It was short enough, and continued fluidly enough, that I decided to just slap this on as a part b, just as I did for the 9th chapter.
Thank you very much for pointing out the messed up html'ing, SCWLC! I was trying out the new nifty back-up function, and decided to update/tweak some stuff along the way, and abruptly discovered that sure, the body text was backed up...but not an html page's headers and all that. Thankfully though, it was a simple enough fix. Unfortunately, in my mix of copying back and forth, backing up various files on laptop and desktop, I think I accidentally over-wrote some parts with older copies (part 10, mostly). I tried re-creating any changes I made in the past, but expect it to be not-perfect.
The Words Between - part 11b
Kyn stared out of the near window after Alberich left, long enough that when he finally bestirred himself, the sun's light had slanted noticeably. There had been no real ponderings during the time; he had simply let his mind drift after the influx of information, registered some vague murmurings from his Gift, but allowed nothing to truly surface. He didn't want to realize things yet. He had most of the pieces necessary to untangle the connections between the duke, Master, and himself, but once known, there was no way to un-know it again, and he wasn't quite ready to make that commitment yet.
Standing, he was careful to stretch out any lingering stiffness. Picking up a short coat draped carelessly over the bed's footboard, he felt tentatively along his link to Sianni as he shrugged it into place on his way out, and reoriented himself accordingly when he left the building. Though cloudless, the day was wan and chill, and he stepped up his pace to help generate more warmth as he headed out over the fields, little puffs of condensation from his breaths trailing close.
Jenner. Vinsen. Se'Fannouel.
Jendail. Vinsenail. Aisner.
He shook his head sharply, forcibly turning his thoughts from such musings. Lengthening his stride even more, he counted his steps to occupy his mind as one of the stables came into view. When he reached the doors, there was a sleepy, half-formed request, and he snorted before obediently detouring toward one of the bins holding cut vegetables and picking out two sticks of carrots. A series of white heads bearing unnaturally blue eyes poked out of various stalls and corners upon his entrance, but only one remained focused on him after an initial, curious look. Giving herself a shake, stray wisps of straw flying from her coat and mane, Sianni waited for him to come to her before reaching for the carrots, taking them carefully from his hands. :Thank you.:
Kyn looked around, noted the various Companions in repose, reached inside himself for the motionless waters in the silent garden, and replied, :You're welcome.:
Sianni paused mid-crunch, craning her head comically to peer at him. :You've improved.:
He tilted his head in mock affront. :My control, or my manners?:
She tossed her head abruptly with a softly whickered laugh, arching her neck afterwards in delight. :Both, and much more, apparently! When did you manage to pick up a sense of humor?:
He shrugged. :Everything is absorbed eventually with practice or exposure, I suppose.:
Sianni nodded, graduating almost automatically to nibbling at a stray wisp of hair by his ear when she had swallowed the last of the carrot. :Your control over your shields and 'speech has definitely improved, though I can tell you still have to concentrate on it. But it shouldn't be too hard for you to pick up everything else now that you've overcome the first hurdle.:
:Will I have the time to do so? And stop doing that.:
:Sorry, your hair is just so...enticing.: There was no real repentance in the apology, and Sianni's tone was far too coquettish to leave any doubt as to her true feelings on the matter. She danced back when he raised a hand to swat her away, continuing in the same vein, :Maybe it's whatever you used to dye it with? Or the way some of the ends just sort of...wisp out like feathers.:
:It is not as if Master uses carrots to dye it. Restrain yourself.:
Under his stern look, Sianni radiated an appropriate amount of meekness until he relented enough to scratch her under her jaw. All but vibrating in pleasure, she allowed her eyelids to droop nearly closed, tail giving the occasional lazy twitch at some imaginary fly. :What's wrong, Kyn?:
:I don't know.: He struggled for a moment for the words, either found them inadequate or too revealing to utter carelessly, and wondered briefly if confessions became easier with practice.
:Not if they come from the heart,: Sianni interrupted his thoughts, giving him a nudge to remind his fingers to keep scritching.
