"Now Monique, I'm not going to blow this! Monique? Monique, if you don't shut up, then I'm going to loose the money. Love ya too. Bye." Felix said as he hung the phone up. "Woman can go a mile a minute." Felix said to himself.
"Don't worry honey, I've heard worse horror stories." The waitress said as she gave him a bag filled with the food he ordered.
"Okay Fred, it time to – Fred? Oh Christ, not again." Felix said to himself.
"HEY, NO LEGS!" a gruff voice asked behind him.
"Here we go." Felix said to himself as he turned to face the owner of the voice.
He saw about four grunge covered bikers standing behind Felix. With Felix sitting in his wheelchair, it looked like Frodo Baggins going up against four giant trolls.
"Can I help you gentlemen with something?" Felix asked. "Like giving you a bar of soap?" he thought.
"Is this your mutt?" one with a thick beard asked him, holding a whining basset by the scruff of his neck.
"Yes that is, and would you quit holding him like that? That's hurting him." Felix asked him.
"I don't give a flying shit! Your damn dog just bit me." He said.
"Now I doubt that." Felix said.
"Listen buddy, I don't care if you're in a wheel chair."
"Yeah! It's bad enough they get the cripple stools in the bathrooms!" another biker with sunglasses said.
"Cripple stools?" another asked.
"You know. Them toilets with all room for stretchin? And they got them hand rails when you really got to,"
"WE GET IT! Listen buddy, your damn mutt bit me. And I wanna know what you're going to do about it." The biker with the beard said.
"Well Mr. Wide Ass, it's like I said. Old Fred couldn't have bitten you, because he hates the taste of grease." Felix said as he activated a neural control on his chair, and four metal tentacles emerged from the back of his chair.
One arm grabbed the biker with the beard, making him let go of Fred, and threw him into the kitchen. The man landed on a hot stove, burning his face and hands. Two other arms grabbed two more bikers, and flung them into the bathroom. A loud crash echoed as three women came out screaming.
"I told you the cripple stool was the Cadillac of the poop stools!" one biker said.
"Will you shut up about that?" his friend, who was now stuck in a sink, asked him.
The last biker was screaming like a girl as he turned and ran, only for two mechanical arms to grab his feet and caused him to hit the floor face first. He clawed at the floor, screaming his lungs out as the arms dragged him backwards. The last thing he knew was when he was thrown out of the window and into the flower bushes outside.
Felix turned to the other gathered bikers, mechanical arms spread and ready for action. He just glared at all of them, waiting for one of them to try something.
"Any one of you fuckers want to try and take me on?" Felix asked them.
All the bikers went back to their meals and their previous conversations. Felix took his food, his dog, and went back out to his rig. Felix was relieved when he saw that it was full. As he started the engine, he saw all the biker's hog's lined up in a row. All were in perfect condition, well taken care of, and must have cost a fortune in their present state.
"If we do this, Fred, we get a whoopin." Flex said to the dog. Fred merely barked in response. "Yeah, we do it." Felix said as he put the truck in gear and ran over every single hog the biker's had parked.
Ron and Shego sat in the car, holding each other in a warm embrace. Both had a satisfied smile on their face as they caressed each other's naked flesh.
"Wow! That was just – WOW!" Ron said to himself.
"Why, thank you." Shego said as she sat on his lap again. "How does it feel to be a man?" she asked him.
"What do you think?" Ron asked her as his grin grew wider.
"Again? My God Stoppable, I'm going to have to keep you around permanently." Shego said as her own smirk grew.
"Is that a promise?" Ron asked her as she began to slowly move her hips.
"What do you think?" she asked as she leaned in and kissed him again.
"Cyborg to Bandit, Cyborg to Bandit. Can you hear me, son?" Felix asked over the CB.
"Remind me to kill him later." Ron said.
"Not if I get to him first. This is the Bandit, Cyborg, and this better be good." Shego responded into the mic.
"I've got my wheels rollin' again, and I need you to keep them smokies of my back." Felix said.
"10-4 on that. We'll have your back in a minute, over and out." Shego said.
"I hate mood killers." Ron said to her.
"Don't worry. I'll ride you so hard that after we're done, you'll think you'll swear you were born with a broken pelvis." Shego said with a smirk.
"Can't we do that now?" Ron whined.
"Sorry, not yet." Shego said as she got out of the car and began looking for her clothes.
"You're mean!" Ron said with a fake pout.
"You're just figuring that out now?" she asked him.
"Kim, they're still chasing us!" Larry said as two more bullets whizzed by his head.
"Tell me something I don't know!" Kim shouted as she checked her rear view mirror, only for a bullet to shatter the reflective glass.
"Kim, there's a shotgun under the seat. Shouldn't we use it?" Larry asked her.
"Larry, I hate guns. I have never used a real gun, I've never even thought about using a gun. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm never going to use a gun!" Kim shouted at her cousin.
