Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter(TM), and in no way affiliated with JK Rowling. I'm not an actor in any of the movies, and I don't live in England. I don't know any actors, and all I gain from this is the pain of writers' block. Thank you, and have a nice day.

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Okai. Reviews are really nice and useful to the author of a story, so please, please, PLEASE review after you read the story! It really helps me improve and figure out where I'm making my mistakes, etc. Thanks and enjoy

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Chapter Five: Lily Who?

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Remus was having a nice dream about meeting the author of Advanced Charms when he realised an annoyingly familiar voice was pulling at his senses again, as usual.

"Oh... God… why is Sirius' voice coming out of a dead person's body…?"

"Remus! It's James! He woke up! See? I knew the spell wouldn't cause permanent damage! Isn't this great Remus? Remus?!" Sirius tugged at Remus' sleeve like a little girl would with her mother at the mall in a toyshop. Suddenly the previous day's events returned to Remus' brain and he opened his eyes to find a dead-looking James lying on a hospital wing bed.

"James? You're awake? Oh God, you aren't dead… I'm relieved… my back hurts…" Remus, Sirius and Peter had stayed the night at James' side like the loyal friends they were… no, I lie. It was Madam Pomfrey's recommendation and she blocked the entrances so they couldn't leave. Remus had been sleeping in a chair. A plastic chair. A very hard, plastic chair I may add. Peter was still curled up in a ball on the floor, sucking his thumb and mumbling something about rubber ducks. Sirius was grinning like a madman and holding his face directly above James on the bed.

"Urgh…" James remained lying on the bed. He slowly opened his eyes to the outside world…"OH MY GOD SIRIUS YOU DICKHEAD! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR HORRIFIC MUG AFTER I WAKE UP!" He jumped after seeing Sirius' grin above him, literally 5 inches away. Sirius looked rather hurt at his comment.

"Is my face really that horrific? I'm sorry James, but Pom Pom wouldn't let us leave so I didn't have an opportunity to apply my moisturiser this morning… But I'm pretty sure that I still look absolutely irresistible without it." Remus, having regained his senses, raised his eyebrow at this comment.

"You use moisturiser? …Well this is new. Wherever did you manage to get hold of – you didn't ask your uncle… No, don't answer that, I don't want to know."

"My cross-dressing uncle is a very respected man! And without moisturiser, how else would I maintain this flawless skin?" He tapped his face and winked.

James groaned.

"Please Sirius, not another makeup commercial."

Sirius pouted.

"What happened anyway? All I can remember is… we were by the lake, Sirius said something about… somebody… and then Remus did something to me… Urgh, what did I eat at breakfast? How long as it been?"

"It's only been a couple of hours… and you had cornflakes for breakfast. You always have cornflakes at breakfast, because it's what Lily has," Remus said matter-of-factly.

"…Who's Lily?"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other. Either James was playing a very funny joke, he was still asleep, or Remus had done something to his brain when he hexed him.

"Lily Evans… not ringing any bells?" Sirius said slowly. James merely responded by cocking his head to one side as he stared blankly at his friend.

"YOU DON'T REMEMBER LILY EVANS?! THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS?" Sirius shouted uncontrollably at him, spit flying everywhere, including onto Remus, who was standing on the opposite side of the bed to him.

"Sirius, please don't spit. It's unhygienic."

Ignoring Remus' smartarse comment, Sirius proceeded to shake Peter awake and yell at him, "JAMES DOESN'T REMEMBER LILY!" Peter opened his eyes finally, took his thumb out of his mouth and crawled over to the bed.

"You don't remember Lily? Are you sure?" Peter looked genuinely worried.

"Argh! Who the hell is Lily?! Somebody tell me before I explode! I don't like secrets being kept you know!"

"Ohgodohgodohgodohgod…This is my fault…" Peter slumped into a ball again, muttering to himself.

Remus stared at Peter as if he was mad.

