Chapter 6

Robin,

You are entitled to all the information available. I have contacted Galfore and requested that he send information regarding the a'tiyk valm that I believe we are experiencing. Much of the knowledge has been lost or is incomplete, but the following is what we know:

The Tamaranian e'ara is a small metallic device designed to replay memories. When active it resembles a metal disc that fits on the palm of the hand. When inactive, it transforms into an armband appropriate for its wearer's gender to be worn on the arm, males on the left and females on the right. Upon first activation, it takes a sample of its wearers blood and will then attune itself to its wearer's brainwaves, thus every e'ara emits a unique signal.

On extremely rare occasions, less than 1 in 100 million, two e'aras will become compatible, creating the a'tiyk valm. This can only occur when the wearers themselves experience a profound connection and deep affection for one another. It cannot be replicated or forced. It is unknown exactly how this occurs; although many believe that the e'ara simply enhances what is already there.

The a'tiyk valm is an empathic link between two Tamaranians, be it of opposite or same sex, forged by the e'ara. It is rare for an offworlder to experience it, as they do not generally receive an e'ara. However in the recorded cases of this occurring, the results are always unexpected. Tamaranian-Stykx experience a magnetic attraction, while Tamaranian-Mygergs are able to switch bodies at will. It is due to this unpredictability that e'aras are no longer gifted to offworlders so readily.

The a'tiyk valm can be broken by one or both wearers removing and destroying their e'aras and going their separate ways. Continual contact between the wearers will only serve to reinforce the a'tiyk valm even without the e'aras.

The a'tiyk valm is so rare that it has become law that those who experience it marry at once. Traditionally any eligible Tamaranian is able to declare their intention to xhandal. Due to the nature of the bond this right is usually forfeited, however there have been cases where xhandal has been declared and the a'tiyk valm broken.

Xhandal is a tournament conducted on Tamaran that any eligible Tamaranian is able to enter. Same sex relationships must under go the xhanda. The male of the couple must defeat all contenders in order to win the right to marry the chosen female of his heart. If he is defeated, the female will be given to the victor. This is true of the opposite, if there is a female xhandal intention declared; the female must defeat all contenders. Xhandal is forfeited with regard to interplanetary relation marriages.

Robin, Galfore feels that there will be a number of possible xhandal contenders due to my royal status on Tamaran. I have argued with Galfore regarding the marriage law and he has said that I may have renounced my throne, but I have not renounced Tamaran and am therefore still bound by its laws. You are not bound and it is within your right to refuse. I do not wish you to feel burdened with me.

The roughest translation for a'tiyk valm is bond of spirit, although Raven insisted that soul mate is more appropriate. As it is possible to be broken, I will be the one to do so. This is your home planet, not mine.

Please forgive me. It was not my intention to cause you any harm when I gifted you with the e'ara. There has not been an a'tiyk valm on Tamaran in several generations and I did not think… I am sorry.

Starfire.

TTTTT

Robin raced through the hallways of Titans Tower heading to Starfire's room, his heart pounding in his chest. He skidded to a halt as he rounded the corner before her room, slipping on the floor and sprawling at Raven's feet. She and a hobbling Beast Boy looked down upon him as they stood guard before Starfire's door, making no effort to help him up.

Raven's eyes were dark beneath the cowl and Beast Boy face was twisted in feral fury as they stared down at their leader. "So, came to your senses, did ya?" Beast Boy snarled.

Robin's chest heaved as he tried to regain his breath. "Has… she… left… yet?" he gasped between pants, his hand on his chest. He struggled to his feet.

The pair exchanged an unreadable glance. "No," Beast Boy replied eventually.

"Can I see her?"

"No."

Robin's knees went weak. "What! Why?"

Beast Boy frowned. "First of all. You stink and you're covered in sweat. If, by some off chance she actually forgives you, she's not going to come anywhere near you. Second, do you have any idea what you're going to say?"

