Disclaimer: New episode on Saturday! The Doctor's back! Without Rose, but still, back! I'm sorry, that's not really a disclaimer. What's a disclaimer again? Oh, right, not mine. If they were mine, I'd cancel this hiatus nonsense.
Spoilers: Again, series 3's trailer, but nothing beyond. Anything that looks like it's from series 3 is made up by me, since I don't actually know what's gonna happen, seeing how I'm spoiler-free. And a minor spoiler to episode 1x03 of Torchwood (The Ghost Machine), but really.
Pretty please REVIEW, and enjoy.
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Chapter 2
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Rose, Pete's World
:-: Depression :-:
Rose chewed on her pen pensively, crouching over a pile of bureaucratic rubbish, reports and the like, that were long overdo. Article 3 of the Shadow Proclamation,she strained her memory, trying to avoid actually looking it up in the tiresome database. Is that the one about the wars or the one about the commerce? Or was it that weird one about interracial relationships?
"Are you aware of the stupid memo your daddy is passing around?"
She huffed, not even bothering to look up from her paperwork, "Blimey, Mickey, leave me be. Go play with the laser guns for a while, will ya? I'm busy." A beat, "And I never read the memos."
Mickey rolled his eyes, "Well, you should. He mandates minimal field training to the entire staff. Oh, and also, it's not fair; if I have to read them, so do you."
This did get her attention, though not for the reason he would have liked. She crinkled her nose, "Isn't it mandated already? Seems like it should be."
He seemed annoyed that she wasn't as annoyed as he was, "He's mandating it for people who have nothing to do with field! And who do you think is gonna have to lead it? A quid if you guess right."
Rose flashed him that special teasing smile, tongue stuck between her teeth. "Your eyebrow's twitching, which means it's gonna be you, which means I get to take over your division in the meantime!" She spun around in her chair, "This is great! I'll definitely start reading the memos from now on."
Mickey smirked, "Actually, it's you who's leading the program."
Her face fell, "Really?"
The smirk melted right off and was replaced by Mickey's patented Scowl of Misery, "No. Still me. But it was fun to watch you collapse into yourself for a moment there." He laughed as the smile resurfaced on her face, "And yes, you do get Field for a while, just don't get too comfortable there, you hear? 'm coming back, eventually."
Rose perked a brow playfully, "Oh, I don't know, a strategic little accident and I might have to permanently move my calendar to the prestigious second floor."
"So Alien Intelligence and Ethical Conducts aren't enough for you, now you're hogging my job as well?"
She shrugged, "I guess you could say that, yeah. But hang about, why isn't Jake staying in charge of Field while you're training?"
Mickey looked upwards, to the heavens, as if leading a prayer for Jake to come back, "Still negotiating with the Nestene Consciousness. Remember? We give them our garbage, they give us their trees? Otherwise he'd be the one leading this ridiculous rubbish of a program." He sighed, "Anyway, I'm heading off, are you coming?"
"Few minutes."
He hesitated, "Don't be too late. Jackie's gets bothersome when you're late. More than usual, I mean."
"I'll do my best."
-
"Rose!" Jackie greeted cheerfully, delighted and still glowing, even months after giving birth. "I thought you weren't gonna make it. You work too hard, sweetheart." She took the salad from Rose's hands, coaxing her inside. "You could take a vacation every once in a while. You're the Boss's daughter, after all."
Adoptive daughter, Rose almost blurted, but wisely stopped herself.
"Rose, you're here. How are you, love? Good day?" Pete this time, and with baby Jenny in his arms,cooing joyfully as she usually did.
Well, what was there to upset her, after all? There wasn't a baby in the world that was more wanted than her. They might as well have called her Rose, The Version That Should Have Been, though she imagined it wouldn't fit in her driver's license and would, maybe, earn her some teasing from the outside world.
"Yeah, nice day," she smiled pleasantly, "Got me a whole new division, after all."
Yes, yes, point taken. Rose Tyler had become a workaholic. Who would have bet on that? Jackie couldn't be prouder; a high-class job, outside the government, beyond the police, with a very nice salary, and, most importantly, no Blue Boxes or Time Traveling involved. But where Jackie saw commitment and responsibility, every person with half a brain could see that Rose was just desperately looking for a distraction.