"What do you mean this is your fault? I was the one who bloody hexed him! How is it your fault?" Peter winced. He knew he was going to be found out sooner or later… might as well come clean.

"Promise me you won't hit me after I tell you?" Peter asked timidly. Sirius responded with two enthusiastic thumbs up while Remus rolled his eyes and made a gesture for him to continue.

"Okay well… two nights ago… I was asked by Lily's friend Hannah to put love potion powder in James' drink at dinner… and that if I didn't do it, she'd tell McGonagall about us being animagi…" Remus slapped himself and Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Wait! Before you say anything… I'd like to say that I didn't know that it was a love potion at that point! I was really scared, but I thought that it was better that one person got jinxed or something than all four of us being expelled, so I did it… but…"

"You got the wrong cup." Remus finished his sentence.

"Yes," Peter replied feebly.

"Causing Sirius to be coming infatuated with Hannah Crossgrove and me to get bloody pissed by him and end up missing him because he's a fidgety mongrel and hit James, which ended with him forgetting Lily completely."

"…Yes," Peter replied feebly again.

"You're an idiot. McGonagall already knows about us being animagi, or in my case, a werewolf," Remus glared at him. "Merlin's beard Peter, Are you that much of an idiot?"

Sirius whacked Peter over the head.

"OW! What was that for? You promised you wouldn't hit me!"

"Yeah, well I lied. And I don't understand a word of what you and Remus just said, but it sounds like you did something constipated, so I hit you."

"Sirius, you make no sense to me," Remus said, shaking his head.

"I know – hey! That's a bad thing!"

"Um… Hi… you still haven't told me who Lily Evans is…" The forgotten James Potter waved at them from his bed. Their feud momentarily forgotten, the trio returned to the amnesia-stricken boy.

"Well, Lily is—"

"Lily's like—"

"Lily has pretty hair." (This was Peter.)

It was then that the boys realised that they knew nothing about Lily Evans.

"James, we'll show you today at lunch, if Madam Pomfrey lets you out, okay?" Remus said finally, after many seconds of thinking.

"Hah! Yeah right, like that's gonna happen. You know how Pom Pom is, give her a patient and she'll keep him here until he gets better, which is not going to happen unless James remembers Lily, which won't happen unless Pom Pom lets him out, until he remember Lily, which won't happen unless—" Sirius thought aloud, getting himself tongue-tied and furrowing his brows in concentration as he tried to get his points straight.

"But then, what do we do?" Peter inquired worriedly.

"We'll sneak him out, duh," Sirius said. "What, like it's hard? Remember that time Remus blacked out in the middle of potions and—"

"That was because you made me sniff your cauldron."

"Shut up Moony. Anyway, we had to sneak you out because you wanted to go to Slug's Club that night! And, last time James fell off his broom during that Quidditch match against Hufflepuff—"

"You were trying to hex the opponent's Keeper, and you hit him instead."

"That's beside the point! We had to get him out so he could continue playing!"

"Yeah, but both those times we escaped just barely! Madam Pomfrey ended up dragging one of us behind until the others came back afterwards and explained what'd happened and why her patient disappeared."

"Oh! That was me! I remember now!" Peter had spent the last few minutes concentrating hard, trying to recall escaping the hospital wing when it was him that was left behind on both occasions.

"Okay then, we've got everything we need to help James out of the hospital wing!" Sirius said, looking around.

"How so?" Remus asked tiredly.

"Well, you and me, we're macho, we can carry him, I'm not sure if he can walk. And we've got Peter, he can be the sacrifice."

"Again? But I want to come with you guys! Can't James be the sacrifice for once?" Peter pleaded, completely forgetting the point of the escape.

"Shut your pie hole Peter."

And that was how, five minutes later, Remus and Sirius were heaving a half-asleep James Potter and sprinting out of the hospital wing while Madam Pomfrey shrieked at them as she held a miserable Peter in a choke hold, watching the three boys getting smaller as they made their way back to the common room.

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Author's Notes: I quite liked writing this chapter… it went quite smoothly, to my surprise.

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