It was already night fall by the time they reached the half way point. Shego had done all the driving do far, not even giving Ron the tiniest hint if he was going to get to drive or not. It was still ack-weird as he watched the darkened road ahead. Here was Shego sitting next to him. The well known thief and fighter who had done her best to pound not just Kim, but his own butt so many times that he had lost count. He still felt a pain in his neck now and then from where Shego had clothes lined him during the Lil' Diablo incident. There was also another bad thing about being in the same car with her. It was no secret that Shego was so incredibly hot that Playboy would put all the other gentlemen's magazine out of business if she ever posed for it. And that tank top she was wearing made it hard for Ron to keep his eyes on the road. Or the CB radio, or the rear view. In fact, Ron had been looking at her cleavage for the past three minutes and prayed that the skilled fighter hadn't noticed him.
Luck wasn't with him though. The villainess had noticed Ron's eyes repeatedly wondering and locking onto her natural born assets. Her body was one of the things she was proud of and made sure she kept in shape, and sometimes used it to gain the upper hand in a fight. She decided to have a little fun since she knew that most likely, the poor boy was still the little gentleman.
"Hey, Ron!" Shego said, snapping the boy out of his trance.
"Huh? Wh-what is it?" Ron asked as he tried to regain his composure.
"Have fun exploring the Rockies?" the villainess asked with a wicked grin.
The grin grew wider when she saw the boy stutter, turn red, and sweat a mile per minute all at the same time. She let out her normal snarky laugh as the boy began to hyperventilate while he tried to think of a good excuse. That's when both noticed red and blue lights reflecting off the mirrors and was soon followed by a loud siren.
"Well, hello there Smokey." Shego said as a very evil grin began to cross her face.
"Why do I have a feeling I'm going to regret this?" Ron asked himself and made sure his seatbelt was tightened.
Shego floored the car and flew down the roads like a dragster, leaving the police car behind them struggling to catch up.
"I didn't know a Trans Am could go this fast." Ron said as he felt himself being pushed backwards into the seat.
"I tweaked it a little bit." Shego said as she came to an intersection with a red light and took a sharp left.
As soon as they cleared the turn she jumped the divider, went across the opposing lane, and hid behind the office of a small hotel.
"You know Shego, you could have just,"
"Shut it, Stoppable." Shego said as she killed the engine and the lights and kept her eyes on the rear view mirrors.
The chasing police car soon took the same sharp turn, and flew straight on down the road and completely missed Shego and Ron. Shego let out a small laugh as she started the engine back up and slowly made her way back to the road while keeping an eye out for the police car.
"That's one way to avoid the County Mounties." Shego said as the drove back onto the road.
"I'll admit, that was a good idea. What would have been even better is if you would've drove into that little car graveyard since the gate's busted open and hid out among the heaps." Ron said as he pointed his thumb to his right.
Shego looked into the direction Ron was pointing and saw that he was right.
"Well, shit." Shego mumbled and drove back towards their destination.
Shego glanced one more time to see if there was any sign of the Smokey and saw a smug grin forming on Ron's face.
"No one likes a smart ass." She said, causing Ron's grin to grow wider.
The one thing Shego hated the most was when someone, besides her, was being really smug.
It wasn't long until the sun rose and gave light to the new dawning day. Felix let out a nice sigh as he saw the Texas landscape in the early morning hours, and heard a snoring Fred right next to him. Felix never knew a dog could snore until he got old Fred. However, that was also when he found out when a dog could get the worst case of gas imaginable.
"Damn, Fred! What is Monique feeding you?" Felix asked as he rolled down his window.
As he drove along the road, he was trying to find the two people who were supposed to be running block for him. Just as he grabbed the mic of his CB, he noticed something behind a road side sign. He tried to make out what he could see, but couldn't make it out. Just as he was twenty feet from it, he saw a very familiar black Trans Am pull forward onto the road.
It wasn't long until they were in the town of Texarkana and pulled in front of their destination. The town itself was so small that ant would feel claustrophobic. Not even the word Podunk would fit this place. The Coors building itself looked like the only new thing it had received lately was a fresh coat of paint. As Shego and Ron got out, Felix parked the rig close to it. Shego scanned the place and couldn't even see any cameras.
"Big town, isn't it?" Ron asked as he followed Shego.
"No kidding. I wonder what they do for fun?" Shego asked in her usual sarcastic tone.
"They probably watch the cars rust." Felix added as he joined the two.
"Let's hurry up and get that beer before I decide to get shit faced." Shego said.
Ron pulled on the door, but it didn't move. He knocked on it and looked inside, but everything was dark.
