Chapter 30

The sun dipped lower into the sky and sank toward the horizon casting its sunset hues apologetically over the orange desert of Tamaran. A soft breeze wafted over the land, swirling dust and dirt sadly in its embrace. A tall white palace carved from stone arched gracefully into the sky, it's rounded balconies jutting from it like pearly leaves.

A great loss had occurred and one of the balconies of the palace was burdened by grief.

Young people sobbed and clutched at each other, desperately trying to quell the sorrow within. They took comfort in each other's embrace, a sharing of misery of epic portions.

They had lost one of their own.

Four figures sat apart from the grief, sharing in their own quiet torment. They had suffered the greatest loss, a friend, a sister, and a lover. Three of them clutched at the one whose soul had been broken the most as he clung to the one in white, his heart wrenching sobs muffled in her shoulder, his hands clenched around two small pieces of metal.

The sobs gradually filtered away to be replaced by numbness. A deep sadness of the soul. An emptiness that would endure for an eternity.

"She's gone," Beast Boy whispered, his voice tight. "She's really gone. It's not fair. We weren't supposed to lose her."

"Not again," Cyborg mumbled. "Never again. It shouldn't have been her. I told her not to worry, that I had her back. But I didn't. How could she have kept smiling through all that?"

Raven began stroking Nightwing's hair, something she'd seen Starfire do to calm him down. His head came up, his eyes glazed, his cheeks smeared with drying tears. "Starfire?"

"No, it's Raven," she murmured quietly, dropping her hand to stroke his bare back. Perhaps it had been too much, too soon, the loss too great. "Starfire is gone."

He struggled to focus on her. "No… Raven… It's Starfire. I can still feel her."

"Shush," she replied, stroking his back. "She's gone. Nothing could have survived that."

His eyes unfocused again before he closed them. He pulled himself from their arms, leaping to his feet, joy spreading across his face. "She's alive!" He tangled his legs in their arms as he tried to step over them, tripping over. "Let go!" he cried, kicking his legs from where he lay on the floor, while he stashed Starfire's ring and e'ara in the small zipped pocket of his pants.

"Nightwing, stop it. She's gone," Raven cried. He was only going to hurt himself and the other Titans more by giving them all false hope.

"Galfore! Galfore!" he bellowed as he disentangled his legs.

The huge man raised his head from where he was clutching at his wife.

Nightwing scrambled over to the man, stopping before him. "She's alive. You need to take me to her cliff top right now. The place where she used to go when she was upset when she was younger. That's where she is."

"Nightwing," Raven said, placing her hand on his shoulder. She tried to keep her voice as soft and soothing as possible. "Nothing could have survived that. It's just an echo. Your mind is playing tricks, you want her to be alive so badly that your mind is making you think she is. You're exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. She's gone; you just have to face that. We all have to face that."

"No Tamaranian has ever survived letumdelectat," Galfore said bleakly.

"Fuck it all, will none of you understand? Starfire isn't like any other Tamaranian. The Psions changed her." He swung his head around wildly. "Blackfire…" He sprinted over to her, sliding to his knees before her and grabbing her wrists in his hands, drawing her attention to him. "Blackfire, make a star bolt."

Blackfire looked at him with sad, unfocused eyes and did what he bade.

"Good," he replied, nodding furiously, releasing her wrists. "Now shoot it."

She frowned, tossing the star bolt away.

He turned back to Raven. "See?" he demanded.

The other Titans were getting to their feet and gathering together, watching Nightwing and Raven with glazed, grief filled eyes.

"Nightwing," Raven said patiently, her heart heavy. "I don't see what this has to do with Starfire. That energy was consuming her from the inside."

"Yes, but she can toss it away, just like Blackfire did." He sighed in frustration and ran his hand through his hair as he struggled to explain. "Look, why do you think the other Tamaranians died from that drug?"

Raven frowned. "Because they couldn't control the release of energy? They have their eye beams."

"It's not the same," Blackfire said quietly. "The eye beam releases energy slowly, the star bolt can do it quickly. But it doesn't matter; it was still consuming her from inside. There no way she can control that much of it."

Nightwing growled and turned toward the horizon once more. "You always underestimate her." He closed his eyes before his face lit up. "Star, you're brilliant," he murmured to himself, dashing from the balcony into the room he shared with Starfire.

"Is it possible, Rae?" Beast Boy asked hopefully. "Do you think he's right?"

