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Brink of Eternity
As a child she had always been fascinated and intrigued by pirate stories. The tales of frightening and dangerous men, painted as heroes in a romanticized and larger than life way, captured her imagination and her heart. Sometimes she wonders if it was all just a dream (her exploits aboard the Black Pearl) or if the inner workings of her own mind had tricked her into thinking she had experienced what she had always wanted, only to leave her cruelly disappointed.
On the Brink of Eternity
Now at 58, the longing for adventure and vitality is as potent as ever: her mind seems to have taken over where her body has failed to act. It is cruel, the way in which time and gravity have hindered her physically, but sharpened her mentally. Her mind now tortures her with scenarios of battles waiting, but never intending, to be fought; her body tensing in anticipation of a confrontation never to be had.
On the Brink of Eternity
She is tormented by scenes of sailing on a ship (the Black Pearl) which severs a clean path through the infinite, star-strewn abyss. Too many of these scenarios involve a versatile man (pirate) with kohl – rimmed eyes and sun soaked skin, standing right beside her on the deck of his beloved ship, bringing them ever closer to the elusive horizon.
On the Brink of Eternity
Often she thinks back on forbidden dances on secluded shores, whispered secrets in glowing embers, and a kiss that tastes of freedom before it ends in the chains of guilt. She often wonders what it would have been like if she had chosen a different path; the one that included the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow.
On the Brink of Eternity
She likes to think it would have consisted of doing whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted to, just because she could. It would have been nights of passion and fire, and days of limitless ocean and possibilities. With Jack she would have been free to be herself; no hiding behind masks or starkly painted faces. She wouldn't have been bound by the rigidly immobile corset that society has placed her in. Beside Jack on the Pearl, she would have been able to stretch her wings to their fullest extent and fly: she was never one for cages.
On the Brink of Eternity
But deep in heart, Elizabeth knows that that path would have also been permeated with doubts of faithfulness and feelings, miscommunications and hurts, silences and shouting. They wouldn't have been perfect but they would have been uninhibited, unlimited, and care-free. They would have been in their element.
On the Brink of Eternity
Some would say that Elizabeth Turner (Swann at heart) has aged gracefully. Ironically, as a pirate, she had done nothing gracefully. The veins of sun that had formerly run through her hair are now replaced by veins of gray. The calluses and blisters from working on a pirate ship, have long since given way to the softer, elegant lines of her domestic lifestyle. It pains her that all symbols of her former "escapades" have faded from her skin. Her body has erased all indications that she was ever anything other than a wife and a mother.
On the Brink of Eternity
A breeze from the open window brings with it the smell of salt and sea spray, and something intangible; elusive. Wishful thinking is all she can do for a life that was never hers to be had. She often thinks that it is unfair that her husband (sometimes she still doubts; can what they have be called a marriage when she only sees him once every decade?), Captain of the Flying Dutchman, is still young and as handsome as ever, while she sits here and wastes away. He is at the heart of Eternity, while all she can do is stand on the edge and catch a glimpse every ten years.
On the Brink of Eternity
She has convinced herself that this is the life that she was always meant to live. Elizabeth's whole life has been in preparation for the role of obedient wife and mother. This longing she has for more is something she will continue to live with, knowing that it cannot ever be fulfilled. She's lived with this longing for some 30 odd years now and most of the time it is just a small twinge of regret (Liar).
On the Brink of Eternity
It is an irrational and childish dream to want more than what her life with Will has offered her. Will has given her two wonderful children, William Jr. (Will picked the name) and Jacqueline (the name is oddly reminiscent of Jack). What does it matter if they don't see their father very often? Things would have been the same even if Will hadn't been made Captain of the Flying Dutchman. He would sail around the world, and she would stay home with the children (you cannot take children with you on piratical adventures). What does a stupid compass know about longings, yearnings, cravings, anyway?
On the Brink of Eternity
Elizabeth tries desperately to convince herself that she has made the right decision. She was always meant to love and be with Will. This was her fate; her destiny. She cannot face the fact that a different path had been open to her all along. If there wasn't a force out there that had planned long before, what her life was supposed to be, then she would have to face the fact that maybe she had made the wrong decision.
On the Brink of Eternity
She didn't want to think about what her life could have been if only she had chosen differently, because then she would start craving again for a life that cannot be. She made her decision a long time ago and there is no use in trying to fathom what her her life could be like if only she had done things differently (she is tired of envisioning what her life could/would be instead of what it is).
On the Brink of Eternity
She will have to be content with continuing to tell her children tales of undead pirates, dangerous sea monsters, and treacherous battles aboard countless ships. She will tell tales of cursed Aztec gold, kidnappings, and her journey from highborn lady to Pirate King (Jacqueline likes this one the best). Finally she will tell of a pirate (a good man) who taught her what it means to live life unfettered, uninhibited, on the brink of eternity, taking what one could while giving nothing and everything back.
On the Brink of Eternity
And somehow, in continuing to tell these stories, she will yet again try to convince herself that she hasn't fallen in love with the very real man behind the pirate, but that it was all just a childhood fascination with a legend. She can pretend that Captain Jack Sparrow is still just the dashing heroic pirate from the books that she read as a child (She was never very good at pretending).
This is her Eternity