Chapter 31
The smell of blood and death hung in the air.
Splatters of green blood splashed against metal walls. Something gurgled as its last breath left its body. A cracking sound erupted as a ribcage was forced open, followed by the squish of an organ being removed.
Screams of anger echoed around the gray metallic hallways through which Nightwing walked, stepping over the dead and dying bodies of Citadelians. Unrecognisable body parts were scattered around and green-dripping things hung from the ceiling. The corridor dipped and swayed, writhing beneath his feet.
He passed a green wolf; its tail between its legs as it stood protectively before a crouching Raven who had her hand buried in the wolf's fur. He barely spared them a glance as he passed.
Two Starfire's stood before him. One covered in green blood and a feral glow about her eyes. The other was clean, protected from the blood and gore by the feral Starfire, her face full of grief. The feral Starfire pounced on an attacking Citadelian, her hand tearing into its stomach to pull out its backbone. The grieving Starfire covered her face in her hands. "Please stop. We do not wish this. Please!"
The feral Starfire dodged a blow from another Citadelian before tearing at its throat with frightening ease. Another attacking Citadelian had her hand buried in its chest before it burned away from the inside in a bright green flash.
"Please! Remove yourselves from our way! We wish to release our friends and then we will go!" the grieving Starfire screamed, but she was not heard.
The feral Starfire turned and Nightwing pressed himself against the wall as she suddenly dashing back down the hallway to where Raven and Beast Boy huddled together. Raven's hands were glowing with power as she shielded from the fleshy blows of the Citadelian. The feral Starfire launched herself at the Citadelian and she tore its head from its shoulders, leaping deftly off as the body crumpled to the ground.
"Leave them alone!" the grieving Starfire screamed , standing protectively before Raven and Beast Boy. "Let us go! We do not want to destroy any more!"
The feral one turned toward Beast Boy and Raven, sniffing at them. The grieving Starfire put her hands on the feral Starfire's shoulders. "Friends, we will not harm them," she told herself sternly. "We wish to protect them. Robin will come for them, we must purchase him time."
"Friends," the feral Starfire growled, stalking down the corridor, passing Nightwing once more. "Chosen comes."
He looked down the corridor at Raven and Beast Boy, surprised when Raven was violently sick. The feral Starfire turned around abruptly and returned to Raven and Beast Boy and Nightwing saw the two Starfire's merge momentarily. The dual Starfire knelt down beside her friends and rubbed Raven on the back while she threw up, her other hand on Beast Boy's neck, stroking lightly. "Raven, it will be all right," Starfire whispered softly. "I am so sorry."
The dual Starfire shuddered violently, tearing apart again and the feral Starfire stood and stalked away.
"Starfire," he called softly.
"I am here," she said appearing at his side, her forehead pressed against the wall, her fingertips clawing at it as though she could dig her way out of this nightmare. "I could not bear to watch this again."
"Then this really happened?" He turned to her, surprised that she was neither the grieving nor the feral Starfire. She must be watching her own dream, reliving the moment rather than being part of it. He'd had dreams like that as well, where he'd watched himself relive moments in a dream and had no control over what was done.
"Yes," she replied sadly. She pointed at Raven and Beast Boy, who were now timidly creeping down the corridor. "That happened. I made Raven sick." She pointed at the headless Citadelian. "I believe that occurred also." She looked down the corridor at her counterparts. "I do not know why there is two of me."
"I do," Nightwing said, wrapping his arms around her. "The feral one is the Starfire they created, the one you had limited control over. The grieving one is you, the part that had to watch and couldn't stop it and the part that just wanted to protect your friends. Your mind is seeing that they are separate and trying to show you."
A scream erupted down the corridor and Starfire shuddered, burying her head into his neck. "I do not like this. Please take me away."
Nightwing hugged her tighter and pulled her to their orange cliffs. He rubbed her back, breathing in the crisp air of their desert. "Better?"
Starfire let out a muffled sob, her fingers clutching at his chest.
"Shh, Star. It wasn't you."
"I destroyed so many," she sobbed quietly. "And I could not find the strength to stop. I can still feel them beneath my hands. It was my body, Richard, my hands that did those horrible things, which means that I am also capable of committing those kinds of atrocities. It is a hard thing to bear."
