A/N: Yep. It's getting darker. Gradually, but surely.

Disclaimer: Any characters you recognize from the books, or any other substance or events, are, unfortunately, the work of the amazing JKR. And not me. :

Carrie sat on the edge of her four poster in her newly familiar dorm room looking out the dim window. She had the sudden and rather random observation of the window panes. They were dank, with a light film of dust and dirt that built up over time. It limited the light that was able to enter the dorm room, but in a way it suited her just fine. For once in her life she could have been happy. She could have been. But she wasn't.

Her chest was constricted with a sort of pain that was nearly indescribable unless you have felt it before. Her past actions were strangling her, but living with the pain was her way of torturing herself. If she were to die, then how would she be able to pay for what she had done? Though, she had to say, physical pain would be much better. Like if she fell from a dangerous height that was enough to seriously hurt her, but not enough to kill her, that would be wonderful. It was because she just couldn't deal with the emotional pain. It was impossible for her to forget how it came about. How she became conscious of what she was doing. It never bothered her before. Hurting. Killing.

Ironically, it became her demise soon after. In a sense, she was dead. She felt like an empty shell inhabited only by remorse and regrets. With that thought she felt the sudden urge to punch through the damn window pain that she could so pathetically relate to. She wanted to smash it, but not just stop there. She would place the broken pieces in a bag, then hit it with a mallet until it was a powder, then she would torch it until it melted back together into an unrecognizable blob. Oh how she wished she couldn't recognize herself.

But she didn't. Not because she didn't want to, couldn't, or wouldn't. Because it would be awfully hard to explain. It's not every day that you have students torching pieces of glass from their dorm-room window. Especially after they assured you that they didn't need to go to St. Mungo's for therapy, and they wouldn't be a threat to other students.

The prospect of being surrounded by 6 padded walls and no windows didn't particularly appeal to her at the moment...maybe the next day the odds of her wanting that would be better.

She nearly jumped when she heard the door to the sixth year girls' dorm open. She didn't, though. The skill of keeping from showing any visible signs of fear or even surprise was one thing she had down to a science. Her eyes didn't even flicker away from the glass pane as she heard two girls who had been chatting separate as one entered the dorms and one did not. She heard footsteps cross the room, and followed exactly where the girl went as she sat down with a squeak of her mattress, but her eyes never left the window.

She forced her eyes to look beyond the glass, rather than just at it. She could barely make out the stars in the sky. Barely, but she could. Then she felt that tightness in her chest again. She wasn't even sure what it was about. The fact that she felt as though she would never feel happiness only made it worse. She had felt it once...but that was because of something. Of someone. But she knew that it would be impossible to feel that way again. It was impossible because that person was gone. And it was partially because of her. Maybe more than partially...

"Hello Carrie," she heard Hermione's voice say. Carrie struggled to pull her gaze off of the sky. She had heard that when you look at the stars you were looking back in time, in a way. It took time for the stars' light to reach the eyes of people. A star that may have already ceased to exist could still be seen, because the absence of the light would take a certain length of time to reach the earth. She knew that though she wanted to look back in time so badly, it would change nothing. No matter what she did, she would never be able to live those times again. Her chance was already given, and she wasted it. There was no hope that she'd ever get another.

"Hey," she answered, trying for a cheerful voice. She forced a disturbingly convincing smile, considering how she felt beneath her mask of skin.

"Ginny and I were planning on taking a trip down to Professor McGonnagal's office for Dueling Club sign-up if you'd like to come," Hermione offered.

Carrie shook her head, trying to look appreciative. "No thanks, I already signed up," she answered glancing back through the window, then quickly averted her gaze to another direction. Looking there wasn't going to make her feel any better...she either needed fast angry music that she wouldn't be able to think through, or something to get adrenaline to course through her veins. That would be the only way to put a pause on the pain. Her preference would be the latter.

"You can always walk with us, if you want," she responded to her.

"That's okay," she said smiling one of her well practiced masks again, "I think I'm just going to end up sleeping."

