Felix was starting to get worried about Ron and Shego. It wasn't about their past relationship, he knew Ron could handle himself perfectly well. It was the fact that with all the buzz he had been hearing about them over the CB and police scanners is that they were worse than a bunch of pissed of fire ants at a Sunday picnic when they got behind the wheel of that damn car of hers. He tried his best to keep his eyes on the road and his foot, or mechanical tentacle in his case, glued to the floor. Last thing he needed was to be pulled over by some crazy ass Smokey. That's when he heard the scanner crackle to life.
"All units, All units. Be on the look out that suspect vehicle of The Bandit is still on the loose. Miss Possible has just lost the trail."
"LOST THE TRAIL MY ASS! THAT BASTARD JUMPED A BRIDGE! Lousy mother f-"
"Copy that, Miss Possible. All units, please be advised that suspect is traveling at high speed." the voice of an uneasy officer said as Fred let out a hound dog bark.
"I'm with you on that, Fred." Felix said as he laughed to himself.
"Cyborg, do you have your ears on?" Shego's voice came off the CB.
"About damn time. This is Cyborg, I'm about seven miles from the nearest rest stop. I've got smokies all up and down my back, so where the hell are you two?"
"Look in your mirror, dip stick." Shego responded.
That's when Felix saw the black Trans Am rush by him faster than a bat out of hell and pulled right in front of him.
"Hey! Is that a blonde driver I see, or did you get a new seat cover?" Felix asked.
"Long story. Pull in to the rest stop and I'll lay down a few lyrics." Shego said.
"That's a new one. All right Bandit, 10-4 on that." Felix said as he followed her into the rest stop.
From the looks of things, the only thing that had been fixed was the coat of paint on the picnic tables. Felix and Ron knew not to judge a book by it's cover, but they might make an exception from the look of the building that supposedly housed the restrooms themselves. The brakes on Felix's rig let out a loud pop as it came to a stop by the sleek and some what dusty Trans Am. Even though he was married, Felix couldn't tear his eyes away from the way Shego's breasts swayed underneath that loose green tank top of hers.
"If Ron doesn't make a move, he's dumber than the gifts Fred leaves in my shoes in the morning." Felix said as he tried to keep himself from drooling. That's when he noticed a smile on Ron's face that was so wide, the Grand Canyon would have to be declared a drainage ditch.
"Ron, you okay?" Felix asked his friend.
"Hand. She - she put - hand on. Heaven." Ron said as his grin became wider.
"Looks you fried his brain." Felix said.
"No problem." Shego said as she grabbed Ron by the shirt and planted the most passionate French kiss on the young man's lips, causing his eyes to grow as big as Mars.
Felix's jaw became slack and hung open as a grin formed on his face as she pulled away from the kiss, and lightly bit Ron's lower lip.
"Wow. I can die happy now." Ron said as he fell over backwards onto the concrete sidewalk.
"Where's a camera when you need one?" Felix asked with a smile.
"Keep the testosterone in, Cyborg. How are we doing on time?" Shego asked him.
"We're starting to run behind a little, but it ain't anything big. Besides, the girl's going to need some go-go juice pretty soon." Felix said.
"I probably need to check the suspension on this baby at some point." Shego said to herself.
"After everything you two pulled over the CB?" Felix asked.
"Not the way you're thinking." Shego said with a smile.
"You're kidding. Why can't that happen to me?" Felix asked himself.
"Because of that little band on your finger?" Shego asked him as she pointed to his wedding ring.
"Oh, that." Felix said like it was a sentence to life in prison.
"What do you want me to do with these?" Shego asked as she held up the bag of burgers.
"Oh, just hand them to Ron." Felix said.
Shego tossed the bag onto Ron's chest as he still laid flat on the sidewalk with a big smile. Shego shook her head as she saw the Basset start sniffing.
"How far behind are we?" Shego asked, getting down to business.
"Just a few minutes. Nothing too bad that we can't handle. What about those smokies, though? You got them swarming like a kid kicking a hornets nest." Felix asked.
"Don't worry, I'll handle them. We need to lay low for a little bit so they can loose our trail. Especially miss hound dog." Shego said as she wiped the sweat off of her forehead.