"Um…"

"Go have a shower, think about what you want to say to her and then come back."

"You won't let her leave?" he asked, swallowing his fear.

Beast Boy scowled. "Right now, I don't owe you any favours." He sighed and looked at Raven. "But she won't be going anywhere for a while."

"Right," Robin said, dashing to his room, his fingers already at the clasp of his cape. He was half out of his cape and shirt by the time his door was open and his boots hit the floor before it slid closed behind him.

He darted to the bathroom, turning the cold water on and reached for the soap. What was he going to say to Starfire? Somehow, "sorry" didn't seem to cut it.

… I did not mean for this to happen. Starfire's soft voice whispered into his mind as though it were coming from a great distance. I did not wish for this. Why did he get so angry? Why does he not … Starfire's voice drifted off.

Robin blinked in surprise. Is that the kind of thing she'd been hearing from him? Random thoughts?

He turned off the shower and hastily dried himself, foregoing the hair gel before dashing to his wardrobe. He dressed faster than he'd ever done before, pausing only long enough before the wardrobe to pull on pants, his shirt and his utility belt. He bolted from the room and skidded to a halt before Raven, Beast Boy and Cyborg.

Raven moved toward him so fast that he took a step back in surprise. She loomed over him. "If I feel even a hint of pain more than what she is already experiencing, I will haul you out of there so fast your brain will explode. And then I will put you back together and allow Beast Boy to eat you."

Robin nodded feebly.

She loomed over him a few moments longer before backing away to stand by Beast Boy's side, giving him free access to the door.

He took a deep breath to steel himself and quickly entered the room, sliding the door shut behind him.

Starfire was standing near the window of her room, gazing out at the setting sun. Her e'ara in armband form lay on the bed and he heaved in a sigh of relief that she had not already broken it. Two suitcases were packed and waiting by the door. She did not seem to register that he had entered the room. Her arms were drooped by her side and she held a picture frame in her limp fingers.

Starfire.

A shudder rippled through Starfire's entire body. "No, please," she whimpered as the picture frame slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor and she put her hands over her ears. "No more, I cannot bear any more harsh words or names. Please X'hal, make me stone."

Robin's breath caught in his throat as he realised what she meant. Every single thing he had been thinking, every name he had been calling her in her mind, she had heard. The magnitude of what he had put her through was crippling. His legs went out from under him and he fell to his knees.

He made several failed attempts to speak before he managed to croak out her name.

Starfire went rigid. "Have you come to yell at me in person?" she asked detachedly.

"No!" he cried, staggering to his feet and moved toward her. She flinched at the sharpness of his voice and he stopped a small distance away. He ran a hand through his still wet hair. "Star, I'm so sorry. I should never have said those things. I was just so shocked that you knew what was happening to us and you never mentioned it. I thought that you'd-"

"I am aware of what you thought Robin. I heard it." She turned to face him. Robin's mouth dropped open. Her eyes, always so joyful, held no emotion. Her face was blank. Cyborg was right, it was like she was broken inside and he had been the one to cause it.

There was silence as Robin fumbled for something to say. "Why did you react that way when Raven said the e'aras were connected?" he asked hesitantly. Her reaction to what Raven had said had been the trigger, and he wanted to know why. He needed to understand.

She sighed. "You do not like to feel manipulated," she said evenly. "For a fleeting moment I felt that I had done so when I heard about the connection." She turned away again and stared out the window. "I knew of the a'tiyk valm. We learn about it when we are gifted with the e'ara. Between Tamaranians it is empathic and I had no knowledge of offworlders ever being gifted with… I did not realise what it was until Raven…and then I remembered the law." She sighed again and hung her head. "I have learned many things during my time on this planet. One of them was how hard it is for humans to commit. I did not want you to feel compelled…" A single tear slipped from her eye and rolled down her cheek. "I fear I am not explaining myself well." She raised her chin. "It does not matter. I know how to break the connection." She swung around and pointed her fist at the e'ara lying on the bed. She narrowed her eyes in concentration and a star bolt gradually blinked itself into existence.