That's when another loud shot echoed loudly, and shot through the dash board. Kim's eyes squinted shut for a second, and was rewarded with a horrific sight. Part of her flowing red mane was now uneven with the rest of her long hair. And on her knee was a very long, and wide, strand of silky red hair. As Kim grasped it and held it to her face, Larry would have sworn her jade eyes were turning a deep fire red.
"My hair. My hair! He shot my hair!" Kim said as she slammed the breaks to the beaten up automobile, and spun it to face the chasing gang members.
She grabbed the shot gun and box of ammo from under the seat, loaded it the weapon, and cocked it.
"That son of a bitch! Larry, take the wheel." Kim said, her voice almost sounding like Rambo.
Larry slid over until his left foot was over the gas, and his hand firmly grasped the wheel. With Kim's signal, he pressed his foot onto the gas, and they began to drive forward. Not even bothering to aim, Kim just pointed and fired. The first shot took out the left front tire of the first car, causing it to swerve off the road. The second shot put a hole through the grill of the second car and take out the radiator. Another shot took out the head light, and one more took out the right front tire. Unlike the first car, the driver of the second car kept driving straight toward their car.
"Kim?" Larry asked uneasily.
"Drive right beside him, dork!" Kim shouted to him.
One gang banger stood up through the sun roof of the car, trying to load a clip into his pistol as they drove.
"Smile you son of a bitch!" Kim said as Larry maneuvered the car to the side, and both cars struck each other's side while Kim turned the shot gun upside down, and clubbed the gang banger across the face with it.
The force of the impact caused the gang banger to slump against the car, loosing his footing and completely fall out of the car. The car kept going as the wounded banger stood up, looked as Larry spun the car around and Kim taking aim.
"Ah, snap! Hey you bastards! Wait for me!" he shouted as he began to give chase after his fellow bangers.
"Well, I think you got even." Larry said.
"Not yet, I haven't." Kin growled as she cocked the gun, aimed, and shot the running gang banger's ass.
Larry just grimaced as he heard the man scream in pain and began to run faster.
"Nobody messes with my hair." Kim said as she ejected the empty shell from the gun.
"C-can we leave now?" Larry asked her.
"Sure. Move over, dork." Kim said as she sat back into the driver's seat.
Kim tossed the shot gun into the back seat, causing to go off blowing out the rear left blinker.
"When it rains, it pours." Kim said as she began driving back don the road.
The black car sped down the road, with Ron actually in the driver seat. Shego just sat back with her feet on the dash, enjoying a long drag on a cigarette.
"You know, those cancer sticks will kill you." Ron told her.
"Ron, with the exception of the flu and head colds, my body is the ultimate cure for everything. From cancer to aids, I can smoke as many as these things as I want." Shego told him.
"Immune to everything, huh?" Ron asked her.
"Down boy. You know I wish I could have found my underwear. I paid twenty dollars for that thong." Shego said.
"I know where it is." Ron said.
"You do? Where is it?" she asked him.
"I'm wearing it." Ron said with a sly grin.
"Why are you wearing my thong?" she asked him with a raised eye brow.
"I always wondered why girls liked to wear them. Honestly, how can you stand the string up your butt?" Ron asked as he shifted in his seat.
"It's an acquired taste. But you can keep them, I'll just buy another pair. " Shego said with a laugh.
"Are you sure they'll be coming this way, sheriff?" the young rookie asked.
"Listen you damn twit. Dispatch said Highway patrol saw them coming this way, so here's where we're stopping them. Damn stupid rookie." The old sheriff said as he crouched behind his patrol car.
"I told you not to make him mad." The other rookie said.
"That old coot was born mad." His partner replied.
"Ron, can I ask you something?" Shego asked.
"Fire away." Ron said.
"What do you say about a trip to Vegas after this is over?" Shego asked him.
"Holy shit." Ron said.
"Don't tell me that you've never been to Las Vegas?" Shego asked him.
"No, I mean Holy Shit as in look ahead of us." Ron said as he stopped the car.
Ahead of them were two police cars forming a road block with three police officers squatting behind the cars with their guns drawn.
"It's 106 miles to Georgia, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, we're horny, and we're wearing sunglasses." Ron said as he and Shego slipped on their shades.
"Hit it." Shego said as Ron floored it.
"Um, Sheriff?" the rookie asked in a shaky voice. "Are they doing what I think they're doing?"
"Oh shit. THEY'RE GONNA RAM US!" the old sheriff shouted.
The two rookies ducked to the side while the sheriff crawled into his car and tried to get it to start. The old man looked out his window and saw the black sports car getting closer by the second. He covered his face with his arms as he emitted a girlie scream when it looked like the car was going hit him. That's when Shego flipped a dashboard switch, and the car jumped over the two cars and landed with a hard thud back onto the pavement.