"OW! FRED, I'LL TURN YOU INTO THE LARGEST HOTDOG FOR THAT!" Ron shouted, causing Shego to raise an eyebrow.
"Fred wanted to eat, and Ron wasn't moving. So Fred got his attention." Felix said with a smirk.
"I'm scared to ask." Shego said.
"He bit him in the crotch." Felix said as he tried not to laugh.
"Ouch. If anything's damaged, I feel sorry for that dog. Let's hit the road." Shego said as she put her sunglasses back on and dragged a whimpering Ron back into the car.
"The Star Wars simulation was fun, but now it's my turn." Shego said as she put him in the passenger seat.
"Aw man, and I was doing good." Ron said to himself.
"Don't worry, I might let you give her another feel later on." Shego said with a smirk.
"Does that mean what I think it means?" Ron asked her.
"What do you think?" Shego asked him as they sped off onto the main road, leaving a faint puff of smoke and the smell of burning rubber.
"I swear, those two were made for each other. Too bad they spent the first few years beating the crap out of each other, right Fred? Fred? Where the hell is that dog?" Felix asked himself as he rolled back to the truck.
That's when a very feminine scream came from the women's restroom of the rest stop. An old woman wearing a navy blue muumuu came running out of the restroom, screaming non stop as she made a b-line towards her car. Around her ankles was a very large pair of pink granny panties, and a very energetic basset hound playing a game of tug of war with them.
"Fred, you idiot mutt! The last thing I need to see is up that cow's dress." Felix said to himself as he made his way to his dog. That's when the woman, half way to her car, fell over face first and caused her dress to go over her head. Felix grimaced at the sight he was receiving.
"Dear Lord, let those be liver spots." Felix said while he tried not to run away screaming in terror.
"I can't believe any of this! I have never been embarrassed in all my life!" Kim said as she gripped the wheel tighter than a boa around it's prey. She hadn't heard any word about the Bandit over the CB, and this was causing her anger to rise by the second. Slowly, her face was going from a flush pink to a fire engine red. Larry still kept looking at the road in front, and sometimes leaned a little over the side to get a glimpse of the passing concrete. It was so tempting to give her a cousin one swift kick or push while he was leaning. She didn't though. She was too much of a nice person. Of course, a lot of that would be gone when she finally got ahold of the Bandit and broke his neck.
"You know cuz, from what I have been observing of the road and of the condition of our car, I believe we should proceed at a slower speed." Larry told her.
"Larry, we are in a pursuit. The Bandit is going at least close to, or right at, one-hundred miles per hour. The last thing I want to do right now is go so slow that a fart out of your ass would look like it's winning the Daytona 500." Kim told him through gritted teeth.
"I was merely saying that because of road conditions,"
"Larry, if I want advise form you, then I will ask. Until then, SHUT UP AND KEEP YOUR ASS GLUED TO THAT SEAT!" Kim shouted.
Kim was greeted with the blissful sounds of silence as she felt the cold breeze blow through her mane of red hair. The perfect way to be driving, with Larry not talking at all. Kim's bliss was soon interrupted when the car dipped to the left suddenly and forcefully bounced back onto the road. Kim groaned as she regained her composure from the sudden jolt, but let out a groan of frustration as she heard a loud rattling behind them.
"Please don't tell me." Kim said to herself as she looked into the rear view mirror.
The sight she was rewarded with was that of numerous sparks coming out of the back of the car. Larry took one glance and sat back in his seat as he pushed his glasses closer to his face.
"It would appear that the sudden impact we sustained from the pot hole has caused the muffler to fall from it's intended spot underneath the vehicle." Larry said to Kim.
"Gee, you think? Thanks for pointing that out Sir Know-It-All!" Kim said sarcastically.
"I tried to tell you earlier about the numerous pot holes we had already encountered." Larry told her.
"If you knew about the pot holes, then why didn't you tell me?" Kim asked him in a voice that almost sounded more like a growl.
"You told me to be quiet." Larry told her simply.
"No one likes a smart ass, Larry. Now I've got to find a garage to stop at." Kim growled to herself as she took the nearest exit.