"Damn, they're not open." Ron said to himself.
"Well, we are an hour ahead of schedule." Felix said proudly.
"Let's keep it that way. Now how about we just use the door that's already open?" Shego asked and started looking for another door.
"Which door?" Felix asked as he saw Shego kick in a side door so hard that she actually knocked it off its hinges.
"This one might due." Shego said and walked inside.
A few minutes later, the large black double doors opened with Shego standing there with a seductive smile.
"Anyone want a beer?" she asked as Ron and Felix joined her at the open door.
"It's Redneck heaven!" Felix said as he saw the sight before him.
"Now let's load it up onto the truck." Shego said as she headed to a near by fork lift with Ron following her.
"Are you sure you know how to handle one of these things?" Ron said as he stood in front of the lift.
"If I can drive one of Drakken's stupid little toys, I can drive any forkin' thing around." Shego said as she plopped her well toned butt into the leather seat and started the machine.
As Shego turned on the fork lift, she also lifted up the part of the fork lift was standing on and proceeded to drive it to the beer.
"HEY! I was only asking if you could drive it, not lift it! THE BEER! WATCH THE BEER!" Ron shouted as Shego stomped on the brake and sent Ron flying over and into several cases of beer.
"I told you no one likes a smart ass." Shego said to Ron's shoes, since they were the only things that were sticking up above the cases.
"Very funny! Very fucking funny, Shego!" Ron shouted as he heard his friend and the villainess laughing.
All three soon finished loading the truck and had it ready to go while Ron was nursing a swollen bump on his head and soon went to sit in the Trans Am.
"I think you hurt Ron's pride with that one." Felix said to Shego as he looked at his friend.
"He'll get over it." Shego said as she locked the back of the truck.
"You know, we should do something about the mess in there." Felix said as he wheeled his chair to the driver side of his rig.
"Do one better." Shego said as she pulled out a pen and a small notebook and tossed them to Felix. "Write them a note, and tell them to send the bill to Big and Little Enos Burdette." Shego said as she walked to the Trans Am, turned it on and hauled her ass out of there.
"Enos Bur-Bur, crap. B-I or is it B-U? Screw it, I got to go!" Felix said and used his chair to get back into the cab of the truck.
It sometimes looks like fate and irony have the same sense of humor. A few hours after the trio left, it seems both of these cosmic powers decided to join together as the local police force began investigating the break in, when a certain red haired, green eyed Wonder Woman came to the scene.
"Ma'am, this is a crime scene. You'll have to back away." The older cop told the young woman.
"The name's Kim Possible. I believe someone of your police force paged my web site." Kim said as she pulled out a Global Justice ID badge.
"Oh, yeah. That was me. It seems someone busted down the door and stole over four-hundred cases of Coors." The old cop told the young woman.
"Are their any security cameras?" Kim asked him.
"Employees claim it's been busted for a few weeks now. A witness did say that they saw a black Trans Am driving away from here. The license plate on it read BAND-ONE." The cop told her.
"You know, Kim, the damage seems to e recent. I deduce we can still catch up to them." Said a very nasil and annoying voice from Kim's side.
"Who's he?" the cop asked Kim.
"My cousin, Larry. Please don't ask." Kim said and activated her Kimmunicator.
She filled in Wade on what was going on and scanned the damaged door.
"Looks like Larry's right on this one. If you guys can get a car, you can probably catch them." Wade told her.
"Please and Thank You. Officer, do you have a car wecan use?" Kim asked the man.
"Sure, you can use mine. The old heap was going to be retired tomorrow anyway." He said and handed Kim the key to it.
So far it was smooth sailing down the road as they were coming close to a hundred and ten, but it was also silent. The silence was driving Shego nuts as Ron just sat there and looked out at the passing scenery. Shego was getting sick of the silent treatment, and knew she had to do something to get him to talk.
"Hey, Stoppable."
"What?" Ron asked.
"Why did you and the cheerleader break up?" Shego asked him.
"Why do you want to know?" Ron asked her.
"Ron, we have nine-hundred miles to go and the quiet act is driving me nuts. So how come you and Princess broke up?" Shego asked him.
"It's kind of dumb." Ron said, trying to avoid the subject.
"What? She wouldn't put out?" Shego asked him, earning a nasty glare from Ron.
"No, it was because of career choices. She wanted to keep saving the world, but I wanted to do something more exciting. Besides, I was the one that wouldn't put out." Ron told her.
Shego had to do her best not to slam on the brakes when she heard that piece of information from the young man. She pulled off her sunglasses and kept glancing at Ron with a dumbfounded look on her face.