He conceded the point with a nod, mouth stretching ever so slightly before he sobered once again. :I think...I think I am concerned by how...'un-momentous' the occasion feels.:
Muffled clops warned of a nearing Companion, a courtesy provided when she passed them on her way out of the stable. Sianni bobbed her head in greeting - informing Kyn in aside that it was Faylin that had just walked by - before returning her attention fully to him. :You think striking out on your own from your master should be...more traumatic?:
He frowned, shrugging, eyes sliding guiltily down and to the side. :No. Yes. It had always been...unthinkable. But then, when it became more and more likely, albeit not completely at my own instigation...then, it was terrifying. But after a time...it just all kind of...went away.: He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. :Maybe I've just become...numb.:
:That may be. You've certainly had quite a bit piled on you over the time you've been with us,: Sianni noted gently.
He looked down at his hands, examined the tendons and vessels mapped out upon their backs as he clenched them into fists. :But I should have handled it...more gracefully. Perhaps if I had been calm and had had all my wits about me...maybe I could have changed something.:
:Nobody should handle what you've been through gracefully. I'm very proud of how well you've done thus far.:
He jerked his head up, sliding back a half step to focus on her at the unexpected praise. :Proud,: he echoed skeptically. It was hard, trying to apply the concept to himself. Certain instructors had voiced the same opinion on certain occasions, but...it was different, when Sianni said it. It was unsettling, and not a little worrisome - there were expectations of him now that he wasn't sure he wanted - would be able - to meet.
Sianni peeked up from beneath a fall of silver-threaded forelock. :Proud,: she repeated innocently.
He snorted, tugging sharply on her pale locks in retaliation for the hair-nibbling. :I do not need reassurance of that sort.:
:Then of what sort do you need?:
:I do not need reassurance at all.: Now it was Sianni's turn to snort, and he sighed. :The manse's windows are little more than slits. Guards against arrows.:
:A former fortress, then?: she asked with her head tilted in curiosity. More than just curiosity. He felt a little frission of concern shivering through the bond at the non sequitar.
Not quite as confident about me as you pretend to be, eh? He couldn't help smirking, just a little, but it faded quickly as he shrugged. :Not quite. But the builders had fewer comforts in mind than one might expect for a place intended for summer stays. At least, that was what I found out. I had thought its construction was normal up until my seventh year there. I had thought that the windows were normal. It had never occurred to me that they could be different, despite all that I had been taught. All I ever knew, all I ever remembered...was the manse.:
A fire had raged through the wing. A fire had claimed the entire Mrr'Thaine bloodline. Had there ever been flames in his dreams? Why had he not remembered windows other than those in the manse?
:I looked out of windows before, knew where each one was placed. But...it was like looking at paintings. The outside didn't really exist, because it wasn't something that I could touch, that I could really...experience. Even the garden, the practice grounds...they were all completely walled, the stones rising far above my head. The first time I stepped past the main gates...:
Space. An unimpeded horizon, interrupted only by small, distant things. No walls, no ceilings, and an enormity and knowledge of how much of the world was truly beyond his grasp, of how truly insignificant he really was. He had very nearly turned around to lock himself back in the manse without ever taking a real step outside of it, and had been halted only by the weight of Master's regard at his back.
:I'm sorry, Kyn,: Sianni murmured, stepping forward to lay her head over his shoulder, her shields flowing over him in the process to sooth the ragged edges of his own as his control slipped.
:For what?: he asked, taking a deep breath and resolutely tucking the memory of unreasoning fear away, reclaiming the still waters and remembering the unintentional audience that might pick up their conversation lounging all around in the stable. :I think Nadia is wrong. I believe I was happy then, in my own way. Master may be strict...but he was always there. And he may have used me...but I've seen him use others, and then discard them. He made sure I would always be able to come back.:
:He made sure you would always go back to him.:
:He made sure I would always be able to go back. There is a difference.:
A momentary pause, and then a ventured, :But now it is time for you to walk away from him again. To step out once more.:
His jaw tightened, one hand entangling itself in her mane and clenching tight about the silky strands. :Is it really? How can I be sure? There is no going back if I leave this time.:
:I don't think you're looking for an answer - if there is one. You already know that things have changed too much - that you've changed too much. Your time under his tutelage has come to an end...just as he knew there would be a point where you could learn no more while shut away completely from the world.:
Kyn stood unmoving, hearing the words neatly dissect the roil of unfocused feelings that stirred ceaselessly within. While there was a stubborn resistance to any such tidy categorization, thinking it far too easy an explanation...there was enough truth in it to relieve something inside. If someone else understands it...then perhaps I am not wrong for thinking the same.