Next came Mickey, smiling like he just won the lottery. He spread his arms and chirped, "EXTERMINATE!"
Rose stumbled backwards violently, almost crashing against the door. "What?" she asked, horrified.
Mickey frowned, "Uh, I said hello? It's a greeting thing we do here, in England."
She shook her head, chuckling. Of course he wouldn't do that. It'd be a cruel joke if she ever heard one. She was just imagining things, which was okay by her, as long as they weren't real. "Oh, sorry. 'llo, Mick. Where's Gran?"
"She's feeling under the weather," he said, rolling his eyes wearily, "Which only means she's fussing about more than usual." Rose chuckled, and he seemed insanely happy about amusing her as he went on enthusiastically, "I'm serious, Rose. This morning she complained that the humidity didn't fit a summer morning."
Rose kept on laughing long after the joke stopped being funny, even when she ran out of air and the laughter was only in her head. She didn't even know what she was laughing about anymore, only that if felt nice to be so lightheaded.
It was all very brilliant in the Tyler household, and they were really, really happy all the time. And Rose was happy for her parents, really, but family meals were hard and painful and she always needed to busy herself afterwards, otherwise she'd start to cry and never stop.
Was this life really an improvement over working in the shop, she wondered sometimes.
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"What do you mean, doesn't belong?"
"I mean just that, doesn't belong."
Jack rolled his eyes, "Yes, thank you, I do know the meaning of words. What I don't understand is your strange way of putting them together."
"Humans," the Doctor murmured, shaking his head with impatient sympathy. "I'll try and talk slower. There is an entity, you follow? On earth, yeah? That Does. Not. Belong. There."
Oh, my God, if he was just going to keep repeating what he said over and over again then what was the point of asking questions? Jack was beginning to wonder if the Doctor was training him to trust him and shut up, no questions asked.
Unfortunately, Jack was a glorified Asker of Questions. "An alien?"
"I'm sorry," the Doctor placed a sarcastic hand on his chest, "By world, I meant universe. It doesn't belong in this universe. And it's residing somewhere in England. England. The TARDIS's readingsare going wild. This thing is causing ripples all over."
"Cool!"
The Doctor stared at him.
Jack cleared his throat, "Uh, I mean, let's get to it. Do some investigating."
"Oh, yeah, do you think we should? Do you, Jack?"
Jack ignored him. If he got annoyed every time the Doctor got sarcastic with him, badmouthed him or his entire race, or was just plain mean, nothing would ever get done. The best counter attack, he discovered, was to treat him like he didn't exist. The Doctor was lucky he was pretty, and that leather jacket didn't hurt, either.
Eventually, the Doctor would always get back to whatever it was he was doing. "I just have to figure out a way to narrow it down to a city, at least."
"I hope it's Cardiff," Jack murmured to himself, bouncing away from the room, "I like Cardiff."
-
Rose held little cooing Jenny to her, examining her lovingly. She did coo a lot, but in a cute way, and generally speaking, she was irresistible, unfortunately. Hating her would have been easier than hating Harriet Jones, who had called Torchwood several times, each time with a stranger, and more unethical, request, and was turned down by Rose with sadistic pleasure.
"Look at her," she murmured softly, careful not to startle the toddler, "She's twice as big as when I saw her last week, isn't she?"
Pete looked at his two daughters for a moment. He did this a lot, and Rose always wondered what he was thinking about in those moments. Finally, he said, his voice grave, "Jackie's thinking of another one."
Rose sat Jenny on her lap, tickling her. "So soon after?" she asked, as an afterthought.
"That's what I said, but you know your mother," he said, sighing.
That fatherly sentence sounded wrong, for some reason, but she shook it off, "Won't it be dangerous?"
Pete smiled, "That's just what I said."
Rose lowered her eyes, grinning slightly at the hidden compliment. He might not have been Peter Allen Tyler, The Most Wonderful Man in the World, but he was pretty close and it was still nice to get his approval. "And?"
"Might be, for the baby, at least. If not for her."
"Doesn't seem like a good idea, then."
