Chapter One

October 2, 1987

Hi, Diary! My name is Hannah and I am seven years old. My mom said maybe I should keep a diary because I have been very sad. I am the middle kid and have three sisters and a brother, but I'm the only one who is not a twin. James and Lauren have each other and Jenna and Crystal are twins too, but I'm just me. Plain old boring Hannah, all by myself.

I don't really have friends to play with and I have never been to school, not even once. Mom teaches us at home, and sometimes I play with my sisters and brother but mostly I read or do extra stuff in my lesson books. I like to learn things, and I really like it when Mom and Dad say they are proud of me. Dad says I'm seven going on thirty, but I'm not sure what that means. I think Mom bought me this diary to keep me company.

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(Jaime): When Hannah was born, I looked into her eyes and knew immediately that she was a very old soul. Steve says she's a little old lady in a little girl's body, but it's more than that. Hannah had wisdom long before she had knowledge – or even awareness.

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October 6, 1987

Uncle Oscar was here today, Diary. I hate it when he comes. He's always really nice, and pretends he's here to see us kids, but when he comes to visit it means Mom or Dad has to go away again, every time. Today it was Dad. Most of the time when Mom says I look lonely, I'm really just thinking. When Uncle Oscar has been here, then I'm lonely.

November 30, 1987

Uncle Oscar was here again. He still plays that game where he pretends he can't tell Crystal and Jenna apart. I think he's really known the difference from the first time he met them as babies, and he's just being funny and nice. It sure makes them laugh!

This time it was Mom who had to go away. Lauren and James know what's going on. I can tell by their faces. That is not fair! I'm not a baby! Sometimes I think they must be doing something bad, because Dad always looks sad when he has to leave us, and Mom just hugs us real close and hurries out the door so we don't see if she is crying.

December 11, 1987

Mom is still not home with us. Usually, it's only a week or so until we have both Mom and Dad again. Lauren cries in her room at night. So do I. I wish I knew what was really going on. I would ask Dad, but I know without anybody needing to tell me that this is something Dad and Mom don't want to talk about.

December 14, 1987

Mom is home!!! She hugged all five of us (and Dad) all together, then one at a time, for a real long time. She was crying. When will I be old enough to know what James and Lauren know? Maybe I will try to find out myself, like Harriet the Spy.

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That mission was a really close call; even Steve doesn't know how close. The phrase 'my life flashed before my eyes' wasn't exactly true, though. When I stood there, staring down the barrel of a very large, very nasty-looking gun, my family was all I could think about. Sometimes, I think about how nice it would be to just be normal.

Hannah knew for certain, after that almost-failed, seat-of-the-pants mission that her parents were a long sight away from normal. If I'd have known back then about the possibilities that were running through her head, I'd have grabbed Steve and the kids and just started running. Well, maybe not; that would be no way to raise children. I just don't think the uncertainty (and yes, fear) my children knew was right, either.

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February 26, 1988

Dear Diary, Dad has gone off to wherever Uncle Oscar makes them hide when he takes them away. What are they doing that's so bad that can't even talk about it? They always seem to have money, but neither one has a job. Oh, I know they were both famous once. Diary, did you know my Dad walked on the moon? My mom used to play tennis, and she was one of the best in the world. Maybe they both saved lots of money.

Or maybe they're bank robbers. Uncle Oscar takes them to rob a bank, then they have to hide for a little while after. I don't think so, but it's something they can't talk about. Is it work? I wish I knew.

April 11, 1988

We are on vacation with Grandpa and Grandma. We didn't know we were going to have a vacation. I don't think Mom or Dad knew either. Uncle Oscar came over, and all of us kids had to go play outside. I heard Dad yelling, but I don't know what he said. Mom left right away with Uncle Oscar. She was crying. Dad left when Grandma and Grandpa came to get us. He didn't look very happy. Lauren was crying, too, but no one will tell me why.

Anyway, now we're on vacation. We got to come to this pretty little island, with our own little house to stay in. Not a motel, either, and there isn't anybody here but us. It's real pretty here. I took my new book and sat in the sand to read. Jenna and Crystal are playing with their pails and shovels. James is climbing a tree and Lauren is locked in her bedroom, crying.

I miss Mom and Dad. Maybe they'll come and be on vacation, too.

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