"Looking good, Bandit. Suspension's okay from here. If you ask me, I think she could take on the Death Star." the mechanic said as he wiped his hands on a shop towel.
"That's good to know. She's going to have to get me though more shit then I want to think about right now. How much?" Shego asked as she pulled out a wallet.
"Hey, it's on me. We don't get this kind of stuff everyday. I'm even buying you a free tank of gas. Supreme!" the young man said as he walked to the gas pump the car was parked next to.
"With these prices? Shit, are you related to Donald Trump?" Shego asked, earning a laugh from the attendant.
"Hey, I thought you were flirting with me!" Ron said while he sat in the car and downed a bottle of water, acting offended.
"What's wrong, getting a little jealous?" Shego asked while leaning down enough for Ron to get a good look down the tank top.
As soon as Ron glanced at Shego, he started inhaling the water like it was oxygen as his eyes grew large.
"Can't get enough of these mountains, can ya?" Shego asked with a smirk.
Ron forcefully moved his head to where he was looking at the dash, and removed the bottle as the plastic caved inside itself from Ron trying to vacuum out every last little bit of water. Shego glanced down and immediately had a grin that would make the big bad wolf jealous.
"I guess you are falling for my feminine charms." Shego said as she stood back up.
Ron glanced down confused and let out a groan that sounded more like a bull moose during mating season.
"My own body betrays me! How could you, little buddy?" Ron asked his crotch.
Shego was about to laugh at Ron's comment when she heard an annoying voice over the CB.
"Kim Possible to the Bandit." the voice crackled.
"This is the Bandit, what can I do for you miss priss?" Shego asked.
"I just wanted to let you know that despite all your clever little tricks, I'm still going to be the one to slam your ass in a cell that not even a dog catcher would use for a rabid mutt!" Kim said.
"That reminds me. What the hell did I do to you to make you hate me?" Shego asked.
"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?" Kim demanded.
That's when Ron noticed that last scream sounded clearer than it was supposed to. Ron slowly turner around and let out a small whimper as he saw a very pissed Kim screaming into a CB mic while her car was on a lift in the garage. Ron quickly looked forward again and covered his crotch. He wasn't scared that Kim would cut them off. He knew her too well and knew she wouldn't do anything like that. She would rip them off from his body in one swift yank.
"Little Princess, do the words F and O mean anything to you?" Shego said with a smile as she hopped back into the driver's seat. That's when she also noticed Ron's look and where his hands were. "Okay, having a boner because of me isn't that bad." she told him.
Ron just slowly lifted one hand and pointed to the garage. Shego glanced over the top of her sunglasses and took a slight gulp. That's when her grin reappeared as she looked at Ron and twitched her eye brows like Groucho Marks.
"I know that look." Ron said and smiled. "What do you have in mind?" Ron asked her.
"Just a little nervous breakdown for the cheerleader." Shego said as she started the car and revved the engine.
Kim was sitting in the car along with Larry, and listening to his snoring that sounded worst than the rockets at the space center. She knew she should have gotten out of the car, but she didn't trust leaving Larry alone in a car. Nerd or not, you don't leave a hormone driven guy in a car with the keys in the ignition. That's she looked outside when she heard an engine start up like it was in a race. She saw the black sports car peel out and spin to a stop with the back end facing in Kim's direction.
"Stupid redneck." Kim said to herself.
That's when she saw both the driver and passenger stand up, and pull their pants and underwear down and give Kim the full moon! Kim was shocked at the sight, but then she glanced at the license plate to get the number. She started sputtering like a speed boat when she saw it was the bandit's car.
"That - lousy, redneck - Mother Fu- YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Kim said as she started her car as the Bandit peeled out of the gas station and slammed her foot onto the gas pedal.
The car launched itself off the platform like a rocket, with the still loose muffler hooked onto part of it and ripping it completely off the car. The car itself flew through the air before it hit the concrete, destroying the shocks, and plowing into the side of a brand new Mercedes Benz. Larry flew out of the car like a rag doll, over the gas pumps, and into the lap of a beautiful women in a red convertible that could have given Carmen Electra a run for her money.
"Cuz? What happened?" a drowsy Larry asked as he woke from his sleep.
