Sunday, which means update night. Thanks again for the wonderful reviews I received, they're always gratefully appreciated.
On a side note, I'm beginning to notice that some of the readers are a little mad at Dean for not listening to Sam regarding the medication. I feel I need to speak up for the over protective big brother that Dean is. The boy is not well, physically he's getting back on his feet, but mentally, he's taken a total and utter beating; to be brutally honest, he's in a worse state than Sam. Dean can't confess the truth, not yet. Dean can't listen to Sam regarding any illness or tablets, or anything; if he did ever accept that Sam was ill, it would mean that Dean had failed. Failure is something that Dean can not and will not deal with at this present time. It was Dean that made the decision to run off with Sam away from the hospital, and it's those consequences he has to deal with now. Also, Dean lives in fear, fear that if he ever did tell Sam the truth about his lies, the truth about dad, the truth about the part Dean played in the situation, that Sam would just pick himself up and leave him….and Dean can not deal with being left alone; we all saw how he coped with what happened to Sam, and the truth is, Dean will be reduced to nothing, and worse of all, Dean knows it.
So for now, he has to lie, and at some odd level, Dean knows he's kidding himself. He's also living in total fear. It's not a nice place Dean is in. Not nice at all.
As for Sam, poor boy is all I can say. He's in so much trouble, and he's placing all his faith and hope in Dean. Sam is just so confused, but he's sure Dean would never let anything bad ever happen to him. Normally, that's true, but with Dean in this unattached state of mind, what if Dean just can't see the danger coming..?
Ok enough ramblings, the pace picks up a little now with this chapter. I promise you guys that this chapter was written well before a certain episode aired.
On with 'The Big Top'…
Chapter Five- The Big Top
Dean Winchester sat one of the sofa's staring back at the images he'd recorded, when he felt a pair of eyes staring at him. Glancing up, he spotted a tried looking Sam shoot him a limp smile.
"What did you find..?" Sam asked as he hobbled over to the other sofa and collapsed on it.
"Besides a whole new level of frustration…" Dean admitted as he scrubbed his face with his hands, " I guess night vision means just that…"
Dean saw the crushed look on Sam's face.
" I'll try again when it actually goes dark…." Dean said mustering a smile for Sam's sake, " Little more authentic than pulling blinds and stuff…"
Sam nodded quietly as he closed his eyes and allowed his head to loll against the back of the sofa. Dean studied his little brother with a studious look.
" How are you feeling..?" Dean asked quietly, " You still look like crap.."
" Thanks…" Sam said with a weak smile, as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "Actually I feel a lot better, a little light headed but ok…"
" Good…" Dean said as he snapped the camera lens shut with his hand and placed it on the coffee table. " What do you fancy for lunch..?"
Sam peeked at him through one of his eyes, resembling a sleepy cat.
" Thought we'd grab lunch while we were out…"
Dean gave him a funny look, " Where are we going..?"
Sam grinned widely as he looked at the suspicious look on his elder brother's face.
" Circus..!" Sam said taking in Dean's startled appearance, " I said we'd go today, and we are…"
" Dude, we're not going today…" Dean said matter of fact style, " You're too ill…"
" I feel fine.." Sam lied as he looked at Dean's tired face, " Come on man, you've been looking forward to this since last night.."
" I'm not five years old…" Dean muttered, " I mean for crying out loud, we're in Florida. If I was really excited I'd haul your ass to Island of Adventures…"
" Really, you strike me more as a Disney kind of person.." Sam teased, " I could see you trying to get Cinderella's number.."
" Snow White was kinda hot as well…" Dean said with a mischievous look.
" Maybe we can go later in the week…" Sam said with a hopeful smile, " I would love to go see the animals over at Sea World…"
" Yeah, I can see you and Shamu bonding over a fish supper…" Dean said with a wicked smile, " But the penguins are kind of cool, them are their fat bodies.."
Sam laughed at Dean's wrinkled face.
" So today we'll hit the circus…" Sam said just as Dean started to protest, " No buts Dean, this is your vacation as well, in fact we should get going…"
Dean glanced at his watch. Ok, so Sam was right. He did want to go to the circus, and have a laugh with his little brother. The idea of going to see a freak show where Dean didn't have to carry a gun loaded with rock salt was worth its weight in gold to Dean.
