A/N: For anyone who hasn't experienced 11th grade yet, let me warn you a head of time. It's tough! I've had no time what-so-ever to write in between school, homework, rugby, and my new boy friend. So please forgive me for not updating last weekend like I said I would. Hope you like this chapter. It's very…dramatic. Yeah. Let's go with that. Please review! Thanks!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that is Teen Titans.
Chapter 11 Attitude Adjustment
Journal Entry 10
The real world slowly pulled me back into its ensnarling grasp. I didn't feel anything welcoming about returning to the cold world I had recently learned to dislike. So when I first woke up, I kept my eyes closed, wishing to return to the dark and haziness of my mind.
The first thing that registered in me was the coldness of the room. I was lying on my stomach on a slab of freezing cold metal. My cheek was plastered to the floor, numb from being there for so long. My clothes were still wet from my recent dive into the ocean, which made it even colder on my part. I soon found myself shivering slightly.
I opened my eyes to face reality after a minute of just lying there, shivering like the wimp I felt I was. The room was pitch-black. I had no idea how big it was. Just as my eyes were adjusting to the darkness, a well placed flood light boomed on right above me. The sound and suddenness of it made me gasp in alarm and recoil, squeezing my eyes shut. The echoing of it turning on told me that the room I was in was pretty big. Maybe I was in a warehouse.
I forced myself to open my eyes again. The light brightly shone off the metal, practically blinding me. I bit my lower lip, trying to keep the small rising fear in me from escaping. I needed to get to my feet and get out of there. The air around me had a sense of haunting to it. Dread had crept into my system, plaguing me with panic that was hard to keep at bay.
In a rush, I felt someone in the room with me. I looked up to see who it was, but I couldn't see anything outside the circle of light the flood lamp blasted around me. Pushing myself up with my arms, I finally realized how worn out I was. My muscles protested under my skin as I got to my hands and knees.
Suddenly I saw boots step into the circle of light right in front of me. My senses registered that it was Slade. I paused. Everything that had happened finally came fully back to me. My team was separated, maybe captured, the Titans and maybe others were brainwashed and still captured, and I had failed at doing everything by practically getting myself drown. Yay me.
"Let me guess," I said softly, not daring enough to meet Slade's critical gaze, "You told me so."
"No," Slade said.
I lifted my head up to give him a confused look. Since when did Slade throw down the chance to humiliate me? My puzzlement worsened when I didn't detect any anger or annoyance from the man. He was bothered by something, but nothing serious. He was just…emotionless. For some reason this bugged me.
"Rose is dead," he said flatly.
And just like that, the mystery was solved.
It was like a blow to my gut. For a second I just stared up at him with my mouth hanging wide open in complete shock and horror. I looked back down to the metal floor, trying to make sense of this. Rose being dead was not computing with my brain. Then it came with a rush of hard hitting emotions.
I gasped loudly because I had been holding my breath since the news had been dropped. Taking shallow breaths, I tried to keep back the sob pushing up my throat that desperately wanting to be released.
"She died from unknown reasons," Slade explained in monotone, "The doctors said she had given up the fight to live. She died peacefully and painlessly. They plan to burry her sometime next week."
"No…not Rose," I whispered in disbelief. I pulled on my hair with my hands, ready to pull it out with the insanity of it all. "Not now. I was going to get her out of the coma. We were going to marry, grow old with each other. No." As I said this, searing hot tears dripped from my eyes to the metal floor, making almost soundless splashes.
"Gene, denial will not help you right now," Slade told me. "There was nothing you could have done, so do not put guilt on yourself. Right now you have a serious mission to continue. You can not let emotion cloud your vision. You need to put it away for now. Grieve all you want when you are done rescuing the Titans."
"How can you say that?" I screamed back up at Slade. I forced myself to my feet, hands exploding with black energy. I had gone through so much pain in my life. He had just given me the final blow. Now he expected me to just "move on"? No!
"You do not know how it feels to –,"
"You do not know me enough to finish that sentence," Slade told me with such harshness in his tone that it made me back off. My anger vanished along with the black fire my powers were producing. All I wanted to do was cry. Rose was gone. How could I ever get on with my life? At the time I couldn't come up with any answer.
"You disappoint me, Gene," Slade said after a pause of silence. He began to slowly circle me with his critical gaze pinned on me as he continued. "You are the combination of two great superheroes, and yet you go ahead and almost manage to get killed. Robin or Raven would have won that battle you had with those two in less than ten minutes. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be alive right now."