He nodded, "I know. I think maybe she just likes having babies around."
Chuckling, she said, "I hope you're not insinuating anything."
Pete joined her, "A bit too young, still?"
"What are we talking about?" Jackie asked, coming into the room with a bottle of milk in her hand.
Pete kissed her cheek, unable to resist himself. "Babies for Rose," he answered.
Jackie groaned, "Dear Lord, Pete. What're you getting ideas in her head for? You better be kidding." She turned to Rose, misting with nostalgia, "I was about your age when I had you, you know? Not the best age to start dealin' with diapers and formulas and the sorts. Trust me."
Well, gee, sorry, Rose thought.
Mickey popped his head from the kitchen, "Rose, help me with the dishes, will ya? I think you owe me after taking away my department."
Rose rolled her eyes, but went to the kitchen nonetheless. She did take his department, after all.
They started doing the dishes, silent at first, when Mickey said, "I love how they just assume I'd be up and ready to have babies with you, like it's only a question of when."
Poor Mickey, always on retainer in everyone's eyes, when truthfully, both him and Rose couldn't be less ready to have children, let alone with each other. There would always be something between them, even if they had an unspoken rule to never call it by name out loud.
"I know," she said, "But don't be too hard on them, though. They're parents, they can't help it. They try, but they can't."
"Gran pulls the same routine every once in a while. I forget, how old are we?"
She grinned, "Don't fret, we're still in our prime years."
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The Tenth Doctor, His World.
:-: Bargaining :-:
He called, "Rose."
But there's nothing.
A desert of a memory, a planet he hated, dusty air, and he called for Rose, but there was nothing. He crawled pathetically, trying to find solace from the dirt he breathed into his lungs.
And then Rose stood over him, tapping her foot impatiently. "Din't take long at all, did it?" she asked, her voice crueler and colder than he thought possible. He didn't know how, but he knew she was talking about Martha Jones.
"I'm sorry, Rose."
Maybe he had noreason to be,but he was still sorry.
She raised her hands with false sympathy, "Blimey, Doctor, don't be sorry. I was warned, after all. Sarah Jane Smith, bless her heart. Told me everything I needed to know about you. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for. Hmm… maybe I should have questioned that a li'l further."
He sighed, more helpless than he'd felt in years, "It's not the same. I didn't leave you, I lost you."
"But the mourning period is pretty much the same? Few weeks, couple of months, and that's it?"
"It took me weeks to find that star!" he said desperately. "For weeks, all I did was look for that breach," not to mention the months of stalking her. He fell to his knees, unable to support his own weight anymore, "Please, Rose, don't do this."
She ignored his anguish as only dream figments could. "Weeks, is it?" she asked, unimpressed. "How much d'ye s'ppose it'll take me?"
Like talking to a solid brick wall. He much preferred his original Rose. "But I didn't leave you! Stop it!"
Finally, her cold demeanor broke. "But you tried!" she yelled, her face crumpling with tears. "You sent me away. Wasn't your fault I couldn't take a hint…" her voice cracked, she was crying freely now, "And now, if you really wanted to, you would have found a way. You're the Doctor, aren't you?"
Something shattered in his chest, "I can't. It'd open the void again, destroy the world."
Again, she ignored him completely. The hard edge was back in her voice as she tilted her head and asked bitterly, "What was it, Doctor? Was it getting too much for you? Were you feeling suffocated?"
The Doctor lowered his head, watching tears dripping into the sand, creating little holes in it. "It's not fair," he whimpered, "I never wanted to leave you! Rose, you have to believe me. I wanted you to stay with me forever."
A vicious looking smirk spread across Rose's face, an expression that was so unlike her, "Well, if you can't make a figment of your brain believe you, think how the real me must be thinking, all alone in a foreign universe, waiting for nothing."
He found his strength, and stood back up, a little more like the Doctor. "You're… she's not alone. She's got her family."
Rose sighed, rolling her eyes, smiling, "Oh, Doctor, Doctor, haven't you learned anything from Sarah Jane? After a life with you, after you leave someone behind for all the heroic right reasons, they're always, always alone."
I'm more alone than you could ever be, he wanted to say, but his throat shut down, betraying him.