" You sure you're ok..?" Dean asked as he watched as Sam nodded his head slowly, " Cause I'm not picking your ass up if you collapse on me…"
" I feel fine…" Sam lied again as he pushed himself to his feet. " Now I'm gonna get ready, I suggest you do the same thing.."
" Maybe just to be on the safe side, you should take your next dose of medication now…" Dean quickly said, as Sam shot him an annoyed look, " You know, just to keep it level in your system. You said so yourself, you're feeling better and the tablets are behind it…"
" You seem pretty sure…" Sam muttered in an annoyed tone, " Why are you so sure..?"
" Cause I'm your big brother…" Dean said with a wicked grin as he scooped up the laptop and camera into his hands and headed towards his bedroom.
" And let me guess, that automatically makes you correct…" Sam muttered as he walked hesitantly towards his room. Dean looked curiously as he watched as Sam's eyes scanned the bedroom before he entered it.
" Of course it makes me correct…" Dean said with a killer smile. " Big brother's are always right…."
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Dean slipped into the driver's seat of the Impala, and instantly felt relaxed, if there was anywhere that ever felt like a home to him, it was the driver's seat to his baby.
Flicking through his tape collection he poked around and pulled out his 'Guns 'n' Roses' tape and slid into the ancient tape deck.
Before Sam had even clambered into the passenger side, 'Sweet Child of Mine' filled the car, which mustered a smile from Sam.
" Haven't heard that for a while…" Sam said as he rolled his window down, wishing that Dean would agree to get air conditioning installed into the classic car.
" I know…" Dean said already patting the steering wheel along with the beat as he reversed from the parking spot under their apartment.
" I wonder where dad is..?" Sam suddenly asked as he Dean pulled onto the highway. The question had come straight out of left field.
" He's fine…" Dean muttered, his mood already darkening.
" How do you know…?" Sam asked as he Dean shot him an aggravated look.
" I just know, alright…" Dean muttered again, his jaw clenching tightly.
" Maybe we should call him..?" Sam suggested as he shifted his long legs in the passenger seat, feeling increasingly confided in the small space. " You know, to see how he's getting on, when he's getting back…"
" Where are all these questions coming from..?" Dean demanded, " Look we're on vacation, no hunting, no demons, no loaded shot guns…"
" You sure you're not the one who had the brain haemorrhage..?" Sam quipped, " Cause you're the one who sounds all cranky…"
" I'll shove that crank up your ass if you don't shut your hole…" Dean moodily snapped.
Sam gave his brother a funny look, " Dean, I was just asking…"
" That's your friggin problem Sam, you're always wanting more, never satisfied with what you've got…" Dean heatedly spat, his anger at the mention of his father bled through his pours at the first available target; Sam.
" What is wrong with you..?" Sam demanded angrily, " You know what, just forget it…" Sam snapped before Dean could reply as he sunk down in his seat.
Dean angrily looked at Sam, and then sighed loudly.
" Why are we fighting…?" Dean finally asked as he drove along the coast line of Clearwater.
" You're the one who took my head off cause I asked about dad…" Sam muttered, " So why don't you tell me…"
" I just don't think we should be spending time thinking about him…" Dean mumbled as he kept his eyes on the road, " Besides, if we phone dad, the world of hunting begins again for us; now I know you don't want that, right..?"
Ok, so it was low.
But this conversation had to stop. It had to stop right now.
Dean couldn't take the lying, he couldn't take the heat in his cheeks which he was sure were turning red, and if he would feel heat then he was sure that Sam would see it.
Playing on Sam's craving of a normal life was Dean's only way out; it was his Ace. So be it, if he had to use it every now and again. Sam wanted a normal life, and if he really wanted a normal life, then keeping John Winchester out of their lives came top of that list; and keeping John Winchester away was exactly what Dean not only wanted but needed.
The idea of seeing his father now, and feeling the way he did. For Dean he could only see one way how that scene would play out; with a perfectly executed round house punch aimed at his father's face. Who knew from there, maybe he'd never stop hitting him.
Sam glanced over at Dean, that puppy dog, doe-eyed bambi thing Sam always did without ever realising it.
