harm done, Sirius was regularly constipated; a little added constipation on the part of the love potion wouldn't matter much.

"Hannah Crossgrove? That's such a beautiful name. My name is Sirius Black, and I'm James' best friend!" His eyes were practically hearts.

Hannah looked at him as though he was pathetic. Still, determined to continue with her act, she smiled at him as well. "That's nice Mr. Black. But, I really must get going to my first class now. I'll talk to you all again someday, okay?" She walked off. Lily remained, and opened her mouth to say something – "Lily, we have to go to Potions, otherwise we'll be late!" Hannah's voice rang out, and Lily closed her mouth and followed the girl out of the Great Hall again.

"Hannah Crossgrove…" Sirius sighed like a girl in love. Except well, he was a boy in love. Or so he thought…

Remus whacked Peter over the head with his book.

"You idiot, you put a love potion in Sirius' drink in order to stop McGonagall from finding out something, didn't you? We've got to wait 24 hours for him to get back to normal now! I can't stand him talking about Hannah Crossgrove anymore!"

It was amazing how accurate Remus could be in a situation when he was annoyed.

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That whole day, Sirius found new and creative ways to express love everytime he caught even a glimpse of the blonde. As they sat on the hills around the castle during lunch, they saw a couple sitting by the lake arguing and the girl slapping the girl, which led to Sirius sighing again.

"That reminds me of me and Hannah…"

Remus screamed.

"If you say 'Hannah' one more time, I'm going to hex you!"

"Remus? Hexing someone? Ha! That's laughable. Well done Sirius, you've gotten Remus angry enough to hex! I never knew it was possible!" James laughed. Sirius merely replied with a confused lost-puppy look.

"What? I don't get it. I'm sure Hannah could tutor me about these things –"

BANG.

Remus was standing up, frozen and confused about what he had just done. His wand was smoking. Sirius was on his knees on the grass, with a shocked look on his face.

"Oh my God Remus! What did you do to James?!"

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Author's Notes: Okay sorry, where has all my humour gone? This chapter is not funny at all, and the jokes are all incredibly dry so I'm sorry for that but during the last few months my humour has all been eaten by school and stuff… but Oh well, read and review and I might be tempted to keep writing…