Love Hina – I, My, Oh Dear Me! Scrambled Strawberry Eggs

Fanfic by Steven Biggs

Chapter Six – Fox and Hounds.

Tuesday Evening.

Keitaro sprints down the stairs as quickly as his injured foot allows. He jumps for the hot spring, only to be caught in mid-leap by Su's Mecha-Tama. He falls into the water and the mechanical turtle, its program completed, powers off and drops to the ground. Motoko, followed by the other girls, rushes out to the hot spring and drags him out of the water.

"Urashima, are you injured?"

Kitsune looks at the singed ronin and turns to Su.

"That might be a bit of an understatement. No one could've survived a fireball like that. If I were ya'll I'd start looking for a good lawyer."

Su kicks at a small rock and bows her head.

"I just knew I shoulda not added the 'flambé' option, I just knew it!"

Keitaro opens his eyes and sniffs the air.

"Is someone having a barbeque?"

Naru kneels next to him.

"Are you okay, Keitaro?"

"Uh, Narusegawa, what happened? The last thing I remember is that metal turtle chasing me."

"It caught you."

Shinobu leans over and wipes some of the soot from his face.

"Aaauuuuu! How could anyone survive something like that? You must be indestructible!"

Mutsumi nods her head.

"Indeed. It seems he's very fortunate. Oh my, but he was very fast!"

He sits up and then slowly gets to his feet.

"I think I'm okay, thanks for being concerned about me."

Su moves over and touches his arm.

"I'm really sorry about that Keitaro."

Keitaro looks down and smiles at her.

"Well, no real harm done. But I think my sweater has had it."

Naru grabs his hand and leads him into the common room.

"You should rest for a while. I'll bring us some tea."

She heads into the kitchen, followed by Shinobu, as the other girls sit. Mutsumi leans towards him."

"Do you feel up to studying tonight? Maybe you should go lie down. You can use my room, if you like."

"If nothing else happens, I think I can hold up enough to study."

Naru and Shinobu return. Shinobu has the tea, but a fearful expression is on her face. Naru is carrying a plate of food for Keitaro.

"Naru-sempai, maybe he shouldn't, ah, eat so soon after being in the water."

Naru shakes her head.

"No, I think the best thing for him is to have something nutritious to eat."

Shinobu whispers.

"I think so too, but shouldn't we give him something that you didn't cook?"

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"Ah, uh, nothing at all! Aaauuuuu!"

Naru sets the plate on the table in front of Keitaro and hands him a spoon.

"I hope you like pork-fried rice, Keitaro."

He beams a smile at her as he takes the spoon.

"I love pork-fried rice! Thank you!"

Shinobu reaches into her apron, making sure that the stomach medicine is in her pocket. Motoko catches her motion and her eyes widen.

"Urashima, maybe you should rest more before eating."

"But Motoko-chan, this tastes best while it is hot."

"You cannot! It, uh, it is not advisable to eat before studying! I am sure that there was an article in the news about that recently!"

Keitaro ignores her and starts eating. It is not until his third spoonful that he notices the odd flavor. He pauses and looks closely at the rice. He spots some odd blue items mixed in.

"Uh, what are these?"

Naru claps her hands and smiles.

"Blueberries! I thought some fruit mixed in the rice would go well with the milk."

Author's Note: For anyone not familiar with pork-fried rice, it does NOT contain sugar, vinegar, blueberries, milk, or baking soda.

Keitaro pauses and looks at his spoon. One of the blueberries pops and oozes a sickly-blue juice. Kitsune covers her mouth and runs for the stairs. Naru looks at her and then turns back to Keitaro.

"Well, aren't you going to finish it? I cooked it for your visit here."

He takes a deep breath and raises the spoon to his mouth once more. Su crosses herself and closes her eyes.

"Ya is a brave man, Keitaro. I'm gonna miss ya."

Another blueberry rolls off the spoon and slowly falls. As it hits the floor it explodes, burning a small hole in the wood. Mutsumi rolls her eyes and flops backwards in her chair.

"Oh my!"

Naru crosses her arms.

"Well?"

Keitaro lifts the plate and shovels the entire serving of rice into his mouth. Tears fall from his eyes as he chews. A trail of blue juice drips from the corner of his mouth as he forces himself to swallow. Gently, he lowers the empty plate to the table. Naru smiles approvingly and then places another plate in front of him.