"Let me get this straight. You and her didn't knock boots?" Shego asked him.
"We would talk about it, but I got too nervous. For some reason, I couldn't picture myself doing that with her." Ron told her.
"So does this mean that you're still a – you know?" Shego asked him.
"Yes, I'm still a virgin." Ron told her.
Shego just looked back at the road while she thought about what all Ron had just told her. He couldn't see himself having sex with Kim? Wow! It was also still even harder for her to believe he was this old and still a virgin.
"I just might have to fix that." Shego said to herself.
"Did you say something?" Ron asked her.
"Oh, nothing." Shego said while trying her best to put on a little angel face.
"I sound like a dork, don't I?" he asked her.
"Oh no. I heard this from two biker's the other day in prison." Shego said with a sarcastic smile.
Ron went back to looking at the passing environment when his eyes caught something that he didn't really need to see.
"Would it be of any interest to you if I just caught a Smokey taking a 10-100?"
"Yeah, it would. At least he wasn't taking a 10-200." Shego said as she soon saw a police cruiser gaining on them.
"You ready to have a little fun, Ron?" Shego asked as her sadistic smile crossed her face.
"I was born ready." Ron said as he tightened his seat belt and braced the door for dear life.
Shego hit the brakes, did an about face, and drove down a near by dirt road as fast as she could so she could kick up as much dust as possible. While she navigated down the dirt road, she mashed in the button on the console that was labeled AC.
"We've got the top down, and you want the air on?" Ron asked her.
"Nope. Smoke screen. You may not know this, but I've been on this route before." She said as she drove down the road while the cruiser behind them tried to keep up and not crash into anything in the large dust cloud.
Ron noticed that Shego kept glancing for something up ahead, but it looked like she was having a hard time finding it.
"Ron, take the wheel for a minute." Shego said as she stood up.
"What? Oh, shit!" Ron said as he grabbed the wheel and tried to keep the car on the gravel and dirt road. "What the hell are you looking for woman?" Ron shouted.
"I'm looking for something useful. There it is. Funny, I remember it being a lot bigger." Shego said as she slipped back into the seat and took the wheel.
"Could you do me a little favor and hit that radio button that's got a number two on it?" Shego asked him.
Ron looked down and hit the button like Shego said. In a second, he found themselves taking a sharp corner and almost fall off into a large lake. He didn't know how she did it, but she stayed on the road and kept roaring down the dirt road way.
"Did that button I press keep us from pond hoping?" Ron asked Shego.
"Nope. It sprayed a nice oil slick behind us." Shego said with a smile.
Ron turned around and looked behind them just in time to see the patrol cruiser hit the oil slick at top speed and go flying into the lake with a big splash.
"HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS AWSOME! I knew there was I reason I liked you." Ron said as he turned around and kept laughing.
"By the end of this trip, Monkey Boy, you'll wonder why you stayed with Kimmie and not with me." Shego said with a laugh as well.
Kim and Larry were driving down the road as fast as they could, with Kim doing her best to ignore her annoying cousin. He might be a genius with science fiction and computers, but he was an idiot with normal life.
"Thank you for taking me along cuz. I'm sure I'll be as good as Ron in the apprehension of this criminal." Larry told her.
"Larry, you're just along because our parents insisted on it. It's not my fault this happened at a family reunion. But no one will ever be like Ron. The sooner I catch this guy, the sooner I can get you home." Kim told him, making it obvious that he was getting on her nerves.
"You don't have to hide your feelings, cuz. I know you're glad I came along." Larry said, oblivious to Kim's attitude toward him.
"Dumb dork." Kim muttered to herself
Shego and Ron were cruising down the road again and looking for Felix. Ron had loosened his seat belt and managed to pry his fingers off the door and tried to relax. Shego was enjoying the sight in front of her. All that aside, she decided she had better check on Felix.
"Cyborg, you got your ears on?" Shego asked into the mic."
"You lucky siren, you got him. Where the hell are you two?" Felix replied.
"We're on a two-lane black-top, Highway Marker 71. How are we doing with time?" Shego asked.
"We're about thirty minutes ahead of schedule. Not bad for a guy in a wheelchair, if I say so myself. Come back." Felix said.
"I'll admit it, I'm impressed. What's your 20?" Shego asked him.
"I'm about four miles ahead of you two snails." Felix said.
"We'll see about that you little,"
"Breaker, Breaker to the Bandit." A feminine voice said over the CB, interrupting Shego.
"That voice sounds awfully familiar." Ron said as he started to think.
"Come on back, Breaker." Shego said into the mic.
"Bandit, I've got a big time Smokey report for you. Come back."