" I'm just thinking about dad that's all…" Sam said defending the conversation, " I haven't seen him since the night of the crash, and even that's a little hazy at times…"
" He was blaming you for not killing the demon…" Dean said in a pointed tone. " Or do you want me to remind you..?"
Ok another low blow for Sam, but he needed to understand that the more he thought about his father the more it would hurt Sam, not to mention Dean.
Sam shot Dean a hurt look, but instead of responding, snapped his mouth shut.
The Winchester boys drive in total silence, while the sounds of 'November Rain' echoed around the car. For now, both boys were trapped in their own thoughts.
Finally after ten minutes Dean eased the long classic car into a vacant spot in the parking lot, and climbed out the car and into the glorious, hot sunshine. He pulled his shades from the hook on his navy blue t-shirt and slapped them on his face.
Sam quietly climbed out the car closing the door behind him. Both brothers took in the sight they saw, and it baited two almost identical smiles to their faces. Dean caught the grin on his little brother's face.
" Told you this would be great…" Dean said as he walked to the front of the car and lent on the bonnet, folding his arms across his chest.
Surrounding them were sights you only got from carnivals. The stands filled with their old fashioned games of coconut shies, basketball games, test your muscles with big fat hammer, and lastly, food.
" Humm, popcorn…" Dean mused, already straightening and heading towards the direction of the booth, he glanced over at Sam who was still staring out into the crowd. " You coming or what..?"
Sam nodded and trotted after Dean. By the time he'd arrived, Dean had already gained himself two bags of toffee popcorn, one he thrusted into Sam's hands.
" What about lunch..?" Sam asked in a confused manner, " There's a café over there…"
" Dude, this is a carnival…" Dean said between popping a few kernels into his mouth, " The point of lunch here is to eat as much food as possible…"
Sam stared at his uneaten popcorn, " This isn't food Dean.."
" It is where I come from.." Dean quipped with a chuckle, " Just relax little man, kick back and have a good time…"
Sam sighed and sucked in a breath.
Dean was right, it was time to stop worrying and time to just relax and have a good time.
After all, he couldn't think of the last time he'd actually gone out, with Dean, when there wasn't a hunt somewhere in the middle of them. Dean was right, kick back and relax and stop thinking about demons and spirits and whatever else that was plaguing his mind.
" Let's go find some candy floss…" Sam suggested as he peeped into Dean's medium sized box of pop corn and was surprised to see it half finished.
" Now you're talking Sammy…" Dean said allowing his nose to lead him over to the candy floss seller, " What colour do you want..?"
" Oh it's not for us Dean…" Sam said allowing a smile to break on his handsome face, as Dean eyed him suspiciously, " It's for the elephant…"
A broad smile broke on Dean's face as he patted Sam proudly on the back. " That's my boy..!"
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Sam was giggling like mad as he watched Dean trying desperately to keep a straight face. They were both walking back towards the Impala, both their arms filled with stuffed toys, games, and other bric-a-brac they'd won from the many carnival stands.
" He had it coming, the son of a bitch…" Dean muttered as he dropped a stuffed bear down from his pile as he cursed when he couldn't find his keys in his black jeans. Finally he dumped the numerous stuffed toys on the roof as Sam lent against the side of the car, still laughing.
" The guy was like fourteen years old….!" Sam said with a laugh, " I can't believe you took him on…."
" Excuse me, did I not just beat his ass..?" Dean demanded a mock look of determination on his face, " Winchester's never walk away from challenges.."
" Especially ones issued by a bunch of kids…!" Sam said laughing, again as Dean finally found his keys and unlocked the car.
" Don't pretend like your mother Teresa or something Sammy, your mouth was pretty filthy as well you know…" Dean poked as he tossed the numerous animals into the back seat.
" Yeah well, they were ratting you out…" Sam said with a shrug as he loaded the other goodies into the trunk, " What was I gonna do, keep quiet…?"
Dean flashed him a smile, " No of course not…"
" Good…" Sam said as he patted his stomach, " You don't feel ill at all..? I mean the amount of crap we've eaten…"
" Nope, this stomach…" Dean patting his toned mid-riff, " It can handle anything…"
Sam rolled his eyes and locked the trunk back, as he did his eyes fell on the 'devil trap' that was now in white on either side of the trunk. A new edition to the car. Dean saw the look on Sam's face; his brother was drifting off into that little world again.