"It's not your fault, Star. They drugged you. You would never willingly choose to take life. They made you that way, forced it upon you. You had no choice."
She pulled her head away, looking into his eyes. "But I did, I did have a choice. And I chose the anger."
He brushed her cheek with his fingers. "If you'd chosen anything else, you, Raven and Beast Boy would be dead. You chose not to sacrifice your friends, to protect them at the cost of yourself. Your friends don't look at you any differently. They all still love you. I still love you. You saved all our lives today. It doesn't matter to any of your friends. Star, you told me to remember you for what you were before. I remember, now you need to do the same."
Starfire burst into tears, hiding her head back into his neck.
She suddenly vanished from his arms and Nightwing forced himself awake to follow her.
He sat up in bed catching a glimpse of her hurtling out their bedroom door. He flung back the blankets and tore after her. He stopped in the room beyond, surprised to see the balcony door still closed, before he heard her being violently sick in the bathroom.
He winced, remembering that she had nine stomachs and entered the bathroom. He placed a hand on her back as she upended her stomachs into the toilet and quietly pulled her hair away from her face.
She sat back some time later, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, before flushing the toilet. He gently helped her to her feet and toward the wash basin so she could clean herself off.
"I am sorry," she said sadly after she had cleaned her teeth.
"It's okay," he said quietly, scooping her into his arms. "That's what I'm here for. To help you get through this."
She wrapped her hands around his neck as he carted them back to bed again. "I love you, Richard."
"Love you too, Star."
TTTTT
A blood-curdling scream erupted into the night air.
Raven snapped awake, leaping from the bed, black energy already flowing from her hands as she searched for Beast Boy.
There was nothing in the room that was out of place, although she could hear a soft growling noise. Her powers snapped the light on. As light flooded the room she saw a green wolf crouched protectively before her; teeth bared and tail between his legs. For a brief moment she thought the scream had come from him.
"Garfield?" she called quietly, dropping her hands and he turned his head and morphed back to normal.
"Wasn't me," he said shaking his head and getting to his feet, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, scared the crap out of me. Thought I was back there for a moment."
Raven nodded, knowing what he meant. "Same here."
Another scream filled the night and someone banged on Raven's door. "Raven!" Nightwing's frantic voice yelled. "Raven, please! I need help!"
Raven dashed for the door, Beast Boy right behind her. She swung it open to see an exhausted Nightwing panicking, with a pale Cyborg heading off two guards that tried to enter the common room.
"It's fine," Cyborg snapped, shoving the guards back out the door. "We'll deal with it."
"I can't snap her out of it," Nightwing blurted frantically, dashing back to his room. "She won't let me in."
Raven ran after him, Beast Boy two steps behind her and Cyborg not far behind him.
Starfire was thrashing on the bed, her body covered in sweat. A look of absolute terror marred her features and her hand were clenched into fists around the blankets.
Nightwing was already crawling back on the bed beside her, grabbing onto her convulsing shoulders. "This is the fifth one tonight," he panted, straining to hold her still. "They're getting steadily worse. The instant she falls asleep she's pulled into another one and she too exhausted to stay awake. I can't get in to pull her out of it."
Cyborg grabbed onto a leg while Beast Boy shifted into a gorilla and grabbed the other one. Raven headed to Starfire's head, placed one hand on Starfire's forehead, the other on Nightwing's. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"
Raven was suddenly staring into the dead eyes of Nightwing.
She gasped in shock, stumbling backward, only to be caught in a pair of hands.
"Fuck," Nightwing swore, holding on to her arms tightly as he looked down at his dead doppelganger. His double was covered in green liquid and his throat was torn from his body.
Suddenly the dream shifted and the Nightwing doppelganger stood, alive and whole, beside Cyborg before Herald's portal.
Nightwing swung around, pulling Raven out of the way and pressing her back against his chest. She turned her head. Two Starfire's stood before her, one with a feral glint in her eye and covered in blood, the other clean and tears dripping from her face.
The feral one stepped on a Citadelian and threw herself into the air. The crying one screamed in anguish.