The old man let out a deep sigh of relief as the car sped off. That's when the two rookies looked up and saw the car getting away. The crawled back into their cruiser, started the car, and backed into the back end of the sheriff's cruiser and knocked him into the water filled ditch.
"I didn't do it!" the driver shouted.
"What do you mean, 'you didn't do it?' You're the one driving!"
"No I ain't!"
"WILL TWO DIPSHITS SHUT UP AND GET ME OUT OF HERE?!" the old sheriff screamed as he saw a perch swim by his feet.
Felix was cruising along fine, humming to a Rush song on a radio while old Fred was asleep in the seat.
"Get your rest, Fred. It looks like its smooth sailing from here on out." Felix said with a smile as he traveled down the empty highway.
As Felix cranked up the volume, he heard a weird sound in the song. As he paid more attention to it, he turned down the volume to try and make the sound go away, but he found out it wasn't coming from the song. He glanced into his rearview and saw a motorcycle cop following him with his siren going off.
"Oh, shit on a shingle! Cyborg to Bandit!"
"This is Bandit, what's on your mind Tin Butt?" Shego asked over the radio.
"Where the hell are you two? I've got a smokie trying to crawl up my ass!" Felix said.
"We're on our way techno geek." Shego said as Felix started to pull over.
Felix was crossing his heart, even though he wasn't catholic, and prayed to God that Ron and Shego would get there soon. As he checked the rear view again, he saw that guy looked like one of those eating nails for breakfast types.
"License and manifest." The officer said.
"Sure. Can I ask what the trouble is?" Felix asked him.
"You were going eighty in a sixty mile per hour zone." The officer said.
"Is that right? Damn gauge. I knew I should have got it checked." Felix said.
That's when he heard the familiar engine roar and let a broad smile cross his face. The black sedan quickly came to a stop in front of the large truck, and Felix let out a huge laugh as he saw Shego stand, and lift her tank top to give the police officer quite a show to see.
"You want it, come and get it piggy." Shego said as she slipped back into the passenger seat as Ron floored it.
Felix just watched as they sped off while the police officer forgot about Felix as he cursed and got back on his bike.
"How does Ron do it? First he had Kim, now he has a women that should be plastered on an issue of playboy. How does he do it? At least it should be smooth sailing now, Fred." Felix said as he started up the rig and began driving. Fred only gave out a long howl. "Ah, who asked you?" Felix replied.
"It looks like there has been some kind of accident, Cuz." Larry said as they came to a wrecker trying to fish out a police cruiser from a ditch.
"We might as well see who's responsible. But I've already got a bad feeling about who did it." Kim said as she stopped the car, and heard it give off a loud bang from where the muffler used to be.
As Kim and Larry talked to the police officers, a tow truck driver was driving down the road in a miserable mood. This wasn't the way he had seen his life. He could have been something greater than this, but no. Here he was, driving a tow truck in the middle of Hickville, USA. As he saw the gathered cars up ahead, he thought he recognized one of them. It couldn't be, but it was! The red hair, the clothes, it was her! He had a dark smile as he decided to teach this bitch a lesson.
"BONZAI!" he screamed as he poured on the speed.
"It doesn't surprise me at all. We've been following him since, - OH SHIT!" Kim shouted as they saw what she was screaming at.
Everyone ducked for cover as the tow truck driver rammed Kim's car and tore off the driver side door, laughing like a madman the entire time.
"YOU NO GOOD SON OF A WHORE BITCH! I'M GOING TO AREEST YOUR ASS FOR THAT, AND I'VE GOT PLENTY OF EVIDENCE TOO! Put the door in the car Larry."
"What Cuz?"
"PUT THE DAMN DOOR IN THE FUCKING CAR! I'M GONNA BARBACUE YOUR ASS IN FUCKING DIABLO SAUCE FOR THIS!" Kim screamed, causing all the other people to look at her with astonishment.
"KIM POSSIBLE, YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT? BUT YOU'RE-"
CRASH!
"OW!" the tow truck driver screamed.
Kim and a few other officers rushed to the tow truck that had rammed into a tall tree that was on the side of the road. As Kim looked in, a small smile crossed her lips as she saw who the driver was.
"Well, well, well. Dr. Drakken, I presume?" Kim asked as she saw the familiar blue skinned man in a daze.
"Ah, snap." The blue villain said as one of the officers pulled him out and slapped a pair of cuffs on him.
Kim was actually smiling as she made her way back to the dilapidated cruiser. It was short lived as soon as she saw her cousin Larry sitting in the passenger's seat while he was holding the damaged driver's side door.
"Larry, you idiot. Put it in the backseat." Kim told him.
Kim just shook her head as he dumped it in the back with a loud thud.
"Larry, there is just no way, no way, we come from the same gene pool. When we get back, the first thing I'm gonna do is punch your momma in the mouth." Kim said.