" Don't beat yourself up Sammy…" Dean said quickly as he locked the car and grabbed his brother by the arm and physically dragged him away from the Chevy. " Don't let him spoil this for you…"
Dean wanted things to stay exactly the way they were right now.
In the two weeks he'd spent with his brother, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, Sam hadn't laughed at all. He knew his brother's laugh; it was one of those laughs that lit up his face from the inside out and came from the depths of his soul. He had a way of laughing that made everyone else laugh; when he smiled, everyone smiled with him.
And now there first outing since they'd arrived and Sam had not stopped laughing. It made Dean relax and actually enjoy himself, yes ok, heckling a couple of punk kids along the way had been a bit of fun as well, but Dean always knew that Sam's mind always had a dark place, and he could only imagine what Sam often thought about; after all his little brother had a lot to fear.
Laughing for Sam was rare, so rare that Dean had forgotten what it sounded like. It had made a guest appearance today at the carnival and stayed with them for almost two whole hours. Dean would be damned if he would loose it so quickly.
" You know the circus is gonna start in like ten minutes..." Dean said glancing at his watch, " We better head over there..."
Sam nodded quietly and fell into steps with his brother as they strode through the crowded carnival, the sun beating down on their deprived skins.
" I don't think I've ever seen a circus act..." Sam admitted as he looked around the stalls they'd already visited. " How sad is that...?"
" Pretty pathetic actually..." Dean teased as he nudged Sam playfully and nodded towards a couple of jocks trying to impress a couple of pretty girls by the 'test your strength' hammer.
" Check out those losers..." Dean said with a grin, " Don't they know there is an art form to that thing..."
" You mean cheating...?" Sam said with a smile, " Come on Dean, there's no need for talent at all, it depends whether or not the guy running the stall allows you to win..."
" God you're a sceptic, aren't you..?" Dean muttered, " You really do test your strength, I've beaten guys all the time.."
Sam gave his brother a wrinkled look, " I won't even ask how that came about..."
" I think it's better that you don't.." Dean said with a wicked grin.
" Ok, see that weedy looking guy standing on the left..." Sam said yanking Dean's arm and pulling him aside, so they could watch the contest. " He's gonna win..."
" Yeah right, the jock's arm is bigger than his entire body.." Dean said with a laugh.
" Ten bucks says he wins..." Sam said with a shrug as he held out his hand to his elder brother.
" You're on...!" Dean said shaking Sam's hand firmly.
Watching keenly the brother's observed the scene about ten meters away from them.
The jocks all made decent scores and the girls who were watching clapped manically.
" They're hot...!" Dean commented watching two blonds hanging off one of the dark haired jocks.
" They're bimbos..." Sam commented with a sniff, " Haven't got a brain cell between them.."
" It's not their brains I'd be after..." Dean said wiggling his eyebrows which caused Sam to pop him up the side of his head.
" Don't be disgusting...!" Sam snapped, when he grabbed Dean's arm and pointed towards the weedy guy who he'd singled out earlier. " Watch..."
Dean rolled his eyes and with a sigh turned his attention to the scrawny looking guy who could barely pick up the large rubberised hammer. However, after some difficulty he slammed the hammer down, and Dean's mouth dropped open as the ringer screamed from the top.
Dean stared at Sam, " How the hell did you know that..?"
Sam sent him a mysterious grin as he rolled his eyes at the new scene in front of him; the two blond bimbo's now on the end of the arm of the scrawny little guy.
" Not a brain between them..." Sam said with a sigh as he turned and headed towards the large circus tent he could see straight ahead. " And you owe me ten bucks..."
Dean grabbed his arm back, causing him to stop.
" What was that back there...?" Dean demanded with a whispered hiss, " Sammy, if your whole ESP thing is gonna start rearing its ugly head again, you could at least give your brother some warning, instead of bleeding ten bucks from him.."
" You haven't paid me yet..." Sam said pointedly as he folded his arms stubbornly across his chest, " If you had, then you could say I was bleeding you.."