He gave her forelock a last tug as he pulled away. :Excuse me. I have to go see some people now.:
:Of course,: Sianni responded, managing to sneak in a quick nuzzle with her nose before he slipped away.
"Nadia?" The name was uttered with the gentle timidity of a dove, the vowels softly rounded by a province accent. The young trainee blinked owlishly at him for a moment from her work sorting herbs. "Uhm...she was here a little while ago...she's supposed to be supervising me today," the girl said vaguely, looking around the main hall.
Kyn sighed, wondering if the girl's absent-mindedness was what required supervision, or if it was a self-defense mechanism considering who was overseeing her.
:I heard that.:
He stiffened, reflexively checking his shields before turning to scowl at Nadia. "No you didn't," he accused.
Nadia shrugged with a gamine smile as she closed the door to a room she had just exited, a tray of small, carefully labeled bottles perched on one hip. "Alright, maybe I didn't," she agreed amiably. "But your reaction alone confirmed it was something you richly deserved. Celia, how much longer is that going to take you?"
The girl gazed down at the plant-strewn table, and informed mildly, "Two candlemarks."
Nadia, about to add something else, hesitated, frowned at the trainee, and pursed her lips. "Are you sure?"
The girl nodded and smiled up at the woman.
Nadia looked through her bottles for a moment, squinting at one label or another as she muttered beneath her breath, "Two candlemarks...maybe I should call Deekan in to help..."
"Two candlemarks should be enough time."
"Enough time for what?" the healer immediately snapped, fixing a glower on Kyn. "You decided you needed my help again?"
For all her bluster, he could feel her tentative brush over his shields, already probing delicately for obvious signs of hurt. Even miffed and annoyed, her instincts had reached out to diagnose and sooth. Exactly what he needed if he was to convince her of anything. "Yes," he said simply.
"No," she stated immediately, shifting her grip on the basket to stab a finger toward him. "I'm not some servant permanently on call at your whim. I can tell you don't have so much as a paper cut on you right now. So - good - bye," she all but spat, punctuating each syllable of the farewell with an emphatic poke at his chest.
He caught her wrist before she could turn away, leaning back to compensate when the expected start and tug away from him occurred, but not releasing her yet. "I'm sorry, Nadia."
"Let me go! You think you can still hold your petty threats - " Nadia continued to rant for a breath, a touch of real concern entering the sharper jerk she made trying to break free, before his words sank in. "What was that?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm apologizing," he repeated patiently. "I acted badly in the past. Will you forgive me? Will you help me, Nadia?"
She all but gaped at him. He could see the slight slackening of the muscles in her jaw, the beginning part of her lips, before her gaze happened to stray aside at some small movement - to steady on the young trainee staring raptly at the two of them, the work forgotten for the moment. Jaw clenching abruptly, Nadia glared at the girl and with one more shake that finally saw Kyn's hold loosed from her arm, settled the tray of jars with a rattle on top of some herbs. "See that the rooms get restocked with these after you're done with that. No dawdling now."
The girl's expression fell visibly into disappointment, but she nodded in the end and took the tray off the table to set on the floor beside her, giving herself room to work in again.
"Come on," Nadia said tersely, snagging Kyn's elbow along the way as she strode briskly for the far end of a corridor.
He docilely allowed himself to be led, content to remain silent as she dragged them into an empty storage room and slapped the door shut. One hand still flattened against the wood boards, she turned narrowed eyes on him and asked, "What's the catch?"
He tilted his head and asked mildly, "The catch?"
"Don't play games with me, Kyn, or so help me..." she growled, advancing on him.
