Fishy Warfare
Chapter 2
Hena woke up lying on the floor of the building at the fishing hole.
She stood, and looked around.
As she made her way to the counter, Link appeared out of nowhere, with Purdy perched on his finger.
"Hi!" Link said, smiling.
"Don't you dare touch Purdy!" Hena said.
Hena snatched Purdy, accidentally strangled the bird, and dumped her dead body in the cage.
"Oh, by the way, I booked dinner for two in Hyrule Castle Town," Link said.
"Which restaurant?" Hena asked, curiously.
"Shhh! It's a surprise! And at an affordable price, too," Link said.
"Affordable? Since I robbed you of almost all your money, and meals cost heaps in Hyrule Castle Town, this doesn't sound good," Hena said.
"Well… can I fish?" Link asked.
"Firstly, you have no money," Hena said, snatching Link's wallet.
"Secondly, there are no lures left," Hena said.
"That's okay! We can use this dead bird in a cage as a lure!" Link said, holding up Purdy, who was dead.
"OMG! Purdy is dead!?" Hena gasped.
"You strangled her to death," Link said.
"NUEZ!!! I will blame it on you!" Hena screamed.
"Don't worry! I can use one of your photos!" Link said, taking a photo of Iza, Hena's sister, off the wall.
"Speaking of which, who do you think is cuter?" Hena asked, curious.
"Um… ew.. Iza has an afro… and you have freckles… um… I think he's the cutest!" Link said, pointing to an old photo on the wall.
"I don't have freckles, and that guy's old! How could you possibly like him?" Hena said, astonished.
"Well, I've dated Impaz from that hidden village! But, she had a heart attack…" Link said, in deep thought.
"Can I cancel our date?" Hena asked, backing away.
"Naah… when you were unconscious, you signed this legal contract that said that you couldn't cancel our date. Also, I used both our lawyers, and we have witnesses," Link said, holding up a contract.
"Witnesses?" Hena asked.
"Yeah, of course!" Link said.
He held up Purdy's dead body.
"I saw you sign that contract," Link said in a muffled, high pitch voice, while he moved Purdy's head up and down.
"No way! He just moved my hand up and down on the paper, right?" Hena asked, furiously.
"Over my dead body! Hee hee. Dead body," Purdy (A.K.A. Link using Purdy as a puppet) said.
"Well, you could be lying, Purdy!" Hena said, staring at Purdy as if Purdy actually was talking.
"Lying? I can only stand, and I sleep standing!" Purdy said.
No-one laughed.
"Well, I can't make bird jokes all the time!" Purdy said.
"Um… isn't thi-" Hena said, cut off by Purdy.
"I can tell lawyer jokes! What do you get if you cross a lawyer with Hena? A lawyer with half a body! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Purdy laughed.
Silence.
Purdy was sued.
Link threw Purdy's body away.
"Were there any more witnesses?" Hena said, looking at Link angrily.
Link ran outside, gagged and tied of Iza, and brought her to Hena.
"You saw Hena sign that contract, right?" Link asked.
"MMMMF!" Iza said.
"In gagged up hostage language, that means yes," Link said, throwing Iza into the lake.
"No it doesn't," Hena said.
"Yes it does!" Link said.
"No it doesn't," Hena said.
Link pulled out a book. It said:
'MMMMF' means yes.
'MMMMF' means no.
'MMMMF' means pickles aren't good for teeth, but have perfume inside.
He closed it, and the cover said 'The Unofficial Book of Lies.'
"See?" Link said.
"Hey, where's Iza?" Hena asked.
"I threw her in the lake," Link said.
"My sister can't swim! OMG! She's drowning!" Hena screamed.
"Don't worry! I'm sure the fish won't have their revenge on humans by chomping us to death!" Link said.
Link and Hena walked through the door.
"See! Perfectly fine!" Link said, pointing at Iza, who freed herself from the ropes and flailed her arms.
"We should help her stand up in the water," Hena said.
Link threw a fish at her.
"AAAAAUGH!" Iza screamed.
The fish bit her.
"NUUEZ! I save my sister!" Hena screamed.
She got in a boat, and paddled to Iza, and took her back to the shore.
"Yay! I guess everyone's happy now!" Link said.
Hena and Iza glared at Link angrily.
"Hena has a date with me tonight!" Link gasped, realising it was night.
"Hey, aren't you late for dinner?" Iza asked.
"NUUUEZ! JOO R RIGHT!!!" Link said, hyper ventilating.
"Hey, Iza? Did I actually sign the contract?" Hena asked.
"Yes, of course! I want you to date him anyway! It's good for your style!" Iza said.
"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEZ!" Hena screamed.