"Here are some tempura hotdogs! It's my own recipe. I ran out of mustard, so I used wasabe instead.

Author's Note: Wasabe is a paste that is similar to horseradish, except spicier. It is either green or yellow. Green is the strongest.

He looks at the burned, greasy, batter-fried wieners coated with green paste and then looks up at Motoko. Silently, his lips form a sentence.

"Kill me now, please Motoko-chan."

Motoko bows her head, helpless to stop Naru's culinary onslaught.

"Forgive me, Urashima."

As Keitaro reaches a shaking hand for one of the hotdogs, Shinobu looks back and forth between him and Naru. Unable to bear it any longer, she grabs the pitcher.

"Aaauuuuu! Let me pour you some more tea!"

She jams her foot against a leg of the table and falls forward. Reaching out, she dumps the pitcher on the plate of tempura.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry! I spoiled all of the tempura hotdogs, Naru-sempai!"

Naru quickly grabs a towel.

"Maybe I can soak up the tea and save them!"

Motoko launches herself out of her chair.

"No, Naru-sempai! It, it would not, uh, do them justice to serve them in such a manner. Perhaps, you can try them again some other time!"

Naru scowls and looks at the plate.

"I guess you're right. At least there are some more in the kitchen that we can have later as a snack. You don't mind, do you Keitaro?"

Naru looks around and spots Keitaro crawling towards the front door. She skips over and lifts him to his feet as she points to the stairs.

"Silly, we study upstairs, not outside. Now, you go and wait for us in my room. I'll bring Mutsumi as soon as she wakes up. I'll bring the rest of the tempura hotdogs too."

Motoko, who is standing next to the counter holding the telephone, interrupts Naru.

"Naru-sempai, excuse me, but Haruka-san wishes to speak with her nephew."

Keitaro uses the wall to brace himself and walks over to the counter. As he reaches for the phone, Motoko leans over and whispers.

"Keitaro-san, this is just a ruse to save you from further gastric distress. Please, you must leave here immediately."

He smiles at her and raises the receiver to his ear.

"Bless you, Motoko-chan. I owe you another one."

After a few seconds, Keitaro replaces the receiver and looks at Naru.

"I'm, I'm really sorry Narusegawa, but something's come up and I need to talk to Haruka-san. Maybe we can study together another time."

Naru walks over and pats his shoulder.

"That's okay. You can come over again tomorrow, if you like."

As Shinobu takes his hand to say goodbye, she slips him some pills from the stomach medicine bottle.

"I hope you feel better soon, uh, Sempai!"

"Thank you, Shinobu-chan. Will you be cooking tomorrow?"

"Yes, I will!"

He smiles and pats her head.

"Then I'll be sure to be here."

Keitaro waves to everyone and walks through the door. A moment later, Motoko reaches into the closet and pulls out his coat.

"He forgot his coat. I shall bring it to him."

She catches up to him as he reaches the steps. Turning around at the sound of her footsteps, he smiles at her.

"Thanks for bringing me my coat. I guess I was in kind of a hurry."

Motoko looks at him with eyes full of concern.

"Are you well? To be blunt, Naru-sempai's cooking should be classified as toxic waste."

"I think I'll survive. Shinobu gave me some pills that should help."

She looks timidly at the trees and ground.

"Keitaro-san, would you, that is, if you do not mind, I would like to . . ."

Motoko looks up as he gently pulls her towards him. She closes her eyes, shivering at the touch of his kiss.

On the second floor, Kitsune turns and looks out of a window on her way back from the restroom. She takes a few more steps and then leaps back to the window.

"Holy spit! Motoko is kissing Keitaro-san! I was right about them, after all! Ya'll sneaky kids!"

She continues watching until Keitaro walks down the steps and enters the Tea Shop. Motoko spins around a few times and then enters the inn. Kitsune rubs her chin.

"Now, what mischief can I make from this?"

Kitsune leans on the windowsill plotting her plans. After about fifteen minutes, she spots Keitaro leaving the Tea Shop and holding his stomach.

"Holy spit! Why is Keitaro-san wearing a dress?"

A second later, Haruka runs outside and pulls a wig over Keitaro's head. As he reaches the top of the steps, Kitsune ducks low and peeks through the window.