Hermione smiled back, seeming to be sincere. "Okay. Maybe some other time," she said as she turned out the door, not before catching the nod from Carrie, and into the common rooms. Carrie stepped out the door a few moments after she heard their chatting die out, and the common room door shut behind them. Grabbing her neglected broom out from under her four poster, she walked to the dorm room door, and stepped through it. She then made her way through the common room, her feet silent against the carpeted floor. As she walked past the fire she felt the heat and shivered. An odd response, but the heat reminded her of the chill she had been feeling. The second she passed the fire, it came back. Though now she couldn't ignore it; she had already been reminded. She shrugged off the feeling then and forced it out of her mind as she stepped through the portrait hole.

Carrie felt the cool September air whip through her hair as she skimmed the surface of the lake. The water came up on the sides of her, chilling her skin as it (along with the help of the light rain) gradually but effectively soaked through her clothing. She pulled up on the handle of her broom and flew up towards the sky. The rain drops were cold and icy as they hit her face at a painful speed, but she didn't mind it. For once she was able to just not think.

Sure, classes kept most painful thoughts out of her mind, but they were a different hell in themselves. Nothing had changed at all. Everything was the same as it had been two years ago. How could nothing change here, when everything in her own world would never be the same? Carrie had supposed she was the only one that could be blamed for that. But the thought didn't take the pain away. It would never, and to the contrary, it only added to it. She had made her choice. Everyone had choices, and she made her own. What the fuck was wrong with her? The only answer could be survival.

She forced her broom down again to dive towards the water, wondering for a moment what would happen if she didn't pull up. At this speed, she'd be down in the lake too far before she could stop and swim up. She'd drown, and her body would either wash up on shore, or she would sink to the bottom and eventually be forgotten. She pulled up at the last second, and if there had been any onlookers they would have been sure that she would have dived into the watery depths of the lake, only to be proved wrong at the last fraction of a second.

She had done what she had done for survival, and she was going to live with it. It wouldn't be for nothing, and she wasn't about to cheat the suffering now. Her head began to feel light as she climbed higher and higher into the air. It was probably due to the fact that she was no longer used to this, but it didn't stop her. She broke through the clouds, her clothes becoming even more soaking wet as they clung to her skin. At that moment she felt the chill, but didn't shiver. It was the most wonderful feeling she had had in a very long time. She rapidly dropped height, her lightheadedness alarming her. She accelerated her speed, hoping to dry off her clothes before she re-entered the castle. This was for one of two reasons, one was that Filch would have her head, the other was that she didn't want any questions.

Hermione and Ginny watched Carrie fly over the grounds from the edge of the castle, and exchanged sly looks. Well, more on Ginny's part than Hermione's.

They entered the castle, ready to walk to the common room, but stopped when they saw Harry in the Great Hall playing chess with Ron.

"Hey 'Mione, Ginny," Ron greeted, not even bothering to keep his head up from the fleeting glance.

With that, Harry turned around to look up, as he had been facing the opposite direction. "Hello," was all he said before he turned back to the game.

"Harry," Ginny began, walking to his other side, "I think we may have found someone to fill that open Quidditch position."

"What?" he said, them having finally caught his attention, "When? Where? How?"

Ginny raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I believe the question you're looking for is, 'who?'."

"Who, then," he responded impatiently.

"Carrie," Hermione stated matter of factly.

Harry looked lost. "Carrie who?" he asked. He had never even met a Carrie.

"Er...I'm not sure," Hermione said, feeling a little embarrassed that she didn't even know the girl's last name. "It's the girl I was talking to at the feast the other night."

Ron looked up from the game. "You were talking to a girl the other night?!" he asked incredulously. He thought she had just sat back and stopped talking to them the entire night. He had no idea she had been talking to someone else.

"Yes," Hermione began coldly, "As a matter of fact, I was."

Harry knit his eyebrows together. "I think I might remember her...," he said, "Dark hair, dark eyes?" he asked.

"Yes," Hermione said, throwing Ron another glare.

"She flies?"

"Apparently," Ginny said, getting a little impatient. That was by far the most idiotic question she had yet heard that day. Of course she flew, otherwise they wouldn't be over here. "Well, too. By the looks of it."

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