Title: Sakura's Home
Author: Winter Ashby (rosweldrmr)
Disclaimer: Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto-sama. I don't own anything about Naruto, this is just for fun and if I did own Naruto I wouldn't have to right this, because I would have a team of very talented people turning this into a saga right now...
Rating: K+
Warning: this not only has spoilers until Manga 270ish, but it's kind of required for you to know what's going on. I use a lot of the Gaara mission, just made it AUish.
Summary: Sakura was kicked out of Konoha five years ago but now has been asked to return… She will meet old friends and be faced with the consequences of her actions. Future AU Sakura centric. No pairings, and you need to be up to date in the manga and series.
Authors Notes: I told you I wouldn't make you wait too long for the next update. The good stuff is almost here... almost... Oh and just as a little piece of trivia for anyone who's interested. The title of this chapter 'Balance' is an allusion to what I deem to be the greatest Fandoms that exists... still to this day and in spite of the massive Naruto fandom. Don't get me wrong, I love Naruto. The title comes from an episode of Roswell. Because if you're a freak like me, you know the title of every single episode.

Chapter 9 – Balance

"Kakashi-san isn't the only one who has faced Itachi and failed." She spoke steadily, trying her best not to hint at the terror that still surrounded that memory. Tsunade's face showed no sign of surprise, but she knew it was there, nonetheless. Sakura looked down one last time to the boy at her feet and sighed. She stepped around him, leaving the genin to think about the bloody knife at his feet.

Tsunade didn't wavier, but addressed her with great authority. "Please come to my office so we can discuss this further. Naruto, help Konohamaru." It was very unlike Naruto to accept an order, but he nodded and obeyed. It was so uncharacteristic of him that Sakura had to repress the urge to poke him. Maybe coming back from the dead changed him in more ways that just his chakra. But she also had a feeling he didn't want to hear about her encounter with Itachi. She was grateful for that. She made it a habit to repress the memories of those weeks from her mind, reliving them was not a prospect she was looking forward to. She could already feel a lump start to form in her throat and a quiver threatening to radiate from the base of her spine.

She ignored it and bowed her head as she steadily followed her former sensei. The familiar door loomed in the distance as they made their way down the unchanged hall. It was eerie, being somewhere that used to make her feel so safe, knowing that there were eyes watching her every movement. But then again, she was a murderer, so she deserved every hateful look and fearful, fleeting glace that she got. The impression of impending doom was once again mounting in her heart, but it was now growing stronger. She felt like she was adrift on a sea of emotions that were swimming around inside of her.

Once they were behind the large, heavy wooden doors of Tsunade's office door, she finally felt some semblance of normality. And then, the budding fear felt like it was melting away in the sunlight that filtered in through the large windows. There were no more wandering eyes, and sideways glances through curved lids. She knew what they were thinking, and she knew that they were right. But none of that mattered anymore. The only thing Sakura allowed herself to think of was Kakashi laying helplessly in the dark. He was so pale and thin, it was like looking at a skeleton and the feel of the leathery, cold skin of his hand when she held it in her own was haunting. That was the reason she was back, and the reason she would stay. Even if she had lost Sasuke, there was still someone she needed to save.

"Be seated." Tsunade's voice was laden with the authority Sakura recalled dreading so much in her teenage years. But it was also different now too. She didn't remember there being such a chip of aggression in the woman's words before. Idly, she wondered what had caused the change in her former sensei. But she already knew the answer to that. The day she took another villager's life Tsunade changed, she blamed herself for letting Sakura get so far from her intended path. She tried not to think about that though, and instead she obediently sat across from her, bathing in the warm early morning sun. "Explain."

It seemed like such a simple request, one that Sakura should feel no apprehension in adhering to. But from the depths of her soul to the pit of her stomach, she knew for absolute certainty that she would stumble. Suddenly, she felt all the previous pain and grief and heartache come thundering back into her mind. It was so much, too much. She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't even comprehend what she was supposed to answer. She could feel the blood on her hands again, and hear the screaming. It felt so real, so close. She let her head drop and her bangs shielding her face from Tsunade's eyes. "Please, I need just a moment." She squeaked from her perch at the edge of painful regret.

Apparently Tsunade understood the pain in her words, and plea for just a little more time to settle her thoughts. It was impolite to speak like that, but it was all Sakura could do to try and subdue the immense trepidation in her soul. It had been a long while since she'd let herself remember her run-in with Itachi, but it was even more painful now. Just thinking of all the people she could have saved if she would have been strong enough to stop him three years ago made her feel sick.

Then, as soon as the painful feeling had come, it was gone – lost in a sea of a hundred other fears that clenched her heart that morning. Her stomach leveled out, and once again she felt the ability to form words. It was unexpected, but not without precedent. She had felt the same jolt four years after Sasuke left. It was a year after she was expelled, and just the time that he should have been taken over by Orochimaru. It was only on the wings of the gossiping wind did she hear the gallant tale of how a boy with an ancient fox trapped inside his body was able to once again delay the soul transfer. So it would appear that before Sasuke could be used as a vessel again, he finally achieved vengeance. She wondered if in his last moments, he thought it was worth it.