I didn't say anything because he was right. I failed life. I almost wished that I hadn't been saved from death by Slade. I'd be with Rose. I wouldn't have to deal with my miserable life. I wouldn't have to worry about bringing a demon from another dimension into the world. I'd be done with Slade, the Titans, my team… and everything! Isn't that what I wanted? Just to be done with everything?
Slade forced me to answer that question right then and there.
"I'm giving you one last chance, boy," Slade told me, his voice sharp and to the point. "Right now, you can leave. You can give up on this life you now lead, do whatever you wish, and not be bothered by me ever again. I'll disown you completely. Right now, I will have no problem with that. You would have been a waste of my time."
"I don't need to hear the other option," I said solemnly. I turned around and slowly started to walk toward a door bathed in darkness. "Never seeing you again will make me happier than ever," I said behind my shoulder.
I was seriously going to do it. My emotions were so high and mixed up that I wasn't thinking straight. My head swirled with my pain and agony of losing Rose and my team, of failing everyone in this world including myself. I felt like a dried up leaf that finally snaps off the tree with the last push of the wind, dead and beyond repair. It was only a matter of time before I was just dust.
I was done with this life I had tried to live, and walking through that door would permanently seal it.
"The other option is for you to move on," Slade said as he watched me walk away. "I'll let you return to your team, who are fine by the way, and rescue the Titans. Choosing this means that you will have to undergo some minutes of my teaching. You are not fit or educated enough to free the superheroes, but I believe you can do it if I teach you a few simple things."
I paused when he said this. My team was okay, not captured? Slade was going to let me rescue the Titans? He was going to train me? I still faced the small doorway in the dark, mulling these things over in my head. This was hard for me to believe coming from Slade. He had a knack for bending the truth.
I shook my head and started to walk away again. No! I wasn't going to fall for any of his dumb traps! He was giving me the option for a life I wanted, a life of less pain. Why would I ever want to keep at this other one where I was destined to fail?
Slade didn't say anything as he watched me leave. I didn't feel him express any emotion as well. I kept my eyes on the door, trying not to think about what I was doing. I was doing myself a favor by walking away.
Before I could get to that door, my racing mind betrayed me, forcing me to stop again. What about my team? What about the Titans? Who else was going to help them if I gave up? For some reason Robin trusted me enough to send Kid Wicked to me. He had enough faith in me to trust I would come and help.
Looking up with a frustrated sigh, I tried to block this concept from my head. I wasn't a superhero. There was a one in a million chance I would ever save the Titans. And yet something in me wanted to try. This surprised me. Since when did I want to go out and get my ass kicked?
"I hate you," I growled at Slade as I spun around and walked back to where he was standing. I felt him smile evilly under his mask. I shot him a deathly glare. It gave him so much pleasure to see me frustrated and emotionally defeated.
"What is your answer?" he asked me calmly. He already knew it; he just wanted to see me mumble it under my breath in subtle defiance.
"I'm going to try and rescue the Titans," I answered with my arms folded in front of me, a scowl on my face. I didn't like the fact that what I was doing was incredibly stupid…and exactly what Slade wanted from me.
"Good boy," Slade said. I instinctively flinched when I heard him say this. I was not his trained dog!
"But I'm not doing this for you!" I snapped back quickly to get my point across. "The only reason why I'm doing this is because I…" Slade raised an eyebrow as I paused to think. I really had no concrete reason.
Maybe it was because I hated to loose, or it could be because I didn't want to be so cold as to just walk away, leaving the Titans captured. But later on I realized my main reason for choosing the second option was because it felt right. Yeah, I know cheesy beyond belief, right? Everything I had been doing for the past few days had felt right. It was a small feeling, but a good one. It was a feeling I had, till I started to walk away. Maybe it was just one of my many weird powers.
"You're training begins now," Slade announced suddenly. I shot him a surprised look just in time to see him press a button on a device wrapped around his wrist. Flood lights around the room boomed to life, lighting the large room up with a powerful shine.
Squinting, I saw that the place could be an empty warehouse of some kind. The place was pretty spacious, maybe two football fields long going both ways and with a high ceiling that held rafters. It could just as easily have been a room in one of Slade's many secret layers. The man had connections all around the world. Australia could simply be a location he had a layer in. I had no clue.