Robin interposed himself between the e'ara and Starfire. "I don't want you to do that, Star," he said softly.

"Why not?" she asked as she continued to hold the star bolt. "You do not want me in your mind. I have heard that many times. You do not wish to be with me. Destroying the e'ara would release you from this burden."

"Oh god, Star, please don't think that, never think that. I do wish to be with you and you could never, ever be a burden. I read your message, if we destroy the e'aras we have to put as much distance between ourselves as possible to break the bond. I don't want that. I don't want to lose you."

"What makes you think you still have me?" she asked softly, her voice breaking. The star bolt died in her hand, her arm fell limply to her side and she turned back to the window. "You do not believe that you loved me before I gave you the e'ara. I have had to listen to you call me any number of names."

"I know," he replied with a heavy heart, stepping around so that he could see her face. "I've been a real jerk about this. I have this tendency to act first and think later. I should have waited for you to explain. I never should've called you any of the names that I did, it was very, very wrong of me. And the feelings I have for you were there before you gave me the e'ara. I'm so very sorry, Star. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did hurt me," she whispered and hugged her arms around herself, looking at the floor. "Why is it you do not want me in your mind?"

"For the same reason you don't want me in yours. It's mine, a place where I can be free to think things, to mull things over, to call other people names without feeling like I have to censor what I'm thinking. The last person in there did so much damage, I thought it could happen again-"

"I would never intentionally damage your mind, Robin." She looked at him, her eyes hard. "I am not Slade."

Oh crap. She did hear that. "I know you're not, Star," he said hastily. "I should never, ever have thought that you were like him. You are nothing like him. I betrayed you by thinking such a horrible thing about you. I know you would never intentionally damage my mind, I realised that once I stopped and thought about it properly." He rubbed the back of his neck in thought. "I don't like the feeling of someone looking over my shoulder when I'm in my own mind." She gave him a strange look. "Er, Earth saying again. What I mean is, I don't like the idea of having to share my mind, have someone else watching what I think is kinda daunting." He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "I'm a guy, Star. Guys in general have naughty thoughts so often, I guess I just don't like the idea of you seeing that."

"I never said I did not want you in my mind, Robin," she said in a small voice. "And your naughty thoughts would not have troubled me. We are capable of learning to control what we allow the other person to hear."

Robin let out a sad chuckle at his own stupidity. "I never thought of that. I guess I kinda overreacted didn't I?"

She nodded mutely, still hugging herself and looking at the floor.

"I'm really sorry, Star."

She nodded again.

Robin approached her cautiously, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Star?"

"What do you wish to do, Robin?" she asked, accepting the touch but remaining still.

"I would really like to hold you," he replied softly. "If you'll let me."

She made no move toward him. She did, however, raise her head to look at him. "I am bound by Tamaranian law. If you do not wish to destroy the e'ara, there is only one option left. What do you wish to do?"

Robin stilled. "Er, I hadn't really thought about it." He ran his free hand through his hair in thought, his other hand remaining on Starfire's shoulder. Soul mates, that's what a'tiyk valm meant. He and Starfire were soul mates. That thought alone made him feel all warm inside. But the thought of marriage sent a spike of fear surging through him and he wasn't quite sure why.

He took a deep breath. "We're only seventeen. It's not like marriage wasn't going to come up at some point… possibly… I think… I just figured… it would be in like, a very distant future, you know?" He floundered, not quite knowing what he wanted to say. "Shit, I'm no good at this…" She frowned at him and he grimaced. "Sorry Star… Look, what if… what if I went through this xhandal thing and we… um… maybe… we get engaged instead?"

"Engaged?" She cocked her head slightly, her green eyes confused. "Like betrothed?"

"Yeah. It's an Earth tradition. A promise that we will marry once we're older, when we are ready. That is, assuming you'll still have me." He eyed her hopefully, waiting for any sort of reaction.