Ignoring the incongruence of their reversed roles, he held his hands up in pacification, sliding a step back. "No catch. No tricks. I need your help. And even if my motives do not match with yours, at least we have a similar end in mind."
That managed to slow her, if not stop her altogether. Turning her head one way to peer at him out of the corners of her eyes, as if a different view would give her more insight, she asked slowly, "What do you mean? Why the sudden change of heart?"
"The latter does not impact this conversation," he informed coolly, straightening just enough to impress on her the fact that he would not budge on that particular matter. "But I will tell you that I agree the duke must be stopped. At all costs."
She abruptly shivered, folding her arms across her chest to glower at him, as if just remembering who he was. What he could do. "At all costs. What costs would those be? Is it true, what they said? That you killed two men yesterday, turning their own weapons on them?"
It was his turn to frown as he asked, "Who said?"
She shrugged, chin lifting ever so slightly. "People. The guard was there. Alberich was too, so the whispers didn't get that far or that loud, but do you really think that something like that wouldn't travel?"
He could feel his lips compress into a worried, bitter line as he pondered the revelation. He had not truly thought upon the matter; he was not used to worrying about consequences, when he had never committed such acts so prominently before. "How far would you say it has spread?"
"Oh, don't worry." There was an odd tremble in her voice though, that made him wonder whether she was trying to reassure him or herself. "Alberich, after all, has a vested interest in seeing this kept under wraps. For all they know, you're just some prodigy he's been harboring for his own purposes, and you were doing Herald's work when you were set upon."
He arched one brow sharply. "Does he know about that? Has he discouraged it?"
"Ha! Discouraged it? I'd almost say he was encouraging it, from his lack of comment on the matter. Others were certainly not shy about feeding their curiosity, and he didn't say nay to any of them when they asked - though I will say that I don't think he's the type to comment on much of anything if others try to poke their noses in. But I suppose the best way to convince people of something other than the truth is to encourage their own wild ideas."
He snorted at the improbable entanglements their reputations were going through, shaking his head, before shoving the entire matter aside. "Nadia, can you leave the capitol within the next ten days, for a handful more?"
She blinked at him, not a little like the trainee out in the main hall. "What? Why?"
"Because the duke has invited me out to his estate, ostensibly in order to thank me for saving his daughter's life."
She abruptly scowled. "What does that have to do with me? I'm not your nursemaid."
He looked steadily at her. "Ten days," he reminded quietly. "And on the eleventh day..."
She shook her head obstinately. "I don't know what you're..." Dawning realization halted the rest of her words as she looked sharply at him. "Ten days from what? From that episode of yours the other night?" She rolled her eyes ceilingward for a quick calculation before she stared at him. "Oh."
He nodded. "By the time we are well settled under his roof, it will be fourteen days exactly. That has always been the appointment for my dosages. With Master - or the duke, apparently."
"It was the duke who gave you the last infusion of drugs?" Nadia breathed, before abruptly swinging around, pacing the four steps across and back the small room. "He knows your master, then? Are they working together somehow?" She abruptly whirled on him, eyes wide. "What sort of game are you all playing?"
Kyn shook his head, allowing a frown of irritation to crease his brow. "No, Nadia, listen! I know it is too much to place the blame on coincidence, but make no mistake, Master is not allied with the duke. I am being set in direct opposition to Se'Fannouel." He took a deep breath, calming himself. "Nadia, please. All I am asking...is that you give me the chance to confront the duke."
"'Confront'," she echoed distastefully. "Kill, you mean."
He shrugged. "If it will stop him. At all costs," he echoed his earlier sentiments, reminding her.
She huffed a sigh, absently blowing back a loose tendril of hair as she considered him. Walking slowly up, she tilted her head back to meet his eyes, a bare handspan separating their bodies, just far enough to allow eyes to focus without too much strain. "What exactly are you asking for?" she said softly, steel sheathed in soft, supple leather. "That I Heal you of the addiction? I can't - not won't, can't - do that. To somehow guard you from the effects of whatever he eventually doses you with? I can't do that either, not beforehand. Maybe after, I can relieve some of the effects, but there is no real advantage to dragging me with you."