"I apologize." Her voice returned once again, but Tsunade just sat, hands clasped in front of her face, and a penetrating gaze that she recalled so well. "It was three years ago, I was training in the mountains of Stone. I never knew why he targeted me, but I was caught off guard and I wasn't strong enough." It was such a simple story, one that could be told effortlessly, if it weren't for the sound of her own tortured cries that echoing in her mind. She felt a sweeping pain streak across her brain, like a lightning bolt. She refrained from shivering, but the memory of the blood red sky hanging low as she struggled to hold on to her sanity was so real. The sensation of the phantom blood that stained her hands still woke her up in the middle of the night.

"I understand that each person will experience something different." Tsunade's face was emotionless as she probed her former student's memory for a key to unlock the mystery of the infamous Uchiha. Sakura nodded, and waited for the question she knew was coming. "What did you see?"

She sighed lightly, and prepared to answer. "I murdered her, over and over. I knew it was going to happen, but each time I was powerless to stop it, or save her…" Sakura stopped then; unable to continue. She stayed quiet for a long moment and inhaled deep breathes to calm her pounding heart and aching soul. Once she was satisfied with her restored stoicism, she clarified further. "For a week I was caught in an endless cycle. It was so real. I could feel her blood on my hands and hear her gasping for air just..." she didn't finish. She knew she wouldn't have to and she couldn't.

"I see." The great Godaime Hokage replied impassively. And Sakura was grateful Naruto wasn't there then. She knew that her actions hurt him more than he would ever allow himself to admit. But she saw the looks, and the hesitant pain that reflected in his eyes the morning after, as she was banished. "And how did you recover?" Tsunade interrupted her thoughts.

She didn't have to say the next part, the underlying meaning of the statement. Sakura heard it nonetheless. Tsunade knew Sakura was not aided by anyone else. Who would help a murderer? "After a week, I was left in darkness. I focused all my energy on trying to sense what was controlling me. I was able to uncover the secret of the Mange Sharingan."

"And how did you do that?" her questions were straightforward, but Sakura could also here the accusation that soaked her tone. She was trying to ascertain if Sakura used her forbidden jutsu.

"I was lost in never-ending darkness. I had no sense of myself, or the world around me. I couldn't have used my jutsu even though I wanted to. I had to rely on my chakra control, the skill you taught me." There was a reverence in her comment that she was sure wasn't lost on the powerful woman who sat in front of her. "It disrupts that balance of a person's chakra with their physical body. It pits the mind against the body. Once I figured that out, it was relatively easy to rebalance the flow between my mind and body." Sakura noted how small she seemed in the sun streaked room, her light blond hair shone and her honey eyes narrowed.

"How?" her insistence was as strong as ever, and Sakura let the fleeting feeling of security pass. She was a criminal, a stain on the pride of the village and to her master. It wasn't until then, faced with her former life that she really became aware of how different everything was. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd always entertained the idea that everyone was exactly the way she left them five years ago. She knew it was impossible, and she wasn't even really aware that she'd been doing it. But now that she was face to face with her old life, the reality she'd stepped into early this morning was a startling contrast to her memory.

She repressed yet another sweeping pang of grief that coursed through her body for a hundredth time since the day began. At first it was easy to suppress the tears that weld up in her eyes and the pain that threatened to bring her to her knees. But with each passing minute, the shell of the heartless tool was withering away. Images of Sasuke in his last moments passed through her mind. Hearing Naruto cry out as the kyuubi was taken from his body. Kakashi falling to he knees while Itachi stood menacing over him.

She could no longer keep herself from feeling the grief from losing so much, so fast. Even though Sasuke had been gone for eight years, she still always harbored the hope that someday she would heal him and they could come home together. She knew it was a useless fantasy, but even in her darkest hours it was the thought that kept her going. He was what kept her alive, no matter how many times she was attacked; thinking of saving him kept her fighting.

Sakura tried to focus on Tsunade's question, but the clenching in her heart was getting stronger with each second. She desperately blinked back the tears that she knew were mounting and recalled the method that could save her childhood sensei. Eventually, she took a deep breath and spoke. "From the inside."

Pardon my intrusion here at the end, but I am now on my knees begging, begging with tears in my eyes...please, help me!

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BETA wanted!

I am deeply in need of someone who can check over my fics before they go up. I don't need anyone familiar with all the shows I watch or anything like that. All I need is someone who will read over my fics, highlight the problem sections in red and send it back. I will do all of my own editing, I just need fresh eyes who will point out the things I missed. And, this person should be over 17 because I have NC-17 fics that severely need a once over. And I refuse to corrupt innocent children for the sake of grammar. Seriously though... I do have SOME morals!