"Well, talk to me good buddy." Shego responded.
"You've got trouble coming after you." The voice responded.
"What's your handle and your 20?" Shego asked.
"My handle is Wonder Woman, and I'm grabbing your tail right now." The voice said.
With a very puzzled look, both Ron and Shego looked behind the car to see a Texas police cruiser following close behind them.
"What the hell is a Texas County Mountie doing in Arkansas?" Shego asked as they soon caught up with Felix.
Ron took a closer look at the car behind them with the rear view mirror and tried to get a good look at the driver. When he finally could see the driver clearly he, he took a gulp of air loud enough to make himself sound like he just swallowed a bowling ball.
"What's wrong with you?" Shego asked him.
"THAT'S KIM!" Ron shouted as he continued to look at the mirror.
"Please tell me you're shitting with me!" Shego said as she took another glance and confirmed what Ron saw.
"Cyborg, you got your ears on?" Shego asked him.
"Come on back, you lucky siren."
"We're coming around you, over."
"Look, be careful. You're gonna have to make your own lane, 'cause you definitely got some serious oncoming traffic." Felix told them.
"Damn it to hell and piss up a rope." Shego cursed to herself.
"Colorful today, aren't we?" Ron asked.
"Cram it, cup cake." Shego said as she kept looking for a way around Felix's rig. She was enjoying Stoppable's company, but she could go without the jokes right now.
"There's an old saying I learned in High School that I still use to this day." Shego said.
"What's that?" Ron asked her.
"When you can't win, CHEAT!" Shego said as she drove off the road, drove past Felix while taking down a row of mailboxes, and drove back onto the black top.
"I think I just went 10-100." Ron said.
"Better than a 10-200." Shego said with a small smile.
"I can't believe that lunatic just did that!" Kim said as she watched the Bandit's little move.
"It's obviously clear that this Bandit doesn't want to get caught." Larry said.
"Shut up, Larry." Kim said as she started to drive beside the big rig using the other lane.
"Uh, cuz?" Larry asked.
"Not now, Larry." Kim said as she started coming close to the cab of the rig.
"Cuz?" Larry asked again.
"What is it?" Kim asked and looked at her nerdy cousin.
"Isn't that an F-150?" Larry asked an pointed out the windshield.
Kim looked ahead of them to see a large red pick up truck heading toward them. Kim's mind lost it's constant cool for a brief moment and accidentally swerved and hit the rig. Kim hit the brakes and went into a slide in front of the rig only to hit it broadside and pushing them off the road and into a ditch.
"Bandit, you remember that Texas Bubblegum Machine?" Felix asked.
"What about it?" Shego asked.
"That crazy son of a bitch just tried to drive right under my truck!" Felix told them.
"Oh crap. Having KP on our ass is bad enough, now we're going to have a pissed off KP." Ron said to himself.
"How bad?" Shego asked as her mind drifted back to when she and the cheerleader faced during Drakken's scheme using the Hephaestus Project.
"You remember the Lil' Diablo's?" Ron asked.
"Maybe." Shego answered.
"Mix that with jaws and a bull shark and multiply it by ten." Ron told her.
"Goodie. I could use some fun." Shego said with a smirk.
Ron knew this woman had to be mad. He had seen Kim determined before, even when she got embarrassed, mad, or both. But as Ron thought about it, he did realize it could be fun to see if they could out run his best friend. He couldn't help but smile along with Shego.
"I knew there was a reason I liked you." Ron said, causing Shego to do a mental double take.
"Are you flirting with me?" she asked him. Not many men had the balls to even think about flirting with her.
"What if I am?" Ron asked her, wearing only his smug grin.
Shego just smiled as she saw the amount of balls and smugness Ron was using right now.
"Careful, Stoppable. Don't write checks your butt can't cash." Shego warned him.
A very angry Kim sat in the driver seat of the cruiser while her cousin tried to stop himself from shaking.
"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, makes me look like an idiot!" Kim said as her hands gripped the wheel tightly.
"Well cuz, there was that one time,"
"Shut your ass!" Kim said to him.
"I didn't know you cursed." Larry said with awe.
"Get me made enough and I'll put a damn sailor to shame." Kim said as she shifted the car back into gear and peeled back onto the road.
Author's Note(s): I didn't know Texarkana, Texas was dry. I've never been there, so I was taking a wild guess when I wrote the scene. I'm trying to follow the movie while also trying to figure out how to add a KP twist to it. Just because I live in Texas, doesn't mean I know what everything looks like.
10-100 - Taking a whiz. Try and guess what a 10-2oo is.