Now she was suddenly whimpering, vehemence completely wiped from her face, like that day on the beach. "I'm out there," she started, choking on her own words, "In Torchwood, researching aliens, not for Queen and Country, just for the off chance that I'll find something that'll lead me back to you."
He moaned quietly, pitiful and lost, but she wasn't done in the least.
"When out here, you've already found yourself someone brand new! A girl! How wonderful for you! I wouldn't even dream of intruding now, if I knew." Her voice turned sarcastic, and it felt like hot knives cutting through him. "I just wish there was some way of communicating with myself, I'd tell me to stop whatever I'm doing," she spat.
What he wouldn't give to have her back. She had to know that he'd bring her back, if he could. Even if he did try to ship her off to another dimension,even if he didn't get to say it back, she had to know.
Oh, God. How disappointed she must be, all the way out there. How heartbroken, thinking she was abandoned, like an afterthought, like she thought he did to Sarah Jane.
What was happening to him? He had to wake up.
He said, "Rose…"
She placed a finger on her lips, emptily halting him. "Shh, don't say my name out loud!" she whispered, as if sharing a precious secret. "What if you fell asleep on the console and Marhta Jones is right there?Don't want to make her all jealous, would we, now? Of course not."
Bollocks that, Martha understood. He tried again, "Ro-"
She cocked her head, so unlike herself, "What'd I just say? Hush-a-bye now, Doctor. Let you get back to your life."
His surroundings, hateful as they were, started fading into blackness. Even Rose was becoming a blurry, tingling feeling in the back of his neck. He panicked, tried to hold on to her. "Rose! No!"
-
That was one of the good dreams, and Martha did understand.
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He had so many crazy ideas in his head. They came and went in the most unexpected times, without warning or mercy. They came when he was having tea or saving someone's life or showering or chattering with Napoleon ("Well, I can write with my nose, what d'you have to say to that?").
They were crazy ideas about how he could, in theory, get Rose back, and guaranteed, they would all lead to a wound in time at best, but probably a full fledged apocalypse.
"Somethin' on your mind?"
The Doctor whirled around, startled.
"Din't mean to scare you there, just offering a service."
The Doctor groaned inwardly. Oh, wonderful. He was usually a patient man, but even the locals couldn't handle the street salesmen, as they mockingly called them. The Planet H'anut was known for their annoying, ferret-like people who made it their purpose to sell stuff. All kinds of stuff, from carrots to psychic drugs, with a strange emphasis on the former.
They sure loved their carrots, but this one had the appearance of a drug dealer.
The Doctor walked past him, hoping he would go away without a fuss.
Of course, he didn't, "It's a good service. You should hear what it is. It's made just for you."
The Doctor turned to him, eyes narrowed, "It's not… carrots, is it? Not in the mood for veggies, though you should definitely always finish them off the plate."
The ferret looked around, very dramatically, to make sure no one was listening to them, or possibly just making a show of it. "Not today. Today I'm selling… the future!"
The Doctor rolled his eyes, glancing at the building where he'd parked the TARDIS, "I have plenty of future, thank you. More future than I can handle. Really, I'm just passing by here, go away."
"What're you talking about? It's the read deal!"
That got the Doctor's attention, despite being a common phrase salespeople used. Maybe it was the delivery, the pure certainty in which he said it. Even if it was fake, it might be dangerous, and if it wasn't, well, darn. "What's this, then?"
He smiled with delight, as much as a ferret could, "Ah, I knew it. Just for you. Afraid I'm gonna have to charge in advance, though."
The Doctor scratched his ear, "Are you serious?"
The ferret shrugged, "Yeah, sorry. What I sell, tends to leave a mark. People forget to pay."
The Doctor paid him with money that wasn't his in the first place anyway. He kept telling himself he was doing the Planet a favor, getting rid of something that could be dangerous. He was the Doctor, it was his job, but at this point, he had to admit he was mostly curious.
The ferret, who called himself Mo, led him to a dark and dank lair. Well, clearly.
"So, go on, then, I'm dying to know. What did I just pay for?"
Mo spread his palms, "The fut-"
"The future, yeah. Got that. Go on."