Raven shook her head. "I don't see how she could have survived. I could feel her powers bubbling beneath her skin. I think Nightwing wants her to be alive so badly his mind is creating an echo of her voice. It started after I touched his hair. Starfire used to do that to calm him down. So when I did it, maybe his mind saw it as her still being alive, fooled him into think that she was. Don't you think he would have recognised her as being alive long before that? You saw the size of that explosion. Nothing would have survived."

"But-"

Raven turned to him and placed both hands on his shoulders. "Gar, don't. You'll only make it worse."

Beast Boy's ears went down sadly and he nodded.

Nightwing came out off his room, his black shirt back on, black boots on his feet, utility belt around his waist and strapping a black and blue cape around his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Raven asked, blocking Nightwing's way.

He scowled and moved around her. "None of you are going to help me," he snarled. "So I'll go get her myself." He spread the jagged edge of his cape as he extended his arms, the cape cascading out like wings. He ran toward the balcony edge, leaping off and ignoring the startled cries of his teammates. There was a roaring sound before he shot skyward, flames pouring from his boots. He hurtled through the air and headed in the same direction that Starfire had gone.

Raven's frown deepened as she watched Nightwing fly off. He was just trying to delay the inevitable. Starfire was gone. There was nothing that could bring her back, no miracle to be found this time. But perhaps he needed to see that for himself. And when he could not find Starfire, he was going to need them there, or he might do something stupid. They couldn't afford to lose him as well.

She sighed, before conjuring a huge black disc on the ground. "I'm going to humor him," she said loudly. "Anyone that can't fly, jump on quickly."

There was a mass exit of Titans as those that could fly lifted into the air, following Nightwing, while the remaining stepped onto Raven's disc. She lifted into the air, pulling the disc after her and speeding through the sky.

The landscape below flashed past them as they hurtled through the sky, desperate to keep up with Nightwing. Several of those that could fly had to drop to Raven's disc, unable to continue the pace. She pulled them all along, Beast Boy streaking companionably through the sky by her side in falcon form.

They reached a strange mountain range. Huge pillars stacked themselves from the ground in vertical blocks. Raven turned her head to look, seeing the large orange desert of Tamaran and the sun setting at the horizon. A sudden recognition flashed through her, she'd seen this place in Starfire's mind. This was her meditation space, her happy place. It seemed fitting that she would wish to die here.

Nightwing dropped to the top of a smoking pillar in the distance, alighting on its cliff edge and Raven honed in on that cliff.

She stopped in front of it, hovering in the air, her jaw dropping. Beast Boy pulled up beside her with an excited squawk.

Nightwing was crouched on the edge of the cliff; one arm around a naked Starfire, crushing her head to his chest as he talked to her body in hushed tones. His other hand was stroking her hair lovingly. The ground around him was blackened, burnt from the release of power. He looked up as they approached and pulled off his cape, draping it around Starfire's shoulders and across her singed and scratched body to hide her nakedness.

Raven floated closer. So, he'd found her body at least. Now they could all grieve properly. But why did he seem so happy about it?

Beast Boy suddenly became a pterodactyl, swooping away to pluck Cyborg from the black disc of power and dash toward the cliff. Cyborg and Beast Boy alighted and stared at Starfire in wonder, before kneeling down by her side, their hands gently touching her bare legs. Galfore and Fyria were next and Fyria burst into tears, her hands reaching for Starfire. Blackfire landed hesitantly, dropping to her knees in shock.

Beast Boy turned back to Raven, tears dripping down his cheeks again and his face awash with wonder. "Rae, Rae, come and see!" he said excitedly, his arms beckoning her erratically.

Raven carefully alighted on the cliff edge, confused as to why everyone was so happy. She surprised herself by bursting into tears as she saw Starfire's arm move to pull the cloak tighter. Only Argent's quick thinking kept those flightless Titans from dropping to their death.

Starfire lifted her tired head from Nightwing's chest, extending her arm in a wave. "Friends!"

TTTTT

None of them were ready to let her go.

They'd carried her back to the Titans rooms and Nightwing had taken Starfire into their room for a moment to help her pull a leotard on. She was completely exhausted and that so weak she could barely move on her own. Raven had entered after she was dressed and immediately begun healing the numerous cuts and burns scattered over her body caused by her trek through the Citadel and the release of energy that followed.

Beast Boy and Raven had eventually disappeared too, one at a time, to shower and change their clothes, removing all traces of the green gunk. Both of them quietly ignoring the Nightwing uniform and Starfire's shredded clothing still scattered around the bathroom, although Raven gathered the clothes up and placed them in a corner.