She did not move. "Xhandal is very dangerous."

"So? Look, I know Tamaranians are very strong, can fly and shoot star bolts and I would be at a huge disadvantage." He shifted closer, glad that she didn't back away, his blue eyes staring in to her green ones. "I love you, Star, and I need you to know that. And if that is part of what it takes to set things right between us, then that's what I'm going to do."

"Blackfire and I are the only Tamaranians that can shoot star bolts," Starfire said evenly. "And most Tamaranians do not have the training to fly for long periods of time. You would not be at much of a disadvantage. If this is what you choose to do, it would take some time to organise on Tamaran. We could use that time to train you."

Robin frowned at that little piece of information, but chose to file it away for the time being as there was a bigger concern. "If this is what I choose to do? Star, what about you? What do you want?"

Silence and she dropped her eyes from his.

Robin's heart stopped. "Star, do you…" He swallowed the mountain in his throat. "Do you still love me?"

Her legs seemed no longer able to support her and she slumped to her knees and burst into tears, hunched over as she hugged her arms to her chest. He inched around in front of her into the small space between the windowed wall and her, kneeling down. He placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Starfire?"

She tackled him, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her head into his chest. He fell backward under her sudden weight so that his back was against the wall, his legs either side of her body. She curled up against him sobbing into his chest. He wrapped one hand around her waist and the other hand stroked her hair.

The sun had set and the world outside had been plunged into darkness by the time the heart wrenching sobs that wracked her body subsided into whimpers. He continued to rub her hair and back in long leisurely strokes. It wasn't until quite some time later that he realised she had fallen asleep against him.

Slowly, he shifted beneath her so he could hook an arm under her knees and gently eased to his feet, carrying her to her strange round bed. He balanced her against his chest, quickly drawing the blankets away before placing her on the bed. He knew that she liked to sleep with her head hanging over the edge, but today he placed her head on the pillow. He eased off her boots gently and put them on the floor beside the bed, pulled up the blankets and tucked them around her before switching off the light, plunging the room into darkness.

He took a deep breath and slid open the door to her room and was immediately confronted with the accusatory stares of Raven, Cyborg and Beast Boy. He held his finger up to his lips before they could open their mouths to yell at him. "She's asleep," he said quietly, before moving aside so they could see her.

Raven swept into the room and hovered at the end of Starfire's bed, her eyes narrowed in concentration as she studied the sleeping girl. She swiveled her head to study Robin, before nodding once to her companions and leaving the room. She turned at the doorway and stabbed her finger in Robin's chest. "This doesn't let you off the hook," she hissed and Robin winced with every stab of her finger. "You're still going to have to deal with us. Whatever we have to say can wait until later, cause you really need to get back in there. She's still hurting."

"We turned the alarm off in Starfire's room," Cyborg muttered . "If anything happens, Raven and I will deal with it. You need to do whatever you can to fix this, or so help me; I will kick your spiky haired ass from here to Gotham."

"I suggest not leaving the room until she smiles again," Beast Boy added. "That would be a good start."

Robin nodded. "Um, guys, thanks."

"Don't thank us just yet, Robin. Our patronage depends on her right now," Raven snarled before sweeping off down the corridor, carrying Beast Boy along on a black disc of power. Cyborg gave him one last, hostile look before following Raven and Beast Boy.

Robin sighed and slid the door shut. They hadn't slept in the same bed since she had been placed in a magic induced sleep nine months prior and he wasn't sure if he was going to be welcome in the morning. He sat down on the bed beside Starfire. The floor didn't look too comfortable and she didn't have any seats in her room that he could sleep on. Surely she wouldn't mind. He snapped off his utility belt and swung his legs up onto the bed, ducking under the blankets, making sure he wasn't touching Starfire anywhere. It wouldn't be right to snuggle up against her in case she was upset about him sleeping in her bed.

It wasn't until he was falling asleep beside her, that he realised she had never answered his question.