Panels of metal suddenly faded away from the walls all around Slade and me, who were standing exactly in the middle of the spacious room. About a dozen or more of Slade's robots poured out of these openings in the walls. They didn't hesitate as they ran right toward us from all sides.
"Whoa! What is going on? Call them off!" I yelled at Slade. My eyes were now wide in horror as all these robots barreled toward me. I was going to get creamed!
"Think of them not as my robots, but the enemy, Gene," Slade told me calmly.
Slade had his hands firmly clasped behind his back, his feet apart, in complete tranquility with the elements around him. On the other hand, I was on the brink of freaking out. Eyes wide, jaw slack in shock, knees slightly bent, half way into a fighting stance and panic mode.
"You got to be kidding me!" I shouted at Slade just as the robots got close enough to really hurt me. Thinking quickly, fueled by my anger, my hands burst into black flames. With a grunt, I latched my powers onto one of the robots running toward me and shoved him back into one of his metal friends.
I spun around, let go of the first robot, and managed to grip my powers onto another robot. Instead of pushing him backwards, I used it as a club and swung it sideways. The robot whacked down about six other robots before I had to let go.
Before I could sum up more emotion for another levitation move, I got body checked by another robot from my right side. Letting out a surprised yelp, I slammed onto the metal floor on my left shoulder. I ignored the shot of pain that flashed down my shoulder as I sprung back to my feet.
The robot threw a punch that I easily dodged. I spun off my left heel with my right leg extended. The roundhouse kick met its mark, sending the robot straight to the ground. Sparks sputtered from its neck area.
Large, cold hands suddenly grabbed my shoulders. Before I could react, one of the robots flung me high into the air. Airborne, I let out a small scream before hitting the metal floor, hard. The impact sent a blast of pain shooting down my back where I had landed before rolling to a weak stop.
"Stop," Slade said to his robots that were all a few yards away.
Wincing, I got to my hands and knees. I looked up to see Slade walking over to me. His robots seemed to be put on pause. They stood where they had last been, still as deer listening for danger. I forced myself to my feet.
"First, you let them come too close before attacking," Slade told me. His voice was a little harsh along with his words.
"You could have freaking warned me you were going to sick a dozen of your robots on me!" I spat back.
"Do you think your enemy will warn you before he attacks?" Slade stated rather than asked. He ignored my insolent glare and continued with his lecture. "That was you initial down fall. You adapted fast, but that first mistake was what led to you here. You have to act fast, without hesitation." He stepped away from me, pressed the button, and said, "Again."
And that was how the next two hours were spent. I'd go out and somehow get my butt kicked by his robots. He'd stop them and tell me all my flaws, wrongs, and stupidity with a few comments about what I did well. He'd finish it with what I needed to do better and then un pause the robots. Then the cycle would be repeated.
As time went by, my strength and endurance dropped at a drastic rate while my anger and frustration rose to a full on boil. I didn't like having all my flaws shoved harshly into my face. Mix that with the news of Rose being dead and you get a very emotionally distressed kid.
At one point I totally lost control over my anger. My mind let the emotion go for a split second. At the same time, my body exploded with black energy. I barely remembered myself destroying every robot in the room. It was all just a short, hazy moment of me fighting for that ounce of control again. The next thing I knew it, Slade had his hands gripping my shoulders and demanding for me to gain control as he shook me violently.
I gave a loud gasp and pushed him away, freaked out with myself. Slade backed off and watched me closely, one eye narrowed in silent anger with me. I took in large gulps of air and closed my eyes. I didn't know what had happened to me. I had promised myself not to go into that state again. Like before, I was scared out of my mind about losing so much control.
"I don't ever want to see you lose control like that again!" Slade exploded finally. The room was an inferno with his heated emotion. I winced as the scorching heat swirled around me.
"Just because you are angry and frustrated does not give you an excuse to lose control of your powers like that!" Slade continued. He was still angry, but wouldn't allow it to be shown with his words. "Anger can fuel your actions and endurance, but that is not letting it control you. You control your anger! If you can't do that here and now, you are not fit to go on! Again!"
I'll admit, for the next few minutes after Slade's outburst I ignored what he said. I wallowed in the aftermath of my anger, letting it come to a boil again. I swam in my failures, mistakes and guilt. I opened up my mind to all those pent up emotions. They swirled around, engulfing me as I fought off Slade's robots.
I then snapped.