Mo sighed, disappointed that he had to drop the dramatic act. He took out a metal device that sort of looked like a croissant, "This, my friend, is the answer to everything you've ever doubted."
The Doctor's breath caught in his chest, "That's, that's impossible! That's not… is it? A Quantum Transducer?" He took it from Mo, not even bothering with pleasantries, "It is, innit? Magnificent! I haven't seen one of these in years! I can't believe they're selling them on the streets now!" His manic grin turned into an angry scowl, "I can't believe you're selling this! On the streets! People have gone insane!"
Mo seemed confused by this development, "Uh, I… I just found it. Sorry? Can I have it back now?"
"Oh, d'you think? Yeah, of course you can." Mo reached out his hand, which the Doctor slapped, "Are you an idiot? Of course you can't have it back! I'm taking this with me! Go back to selling carrots."
-
He couldn't, could he? Shouldn't was more like it. It induced hallucinations, showed futures that didn't exist, pasts that were best forgotten. And they did drive people into insanity, showing them their deaths, their alternative lives, all their unrealized realities.
The buttons on the Transducer flashed and bleeped invitingly.
So, it came to this again. If he sawa Great Big Threatening Button Which Should Never Ever Be Pressed, then he'd just wanna do...this. He pressed the buttons, which caused the device to bleep insanely, and his surroundings changed.
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Rose.
He couldn't bear this scene again, especially not when he could feel what they were both feeling, him and her. He could move, which he thought impossible with these devices, but then again, he was a Time Lord, so maybe things worked differently for him.
They activated the levers, but he wasn't affected.
Time moved slowly, torturously. It was the only thing that helped him remember how unreal this was.
He wasn't affected, but maybe he could affect. He walked up to Rose, just as she let go of the clamp to set the lever straight. This couldn't happen again. Couldn't possibly happen again. Rose flailed madly, barely holding on, and it looked even worse when it was happening up close.
Without thinking too much, he pressed himself against her, pushing her towards the lever so that she'd have a better grip while shielding her from the void's pull. She didn't seem to be aware of him, but she also didn't seem to care that much. Neither did the Doctor, who hooted happily. He wasn't affected, and he was protecting her from the blow. Brilliant.
He wasn't sure she could hear him, but he whispered, "Hold on, Shiver."
Time moved slow, almost not at all, and he could feel her heart beating with adrenaline.
She struggled to keep a firm grip, not knowing she was already alright.
I'm coming to get you.
"I've got you, Rose," he whispered.
The pull of the void subsided eventually, and the other Doctor immediately let go of the clamp and flashed to her side. He stood before her, grinning madly. Pure, unsaturated joy. "We did it! Via the void!"
He let go of her, unsurely. Rose released her grip slowly, testing the air. Her face broke in a huge grin as she pushed past him – how much did he exist in this reality, really? – and right into the Doctor's waiting arms. "Doctor! Oh, my God, we did it. I thought I was gonna get pulled in."
The Doctor swirled her around, the lucky bastard. He felt unstable, his surroundings starting to fade.
No, please, no. Let it be real, please.
"I thought so, too, for a moment there," the Doctor said, relieved beyond human words. He looked like he would never ever let go, never wanted to. He could sense his own emotions. The Doctor was already planning where to go next. Somewhere relaxing, where she could start coping with the idea of losing her family, somewhere with a nice sea, a pretty market, humans and aliens living together.
"Nicely done, Shiver," the Doctor said.
Everything faded. Time went back to normal. He was inside the TARDIS, and he was alone.
He threw the Quantum Transducer against the wall, but instead of the satisfying smash he had hoped for, the device just slid gracefully to the floor, taunting him with more possibilities. But he was never touching that again.
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He wasn't. Really, really wasn't.
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I hoped you enjoyed this. Sure took me a while to get it written, huh? I'm having a little trouble with the plot, but I try to make up for taking too long with long chapters. Don't forget to REVIEW!
Thanks so much toVanderslice, Miss Sara 11, blvdgirl, yay (yay?), Morgan and templremus1990, who kindly reviewed. Here you have more, as promised. I'm delighted you like this story so far.