Nightwing sat at the end of the sofa with Starfire's head resting on his lap; she'd been there ever since she'd dressed. Raven sat on the floor beside her, holding one of her hands, while Cyborg stood behind the back of the sofa, holding the other one. Beast Boy was curled up on her stomach in the form of a kitten, purring wildly. Blackfire sat at the other end of the sofa, Starfire's bare feet resting on her lap, while Galfore and Fyria were content to sit on the sofa opposite.

Slowly the other Titans were filtering home, each taking the time to speak quietly to Starfire and then to Nightwing before entering Herald's portal. The few of them that needed healing saw Raven first.

Herald and Bumblebee were the last two to approach, their arms around each other as they happily beamed down at Starfire.

"Herald," Nightwing said thankfully, shaking the Titan's hand. "You are such an asset. I can't thank you enough for what you've done for us today. We wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't for you."

Herald shrugged as though it didn't matter. "Anything for my friends," he replied, reaching down to touch Starfire on the shoulder. "Keep smiling."

"I shall continue to do so," she replied faintly. "I thank you, Herald."

He smiled. "Anytime." He turned to Nightwing and gave him a salute. "Seeya later, boss."

Bumblebee touched Starfire's shoulder too. "I'll be back in a week," she said with a smile. "We can have a girl's night. I'll bring the gear and Silkie too and plenty of mustard, don't you worry."

Raven smiled. "It'll be fun," she said, squeezing Starfire's hand.

"I shall look forward to it," Starfire said weakly.

"Thanks again guys, I really mean it," Nightwing said as Herald's trumpet sounded.

"See you soon," Bumblebee called over her shoulder as she and Herald left.

Nightwing caressed Starfire's forehead, tracing his finger over her alien eyebrows. She looked up at him tiredly, blinking slowly. He gave her a small smile and continued the motion of his fingers on her head. Her eyes drifted closed.

"Kori," Fyria said softly as she and Galfore got to their feet. Starfire opened her eyes again and looked at them. "We shall go. You need to get some rest."

"Tomorrow I shall publicly rescind Komand'r's banishment," Galfore said. Blackfire looked up at him in astonishment. "Come Komand'r, let us leave your sister to rest. We have much to discuss."

Blackfire nodded, carefully removing Starfire's feet from her lap. "I shall see you all tomorrow. Sleep well, little sister."

"You should do so too, sister," she replied before the three of them leapt from the balcony, heading up to Galfore's home.

Raven slowly got to her feet, releasing Starfire's hand. "We should go to bed too," she said quietly. "It's been a very big day."

Beast Boy got to his feet and stretched on Starfire's stomach, before walking up her chest to nuzzle her nose. Starfire weakly stroked his back.

Raven rolled her eyes, before bending down to kiss Starfire on the cheek and plucked her kitten from Starfire's chest. "Come on you," she said with a smile and walked to her room with the green kitten cuddled in her arms. "Goodnight all."

Cyborg looked after the pair with disbelief. "Damn," he drawled. "Grass stain too huh? I really need to get myself a girl."

"My sentiments exactly," Nightwing said, feeling giddily cheeky. "We can get a little payback then. And don't assume anything, they've had a rough day."

Cyborg looked at him and huffed. "Whatever," he muttered, kissing Starfire's hand briefly before locking the balcony doors and setting the makeshift alarm. "Night guys."

Nightwing looked down at Starfire; her eyes had already drifting closed. He caressed her cheek with his hand. "I love you, Star."

Her eyes flickered open again and she blinked up at him wearily. "I love you too, Richard."

He shifted his legs to wobble her head. "Come on, Star, sit up for me. I'll carry you to bed."

Starfire sighed and grabbed onto the back of the sofa, hauling herself up. She could barely do it so Nightwing placed his hands on her back to help lift her and keep her steady. He quickly stood, shaking out his cramped legs, before he picked her up. She snuggled into his shoulder, her arms around his neck.

He kicked closed their bedroom door behind him, before sitting her on the bed and pulling down the blankets for her. Scooting around to the brown paper package still on the bed, he picked the spare Nightwing uniforms he'd thrown to the floor in his haste to find the correct gear and placed them on the cupboard.

"Do you like them?" she asked hesitantly as she watched him.

"This is what I wore in the future you saw right?" he asked, pulling off his uniform, leaving on the black pants. "Except for the slot for the e'ara?"

She nodded. "It is similar. I liked the sweeping bird better." She gestured down her arms and he nodded in understanding.

"I think it's brilliant, Star, I really do. Couldn't have done better myself. The uniform's made from the same material as my other one right? How did you get them made?"

She blushed and ducked her head. "I required help."

"Batman?" he asked, as he sat on the bed beside her.

Starfire shook her head, stretching out on the bed and placing her head on her pillow. "Alfred assisted me. I gave him the design, he sent me the suits."