Creating a force field around my body, I closed my eyes that were filled with tears. Robots surrounded my bubble, trying to break it. Slade said and did nothing. He knew he couldn't do anything anyways.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of feeling so many negative emotions, of feeling like a wimp, of always having to blame something or someone for my failures, of feeling guilty for things that were out of my control, and for not doing everything with all my strength and passion. I was sick of being me!
It was time for me to change, suck it up, and move along! Like Slade said, if I couldn't do all that here and now, I wasn't fit to go on at all.
"Alright," I whispered, opening my eyes. I let out a long, pent up breath. "I need a punching bag," I said while looking around at the swarm of robots that were pounding against my black shield, "A few dozen robots that look like Slade will just have to do." For the first time in what felt like years, I let out a genuine smile.
For another hour I ripped into those robots with everything I had. I listened to what Slade had to say and actually did what he told me to do. Those 60 minutes were some of the worst and best minutes of my life. I hated being there with Slade, but the basics of what he taught me there I remember even to this day.
Slade ended the gruesome, hard core training with 15 fresh robots with laser guns. I was quick to spring my powers into action. I focused all my energy on their weapons. A quick flick of my hand sent all the laser guns into the air and smashing against a wall.
The move was the last of my dark power's energy. I abandoned my powers and recklessly went with an idea that had come to me. I ran at a robot and at the last second slid forward on my side with one leg extended. My heel rammed right into the robot's leg and sent it spiraling to the ground.
I came to a halt a yard away from a laser gun that was in good enough condition to work. I sprung off the ground, practically lunging for the gun with outstretched hands. A robot slammed into me before I got there. It forced me into a wall. Stars exploded across my vision as my head banged against the metal along with the rest of my body.
Desperately, I muttered my mantra and pulled the gun to me with the last ounce of my depleted powers. The second the gun was in my hand and my finger was around the trigger, I had it up at the robot's neck. I pulled the tigger and slashed a laser across the robot's neck, "killing" the merciless thing for good by severing its "head".
I brought up a leg and kicked the thing's body away from me, simultaneously shooting the gun at the other robots coming at me. I aimed for their "necks" and "legs", either killing them or making them practically immobile. Both worked fine for me.
Near the end, where there were only three robots left, I dropped the gun and had my fun with them. These robots were evil things; their only goal is to squish you. I seriously loved beating these guys up.
A few simple roundhouse kicks and hard punches took the last three robots to the floor of littered robot parts, joining the scrap metal like the rest of them. The broken pieces sparked and sputtered all around the large room. Smoke rose up from some of them, threatening to burst into flames.
It was at this time that I finally felt worn out, close to passing out. I sucked in air deeply to catch my breath as sweat dripped down my back, drenching me in the odious liquid. I was just glad to be done. I had used up all my fuel, both physically and mentally.
"You did…well," Slade said, for the first time in history actually hesitating when speaking. I looked up at him from where I was bent over gasping for air. I raised an eyebrow in silent question and gave him a smirk.
"You thought I was going to fail, didn't you?" I asked him, my smirk turning into a wide grin.
I was only answered with silence and a flare of irritated heat. He didn't have to say anything for me to pick up his emotions. He was annoyed that I had proved him wrong and was now detecting it. Our battle of annoyances was still on!
"You can gloat over your pathetic victory after you rescue the Titans," Slade said calmly, ignoring my question. "You have a very long way to go if you want to match both superheroes."
"Speaking of the whole rescuing thing," I said, standing up straight now that I had caught my breath, "When do I get together with my team again?"
Slade strode over to me with his gaze focused on the opposite wall. "You will see them again sooner than you think," he said right as he took out a syringe needle from behind his back and plunged it into my shoulder. Quick as lightning, he had its contents in my system.
"I hate you!" I hissed at him as I fell to my hands and knees. I cringed as the chemicals took over my body in seconds. I wasn't used to having something like this in me, and for a second I had to beat down a flare of panic. But soon I returned to the darkness of unconsciousness that I was beginning to get used to.
The darkness didn't last long, though. Suddenly I was falling through a red, muddled cloud. I landed painfully on a dry piece of land. Wincing, I got to my feet while looking around. A few swear words came to mind once I recognized where I was.
World dominating and personal torturer demon guy was back for another beating session.
"Swell," I muttered crestfallenly. The day was just going from bad to worse.
End of Journal Entry 10
A/N: More from the Titans next chapter! Expect that one either next weekend or the one after that one. Please review!