"No, there is," he countered, equally quietly, equally intensely. "I can feel it. There are so many paths, all criss-crossing each other right now. I have never known the like. It worries me, Nadia, and as the past has shown, I make mistakes when I am not thinking clearly. I can't afford mistakes here."
"It's not just you, you know," Nadia informed tartly. "Or didn't you notice that Alberich has been chasing this thing down for the past few months? He has virtually every resource of the Heralds and the kingdom to levy at whatever threatens the queen! Why does it have to be about you?"
"Vinsenail married. Within a year, the latter proclaimed that his new bride was with child...healthy baby boy. He was five years old..."
"Vinsen's progeny, those of his blood..."
Kyn shuddered, dragging his attention reluctantly back to the present. "Because it will be about me. Master made sure it would."
The words slipped away before he could check them, before he could actually comprehend what they meant, and even as Nadia gave him an odd look, he felt something inside quake at the slow, inexorable revelations that forced themselves upon him. "Still," she continued stubbornly, though not without some reluctance, "I don't see how I would be able to help. If the duke is truly as nefarious as you all believe him to be, he certainly wouldn't allow a healer to tag along at a crucial moment, would he? And there is nothing I can do from afar."
"No, probably not," he agreed with a shake of his head. "But you will get your chance. I just want you to be...available. Just in case."
He expected some other argument, another rejoinder as to why he didn't need her presence at the duke's holdings. But as the silence stretched, he gradually noticed that she was once again giving him an odd look - but now, there was a strange, muted feel to her countenance. "Do you ever fear, Kyn?"
He rocked back on his heels in surprise, brows rising. "Of course. Why?"
"You don't look - you have Foresight, and the very fact that you're here, saying that you'll have need of a healer's services...yet you look completely unfazed. How old are you, Kyn?"
"He was five years old when the Mrr'Thaines were wiped out..."
He took a large step back, defensively. "I don't know," he informed flatly, suddenly unnerved by the line of questioning.
Nadia shook her head, still staring at him with those wide, wondering eyes, and he resisted the urge to take yet another step back. "Sometimes, you don't even appear completely human to me," she murmured, as if to herself. "You look like a Valdemaran. You speak like one, act like one, except...sometimes, something inexplicable, or something frightening slips through, and then all I can do is - "
He made a sharp, abortive gesture, one that finally halted the chilling stream of words. Consciously straightening, he asked coolly, "Will you come?"
It was not the sort of note he wanted to end his request on, with him on the defensive. But at this point, he was desperate enough to have done with the entire business, and let the other matters untangle themselves as they willed - after the crisis was past.
The healer nodded. "I will. On the condition that you have to think of a plausible excuse for my presence."
Honestly surprised by the promptness of her agreement, Kyn nodded. "All right. For one more favor."
Her brow immediately beetled in annoyance, her patience and unexpected grace apparently at an end. "More? What now?"
Kyn reached up and tugged at his forelock, unconsciously crossing his eyes in an attempt to focus on the end. "I need help re-dyeing my hair. And it needs a trim."
Firefox - Heh! Birthing chapters... o.O* Whoa, what a concept. But I suppose I haven't exactly shattered that illusion yet. Ooooh...does this mean Kyn has a fan-club now?
M'cha Araem - *laughs* Yes, I know exactly how that is. ^_~ And I'm happy that you're happy. (Everyone should be so happy when I update, neh? =P) And as for all of your questions...if this part didn't give a whole boat-load away, everything will eventually be explained in full. You just gotta have a little patience, I'm afraid. (I'm evil that way.) But I will include a 'cast of characters' section with my next posting if you want, mentioning names and a brief description of their role so far. What say you?
SCWLC - Thank you thank you thank you. =) I've noticed the tendency for an abrupt switch of sides in certain stories too, and I resolved to make the pacing quite a bit more gradual when I began this project (if there is a 'switch' at all). Nice to know that I'm managing all right thus far.
rurix2 - And I left you for last because you're eeeeeeeeeeeeevil. Eeeeeeeevil, I say! *COUNTER-MENTAL-POOOOOOOOOKE*