Nightwing snorted. "That'd be right."

"You are not angry then?"

"Not a chance. I've wanted to make the move to Nightwing ever since you told me of it. It just never seemed the right time. Ooh, hey, I have something you need to put back on," he said with a smile, reaching into his pocket to retrieve her e'ara and engagement ring.

She smiled for him, allowing him to clamp the e'ara back on her arm and slip the ring back on her finger in its rightful place. He kissed the fingers of her left hands before he slipped into bed beside her and pulled the blankets up around them. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She snuggled into his chest, entangling their legs.

"I shall miss calling you Robin," she said quietly.

"I like it when you call me Richard," he murmured back.

"Richard?" she asked sleepily after a while.

"Yeah?"

"I will have the dreams of badness tonight."

"I know, Star. Don't worry, I'll be coming with you."

TTTTT

Raven placed the green kitten on her bed, before switching on her bedside lamp with her powers and switching off the main light. She pulled off her white cloak and used her powers to float it to the cupboard along the wall. She turned back to the bed to see the kitten regarding her quietly.

She huffed. "If you're going to sleep in my bed, you can at least take your shoes off."

The kitten's eyes grew as wide as saucers before he shifted back to Beast Boy. "Um… Rae, I'm not sure that I'm ready for-"

"Boys and their dirty minds," she interrupted quietly. "Nothing going to happen. I just don't want to be alone tonight and if it's all right with you, I'd rather have you here in human form." She sat beside him, removing her shoes and placing them beside the bed. "Shoes off," she said again, scooting up to the pillows and pulling down the blankets.

"Oh," he replied, snapping out of his daze. "Right. Sorry." He reached down and pulled off his shoes, making the token effort to place them beside the bed instead of just dumping them. His gloves and belt joined them before he crawled up the bed, accepting the pillow that Raven passed him.

Beast Boy lay down on his back, putting both his hands behind his head and staring at the roof. Raven snapped off the light and pulled the blanket over their legs. She bit her lip in consideration, before she placed her head on his shoulder and snuggled into his chest, draping one arm across him and one knee over his legs. He stiffened in surprise and pleasure before pulling the arm she was using as a pillow out from behind his head and wrapping it around her back, holding her close.

"Things were really bad there today," he said softly, still staring at the darkened roof.

"Yeah, they were."

"There were times I didn't think we were going to make it."

"Starfire was protecting us."

"It was my fault. I should have stopped Hunder. I could have prevented all of this."

"You didn't know."

"Doesn't make it easier, Rae. I still feel like this was my fault." He sighed sadly, his hand caressing her lower back gently. "It's kinda like we were watching this really bad horror movie, you know? And Starfire was the badass zombie slayer, come to rescue us."

Raven smiled in spite of herself. If Beast Boy needed to believe that to help him get through this, she wasn't going to dissuade him.

"I don't understand."

Raven drew little circles on his chest with her fingers. "What don't you understand, Gar?"

"How she did it. I mean one moment she was this thing that couldn't be controlled, ripping out the throats of those monsters and the next she was rubbing your back while you… um… and she was patting me. And then she was gone again."

"Starfire was still in there, buried beneath the drugs. She's stronger than we ever imagined she could be. I could see the relief in her eyes when she saw us. She loves us; she protected us as much as she could. Who knows what those things would have done to us? There are worse things than death. She didn't want the same thing to happen to us that had happened to her. She knew the horrors of the Citadel, she has lived it. Given the same choice, I would have done exactly the same."

"I think I would have too. It's hard to think about though. But this is Starfire, our wonderful happy Starfire. She lets bad guys know she's going to hit them. She uses the weak star bolts that does nothing more than sting badly and half the time she doesn't hit people with it, she hits the ground around them. I swear she carries around a stack of bandages to patch criminals up after we've taken them down. She hates violence and yet she's done these terrible, terrible things. How do you recover from something like that? How do we recover from that, having seen her do them?"

"We just have to do what she said to do. Remember what she was and not what she became. This wasn't her fault. They did this to her."

"Do you think she'll be all right? Would she remember what she's done?"

Raven sighed sadly. "I don't know, she hasn't seemed to so far. We'll know by morning. I expect if she remembers she'll be in for a bad night."

Beast Boy was silent for a time. "I was so scared we were going to die then."

"Me too."

He angled his head down to look at her. "I meant what I said though. That I loved you. I don't want you to think that I only said it cause I thought we were going to die.

She smiled into his chest. "I love you too."

"Is that why you turned white?"

"Yeah."

He gave a small, contented sigh. "Sweet."