"Shut up and get your ass back in the car." Kim said as she covered her face with one of her hands in embarrassment.
"Do I have to?" Larry asked as he looked at the beautiful brunette that was only in a violet bikini top and a pair of white short shorts.
"And I thought I left losers like these back in Middleton." the brunette said to herself.
"Oh no, not Bonnie Rockwaller!" Kim said to herself.
Felix was looking in his mirrors, making sure the police weren't on his ass. As he looked, he could steel see the taser wires on the side of his rig as they floated in the wind. Thank God that old woman had bad aim. He just glared at his dog that was chewing on what was left of a pink pair of Granny panties.
"That's the last time I ever take you on a road trip." Felix said to the hound dog as he saw a near by truck stop.
"Bandit, this is the Cyborg. Come in you She-Devil." Felix said.
"Bandit here, what can I do you for?" Shego asked him.
"I'm going to stop and get some go-go juice and shove some groceries down my neck. That okay with you two?" Cyborg asked.
"Sure thing. Let us know when your back on the road." Shego said.
"You got it. Over and out." Felix said as he pulled into the parking lot and noticed a fleet of vintage Harley's that looked brand new.
"Please just let it be an episode of Biker Build-Off." Felix said to himself as an attendant came out and started to gas him up while he and Fred went inside.
Inside was a nice little dinner that looked like it got his with the reunion of Deliverance and Rebel Without A Cause. Felix wheeled up to the counter where a beautiful waitress greeted him with a smile.
"Long time and no see Felix. What brings you up here?" the waitress asked him.
"Just another run." Felix said as his chair raised him even with the bar.
"And how's all that beer doing?" the waitress asked him.
"I should have known. I'll take my usual, and can I use the phone? I'm starting to get tired of that little radio in the truck." Felix said.
"Sure honey. One Crying Cow on the Farm!" the waitress shouted into the kitchen as she brought a cordless phone to Felix.
"Thanks, Hon. Fred, don't start anything." Felix said as the dog gave him a puppy dog pout. "Don't give me that. Remember what happened at the last stop we made?" Felix asked him and punched in his home number.
"So what are we going to do for the next couple of minutes?" Ron asked Shego.
"There's a nice little park not too far from here. I go there to think and relax whenever I get a chance. When Felix gets back on the road, we'll head off again." Shego said as they stopped at a railroad crossing as a large train was passing by. Shego looked in the direction it came from and saw it wouldn't take too long.
"Oh man, I feel sorry for them." Ron said.
Shego glanced over to Ron's side and saw a funeral was in the process. She figured he meant the train going by while they were trying to pay their last respects. That's when she noticed a lot of them were wearing bandannas around their heads that were the same color, and a lot of them had the same tattoos.
"Oh shit. Ron, don't say anything right now. Those are gang bangers, and they'll kick our ass if we say anything they think is disrespectful." Shego told him.
"How do you know?" Ron asked her.
"Because I've had a run-in with these guys before." Shego said as she looked in her mirror and gulped.
The car looked worst than before, but it was the police cruiser from the gas station. And in it was a very angry Kim Possible with a vicious smile on her face. She had finally caught up to them, and the train was still going!
"Shego?" Ron asked as he looked into the mirror.
"I see her. We need a distraction long enough for that train to go by." Shego said as she tried to think.
Ron then had an idea. He knew Kim could handle herself and it was mean, but it was the only thing he could think of.
"Sorry, KP." Ron whispered as he cleared his throat and gave his best impersonation of Larry. "HEY CUZ, WHEN SHOULD WE COME BACK AND TAKE THE WATCH AND JEWELRY OFF THE CORPSE?" Ron asked loudly, causing the people at the funeral to look up and start mumbling.
Shego caught on real quick and did her best impersonation of Kim to add insult to injury.
"I DON'T KNOW, LARRY. WHAT ABOUT THE DEAL WITH THE MEDICAL COLLEGE FOR HIS DICK?" Shego shouted.
"Floor it!" Ron shouted as soon as the train was gone.
Shego hit the gas and plowed through the wooden barriers and and off down a side street while a fuming and purple face Kim glared at them.
"Oh no he didn't!" Kim growled.
"Cuz, why are all those people pulling out automatic weapons?" Larry asked.
