Disclaimer: I own nothing; if I did, I wouldn't be writing Fanfiction. Trust me.

In Which There Were Four

Harry was, quite happily, minding his own business. This is something fairly rare in a hormonally charged Fanfiction world, so the reader must take advantage of it while it lasts: which shan't be long, I'm afraid.

He was reading a book. The wizard's version of the Kama sutra in fact. (You got excited then, didn't you? You thought he was actually doing something non-hormonally based. Oh dream on…) (Writer chuckles happily to herself)

A tall boy fairly noisily, and quite rudely, plonked himself down loudly across from Harry at the table.

Harry ignored this interruption because he had just reached one of his favourite pages; one that would make him 'moody' for weeks on end. So the boy cleared his throat. Loudly. Harry continued reading. So the boy began drumming his fingers on the table. Loudly. And Harry cracked.

"Look, can I help you?!" he exclaimed, expertly slipping a bookmark in the page and coveting it away.

"Yes," replied the boy dramatically. "I am here to help you win the war over the dark side; I am the light to show you the way. I have watched you all your life, young Harry Potter!"

"Stalker," Harry muttered. "Who are you anyway?"

"I…" (drum roll) "am Godric Gryffindor, resurrected for but a short time to impart you with the knowledge you need to triumph."

"Alright, alright. But could you make it quick, I, uh, need some time alone," he said furtively.

Godric rolled his eyes. "Firstly, you must beware of the girl who calls herself Theryllusingthesde, for she is –"

"I know! Voldemort's daughter."

"Okay… well you should start getting to know the girl who calls herself Catrinalyiannaeisa – "

"Because she's my sister."

Godric huffed a bit. "Well then, finally you must not fall in love with the girl who calls herself Ginevra because she is – "

"Draco Malfoy's soul mate," Harry finished boredly.

"You don't know that!" thundered Godric in irritation.

"No, but it's blatant really isn't it? Ginny's rarely paired with anyone but me and Draco and since I got lumbered with this Thez chick, I'm guessing Draco gets her. Bastard," the Boy Who Guessed replied, showing a pretty accurate insight into the world of Fanfiction.

"Fine. I'm off, have a nice life," the Heir sulked. "Oh but I s'pose you better have this sword in case you meet Voldymorty or whatever his name is." He handed over the jewel encrusted blade ungraciously before promptly vanishing.

Harry looked at it, shrunk it, put it in his bag, and then continued with a bit of reading…

Ginny's meeting with Rowena had gone a bit more to plan (Elle got Helga, because Ginny can't have the fat Heir, can she?) and she was all in a flutter when she ran into Draco later that day.

He was draped against the wall in all his manly sexiness (drool…) but Ginny was so preoccupied that she just didn't notice him at first. After all, finding split ends can be horrendously time-consuming.

He cleared his manly, sexy throat and said in manly, deep voice; "Weasley, haven't seen you around for awhile."

Ginny jumped. "Oh Dra-Malfoy, you gave me a fright. You saw me yesterday didn't you? And this morning at breakfast? Oh, and actually just now in advanced potions -"

"Yes, alright," he cut her off quickly. "Anyway, what have you been up to?"

Surprised at his fairly genial tone, Ginny wondered what personality implant the writer had given him this chapter. "Oh, y'know, the usual: got 100 per cent from Professor Snape, knocked three first years out with my boobs and found out that I'm the protégé of Rowena Ravenclaw," she shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm the incarnate of Salazar Slytherin, as it turns out. Would never have guessed though, would you? Always thought I was more of a Hufflepuff kind of person." (Writer gives Draco a quick talking-to for being so sarcastic about her plotline)

Ginny eyed him thoughtfully (although internally, there was still that little bit of her raging to rip all his clothes off. Well actually, that lot of her) "Didn't Rowena and Salazar have a clandestine love affair?"

"Of course," replied Draco. "We're meant to be… duh!"

"Well I don't like you," she confirmed stubbornly. "And I do not want to rip all your clothes off and have wild, crazy sex with you right now. So tough cookies Dra-Malfoy." She stomped off.

"Liar," chuckled Draco, admiring the wiggle of her bum as she stormed away. He then thought, questioningly, 'tough cookies'…?

Elle was sulking. Not only did she have to get the podgy Heir, but also the only thing it seemed she was good at was Herbology.

"Don't worry," Ginny assured her. "You're a Mary-Sue; by the end of the story, Helga Hufflepuff will have been put on a diet and an Open University course in Defence Against the Dark Arts, which is obviously the coolest subject to do." She then pranced off to do some wandless magic on a poor, unsuspecting Hogwarts population.

Elle continued to mope, her hair settling on a particularly ominous shade of black. Just then, Blaise Zambini wandered passed on a search for some kind of plot (he wasn't bothered about what kind, but any kind would do) and caught sight of her morose expression.

"What's the matter my dearest?"

"Dearest?" spluttered Elle. "I haven't said two words to you in my life!"

"Yes, but in my dreams you have…" Blaise looked a little disgusted at his rather sappy repartee.

Elle rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You're Slytherin right? Not bad looking…" she looked him up and down. "You'll do, want to sleep with me?"

"Do you want to marry me?" he countered, looking for all the world as though he was channelling some pre-adolescent fan-girl and was hating every moment of it.

"I'll think about it," she replied. Although if you could see the vast vacuum inside her head where her brain should be, the reader (and Blaise) should seriously disregard this claim.

"Awesome. Bed it is."

A/N Yes, yes, I know it's been a while. Went to University you see, but still just loooooving this story!! Anyway, thanks for all the ideas you guys gave me for subsequent chapters, they have all been noted and you may well see them emerging soon… Many thanks for still reading this pile of codswallop! Hehe.