Chapter 17: Dorsum

Kimber was sprawled out on the couch, heavily pregnant, watching telly at his condo, where they lived. She had kept her own apartement, but over the past few months they'd been staying put, there quite a lot. Although with her eyes on the screen, Kimber was looking seriously pissed at whoever or whatever it was that was bothering her at the moment.

"You okay?" Christian tried to inquire casually.

"Aside from having feet the size of trees?"

"It's just water retension..."

"I know that!" Kimber snapped.

Christian had to admit, it hasn't been such an easy last trimester for her. "Not long to go now," he said, half to himself. Kimber wasn't all that young, but it must've been her earlier model lifestyle that caused her body not being able to suffer the strain of carrying and growing another human being inside her all that well. She had bladder and back problems and her blood pressure went higher, just to mention the main pregnancy ailments she was suffering from. Christian however thought that she would've taken it all a lot more easier and relaxed if she wasn't that bothered by the way pregnancy was affecting her looks. He assured her that everything will be quickly taken care of after the birth, but she was still unable to look into the mirror or go outside for the last couple of weeks. Not to mention the sex side of things. Kimber had completely went off it for the time being, and the only time she offered a few weeks ago Christian failed to be able to perform to her expectations. And on top if it, it didn't make sense. He didn't have the chance to make love to her for weeks before and his last extramarital relationship was the one Kimber agreed to, the one with Jasmine. Since then he analysed it to death why his manhood dysfunctioned. Just like most men he wouldn't lust after heavily pregnant women and at the moment when he was supposed to enter her he felt his protectiveness go into overdrive. Something inside him had screamed danger! Protect the unborn child! As a doctor he knew chances of harming the baby were very infinetely minimal with normal intercourse, but there was this astronomically tiny chance he couldn't take. All in all, the situation didn't exacly make Christian happy. This is what you wanted, he told himself while preparing the pasta for Kimber. A beautiful, loving wife, with a child he could give everything and who would love him unconditionally. Not any woman, but someone so similar to him in so many ways, somebody who understood him and normally accepted him with all his sexual desires. He knew that she was person who could fill the void that existed in his heart for so long. It was his last chance for something that resembled ordinary life and it came true. This was all good. He was no longer an outsider looking at other people's families. He should've been happy. But there were these little things. Kimber still nagged him about scientology, but he didn't want to belong to such a tight group, he wanted his freedom. He did go along with Kimber as he had promised, he had to, and told her afterwards it wasn't for him after all. Kimber had accused him of planning that all along, and she was right. Thank God she didn't know about him faking illness. He only wanted to keep her back then as well. That was why he had done everything that he did, he just wanted to be happy, he wanted everything to go well. Something inside him churned with remorse, guilt for failing her. He was fearful he would lose it all if he makes one more mistake. Just like calling Gail. She hasn't been in touch for four months now, but if he called her, would she feel pushed again and reject him again? Not to mention Sean. Between his son and work, he had not one minute left for him. Liz, healthy now too, back to her insufferabble bitchyness. There was one way...if he made himself ill again. That would resolve all situations. He had learnt from his mistakes and this time he could simulate illness even better. He kept that option open with taking laxatives, just to mess up his intestinal bacterial flora and electrolyte balance. The best thing about it was that it would produce syndromes resembling colitis with bloating, dehydration, lacerations, ulcerations, hemorroids, gastritis and malabsorption of nutrients leading to hypoproteinemia, hypoalbuminemia and calcium deficiency. It was good, there was no chance he would need another lipo any time soon either. He shouldn't ever have been in the position to need them anyway. As a plastic surgeon he should've had easy access to the goods, but Sean stopped him doing that too, so he had to deal with it some other ways. It would be very easy now to make an excuse and go out, buy some laxatives and take an overdose, hospitalise himself and let everybody else sort out the rest afterwards.

"Christian?"

"Hm?" Maybe she'll send him out for something as she often does. Would be a good excuse.

"I didn't say cause I wasn't sure yet, but you know how you asked me if I was okay? I think I know what contractions really feel like."

tbc