Kim glanced over by Larry and saw the mob approaching.
"OH SHIT!" Kim screamed and floored the sputtering car as fast as it could away from the crowd that was opening fire at them. "When I find that bastard, I'm going to seriously kick his ass!" Kim growled to herself as they tried to find a place to hide.
Soon, Ron and Shego were parking by a very shaded spot under a pine tree in the beautiful State Park Shego had mentioned. Ron and Shego got out and started to move around to get the blood pumping.
"How did you find this place?" Ron asked her as they started to walk along a near by hiking trail.
"Before I became miss meteor woman, my family was normal. This is where we used to come camping now and then. I have so many great memories here." Shego said as she started to remember things from her past.
"What things did you do here?" Ron asked her, wanting to know more about his new partner in crime.
""Not that much. One time, I pushed Mego into the lake after we had seen that movie Piranha. He was so sure the lake was full of them that he was too scared to even look at the lake." Shego said with a smile.
"Now that was mean." Ron told her.
"Ron, I am mean. Look at me. What do you see at first glance?" Shego asked him.
"Honestly, I see a very beautiful woman." Ron told her.
"Huh?" Shego asked him, not expecting that answer.
"I see a very beautiful woman that I can't believe I'm with right now." Ron told her.
"Wow. Um, thanks." Shego said, dumb founded by what Ron had said.
"What else do you remember?" Ron asked, trying to make her feel more comfortable.
"Well, right here at the bridge," Shego said as the came to a wooden bridge that went over a nice little creek. "Me and my first boyfriend spent hours talking here. Then the day before we left for home, I screwed his brains out underneath that big old pine tree." she told Ron.
"R-really?" Ron asked her.
"Yup. It was the off season, so there wasn't anyone else around. Even though it was my first time and his, that was one of the most beautiful moments I can remember." she said with a sad smile.
"You two broke up?" he asked her.
"Well, when you get green skin and meteor powers, guys get turned off while looking at you." Shego said.
"I don't. I think it's hot." Ron told her, then slapped himself in the forehead for letting that slip.
"Wait, you think I'm hot?" she asked him.
"Well, yeah. It's not just the tits or that great looking ass. I don't know, I've always found you so incredibly hot. Now I'll quit sticking my foot in my mouth." Ron said as Shego looked at him with amazement.
She let out a small laugh and a smile as they continued walking.
"What about you? You ever go camping?" Shego asked him.
"I went to camp once, but you wouldn't want to hear it." Ron said.
"Hey, you listened to me and actuallysaid something nice aboutme. So it's only fair." Shego told him.
"Okay. When I was six, I was sent to Camp Wannaweep. My parents told me it's a great experience and I would have fun. Only to find out that the lake was polluted with toxic sludge, most of the squirrels had rabies, and I spent my whole time there bunking with the deranged mascot. A crazy ass chimp." Ron said as he shivered when he thought of that damn dirty ape.
"That explains the monkey phobia. Stoppable, I need to ask you something. Why do you have a crush on me?" she asked him.
"Crush? What? No! I-I don't - is it that obvious?" Ron asked her.
"Oh yeah." she said.
"I don't know. I know you're a bad guy and mean, and always trying to beat me and Kim up and all. But there's just something about you. Your take charge attitude and how you don't take any crap from no one. You see, I'm attracted to the person and not the looks. And with you, there's just something about you Shego that drives me wild. Like the urge to kiss you." Ron said as he looked into her jade eyes. "I know I must sound like an idot or a jerk so,"
Before Ron could say anything, Shego kissed him full on the lips. Ron was shocked at first, but then melted into the kiss as he took control. It wasn't a battle for passion or dominance, just a kiss that showed true feeling to the other person. They slowly broke the kiss, and looked into each other's eyes.
"I wanted to do that for so long." Ron whispered to her, causing her to smile.
"Ron, I'd like to make a new memory with you right now." Shego said as she kissed him again and they slowly slid to the ground in each other's embrace.
"Oh wow! I never knew it could feel so good!" Ron said.
"Ron, that's just my hand." Shego told him.
"Oh my God, give me the strength!" Ron said as he felt Shego's embrace.