"It, it's Keiko-san! But, but it's Keitaro too!"

A devious grin spreads across her lips.

"This is even better! Kitsune is such a bad girl! It's gonna be a bloodbath!"

Rubbing her hands together, she runs to her room.

"But first, sake, sake!"

She pulls open a bottle and pours some of the sake on her shirt. She takes a sip and swishes it around in her mouth. She rubs her cheeks, causing them to glow cherry-red.

"Ah, that should do it! Now, hee hee, let the fun begin!"

Carrying the bottle, she quickly makes her way to the stairs. As she reaches the bottom, she exaggerates her steps, putting on an extraordinary act of being drunk. Naru looks over at her.

"Kitsune! You're drinking too much!"

Kitsune rolls her head and staggers to the common room.

"Aw, whazza matter, Naru? Ya'll never letz me have any fun!"

Shinobu sits up and stares at her.

Aaauuuuu! This can't be good."

Su leaps over, sniffs the fox, and pulls out a banana.

"Whew! You're toasted! Here, bananas are good hangover food!"

Motoko, still standing near the entrance, turns and looks at her with disdain.

"I do not understand why you insist on drinking so much, Kitsune-san."

Moving into position, Kitsune staggers next to Motoko and leans on her shoulder.

"Why don't ya'll loosen ups some, shtick-waving momma? Ya aint ever gonna getz a man if ya'll stays a prude!"

Mutsumi, carrying a tray of sliced watermelon, walks in from the dining room.

"Oh my! Konno-san! You look like you're having fun. Can we join you?"

She waves the bottle at the turtle-girl.

"Sure thing, Miss Melons! There's plenty for everiesbody!"

The front door slides open and Keiko walks in. Kitsune spins around and lifts her bottle.

"Great timing, Miss Manager! Letz have a party!"

"K-Kitsune-san! Please be careful!"

"Aw, thatz so nice of you to be worried about little old me! Let me thank you really good!"

Kitsune takes a few quick steps and wraps her arms around Keiko. As his blue eyes widen, she plants her lips against his. Hinata-sou becomes deathly quiet. The fox pulls away, the popping sound of their lips echoing through the inn.

"Awright! That was delisciouz! Letz do it again, Keiko-kun!"

Kitsune drops the bottle and grabs Keiko's cheeks. Parting his lips with her thumbs, she darts her tongue out and presses her face against his once more. Shinobu falls to the floor.

"Lilacs! Aaauuuuu!"

Mutsumi blushes and covers her eyes.

"Oh my! That really looks like fun!"

Su stares at them, the banana in her hand squeezed into mush.

"Hokey cows!"

Naru leaps up and points at them.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing, Kitsune?"

Motoko stares at the two of them.

"N-no. Do not do that."

Kitsune pulls away from a shocked Keiko and licks her lips.

"Wow! I think that I'm gonna like being like thiz! Itz great!"

She turns her head and looks at the sword master.

"Ya'll wants to give it a try? I just know that your dyin' to get your lips on this stuff!"

Motoko freezes at the suggestion.

"But, but you do not know what, that she . . ."

Kitsune drags Keiko over and pushes him against Motoko. Using her left hand she presses Motoko's head until her lips meet his. Motoko's eyes close and she slowly wraps her arms around Keiko.

"There ya'll go! Enjoy yourselves!"

Naru runs over and grabs Kitsune's arm.

"What in the world has gotten into you, Kitsune? You're acting crazy!"

Kitsune winks at Naru.

"So, ya'll iz feeling all left out and lonely, huh. Momma Kitsune can fix that!"

Pulling Keiko away from Motoko, she flings him into Naru. Unable to prevent it, Naru's lips meet his. Motoko slowly drops to her knees as Naru's eyes close.

"Oh spirits, that was, wonderful."

Kitsune pulls Keiko away and prepares to kiss him once more as someone behind her speaks.

"What's going on up here?"

Caught up in her plan, Kitsune does not think and swings Keiko around, pushing him towards the person.

Their lips meet.

The residents of Hinata-sou stare in shock.

Kitsune looks up and rubs her head.

"Oh spit! Now I've gone and done it!"

Haruka pulls away from Keiko and touches her lips.

"Oh my goodness!"

Keiko falls to the floor, his blue eyes spinning and a smile on his lips.

End of Chapter Six.