The Nightwing doppelganger turned and pushed Cyborg through the portal before standing before it protectively.
The feral one landed, her face twisted into a snarl. She stalked toward the portal.
"Starfire," the double said softly, pulling his mask from his face. "Please, it's me. It's Richard. You know me."
"Please!" the crying Starfire shrieked at her counterpart, trying to interpose herself between them, but the feral Starfire was stronger. "Stop! It is our chosen! We do not harm him!"
The double reached out a hand. "D'anthe l'ani, please."
"Stop! We must stop! We have been waiting for him!"
The feral one stopped before the double, her arm snaking out to clutch him by the throat, dragging him to his knees before her. A tear trickled down his cheek and splashed onto her hand. The crying Starfire beat on the arms of her counterpart, but was unable to break her grip.
Raven sucked in a breath in shock and Nightwing's hands bruised against her arms.
The feral Starfire tore out the throat of the Nightwing doppelganger. He fell to the ground in a shower of green blood emitting a small gurgle as he died.
"NO!" the crying Starfire screamed.
"Fuck," Nightwing swore again, looking green as he watched his own death. "No wonder she wouldn't let me in."
The dream shifted and began again.
Raven turned away, unable to watch again. "How much of that actually happened?" she asked quietly. "And why are there two Starfire's?"
Nightwing frowned and released her. He looked away, his eyes carefully searching the room. "I've been watching this all night. Well, not this part exactly, but what happened to you guys in the Citadel. I have no idea exactly how much of it is true, but knowing Starfire's dreams I can guess. The blood covered Starfire is the one that actually did all the damage, the one that's been drugged and has no control. The crying one is the Starfire that had to watch. She's the one that kept the two of you safe, she's the one that rubbed your back when you threw up." He eyed her carefully looking for a reaction, or an actual confirmation that what he'd seen occurred.
Raven nodded, remembering.
"Starfire has a lot of normal dreams," Nightwing continued. "You know, the ones where your mind makes stuff up. But she also occasionally has what I call 'true dreams'. Vivid dreams of events that actually happened. Sometimes they have small changes in them, like a wishful thinking change, or like she's changing things in hindsight. These are the dreams she's been having tonight and it's hard to tell what those small changes are. Everything happened as you saw right up until she tore…" He swallowed heavily and looked back at his double.
Raven sucked in a breath, rounding on Nightwing. "I saw your face. You didn't even try and stop her. You were going to let her kill you."
Nightwing hung his head, before nodding sadly. "I couldn't leave her like that. Not like that. Better to die with her than leave her."
"Nightwing!" she snapped, ready to launch into a tirade.
He shook his head. "I have no regrets, it worked. She came back. You weren't supposed to find out. I didn't think she remembered either, but I guess she did cause her mind's warped it into something that never happened."
Raven frowned, deciding to deal with his actions later. Right now they needed to help Starfire. "How do we stop it?"
Nightwing looked around the room as the crying Starfire screamed in denial once more. "We find the real Starfire."
Raven narrowed her eyes, pointing at the two Starfire's in the room. "They aren't the real Starfire?" she asked frowning when Nightwing shook his head.
The dream changed and began again and Nightwing raised his voice. "Starfire!"
Raven became aware of a soft chanting sound at the same time as Nightwing. He swung around; leaping over the bodies on the ground heading to a cowering Starfire that was pressed up against the wall, her knees hugged up to her chest. Raven tried to fly after him, but found her powers unable to work. Shaking her head she picked her way through the bodies after him.
Starfire was chanting the same word, over and over again, her hands pressed against her ears and her eyes squeezed shut. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no."
Nightwing dropped to his knees before Starfire, touching her gently on the shoulder. She scuttled away from him, without opening her eyes or pausing in her chanting.
"I can't use my powers in here," Raven muttered as she crouched beside him.
Nightwing nodded absently. "Hers never worked either, not sure why." He reached out his hand for Starfire again. "Starfire, it's me. This is a dream, it never happened."
Starfire whimpered and shook her head. "He is dead. I have killed my Richard. Please let me die too."