Dean clicked his tongue as he stared into Sam's hazel eyes, his own hazel green ones growing tense.
" Sammy...?" Dean demanded, " You know if something is..-"
" The act's about to start..." Sam sad turning towards the circus tent, purposely ignoring the look on Dean's face, " I want us to get at least half decent seats, that way I can shove you towards the bearded lady..."
" I'll give you friggin bearded lady in the minute…" Dean muttered, as he trotted quietly behind Sam, his eyes never leaving the sight of the two hot blondes stringing onto the arms of the weedy nerd.
" Like I keep saying…" Dean mumbled, " Demons, I get, humans are just plain crazy.."
xxxxXXXXxxxx
" Ah man, we are so, coming back tomorrow…!" Dean said laughing, his face relaxed as he replaced his dark shades back on his face as stepped into the afternoon sun shine.
Sam however wasn't smiling; besides have a reinforcement to why the younger Winchester was scared of clowns, somewhere in the middle of their predictable act, the headache from earlier this morning seemed hell bent in making a re-appearance in his head. Sam could see how happy Dean was, it was bizarre that something as little as going to the circus could put a smile a wide long on his big brother's face. It also startled Sam to discover that he actually still found clowns quite scary.
Sam was determined not to spoil anything for Dean, after all Dean had been so good to him lately, patient and kind and constantly doing anything he could humanly do to ease Sam's situation; the least Sam could so was shut his mouth on a lousy headache and let Dean enjoy himself.
Dean glanced over at Sam; his little brother was too quiet.
" You ok..?" Dean asked cautiously, " You've been a bit quiet.."
" I'm fine Dean, just a little tired…" Sam said deciding that that explanation was better than the truth, " Maybe we could grab some dinner or something, then you know, we can see the fireworks…"
" Now you're talking my language…" Dean said patting Sam's back, " How does hot dogs sound…?"
" How about some real food Dean, I'm starving.." Sam lied, truth was he was full, and the smell of the greasy food was making him feel ill.
" Urmm, sure…" Dean said glancing around the steady stream of stalls of people and looking for somewhere to eat, " Any ideas..?"
" Yeah, there was that diner near the entrance…" Sam said with a wrinkle of his nose as two girls wondered past with hamburgers. Sam's stomach churned.
Sam touched the pit of his stomach and Dean looked at him carefully.
" Sammy..?" Dean asked worry quickly creeping through," What's wrong..?"
" I'm gonna go and grab my tablets, I left them in the car.." Sam admitted, as he watched Dean's suspicious face.
" You never took them did you..?" Dean said in annoyance, as Sam opened his mouth to defend his actions, but Dean promptly cut him off. " I warned you, I told you this would happen, why don't you ever listen to me..?"
" I'll meet you back at the diner…" Sam muttered glumly as he turned and walked towards the direction of the car, his hands jammed in his pocket.
" ….Stupid son of a bitch, always think you know better, always think you know better than everyone else, well I hope whatever is happening in that head of yours kills you this time….."
Sam froze at the words, his mouth falling open. He could not believe that Dean had just said that.
Turning to look at Dean, he found Dean walking off in the opposite direction.
Crushed, Sam headed towards the Impala, Dean's words spinning around his head……
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Dean Winchester walked into the diner and grinned. Ok, so Sammy's choice of eatery hadn't been too bad. The place was clean, sunny and held a variety of food. Grabbing a booth near the back, he picked up the menus and examined the contents; there were tons to choose from.
In truth, Dean had no need for a menu, he knew what he wanted, a double cheese burger with the works, with extra fries and a bottle of Corona to top it off; Sam was the one who would spend half his life examining the contents of the menu.
Dean sighed and took his phone out his back pocket and checked to see if Sam had called him. There were no messages or missed calls. He looked at the scratches on his phone, his finger tracing the dents; one of the only traces left from the car crash. Sam had lost his phone somewhere in the wreckage, and at the moment, his little brother was using one of Dean's very old phones which had been locked away in the trunk.
Dean checked his watch and to make sure his watch hadn't decided to piss gravity off and speed up, he checked the time against the diners shell shaped clock.
It should not take Sam twenty minutes to get to the car, even in his conditions.
