"In the Marines…"

"We're not in the Marines, Mac. I never was and it's not fair to judge me that way." Danny interrupted, then stopped and brushed his hands through his hair, frustrated. "This department gave me a chance, an opportunity to be somethin' other than what was planned for me in the great tradition of the Messer family." His tone was slightly sarcastic. "But it never once trusted me. Never once had my back. Never once let me forget who I was and where I came from."

He paced away from Mac and back again, tension emanating from him in great waves of frustration and distress. Unusually for the younger man, his clothes were rumpled and his hair stuck out in all directions. For the first time in years Mac thought he looked haggard. His face was pale and drawn. He looked like he was about to collapse.

"You never asked me to prove myself y'know?" He waved his arms around, gesturing. "But I busted my guts to, every single day, just to feel worthy of bein' here, of workin' with this team. And you've never acknowledged that. God, I never thought I needed you to." Wearily his shoulders slumped and he shook his head.

"But I do." He paused. "I did." He clarified. "I needed you to tell me I was doing okay, that we were okay. Hell, I gave up my family for this. Everything for this. All I wanted was something back."

Danny nearly sagged into the chair behind him. He was so exhausted he was only staying upright through sheer willpower; his body was starting to sway if he stopped still and he could feel his knees trying to just give out. Oh, he wanted more than anything to be able to sink to the floor and curl into a ball and wish everything away.

He clenched his jaw. Gritting his teeth against the waves of tiredness. "I can't do this anymore, Mac. I need something back."

Mac stared at the younger man. He was staggered at the sudden turn of events and he didn't have a clue what to say. He wished, desperately and not for the first time, for Stella. His eyes, focussed on Danny's pale face, flickered but his face remained impassive.

Danny felt physically sick and his gut churned, he went hot and cold and his eyes stung.

"I…"

Wordlessly Danny waited for the words he realised now, had somehow always known deep down, he would never hear.

Mac cleared his throat.

"I…"

The words stuck in his throat.

He watched aghast as the younger man fought back tears. As his head sunk to his chest and his shoulders sagged.

Danny slowly reached for his badge and his gun. Weighed them in his hands. Studied them. His badge was slightly tarnished. His lips twisted. Wasn't that ironic?

He couldn't do this anymore. He had given up everything for this and what exactly had he gotten in return? Grief. In various agonising and heart-rending forms: and he had lost his family, Aiden and Louie.

Ever so gently, almost reverently, he placed them on Mac's desk. Looked the older man in the eye, struggling to keep his face carefully blank, and stepped back.

Again Mac opened his mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing came out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is my first fanfiction. Please let me know what you think... it would be very much appreciated - my husband just laughs ;-)