"Star, my blood is red, not green. You're dreaming. Your mind is making it up." Nightwing glanced at Raven and gestured for assistance.
"It's true Starfire," Raven said softly. "He's not dead."
Starfire's eyes cracked open slightly and she peeked at them. "Truly?"
"Truly," Nightwing said, holding out his arms for her.
"No!" Starfire screamed, catching sight of the Nightwing double falling to the ground. She kicked out at them, scampering away once more.
"Star, stop, it didn't happen, I promise."
Starfire continued to scream, a loud piercing shriek of terror, her eyes plastered on the dead Nightwing, her fingers clawing at the wall as she tried to escape.
Raven turned to look at the dead Nightwing and frowned, looking back at the live one. "You have to change the dream."
"Can't," he replied sadly. "I can't take her from here unless she lets me touch her."
"No," Raven snapped. "Change the dream. Show her what really happened."
Nightwing frowned and turned to look at her. "I've never done that before."
"You've never been able to change your own dreams? Direct them?"
"Well, yeah I can do that. I've just never tried changing her dreams."
"No better incentive. It can't be good for her to continually see that."
Nightwing grunted and closed his eyes in concentration.
The dream swirled and changed.
The vicious Starfire stood before the kneeling Nightwing double, her hand on his throat. She bent at waist, her face going to the double's neck, sniffing.
The real Starfire stopped screaming, her eyes wide with fright.
"Male," the feral Starfire growled, before straightening up. "Chosen." The feral Starfire shuddered and her hand dropped from the double's neck. The green glow of the feral Starfire's eyes died and she reached up a hand to touch the double's cheek. "Richard."
The dream churned and melted as both Raven and Nightwing were flung from it.
Raven sucked in a gasp of breath as she opened her eyes by Starfire's bed.
Nightwing was cradling a sobbing Starfire in his arms and she clung to him as though she believed he was going to disappear any moment.
Cyborg and Beast Boy sat at the other end of the bed, their expressions bleak.
Raven reached out a hand and placed it on Starfire's shoulder. "I'll give her a dreamless sleep spell, just so she can actually get some sleep."
Nightwing nodded. "Thanks, Raven," he muttered as Starfire suddenly relaxed in his arms, her arms dropping limply to the bed, her head lolling backward. He carefully placed her back on the bed and tucked the blankets around her.
Raven waited patiently while he fussed with the blankets before she smacked him upside the head.
"Ow!" he complained, rubbing his head and looking at her ruefully. "What was that for?"
"That was for being an idiot. Don't you ever do something like that again!"
"What'd he do?" Cyborg asked, frowning.
"Doesn't matter," Raven snapped, getting to her feet. "He knows what he did and he won't be doing it again, will he?" she growled, glaring at him.
Nightwing shook his head, cringing away from her.
She narrowed her eyes at him, before her expression softened, seeing the dark rings of exhaustion under his eyes. "You should get some sleep too, do you want a dreamless one as well?"
"Would you?" he asked hopefully.
She rolled her eyes. "Hurry up and get comfortable, or you'll be falling off the bed asleep."
Nightwing slipped under the blankets beside Starfire, wrapping his arms around her, hugging her back to his stomach. "Thanks," he said quietly.
"Goodnight, Nightwing," Raven monotoned, placing her power filled hand on his head, before she looked up at the two remaining Titans. "Anyone else?"
TTTTT
He does not know.
He does not understand how close he came to destruction. By her hand. Another second, a flinch of muscle, a twitch, any movement but the tear that splashed on her hand and it would have been his lifeblood spilling onto the cold floor.
And that is something I cannot live with.
He believed I did not remember the resignation on his face as she squeezed his neck.
He believes I did not hear that last heartfelt plea to take him too.
She destroyed so many and she attempted to destroy him.
And that is something I cannot live with.
I know this will hurt.
I know this will not change what has happened. I can never bring back those lives she took.
I can never make him look at me the way he looked at her. But I must try. She must never be allowed to harm another again. No one should ever have that much power within one body.
I will take my warrior soul and shatter it. I will take the part of me that is her so far down and bury her so deep that she can never escape. She will never hurt him again.
Because that is something I cannot live with.