Dean snapped open his phone, found Sam's new number, making note to having to reset his speed dials again, and hit call….
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Sam unlocked the Impala with his set of keys to the black car. His head was pounding, like his brain had had enough of its current home and was desperate to move out.
Pulling open the passenger side, he opened the glove compartment and stared confused into the box. He could have sworn he'd left a spare set inside of there. Now climbing into the car and closing the door behind him, Sam begun emptying the contents of the glove box and sat there with a wrinkled expression when he saw the yellow bottle of painkillers were gone.
Sighing loudly, he rested his head against the head rest and closed his hazel eyes.
He was half tempted to call Dean and ask him if he'd moved them else where, but then remembered the angry parting words Dean had thrown at him before he'd left.
How could Dean's mood be drifting so erratically..?
Sam sucked in his breath and held it steady, then again, maybe it wasn't Dean, whose moods were under suspicion, maybe, it was his.
Sam was the one who was constantly forgetting where he'd put things; and this looked like one of those occasions.
Placing the contents of the glove box back into the slot, he glanced up just in time to see Dean storming over to him.
One look at the approaching Dean's face told Sam he'd already done something wrong.
Very wrong.
Swallowing, Sam was about to climb out the car, when Dean slammed the door shut, trapping Sam in the seat. Sam shot his elder brother a funny look, realising that Dean had him pinned in the car. Winding down his window he shot Dean an aggravated look.
" You're locking me in the car..?" Sam muttered, " Mature Dean…"
" Shut up…" Dean barked, " If I wanted running commentary from you, I'd ask for it.."
Sam's mouth snapped shut. What the hell was wrong with Dean..?
" Just wondering how long you were going to take Sam, had me sitting on my ass in that diner once again waiting around for you…" Dean spat, " I mean the whole world doesn't revolve around you, believe it or not…"
" I never said it did…" Sam numbly muttered, " Dean what's the matter with you, what was with that crack..?"
" Which one..?" Dean asked a bored expression on his face, as he lent against the door, his back to Sam.
" About you wanting me to die…" Sam hesitantly asked, as he wished Dean would turn and look at him.
" Well, maybe I've had enough of hauling your sorry ass around…" Dean said with a shrug as he finally turned and knelt down in front of Sam, Dean's face in the entrance of the window. " I mean come on Sam, even you got to know it's boring always having to keep an eye out on daddy's precious little cargo.."
" Look, I know things haven't been easy.." Sam feebly started; he could already feel the little colour he had in his face draining away.
" Shh….." Dean said his hand coming towards Sam's face and cupping it in his hands, the grip on Sam's head was strong, powerful. Sam stared into Dean's eyes, they were cold, cruel, but yet he'd seen those looks before.
Sam couldn't believe it, but the first time, well, ever; Sam was scared of Dean.
" Just had to destroy my life didn't you baby brother…" Dean said with a chuckle, " Just couldn't stay dead could you…?"
" What do you mean..?" Sam whispered now trying to open the door, but the look on Dean's cold face made him freeze.
" Well, maybe you should have died in the crash, that way dad wouldn't have had to look at your sorry face; I mean that's why he left…" Dean explained as he clicked his tongue, " He grew sick of having a failure for a son.."
Sam watched as Dean walked coolly away from the car. His heart hammered violently in his chest; he could already feel his hair on the back of his neck standing up on end, his breathing increasingly violently.
Anxiously, he yanked open the glove compartment and his hands shaking furiously ripped out the contents of the glove compartment in one last desperate search.
He could already feel the angry tears burning in his eyes.
He sucked in his breath and was sure he was about to pass out. The tears were already falling from his eyes blurring his sight, but they weren't fast enough, strong enough to cut what he was seeing.
There, sitting amongst the contents of the glove box sat the bottle of pain killers.
Frantically glancing up Sam searched the parking lot.
Dean was gone.
Scrambling out the car, Sam's hands sat on top of his head, his fingers working and pulling furiously at his hair; confusion running amock with his body.
What the hell was going on..?
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Thanks for reading guys. Please review and let me know how you're liking it (or hating it). Because my internet was evil last week, I'll be a kind soul and treat you guys to an extra chapter this week. So update will be Tuesday. Xxxx